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What’s a good word for when people you constantly talk smack about pull Internet pranks on you all day long to mock you for your delusional bigotry? “Jihad,” according to sad terror victim Rick Santorum, who used this word that normally means “an insane religious justification used by fringe extremist Muslims to murder people they don’t like” to describe the gay community that is always laughing at him online and propagating butt sex jokes about his name. Sure, the homosexual Muslin god of viral Internet humor wants to see Rick Santorum’s name explode in fiery tears across computer screens all the time, but that is just a joke, like Rick Santorum’s candidacy. What part of this comedy can’t Rick Santorum grasp? 

The Hill reports on Rick Santorum’s latest irrelevant frothy dribble:

Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum said the gay community has “gone out on a jihad” against him for his stance against gay marriage.

“So the gay community said, ‘He’s comparing gay sex to incest and polygamy, how dare he do this,’ and they have gone out on a, I would argue, jihad against Rick Santorum since then,” the former senator said at a campaign stop in Spartanburg, S.C., on Friday.

Stop trying to provoke them, Rick, they’re going after your first name, too. [The Hill]

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  • nounverb911

    Ten years later being Google bombed, Santorum is finally discovering the internet?

    • MichelesPantalones

      He was always the slowest kid in class.

    • Rotundo_

      I imagine as insular as RickyWorld is, he probably never actually sat down at a PC and googled himself. I imagine when he finally got around to it, and realized that it wasn't "just those gay bastards" that were laughing, but the whole damned country and world even, he promptly shit his pants. He no doubt is beginning to realize that he will forever be associated with "That Frothy Mixture" and that a career in public life just is not in the cards anymore. Thanks be to Dan Savage for that, a brilliant and hilarious way to destroy someone's career aspirations that was so, so, so richly deserved

  • memzilla

    Gayhad! Gaymageddon! Gaypocalpyse!

    • MissusBarry

      I'd say bring on gaymageddon, but I fear I'm insufficiently stylish and would be smited.

    • GhostBuggy

      The spirit is willing, but the flesh is going to need lots of alcohol first.

    • CZL

      Fagnarök.

      • MichelesPantalones

        ZOMG. I totally fisted that.

    • chicken_thief

      Those are just gayreat! Love all three of 'em!

    • poncho_pilot

      gives new meaning to The End Times. this is when that lesbian Atropos scissors us all to death.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I've been calling him Gaywad for years.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more frothiness.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rick, darling, you know the easiest way to keep gays from saying inflammatory shit about you? STOP SAYING INFLAMMATORY SHIT ABOUT THEM.

    You're welcome.

    EQ (yes, one of them)

    • Omophagist

      No, no, no. Santorum has worked very hard for the better part of two decades to make his name synonymous with the term "ignorant (possibly closeted homosexual) bigot," and these gaydanistas come along and just ruin everything.

  • Goonemeritus

    Isn’t time for someone to mop up this sticky residue of a campaign?

    • freakishlywrong

      The next "family losing" photo is gonna be priceless.

  • Captain_Quark

    Is "Jihad" a slang term for something frothy?

  • SayItWithWookies

    People become so unreasonable when you try to marginalize them, belittle them, advocate for their being stoned to death, criminalize their very thoughts much less their behavior, and lecture them from a position of baseless, sanctimonious, unctious, legalistic faux morality.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Plus, we're not going to blow him either. No matter how many times he begs for it.

      • chicken_thief

        What about a little anal grudge fuck for the good man, though? Then that creepy girl in the pic can point out on her doll where bow legged daddy got ass pounded.

        • MichelesPantalones

          I could volunteer for this very distasteful task. Hatefucking Ricky would be a personal goal of mine.

          • Swampgas_Man

            You'd have to used the barbed-wire dildo. Otherwise you'd have to burn your dick afterward.

          • MichelesPantalones

            In that case, I'll have the barbed-wire dildo, please, thanks. AND I'll burn Ricky afterwards. How's that for a compromise?

