nom nom customer taste poor but juicyPost-apocalyptic America has a few rules still, like “stay out of trailer parks at night,” and “personal mobility scooters are hilarious, in every context.” Did we have to say that? NO, on to the real issue: America also has some very awful rules, like “automatically assume a black man walking into a bank with a check probably stole it.” Ikenna Njoku is a black man who walked into his Chase bank to cash a check for $8,463 that Chase itself sent him as part of a tax rebate for being a first time home buyer. But per the rule, the teller found it suspicious the he was not poor or unemployed, and also black.

“She asked me what I did for a living,” Njoku said. “Asked me where I got the check from, looked me up and down—like ‘you just bought a house in Auburn, really?’ She didn’t believe that,” he said. So, Chase had him arrested.

The teller reported the check as a fake, which it was not, and THINGS SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL. Hooray for post-racial America: reports:

Njoku was taken to jail on June 24, 2010, which was a Thursday. The next day, Chase Special Investigations, realized it was a mistake. The check was legitimate. The Investigator called Auburn Police and left a message with the detective handling the case, but it was her day off. So Njoku stayed in jail for the entire weekend. Finally, on Monday, he was released.

He said he also lost his job because he didn’t show up for work while he was in jail.

After all of that, Njoku said he never heard a word from Chase.

“They haven’t even sent me a letter or apologized,” he said. “It’s been a year we’ve been trying to contact these guys.”

This is your new Chase “customer service policy” starting today. And this guy only tried to cash a check; do not overdraw your checking account, because you do not want to know what happens then. []

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  • nounverb911

    Chase hasn't been the same since it was bought by Chemical Bank. Then again, all banks suck nowadays.

    • V572 [SSAN]

      Yeah, it's not the benevolent, community-based organization it was when David Rockefeller owned it.

      • tessiee

        Didn't David Rockefeller get eaten by zombies?

    • GhostBuggy

      Good to know; as someone who bought a car less than a month ago and had it financed through Chase, I eagerly await my imprisonment.

      • PristineODummy

        Oh, ha, he thinks he's getting imprisonment. Boy, have YOU got a surprise in store. Get ready to "love" your Veggies as much as Kortney does, dood.

        • GhostBuggy

          I suspect this is funny, but half of it is written in Martian, and I'm far too lazy to use the Google machine for your references. Upfist, though, b/c I'm a giving and generous upfister.

  • Fox n Fiends


    • Beowoof

      Oh I think the free market handled it as they usually do, fucking over the black guy.

      • PristineODummy

        See, now, if he'd only done his part by being not-black, this wouldn't have happened.

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          of course his REAL crime was not just being black but also KENYAN!

          • PristineODummy

            Oh, no, that's the other black guy. You know, the one in the White House.

    • arihaya

      in a perfect Free market world he would've been arrested by private security from Blackwater, tasered, waterboarded and send to private prison run by the GEO Group

      but thanks to socialist Barry Soetoro this will never be happen !!

  • powersuit

    No, no this is all wrong. The teller thought he was shootin' too small–Chase prefers its criminals to go big.

  • Weenus299

    Fucking cops and their days off. So nobody had the fucking key or the dipshit sense to check messages and let an innocent man out of jail? or the Chase guy couldn't talk to a switchboard person? O America!

    • SorosBot

      According to the article the cops say there were plenty of ways to contact them but Chase just called once and left the message.

    • flamingpdog

      In John Boner's, Eric Cantor's, and Scott Walker's America, there will be a lot more cops taking a lot more days off.

    • Geminisunmars

      Didn't you read it!? He was black, for goodness sake. Of course they needn't be bothered to let him out.

  • Callyson

    From the KING5 link:
    Njoku was taken to jail on June 24, 2010, which was a Thursday. The next day, Chase Special Investigations, realized it was a mistake. The check was legitimate. The Investigator called Auburn Police and left a message with the detective handling the case, but it was her day off. So Njoku stayed in jail for the entire weekend. Finally, on Monday, he was released.
    Auburn Police Commander Dave Colglazier said Chase could have done a lot more to let them know they’d locked up an innocent man.
    “We do have a main line that comes into our front office,” he said. “There are ways to reach someone 24/7 at a police department.”
    And here I thought Bank of America was the bank that is run by Satan. Turns out Lucifer is also getting busy at Chase…or should I say "All of them, Katie"…

  • nounverb911

    Next up on KING5 News:
    Auburn, WA police bill Njoku for resort weekend.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Only in Sarah Palin's Wasilla.

