Killjoys Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner announced the end of the 200-year-old House Page program for budgetary reasons, because it was somehow costing the government $5 million a year to educate and employ 70 high school students. That is what, the same as the budget for all of America’s thousands of other crappy public high schools combined? How about that! Anyway, this is all Very Sad. Everyone remembers creepy predator Mark Foley for his technologically pioneering use of instant messaging to sexually harass minors, but does everyone know that it was a poor idea to place nubile minors within reach of America’s top elected officials even before IM and Twitter and Facebook? Here is ABC News reminiscing, in 2006:

In 1983, two lawmakers were censured by the House of Representatives for having sexual relationships with teenage pages. Rep. Dan Crane, R-Ill., admitted to sexual relations with a 17-year-old female page, while Rep. Gerry Studds, D-Mass., admitted to sexual relations with a 17-year-old male page.

The ways each lawmaker handled the scandal — and the consequences they faced afterward — were very different. Crane apologized for his actions, saying, “I’m human” and “I only hope my wife and children will forgive me.” He was subsequently voted out of office in 1984.

Studds, who was openly gay, said the relationship was consensual and charged that the investigation by the House Ethics Committee raised fundamental questions of privacy. He won re-election the following year — in a more liberal district than Crane’s — and served in Congress until his retirement in 1996.

Oh well, back to the anusburger job line, high school students! [The Hill/ ABC News]

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  • nounverb911

    Mark Foley silently weeps.

  • nounverb911

    Now who will the rethuglicans use as boy toys?

    • I hear Jeff Gannon's looking for work.

    • iburl

      Job Creators use

    • They seem happy enough (98%!) making Obama fulfill their perverse wishes.

  • 1983 was a different time… Dems into teen boys. GOPers into teen girls and getting sunk by their own pederasty. Demrats being stubborn like Vitter in diaper not going all Weiner or Client No 9. Wow.

    • Guppy06

      Back then, they censured members who had skeevy, unethical but otherwise legal sex. Now, they give standing ovations to admitted Johns.

    • horsedreamer_1

      & the GOP still uses Gerry Studds as the reason the likes of Vitter should not resign. It's from the "Robert Byrd was a Klansman" school of rhetoric, & the flipside "Henry Hyde's prolonged affair with his secretary when he was 42 was a youthful indiscretion" argument.

  • It's like that old saying: They can take the pages out of congress, but you can't take the congress out of young boys.

  • …Have I mentioned how much I miss Mark Hatfield these days?

  • Radiotherapy┬«

    First they came for the pages…and I said nothing…

  • nappyduggs

    "Oh well, back to the anusburger job line, high school students!"
    Sweet. More effing competition.

  • How do you separate the Men from the boys in the House of Representatives?

    With a crowbar.

    • LetUsBray

      Jordan-era Bulls level Win.

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      Will you be here all week? Should I try the veal?

  • Callyson

    From ABC:
    "(after the scandals) A dormitory for pages was created near the Capitol."
    And those rooms will now be used for…?

    • Rotundo_

      Hourly rentals for congress, a dollar an hour, two if you want fresh sheets, ten if they have to throw them away.

      • emmelemm

        …. EWWWWWWW….

      • DaRooster

        So… the same purpose…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    because it was somehow costing the government $5 million a year to educate and employ 70 high school students.

    Considering that the Catholic Church pays out about the same per year per parrish for what it does with teen agers, that makes Congress sound incredibly efficient.

  • Rotundo_

    The Koch's buy the republicans all the boys they want these days anyhow, the private sector has responded to the market. They can fly with Rusty down to the dominican and pick up some fresh ass when the mood strikes them and light up a cohiba and a 10 year olds' rectum at the same time. And they can do all of the above while telling Rusty he is one hell of a golfer and receiving the daily propaganda points from the party. The republicans are one efficient bunch of boy diddling swine, I must admit.

  • CalamityJames

    Ok, so you're telling me that it cost over $71000/HS student?

    What the fuck is the point of graduating again?

    • Barb

      Ask any Palin child and they will tell you that there is no point.

      • CalamityJames

        Ok, but I personally can't get knocked-up and then make 6 figures telling others not to do as I do, so now what?

    • BlueStateLibel

      You get to hang that fancy doo-dad from your rearview mirror.