        • MichelesPantalones

          Show me on the dolly where the bad man touched daddy.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, all that, plus gays are so touchy.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Yup. And feely, too, also.

    • mog253

      He's just a bit too sensitive to be a politician. Really.

  • RedneckMuslin

    See Rick, you aren't the only person allowed to hate. They have a reason to hate you. You didn't have a reason to hate them. But you did.

  • metamarcisf

    There is something seriously wrong with that little girl.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Yes, she is within smelling and splatter distance of santorum.

    • Girlfriend's just upset she's down in the polls and is trying to get some attention. Oh, you mean the child!

    • freakishlywrong

      She is home skewled. She'll be on the pole by the time she's sixteen. Poor things.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh no, I've already called her out as a future muff-diving, truck-driving, flannel-wearing, Ellen Degeneres-watching, 8-mile-wide-vagina-sporting, diesel dyke. MARK MY WORDS.

        • metamarcisf

          Ice Road Truckers, season 12: Lost in Sarah Palin's Alaska

        • chicken_thief

          If she gets caught on film with Jodie Foster, shoot me a link, please.

          • Swampgas_Man

            Jodie only eats the femmes.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If dad made you wear a santorum-colored jumper in front of a mob of rabid teabaggers, you'd be in tears too.

      • MissTaken

        I wonder if she has several outfits for her doll so they match all the time. Or does she just wear that one dress over and over?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And the creepy kid behind her left shoulder … somebody should keep an eye on that one. This whole bunch is like the Addams Family, as done by Wes Craven.

      • MichelesPantalones

        True. I have some very sick and twisted fantasies about what they all grow up to be. Todd Solonz-like fantasies.

  • SorosBot

    Aw, what did Ricky ever do to make the gays say such mean things about him and hurt his widdle feelings? Besides use outrageously offensive slurs against gay people and attempt to use his political position to deny them basic civil rights, I mean.

  • PubOption

    A jihad on Santorum, what's next, a fatwa against Chris Christie?

    • Doktor Zoom

      It's not a fatwa, it's just a big-bonedwa!

    • kissawookiee

      That would be a fat wad.

  • SexySmurf

    I would argue, jihad against Rick Santorum since then

    Did shit bubbles just refer to himself in the third-person? What a douche.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Third person is the go-to POV form for martyred self-delusion.

    • caitifty

      Ohh, 'shit bubbles' – I have to start using that. Nice.

  • baconzgood

    FAAAAAAAABOLOUS!!!!!!

  • arihaya

    wait what ?

    do the gheys also observed fasting in Ramadan too?

    • jus_wonderin

      Does a quicky with ram a Dan count?

    • HarryButtle

      That's spelled "FISTING"

    • elfgoldsackring

      Yes. Nil by mouth until after happy hour.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Rick thinks they face Mecca when they get on their knees.

  • rick santorum is a walking talking throbbing veiny boner

    • emmelemm

      Boners are generally something we like… so I don't think Ricky qualifies.

  • Oblios_Cap

    You know, Rick, that sometimes I use a paper towel just like it's a napkin. And beer has water in it.

    It's a crazy world what we live in.

  • Nothing says "completely straight" like an unrelenting obsession with gays.

    • HelmutNewton

      Just ask Marcus Bachmann!

  • widestanceshakedown

    Please let there be lots of cameras rolling when the planes hit him.

    • user-of-owls

      Ohh, ohh, meta-protest idea-time!

      Forget about the cream pies and the sparklees. Infiltrate Rick's next public event with a bunch of crafty homos carrying those little rubber-band planes and then crash them into his shins yelling, "I'm a hot for you, akbar!"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Rick thinks the Ghayez are bad, wait until the dog fuckers come after him.

    • Guppy06

      The dog-fuckers are his constituents.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    "I want to make it explicitly clear that I do not believe that Bill Fulton acted with the intent to harm our campaign during the Anchorage town hall meeting this past October. In other words, I do not buy into any type of federal conspiracy against the Joe Miller for U.S. Senate Campaign," he said. – Joe Miller, the man who'll stop Romney from winning the Republican Primary.