      • sezme

        Ewwww… Please don't make me picture Sarah Palin's wasilla (or whatever they call them these days).

  • PlanetWingNut



  • Are derivative traders black?

    • nounverb911

      Only their Ferraris.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Or their souls.

    • tessiee

      "Are derivative traders black?"

      No, they're whitefolks who copy black people, hence the name.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Numbers-running has gone mainstream.

        Lehman Brothers are the Run DMC of banks.

  • voodooeconomics

    what a missed opportunity to take over all these scumbags back in 08. They were broke. It was a golden opportunity to can all at the head of the gambling operation.

  • OkieDokieDog

    I think he needz a moar better lawyer. File that "frivolous lawsuit", black man. I hope you get enough money to buy their dumb rude asses. And sue the damn cops too.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    "That black man stole a toaster! He's carryin' it out with him!"

    "What's he doing here?"

    "Opening an account."

  • SorosBot

    Fuck; I hope this guy sues the bank for every cent he can. Did the teller happen to be a regular commenter on Breitbart?

    • Beowoof

      Sounds like Mrs Brietbart. Oh wait who would marry that douche bag.

      • A clone.

      • Redhead

        I think you mean Mrs. Brietbart, his mother.

        • flamingpdog

          I think his mother's name was Bossy.

        • Andrew Drinker

          Andrew Breitbart married his mother?

  • baconzgood

    Apologize?!?! Hey Mr. Njoku didn't you ever hear the phrase "too big to fail"? HUH? THEY ARE CHASE. THEY ARE TOO BIG TO FAIL AT ANYTHING. If they make enough money they can't do no wrong in Emerica!!!!! And besides what's a black man doing out of jail in the first place?!!?

  • ProgressiveInga

    Has the black guy apologized to Chase yet, a la Ginny Thomas?

    • Or whatisname, Cheney's friend.

    • Andrew Drinker

      I'm sure Jamie Dimon will be drunk-dialing him around 7:00 AM on Saturday morning next weekend.

  • Barb

    Looks like someone didn't know how to tap dance his way out of trouble. Funny, I thought they were born with it.

  • metamarcisf

    The hostile takeover of Chase by the Chemical Pig Exchange Bank was promoted by a committee headed by Neil Bush, Jaye P. Morgan and magician/illusionist, Ricky Jay. If this is an example of their work, then I'm hitting the crack pipe early today.

  • Look out!!!!!
    It's a black man with a large___________!!!!!!

    Check is not the first thing that comes to mind is it?

    Drink now.

    • Tommmcattt

      Nah, it wasn't the first thing that came to my mind at all. Not. At. All.


    • PristineODummy

      "Drink now" happens to be my basic recipe for dealing with life. Except that it usually has the passionate throb of urgency so often depicted on the Inner Toobz by a multitude of exclamation points — you know, as in "Drink NOW!!!!!"

      I must work on becoming white before I get arrested too.

  • LabRodent

    Use a Gun the next time you ask for Money the outcome could not have been any different.

  • prommie

    Whats the matter? Can't a black man have some luggage?

    • tessiee

      One upfist for you, and one for Eddie Murphy.

  • pinkocommi

    Damn that Glenn Beck for being right about conducting all our financial transactions in gold.

  • Black Man Arrested, Fired From Job For Trying To Cash Large Check

    See, Obama? No matter what you do, the Republicans still won't like you.

    Unfriend the emmeffers, already!

    • Swampgas_Man

      Come to think of it, where does Obama cash HIS checks?

      • Negropolis

        At Timmy Geithners place. It always helps when you've appointed your own banker.

    • PristineODummy

      DTMFAs, huh?

      He lost his car, too. It dun got towed and sold by the cops at auction. If that don't beat all.

  • privatejoker77

    The new GOP strategy for 2012.

    • arihaya

      my thought precisely,, they will automatically suspect any black who shows up at polling station as Black Panther fraudster

  • anniegetyerfun

    But did he have any future-President children that he was trying to give away to the Salvation Army? That's the question that really needs to be asked here.

  • WhatTheHeck

    The masterminds of Credit Default Swaps avoided jail so it makes sense little people have to go to jail for them.

  • edgydrifter

    Banking While Black? He's lucky they didn't call out the SWAT team for a presumed armed robbery in progress.

  • mavenmaven

    Is he from Guinea?

  • Pragmatist2

    Good thing he wasn't a Muslin.

  • GOPCrusher

    It's racist to think that racism had anything to do with the fact that the police were called about a black man having a check.
    Your "Yup, I'm a Racist" T-Shirt is in the mail.

