No more coke ‘n hookers Treasury Department birthday parties for you, Tim Geithner. Hard times, indeed. [Treasury Department Flickr]

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  • tihond

    This is better than the shit sandwich Obama got for his birthday.

    • Beowoof

      Hey Obama had a hip hop BBQ. Fox told me it was true, probably lots of weed and Cyrstal.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Mmmmm….satan sandwich…

      • Negropolis

        Forbidden donut….**gargling on saliva**

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    That is just the first two of 9 digits that Timmeh pocketed from his time at Goldman Sacks (sic).

    • Isyaignert

      Sacks o' Gold.

  • Barb

    It's not his birthday until we see a long form birth certificate, please.

  • nounverb911

    Three cheers for austerity!

  • nounverb911

    It's in the creme filling.

    • lochnessmonster

      I hear the new fad in drugs is black heroin…it's cheaper. Sure there's nothing under the "lid"?

  • Steverino247

    If the economy explodes we're going to need another Timmy.

  • Happy 50. Did you sell your house in Westchester yet?

    • DahBoner

      Everyone wants to be in Eastchester now….

  • Guppy06

    What if "Cupcake" is the name of the stripper?

    • Actually there is a teeny, tiny stripper inside.


      • Is it Disney's answer to Orly Taitz, Tinkerbell?

      • Negropolis


  • I think Tim should hit Vegas for a Steely Dan vacation.

    • TrotskysAxe

      When Black Friday comes
      I'll stand down by the door
      And catch the grey men when they
      Dive from the fourteenth floor

      • Five names
        I can hardly stand to hear
        Including yours and mine
        and one more chimp who isn't here.

  • BloviateMe

    You just know there's a well placed boogar somewhere on that cupcake, if not a light but inconspicuous drizzling of seminal fluid.

    • jus_wonderin

      I named a dog Booger once but I lived in the country so know one ever heard his name. Now, I live in the city so I might get a dog and name it Sperm.

      • DaRooster

        "COME SPERM, COME!"

        • jus_wonderin

          "Sperm, what have I told you about getting on the sofa?!!"

          • Lascauxcaveman

            "BAD Sperm! NO cookie!"

          • flamingpdog

            "ROLL OVER, Sperm. Nobody wants to sleep on the wet spot!"

      • BerkeleyBear

        What were you doing all day? Chasing squirrels with Sperm in the park.

        • PristinePantalones

          OJeezus, what a horrible fucking thought.

        • dahboner

          Chasing squirrels with Sperm in the park.

          The ones with nutz?

      • BerkeleyBear

        My unitenionally ironically named pooch is Lucky. She barks a lot in our new house for reasons I'm still unclear on. So I find myself going out to get her in the middle of the night, saying to my wife "I'll be back in a minute – I'm just going to get Lucky."

        Makes me giggle, at least.

        • PristinePantalones

          Oh, c'mon, I bet the wifey is hysterically laughing under the covers.

      • I think "Jism" is catchier.

  • Guppy06

    Note the shot doesn't show what's under the desk.

    • Beowoof

      Larry Craig?

    • flamingpdog

      Monica Lewinski?

    • Negropolis

      The corpse of Anna Nicole Smith?

      Too soon?

  • elviouslyqueer

    That better be a vegan-friendly, gluten-free, sugar-free, organic carob and wheat germ muffin with soy frosting and sprinkles made out of virgin tears, Timmy, or else you've got some 'splainin to do to Michelle.

    • Negropolis

      I can totally see Michelle swinging in through the window like some health Ninja and throwing the cupcake out of the office like it's some kind of bomb.

      • PristinePantalones

        Dressed in a form-fitting black leather outfit with spikes on wristlets and anklets and the most darling, matching spike-heeled boots. For that added frisson of UNGGH when she hits your manparts.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Make 'em say UNGGH! Nyah nyah, nyah nyah. Nyah nyah, nyah nyah.

  • flamingpdog

    Is Timmeh going to get a new name when he goes back to work for Goldman, or is that only a one-way thingie?

  • DustBowlBlues

    It's as much as he deserves. I'm not a Timmy fan, though I thought he was really cool in the movie.

  • V572 T-Blow

    Went over to Wiki to look up Geithner's history and found the smoking gun:

    "Geithner worked for Kissinger Associates in Washington for three years…"

    DANGER! DANGER! Everything evil war dwarf Kissinger touches turns to shit.

    • Now, V572, will you make the next connection to our President, the guy who hired Timmeh?

      And kept him on as Treasury Secretary, even as said President jettisoned the people who were right about the economy (but apparently wrong about continuous sloppy blowjobs for the plutocrats who brought it down?).

      • V572 T-Blow

        I’m really getting attached to Prommie’s model, in which the Republican Party is owned by extraction industries (oil, coal, ranching, etc), who manipulate the teabaggers into adhering to dogma against their own interests, whereas the Demoncrats are owned by the bankers/stockbrokers/trustifarians, who do the same to the unions.

        • I agree with you, Prommie is a fine model, based on his online picture.

          However, the Republicans do not take a back seat to the Demoncrats stay in the front seat when fellating the financial industries.

          Note that the wimpy Obama "regulations" for our financial lords are being overturned by the Republicans.