    I'm seeing a trend here. Joe Miller referred to himself in Third Person, and now the irrelevant frothy dribble has also too. Michele? Rick?

  • baconzgood

    I, personally want to apologize, on behalf of the the Great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, to every gay, bi-sexual, and transgender person out there. We are not all ass holes! Most of us aren't bothered by homosexuality and, in fact, use gay people as hair stylest, tailors, and song writers for our flamboyant over the top farcesque musicals.

    • SorosBot

      And hey, we did kick this guy out. Eventually. And then elected the equally odious Pat Toomey last year. Sigh.

      • baconzgood

        Out of the pan and into the fire. The Governer is no great dude either.

        • SorosBot

          Oh, corrupt Corbett is horrible; but he's just our problem, not the rest of the country's.

      • finallyhappy

        I gave money to Bob Casey just so he coud beat Frothy( and I havne't lived in PA for 37 years)

    • mog253

      On behalf of DE (we who thrust Christine O'Donnell on the world) I accept your apology.

    • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

      Hey, we gave you all the first gay president, James Buchanan.

      //Lancaster refugee

  • mormos

    In the interest of reason and understanding, something people like Santorum are opposed to, I humbly want to point out that Jihad is not a fringe idea and is consider by many to be the "sixth" pillar of Islam. However, Jihad usually represents an internal struggle as opposed to an external one. It is the holy war within to do what is right.

    Also, Santorum is a huge vagina.

    • jqheywood

      Hey now…some of my very bestest friends have vaginas, and they are NOTHING like Rick Santorum.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Yeah, I want to protest that vagina-inclusion. Some of my best times have been spent with, or in, vaginas.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      I'm going to assume the "huge" part is the insult, because I quite like my own ladyparts, thanks very much.

    • Rotundo_

      I prefer to think of Ricky as the orifice next door myself, but really it might be better to consider him to be a perambulating pilonoidal cyst lanced from Limbaugh's copious ass.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Nothing like being a victim of a Gay Jihad to get your teatard/Xtard base whipped into a frothy rage.

  • skoalrebel

    Gay Jihad, people! This is serioius [spit!] The homo-sexual mooselimbs are tryin' to take away our freedoms. They're wantin' to use their illegal gay anchor babies to establish Sharia Gay Law, which will destroy the institution of marriage. Fight for FREEDOM, people! Only TEABAGGING can stop the Gay Jihad!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, Rick, at least you have a name, if not a career, that will go down in history.

    • chicken_thief

      Heheheheh – you said "go down"!

    • emmelemm

      I've said before… I feel the *teensiest* bit sorry for anyone else out there who happens to have the last name Santorum (and not be directly related to Ricky).

      But, honestly, the pain inflicted on him is SO WORTH IT.

  • Yes Santorum, it's the ghey keeping you down and not your idiotic ramblings or general unbelievability/unlikeability/truthiness that keeps your pole (sic) numbers down to Newty Toot Gingrich levels.

  • Ducksworthy

    Ricky Ricky. Its not jihadists. Michael Savage pegged you and terminated your political career back in 2007 or 2008. Because you are hateful.

    • SorosBot

      I think you're mixing up your Savages; Michael (real name Michael Weiner) is one of the crazed wingnut radio hosts.

      • Ducksworthy

        You are of course correct. I meant Dan. Thank You.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Let this be the last time we see 'Ricky' and 'pegged' in the same sentence.

      • MichelesPantalones

        Oh, I'm sure Ricky is the beneficiary of a whole lotta pegging. It's the *other* reason he hates Dan Savage.

  • How dare they SHIT all over his fine, fine name!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm trying to imagine what the rules would be under Gay Sharia Law. Other than fabulous-looking burquas, I'm not coming up with much.

    • chicken_thief

      No need to bother with stupid shit like DADT.

      • MichelesPantalones

        DOMA.