      • CalamityJames


    • iburl

      Most of that is for Hush Money.

    • grizzlyalbert

      Thanks Calamity, I did the math too.

      That’s about $20,000 more per year than a licenced professional with 35 years of experiance makes. Ask me how I know.

  • Come here a minute

    Now how will the élite show off daddy's connections on their college applications?

    • Cock pics?

    • Guppy06

      DC think tank internships.

    • iburl

      Bush/Obama tax cut cash.

    • finallyhappy

      I heard a kid here the other day say he got his theater mgmt internship because his neighbor is a major developer in this area(DC). Daddy or Mommy can still get you an internship in Congress-believe me.

  • Guppy06

    Don't think of this as the page program being eliminated, think of it as being moved off the books.

  • Schmannnity

    $5 million? That's a lot for condoms and lube!

  • BlueStateLibel

    At least they won't be drunk driving with any of those pages in their cars on their way to some motel, ever think of that libs? Young lives will be saved.

  • Goonemeritus

    Well I guess Congress members can always ask Rush Limbaugh for under age sex tips.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      The page program at Fox will be almost the same, except their 'factual statements' are paid per word instead of floor speech. Yay corporate bennies!

  • So much for DC's corne-pone country pussy (and boy-ass) farm teams.

    Keepin it klassy with a K!

  • MissusBarry

    Bear with me, as math isn't my forte. Pages are paid at an annual rate of $20181 (and $20491–Senate, but this sounds like just the House?) and pay $400/month out of that pay towards room and board. 72 in the House.

    $1,453,032 for the House in "salary" for these kids. Which is not the same as $5M. Where's the rest go? Rent/property taxes on the dorms or the hush money/abortion fund? Also, too, couldn't that difference fund NPR for approximately the rest of my miserable existence?

  • Geez, I mean the Capitol shows up brighter than a thousand suns on the Google Sex Predator map, I mean what do you expect.

  • It's time to layoff 20% of congress and really do we need TWO senators from every state?

    • flamingpdog

      Do we really need 50 states even?

    • True fact: The Founding Fathers debated the ideal number people per Representative, then settled on 30,000. As the population grew, seats were added until around 1900 when they stopped at 435 for no real reason. If we followed the Founder's advice (are you listening Tea Party?), there would be about 10,000 members in the House. And still 35 TP'ers would call the shots, amirite?

  • pinkocommi

    Why spend $5 million to give our Congresspeople easy access to underage people when they have so much fun fucking over all Americans for free?

  • iburl

    The page program is going away for regular old-fashioned constitutional Congress, yes, but the new Super Congress is getting boatloads of young, shaved Eurasians. Jobs, jobs, jobs.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Mmmm…. Super Pages!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, outsource? Dominican and Honduran boys would be much cheaper.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Oscar Wilde had served his time in Redding Goal, as a result of his love that dare not speak its name. A few days later, a friend found Wilde embracing a hotel bellboy.

    "But Oscar, you said you would turn over a new leaf!"

    "Yes, but I haven't yet gotten to the bottom of the page."

  • In the new austerity climate, will our legislators be consistent, and decrease the size of their staffs, their salaries, and their benefits?

    Hahaha. The Debt Patrol peabrains don't skimp on the Hoverounds, either.

  • flamingpdog

    I was a lot more sad when this Page program went away.

    • horsedreamer_1

      But as long as we still have Boltie, it'll be alright.

  • Wait! The Republican perv had sex with an underage FEMALE and the Democratic perv had sex with an underage Male?

    Well, that's ass backward!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Good riddance, you know how many Young Republican pages we had to get past to try and seduce our Congresspeople?

  • Maybe now the House will finally get something done for a change.

  • hagajim

    Could Congress please vote to cut themselves out of a job? Wait, they just draw a paycheck from us – because they sure as fuck don't DO anything!

  • delaney_blom

    Another classic joke falls into antiquity:
    Why don't congressmen use bookmarks?
    Because they prefer to bend over their pages!

  • ttommyunger

    I never held this program in high esteem anyway. These kids need to stay home and fuck their classmates, not a bunch of Olds, the Olds can always pay for it out of their Congressional Expense Account.

  • A Massachusetts Democrat in "a more liberal district than Crane’s," an Illinois Republican.

    Brilliant analysis, ABC News.

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