  • Cat_Damon

    Where is Sheriff Bobby Bebe??

  • What is quite amazing is that Njoku appears to be taking it all in stride. The Police and Chase screwed him over royally, and showed him about as much respect as they would to a cockroach. Hope he wins big in the lawsuits he should file. Also, hope this story goes totally viral and costs Chase millions and millions in seriously bad PR and closed accounts.

    • PristineODummy

      I'm doing my bit dood.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I'm just so happy that my state finally gets to be featured for being stupid. Of course, it's not my government being stupid in this particular case, but at least we have evil businesses that treat people like shit.


    • deelzebub

      If you want to really boil it down to the root of the anti-book learnin hillbilly asshats, it's West Pennsyltucky.

  • edgydrifter

    By the way… nice attitude, Auburn teller. I'm not saying your town is a shithole, but it's barely better than Fife. It's basically Renton with an extra vowel. If this were Mercer Island or Belleview, sure, but Auburn? Get over yourself.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'll say it: Auburn is a shithole. At least Renton has one fucking awesome Indian restaurant.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Oh, yeah? Well Auburn has an Indian reservation. Actually you're right, it's a shithole.

        • anniegetyerfun

          There's also a race track and the world's most depressing mall in Auburn. Seriously, I have never been anywhere else so mind-numbingly sad, and I once spent an afternoon in the Bakersfield, CA Wal-Mart.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Enumclaw, the Horse-On-Man sex-tourist paradise just east of Auburn has a new slogan on its welcome signs on the roads coming into town:

            "At Least It's Not Auburn. (Or Bonney Lake, for that matter)."

          • PristineODummy

            {shudders} You're a better man than I am, anniegetyerfun.

            Bakersfield. The only town I've ever been in where you can *feel* your eyelids crisp in the summer heat. Everybody looks like lizards.

    • emmelemm

      Yeah, that was my reaction. What, Auburn thinks it's people now? We're not talking Martha's Vineyard or Beverly Hills. A black person can't buy a house in Auburn? REALLY?

      • anniegetyerfun

        All the cool black people buy in Federal Way. Federal Way has this very nice rec center that is more diverse than anywhere else I have ever been in Washington State.

        ETA: This changes nothing about the teller's attitude, of course. Just pointing out that I quite like Federal Way.

      • tessiee

        "What, Auburn thinks it's people now?"

        I've never so much as set foot in Auburn, but this cracked me up.
        It also has the potential to be be applied to any craphole town anywhere.

  • DrunkenPalmetto

    If he banked with Wells Fargo/Wachovia, his check would cashed by the bank for a fee equal to the amount of the check, and he would be repeatedly sodomized with a pineapple. Thats why I moved to BBT, they use a mango.

    • anniegetyerfun

      The Messican kind of mango or the Indian kind?

      • DrunkenPalmetto

        No clue, not like I get a good look at it when they deposit it into my rectal canal. They could be shoving trig palin up there for all I know.

        • PristineODummy

          You'd know. Baybeez tend to complain pretty loudly about being shoved up recta.

          • Redhead

            Though I'm sure Trig's used to it by now.

          • Snort!

    • Buckminster

      Amen about Wells Fargo/Wachovia. When I had a small business, I made the mistake of banking there. You wouldn't believe how many times they screwed me over by not acknowledging that they had received my deposits, even though I made all the deposits in person! Of course, when you complained, they routed your call through Bumfark, Heartland so that some scheiss-for-brains chick could tell me, "Yes, we made a mistake, but you still owe us $90 per check for the ones we bounced."

      I hate banks.

      • DrunkenPalmetto

        When I left they announced a new 300 dollar charge for closing an account. I told them that I'm not going to pay them to take MY money out and that they can take me to court. Haven't heard back. I guess too busy on the pineapple farms.

        • PristineODummy

          Somebody's gotta harvest all those rectal spreaders, yaknow.

    • glamourdammerung

      I had my business accounts with BBT until I realized they had a "charity" solely for pushing Ayn Rand crap in colleges.

    • Redhead

      You forgot that Wachovia would have told him the check was deposited, shown it as being deposited on his balance, but then as SOON as he wrote a check or put something on this debit card, the deposited check would disappear and they'd charge him $987459837459834759834759834753 in overdraft fees, claiming the check was deposited the next day but refusing to show him any actual bank statements.

      THEN they'd sodomize him with a pineapple. Get it right.