  • mormos

    In the interest of reason and understanding, something people like Santorum are apparently opposed to, I simply want to point out that Jihad is not a fringe idea and is consider by many to be the "sixth" pillar of Islam. However, Jihad usually represents an internal struggle as opposed to an external one. It is the holy war within to do what is right.

  • MissusBarry

    Dear Frothy Mix,
    Some straight girls like the buttsecks, too. Still produces santorum. The more you know.

  • Poindexter718

    Allahu Akbar (& Jeff).

    • EatsBabyDingos

      I used to laugh at Life in Hell. Until it became my life.

  • ttommyunger

    Well-funded white bigots have a hard time playing the victim card, Ricky. Especially when they are so unthinkingly vicious in their attacks against real victims, such as the gheys. I normally wish no one ill, but I have to make an exception in Ricky's case. I wish he would come down with a raging and eventually fatal case of Ass-Cancer.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Thank you. Your support is greatly appreciated.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I'd settle for volcanic haemorrhoids.

      • emmelemm

        No, never settle! Full-on death cancer or bust.

      • ttommyunger

        I'm judging by his attitude he already has those.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Wait until Mr. Frothy realizes that you don't have to be gay to know what Santorum is.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I jihad against anyone that referes to themselves in the third person.

  • Callyson

    Ricky: Blah blah blah gays jihad blah blah blah
    Crying daughter: OMG, how much will Dad freak when I come out…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Dad, I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant by a Negro, Daddy. His name is Rufus, I didn't wanna tell you, but since we're baring our souls to each other… Rufus is a pacifist; a pacifist homosexual. But you'll get to like him after awhile, Dad. Dwarfs are easy to like, especially when they're bald and cross-eyed….Dad….Dad…*Dad*!! "

  • EatsBabyDingos

    At work today, Rick was told he looked terrible, but said he felt great. He went to his doctor, who looked up the symptoms. Feels great, looks terrible; feels great looks terrible…uh huh… hmmm. Oh, Mr. Santorum, you are a vagina."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Wow, I haven't even thought of Gene Tracy since about 1974.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    “So the gay community said, ‘He’s comparing gay sex to incest and polygamy, how dare he do this,’"

    when in fact the quote is

    "In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing. And when you destroy that you have a dramatic impact on the quality"

    Fuck you, Rick Santorum. You deserve every moment of pain.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Interesting that, in Rick Santorum's world, lesbians don't even exist.

      • chicken_thief

        They would be in Mrs Santorium's fantasies, where she finally experiences the Big O instead of the clumsy rutting of Minuteman Rick every once in a blue moon.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          and even that only happens when UFC is on TV

  • SorosBot

    Doesn't a closeted gay man who has developed a severe self-loathing over his fucked-up religious beliefs that tell him his own sexual urges are sinful and hated by his god which he has projected outwardly as extreme hatred of all those who share his orientation but recognize that it is not shameful deserve some sympathy?

    No; no he does not.

    • MichelesPantalones

      See, e.g., Arango, Roberto.

  • The guy has a one issue campaign. Other candidates do a better (or at least more subtle) job of presenting that issue (hatred of everyone who isn't like them) than he does.

    He is an idiot, his advisors are incompetent and he can't raise money from even the wackiest right wingers.

    Not surprising that he finds someone to blame for his failure to do anything right, ever.

  • Bachman seems to be a better Christian than Santorum.

    • chicken_thief

      Way to set the bar way up there.

    • mumbly_joe

      You know who else was a better Christian than Santorum?

  • friendlyskies

    Terrorist jihaads? Godwin's Law has a frothy new corollary!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Gay Terrorist Jihadis!

      They're fabulous, Insh'Allah.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Godwin's Fatwa!

        • jqheywood

          Brilliant!

  • Trannysurprise

    Well if we are going to have a gay jihad I want it done properly. I'll stock up on glitter and witty internet quips to hurl at poor Ricky whilst I wait on the coordination twitter from Dan Savage.

    • MichelesPantalones

      I'll bring the shoes.

    • OneYieldRegular

      No kidding. A gay jihad (WTF?) would be something I'd PAY to see.