          It's like being trapped between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, although I'll get all classical (Gonzaga H.S., y'all) and say we're caught between between Scylla and Charybdis.

          • V572 T-Blow

            So many important penes to suck, so little time!

  • It's so emblematic of our economic and social trends. People pay for a store-bought version of a treat over ten times the cost to make it at home, because "indulgence." Then a celebratory occasion that ought to call for enough to share w/ everybody, instead gets scaled down to single-serving because, "austerity."

    Or it could be Geithner is just one of those unluckies born at a time of year no one rsvp's to the party because they're all caught up in end-of-summer vaca / back-to-school prepping, no? August birthdays are somewhere between agitation and spin cycle on the priority settings.

    • flamingpdog

      Timmeh's spending August preparing for the Treasury Department's next spin cycle on the economy. We are all agitated.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Try being a post Christmas/early January birthday. Nothing but regrets, regifts and shit people got for free for spending 25 bucks at Walmart during the peak of the shopping season.

  • freakishlywrong

    This was before they lit the candle and shoved it up his ass, right? Happy Birthday, Timmeh!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I used to really be grateful whenever I got a lid as a gift.

    • PristinePantalones

      Yeah, well, back in *those* days, a lid *meant* something, man.

    • Isyaignert

      L to the O to the L!!! You're dating yourself dude!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Look at all the sprinkles on that TAXPAYER-FUNDED cupcake.


  • LettucePrey

    Wait a sec. Tim Geithner just turned 50. Obama just turned 50. There are 50 stars on the flag. Help me out, Glenn Beck. This sounds fishy!

    • SexySmurf

      You know who else once turned 50?

      Hint: It's Hitler!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I thought it was Stalin.

      • AJWjr.
      • BerkeleyBear

        Well, not Jim Morrison. Or Amy Winehouse.

        • Negropolis

          Too soon!

      • horsedreamer_1

        Cecil Fielder, in 1991, for the first 50 homer season since George Foster in the Big Red Machine years?

  • widestanceshakedown

    Dag, I got an AARP card for my 50th from my partner (and boy oh boy have I been living it up at the Country Buffet ever since).

    Treasury HR memo: pick up one (1) cupcake he likes at Walmart.

    • Score! Your partner's a big spender – AARP membership is $16/year. You could have just gotten a $5 cupcake and a dirty coffee lid.

      • widestanceshakedown

        He knows where his bread is buttered (wink, wink if you're reading this, babe).

  • Heckuva job, Timmy.

  • Just a matter of time before Tim is listed here:

    • Limeylizzie

      I love that site and I linked to it on Wonkette once and got scolded by someone!

      • Haha. They couldn't have lasted long on Wonkette if that's all it took to get them offended.

        • Limeylizzie

          It was some serious lesbian, I think they may have wandered over by accident, we just have fun, lovely lesbians.

    • Tundra Grifter

      That's some cold, cold shots right there! You betcha!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Not nearly as nice as the blow and hookers he would have gotten at Goldman Sacks.

  • Tim Geithner.

    Smells like rat ass.

  • Callyson

    Cupcake for Geithner, US Senate seat for Warren. In an ideal world at least…

  • mavenmaven

    If he were working for the Republicans, he could at least have gotten a night out at a lesbian bondage bar…

  • x111e7thst

    At least the treasury can afford to buy birthday cupcakes. Here under the overpass we have to make our own out of dirt.

  • It's just a more efficient cupcake…coked out hooker will pop out of it any minute now.

  • nappyduggs

    He should set the building on fire.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I hate to admit to being slow on the uptake, but when did the downfist buttons vanish?

    Goes to show I rarely used them. Today a comment called for a slam – and they was gone…

    The buttons, not the comment, unfortunately.

    • nappyduggs

      Now you must slam with words and not with downfist, Grasshopper.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Now only my heart is sore – instead of my heart and my fist.

        Was this because of those Chuck Norris trolls? Without those fools I'd be at 200-p by now. At least.

  • And the cupcake is vegan. Happy Birthday, Tim – no lard for you!

  • SilverTsunami

    Awwww! It's so . . .austere!

  • BlueStateLibel

    I would have thought a big bag of petco ferret/weasel food… would have been more appropriate, but whatever.

  • Negropolis

    You see, with Timmeh being so widdle, they didn't want to give him a tummy ache.

  • CalamityJames

    Yeah, so I'm hitting the big 3-0 next weekend. I'm going to be 30 years-old and I will be busy serving drinks to kids 5-10ish years younger than me, dressed to the nines, in hopes that our local "about town" photographers will catch them showing concern for causes such as the homeless, the environment, animal shelters, or, the biggie, cancer, after which, I'll be forced to break up 3 fights between frat boy fuck sticks, escort drunk sorority whores to their cars while they stumble around barefoot, and then have them accuse me of trying to fondle them, which of course will draw the attention of the aforementioned frat boys, who will either attempt to kick my ass or cheer me on, when all I want to do is finish the night and get my $15 tip-out cause these cockstains don't have the decency to leave a proper tip.

    Happy fucking birthday. Enjoy your cupcake Timmy.

    • DahBoner

      God, you're almost as old as dirt…

  • ttommyunger

    Tiny Tim IS a sad little cupcake.

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