  • anybody who suggests this was motivated by racism is racist.

    • kinghih

      You really believe otherwise? You really think this would have happened, lets say, to a white middle aged man. CMON, I'm black and think the race card is played way too much. But sometimes, things are what they appear.

  • DaSandman

    Negros get checks? I thought the Rethugs passed a law where people of color were paid in script redeemable at the company store. Like a 7-11.

    They have songs about this stuff.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      In NYC they have special places for colored people to cash checks. Auburn should get some of these.

      • PristineODummy

        Shhh! We coloreds get very sensitive and all about that shit.

  • Larry McAwful

    I heard Njoku beat up the teller and tried to carve Barack Obama's name into her face. You could tell he was black because the B was backward. He only got to the first letter when he was scared off by the police.

  • LiveToServeYa

    It could've been worse. He could've been a legitimate Nigerian businessman.

    • Negropolis

      There's such a creature?! That's like finding a sober Irishman, or a Dutchman willing to pay for your party's dinner.

    • tessiee

      I thought all the "legitimate businessmen" worked for Fat Tony.

  • a_pink_poodle

    You know I was wondering when Chase would start screwing people here in the Pacific Northwest. I remember they had just expanded here a year ago and knew they'd be trouble.

    • emmelemm

      They didn't expand here, they took over Washington Mutual.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Ah, WaMu. The nicest bunch of crooks ever.

        • PristineODummy

          Is there one of these despicable cocksuckers that *isn't* a bunch of crooks? Srsly. I need to move my money.

          • bagofmice

            It'll cost you. Seriously.

          • PristineODummy

            Plz 2 explain srsly?

  • sezme

    Cue the suspiciously planted media character assassination attempt in 3…2…1…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah … I'm surprised we haven't learned all about his immigration application, and any sketchy friends or relatives yet.

      • Absolutely. Or his history of molesting small children.

      • tessiee

        It doesn't even have to be friends or relatives:
        "Yes, it's true that we took this guy's money, jailed him for nothing, cost him his job, raped his wife, ate his kids, burned down his house, and took a big shit in the smoking crater where his house used to be — but Obummer is a socialist and Clinton once picked his nose at a stoplight in 1993."

  • sportshort

    Who says Chase won't make you a millionaire? I'd hold out for two.

  • Rotundo_

    Banks are getting back to the reputation they had in the depression. Oddly enough we seem to be in one again too. Though nooooooobody wants to admit that little bit of reality. Maybe there isn't a depression in some economic strata, but here in the real world it's turning into Hoovervilles and hobo beans pretty damned quick.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Hobo beans? You must be from Fancyville. Where I live, we eat discarded tires and weeds, but we don't complain.

    • flamingpdog

      Unless you're a member of Fox sNooze and then it's Hootersvilles and homo beans.

  • MiniMencken

    Chase is the bank that came up with the idea of charging people $6.00 to cash a check drawn on their own bank.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's too bad this poor guy has a police record now.

    • V572 [SSAN]

      Oh they'll take that off his record as soon as the records clerk gets back from her furlough.

      • PristineODummy

        I thought she got laid off in all that unionized-public-employee-dismissing-budget-cutting thingy.

  • jus_wonderin


    Well, duh. That number is negro code for "I want to rape you".

    • genxr

      and as he was reaching for his check he said, "Excuse me while I whip this out."

  • Radiotherapy®

    Only in Obama's America can an African-American with a large check be relentlessly, falsely accused of wrongdoing.

  • There's no way this story is true, as we have not had racism in America since we elected that black guy president.

    • finallyhappy

      Peole do tell me that- usually white people with heavy southern accents visiting DC

    • Yup, no racism gainst those niggers no more.

    • Negropolis

      Oh, I love this one. Sometimes, you can almost hear these fuckers dropping a condescending and preemptive "You're Welcome" between all of the other bullshit they're saying. And, I'm not even talking about the folks that didn't vote for him, but the not insignificant amount of people who always vte Democrat, but tell you that they had to hold their nose, this time, to vote for this Democrat. Ugh.

  • HelmutNewton

    I can't even snark on this one. I can only suggest we paraphrase Shakespeare to say "The first thing we do, let's kill all the bankers."

    • PristineODummy

      No probs, long as I get to hold the buggers while you wield the ax. Or adze, or whatever else you're using.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Black men and their large checks are always causing problems for the white womenz.