  • tihond

    Why did it take Santorum so long to realize what a frothy mess Dan Savage had made of his name and when did he find out?

    My theory: At an early meeting to kick off his campaign, his staff tossed around ideas to win over voters. One guy suggests they need something "viral," so instead of coming up with an original idea, they decide to steal Ron Paul's.

    An order is sent to the t-shirt and bumper sticker factories (in China) and a month later, the campaign is flush with "Google Santorum" schwag. Within an hour of the first batch being handed out, the calls start coming in.

  • Weenus299

    Slick Rick always reminded me of Stephen Correll, without the funny.

  • fuflans

    hey rick you know what? 'jihad' can be translated as "striving in the way of God".

    and anyway, your campaign is fucked and you are a righteous tool.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Well there's yer problem, ya see. IN THE WAY OF GOD. Get out of God's way, he needs the elbow room!

  • GhostBuggy

    Well, Rick, surely the best way to solve this problem is to TALK ABOUT IT IN PUBLIC, ALL THE DAMN TIME. That will clearly make it go away.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Keep sending him those emails and tweets, encouraging him. Remind him that he promised to have Santorum on the lips of every Young Republican. By the time he's done following your instructions, it will be.

      • GhostBuggy

        I would, but I'd have to keep cleaning out my Internet and email history, so someone doesn't see it and find out I go to THOSE kinds of sites. You know, Republican ones.

  • bumfug

    Dan Savage is almost too late – the name is damn near ruined already due to half the right-wing fuckheads out there being named Rick. It's like a half century ago these people got together and planned to raise a crop of morons to try to take over the country and 'Rick' was the code name they used to identify each other.

  • jus_wonderin

    Waaaa. Ask your god to help you Rick.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    This is JUST like the Holocaust…

    • MichelesPantalones

      Pete Hoekstra? Is that you?

      • user-of-owls

        meme thief!

        • MichelesPantalones

          (hangs head) But it was in a good cause!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    You're a Dick, Rick.

  • Wonderthing

    Ahem. Did someone forget the "Wonkette Style Manual"? That is spelled "butt secks". The young have no respect these days…

    • MissTaken

      I'm so old I remember when we called it good old fashioned "assfucking".

      • mannacler

        I'm so old that I can remember when it was called cornholing.

  • Slim_Pickins

    For now its the gays. Next year his GOP opponents will be the Jihadis. If he wins the nomination (HAH!) the Democrats will be the socialist jihadis (the worst kind).

    • MichelesPantalones

      Well, yes, but by the TIME he wins it we'll all be dead. Pyrrhic victory.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Ass-Salami Al-ay-cum Santorum!

  • Eve8Apples

    The gay jihad is actually God's way of showing his disapproval of Rick Santorum.

  • FakaktaSouth

    "Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum said the gay community has “gone out on a jihad” against him for his stance against gay marriage."

    What makes Rick think this is just a gay jihad? There are plenty of straight people who hate his dumbass too, and long to mock him relentlessly internet-style and any other way possible, I PROMISE you.

  • user-of-owls

    "gone out on a jihad"?

    I am unaccustomed to this particular phraseology. Should it be read in a sort of Aussie sense, but instead of saying "walk-about" you say "mince-about"?

    Or is this why, when I pull up to backwoods gay fishing sites in the Ozarks, there's always a sign on the door of the locked bait shop that says, "Gone Jihaddin'!"

    • MichelesPantalones

      There are gay fishing sites in the Ozarks? Man, we're EVERYwhere, ain't we?

      • "Talkin'bout dang-ol' angleofthedangle fishin'pole flybait and fishnets tellyouwhat man, bigol' hole inthestern." — Boomhauer

  • Gleem_McShineys

    Aww, is the poor little outcast still a spiteful little drama-sack of angry? Will turning hyperbole up to 11 wash away the discolored stains of your bubblin' funky buttsextovers, Ricky Santorum?

    Jihad? Oh right! I forgot how those muslim extremists mocked the twin towers until they fell down.

    NEVER FORGET (the emotional content, but please do forget the actual meaning of words! Thank you. –The lubey-poopie campaign )

  • owhatever

    Damn. He figured it out. Of course, you look around our jihad meetings and all you see are cross-dressed FBI agents and Republican lawmakers on the make. Word gets out.

  • bflrtsplk

    Campaign going badly? Why, then, it must be the gheys fault, right, Ricky?

  • I don't know, maybe we should just let Rick (any old Rick, really – frothy, dinglePerry, etc.) go ahead and win the election. Only then would the 'Murican people truly learn of their awesomely-huge task of treating mental illness, rather than shirking their duty, which they so famously (and increasingly) do.

  • smitallica

    Oh for fuck's sake, Rick, just come out of the fucking closet already. You're fooling nobody.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Those gays are just trying to push his campaign down on its knees and make it take all their Islam and liberalism!

    • MichelesPantalones

      They're trying to shove their GAY AGENDA down his throat.

      • widestanceshakedown

        Doubt there's much shoving required. It might be a good idea to tie a rope around one's agenda if it's anywhere near his throat, to avoid getting pulled in.

        • MichelesPantalones

          I think ttommyunger posited as how the menfolks up in Alaska have moose antlers tied to their behinds so they don't fall into Parasailin's gaping crotch. Same thing?

  • Major Thom

    Santorum for President!
    See what brown can do for you!

  • horselover_fat

    it's like the name of the rose all over again!

  • YouBetcha

    Will one of you gheyz please take one for the team and let him blow you? I think we all know this will solve all of his/our problems, forever.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Look, I've already promised to hatefuck him with the barbed wire dildo. There's only so much I can do, yaknow.

  • thefrontpage

    Rick Santorum knows that "jihad" is gay code for "I want to travel Europe with a young paid escort and exchange secret foot-tapping codes in airport bathroom stalls."

  • Poindexter718

    Santorum is all over teh gheys, like Pennsylvania-made Hersheys chocolate syrup on a frozen banana.
    I just hope Santorum doesn't get too mixed up with their jihad–that could get very messy.

  • HistGuy

    Santorum thinks teh gays shoudl just roll over and take it. From him.

  • You know, when the iPad was launched, all you saw on the tubes were maxi-pad jokes. Now, nobody makes pad jokes, but all still titter at "Santorum." What is the difference? In one case, the actual product sucks.

  • poncho_pilot

    "you are in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history." –Adrian Cronauer

  • OneYieldRegular

    Improbably, I've been invited to three gay weddings in the next few months. Among these very fine people getting married are an emergency room nurse, a beloved elementary school teacher, the founder of a foundation that provides information technology access for homebound and disabled people, an award-winning actor, a fund-raiser who's raised many millions of dollars for AIDS prevention and treatment and a social worker who's been responsible for getting hundreds of kids out of violent, abusive situations and into loving homes. These will be joyous occasions, and I'm sure that no one attending them will give a single thought to little Rick Santorum and his pathological deviance. Ironically, I'm sure all of these people would welcome him were he miraculously to start behaving like a responsible and decent adult, instead of someone displaying more puerile issues than the crying child in that photo.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Um, Ricky? Pissing off us touchy gheys is one thing, but do you think there could be another group who takes offense at this? People who favor non-Google-type bombs?

  • widget2011

    Alaka-rodupmy-pooper Santorum.

    I'm personally issuing a fatwah on his frothiness.

  • zhubajie

    Rick, they make ass-hole jokes about you because you're an ass-hole.

  • MiniMencken

    Ricky, sweetie, darling, the correct term here is jizzhad.

  • mumbly_joe

    Folk, folk, folks: when frothy mix said "jihad", all he meant was, "like a crusade, but bad, just like all non-christians and non-christian concepts are, even the ones that have a parallel equivalent in christianity that sees much more common use as a value-neutral term for any zealous, enthusiastic undertaking". So basically… I actually forget my point here, but Rick Santorum is a twat.

  • Ducksworthy

    Santorum! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

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