    • Negropolis

      Large "checks" have difficulty squeezing into the deposit "box", but nature always finds a way…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, making Chase treat its own customers — especially the black ones — as though they were actual human beings would be a drain on the economy. And we can't afford to interfere with all the job creating our wealthy corporate citizens are doing, so walk it off, dude.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Exactly, Wooks. Customer Service was a failed management theory rooted in the Clinton era. Today, it's all about the metrics and pest management. Clearly this an attack on the job creators and is only meant to insight class warfare.
      And did you know 50% of people in this country pay no taxes at all?!!1?

  • Rush makes a joke about a reparations check in 3…2…1…

    • anniegetyerfun

      Well played.

  • genxr

    Someone send that teller a free "I'm a Racist" t-shirt.

    • anniegetyerfun

      "If having a black guy arrested for trying to cash a check that my company issued to him makes me a racist, well… I guess I'm a racist."

  • fletc3her

    Auburn is the Alaska of the Northwest.

  • OT, but that ad for the undoubtedly grim novel with the gray cover is getting on my nerves. It's Day of the Locust, goddammit. Not bloody Day of the Locus. It's been there a couple of days now. Are the proofreaders blind or retarded or both? If you're going to say that your product is the best thing since sliced bread, you don't say sliced brea, now, do you? Fucking illiterate fuckwits.

    • finallyhappy

      See, it is not the best book since Day of the Locust- just since Day of the Locus(never heard of it?
      the same will go for this book)

  • Mahousu

    Hey, now, Chase is "working quickly to understand all the details so we can reach a fair resolution." They've only had a little over a year to do so.

    I would suggest this means that if you owe Chase money, you should be given a year or so to "understand all the details" before you have to pay anything.

    • iburl

      Your proposal seems fair. In other words, ain't gonna happen.

  • the_problem_child

    “It’s been a year we’ve been trying to contact these guys."

    What would be the applicable limitations period, I wonder.


  • GregComlish

    If only there was some way for banks to keep track of the checks they write.

    • Someone should invent double entry bookkeeping so bank employees could write down checks that come in and go out.

      Maybe someone will invent a computer to do it.

    • Has Chase heard of The Quicken?

      • AJWjr.

        Is that anything like a quickening? There can be only one!

        • No, it is a massive, stiffly-moving sea creature, sent by the Gods to do your books.

      • flamingpdog

        Somebody should introduce Chase to the Quicken the Dead. Especially the last part.

  • Something is rotten at the highest levels of Chase–why are they even loaning money to black people for mortgages anymore?! It's the Urbans who put guns to the bankers' heads and made them come up with all these insurance/default schemes, because of their insatiable lust for a roof over their heads!! This poor, besieged Chase employee was just being proactive and deserves a promotion, not a high-tech lynching!

    In Texas they'd have already executed this Njoku, if that is his real name.

    • AJWjr.

      According to most reptards I've had to listen to, wasn't it those loans to black people that brought down the whole US economy to begin with? I really thought they'd have learned from their mistakes by now.

      • That is my point, sir!! You must be a right-thinking white man, or a Negro who has self-emancipated from the Democrat Plantation!

      • But seriously, it feels like the impact of the mortgage/housing crisis here in inner-city Chicago is just a continuation of the old blockbusting tactics from the 50s-70s…

        "Generally, 'blockbusting' denotes the real estate and building development business practices yielding double profits from U.S. anti-black racism; aggravating, by subterfuge, the white home owners’ fears of mixed-race communities to encourage them to quickly sell their houses at a loss, at below-market prices, and then selling that property to black Americans at higher-than-market prices. Given then-standard banking criteria for mortgage-lending, black people usually did not qualify for mortgages from banks and savings and loan associations; instead, they recurred to land installment contracts at above market interest rates to buy a house — a racist economic strategy eventually leading to foreclosure.[2] With blockbusting, real estate companies legally profited from the arbitrage (the difference between the discounted price paid to frightened white sellers and the artificially high price paid by black buyers), and from the commissions resulting from increased real estate sales, and from their higher than market financing of said house sales to black Americans.[2] The documentary film Revolution '67 (2007) examines the blockbusting practiced in Newark, New Jersey in the 1960s."

        The result of all that was "changing" neighborhoods going downhill because people who couldn't afford houses defaulted on their loans, and property values declined. Now we're seeing the same thing happening again: In Chicago, abandoned houses are eating away at "Urban" neighborhoods like a cancer, and now the banks themselves are literally walking away from foreclosed homes, leaving them unsecured so that scavengers can pick them clean…

        • tessiee

          "the banks themselves are literally walking away from foreclosed homes, leaving them unsecured"

          So, having cost countless people their homes, the banks have decided that they don't want them after all, they just don't want the owners to have them.

    • user-of-owls

      Does this mean Barney Frank is a…a…Negro!

  • Not that surprising for a bank that was controlled by and served as a petty cash fund for the Rockefeller family for 60 years or so.

  • user-of-owls

    I suspect the inevitable Chase Bank Counter Jockey-Njoku-Obama summit is gonna be a kegger this time. Joe's already got his Chicharrónes, he's ready.

  • Goonemeritus

    Finally some banking sector arrests … No wait this is not what I had in mind!
    On the positive side this guy is going to have to beat lawyers off with a stick. I hope the settlement causes anal bleeding at Chase.

    • bagofmice

      You might be surprised at the vast array of devices it takes to beat a lawyer off.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Auburn? Fuckin' ay! War Eagle!!!

    • prommie


  • EatsBabyDingos

    Speaking in Texadouchenozzle, Texas, Rep. Joe Barton said "Chase Bank, let me be the first to apologize to you for your suffering."

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Color me surprised that Chase has not asked for an apology.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I don't really understand the way the law works or how to open a bottle of champagne with my teeth, but wouldn't a wrongful imprisonment suit be in order?

    • PristineODummy

      Not really. The bank did not detain him, they merely reported him to the police based on a mistaken assumption (and RACISM, but nobody cares about that). I'm not sure he'd have a case against the cops, either, since they acted in good faith.

  • Mike Licht

    Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by incompetence.

    • prommie

      "There is no situation on earth that a cop can't make worse."

    • bagofmice

      Precisely what you want in a multinational.

  • Terry

    Good Lord, he lost his car, too. Chase had it towed and it sat in an impound lot, the fees for which he was expected to pay. They auctioned off his car!

  • Steverino247

    Refinanced my house at the credit union, so fuck Chase. I use their credit card, but pay it off every month so I'm using their money, not mine. I may have to change that policy, though, after reading about this case. Ugh.

    Oh, and is Sarah Palin ok? Did any of you think about how she feels?

  • Come here a minute

    Overdrawn check? I think that's what happened with Amadou Diallo.

    • user-of-owls

      Wasn't the problem in that case too many overdrawn revolvers?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Best alt-text ever. This man needs to sue the crap out of Chase and the police department post-haste. And everyone needs to get their money out of Chase, BOA, Citi, etc., and work with small local banks, these scumbags don't deserve your business or money.

    • emmelemm

      This might be the push I need to do just that. It's mostly laziness keeping my money at Chase; I opened my little teen-aged savings account with Washington Mutual, at the time my *actual* neighborhood bank, back before there were even computers. THE HORROR!

      But then WaMu got big, and failed, and became Chase, and…

  • user-of-owls

    Hey there Sexy! Interested in mischief? ;)

    Well, that was pretty cheap, but bear with me..there really is an opportunity for War Blog-style shenanigans at the end.

    Due to huge demographic changes in Owl's neck of the Ozarks, the state is deep into the redistricting process and is considering the creation of a Hispanic majority district in the nasty chicken gutting (Tyson!) assembly line town north of Owl's perch. And surprise, surprise, guess how our local xenophobic coven, Secure Arkansas!, responded?:

    "They will elect an Hispanic legislator which will to us mean looking down the road to more Hispanic legislators, more welfare recipients,” Chairman Jeannie Burlsworth said by phone. “This is just pandering to illegals.”

    Just for an exercise, I'd like you to substitute "Black" for "Hispanic" and "minorities" for "illegals." What, pray tell, do you suppose the reaction would have been?

    Solely as a public service, of course, I would like to alert our concerned Wonket community that they can help police the scourge that besets our culturally fragile white ecosystem. Secure Arkansas has most helpfully provided a "Blow the Whistle! Submit Anonymous Tips to Secure Arkansas" link.

    Heaven forfend that someone take this as a suggestion that we revert to our scorched-earth, take no prisoners, poison the wells and salt the fields War Blog selves, because of course we've now become staid and respectable. So we would never, of course, enter "I saw a brown person in Wal-Mart today?!!1" or other urgent 'tips' in the completely anonymous *Comments field, right?

    • "I went to one of them there taco stands and they tried to go all sharia on me!!" I'm on it Owls.

      • user-of-owls

        Oh, precious!

    • PristineODummy

      Oh, heavens, no. That would be such an … urban thing to do.

      • user-of-owls

        Yes, but don't you want to try urban, you know, just maybe once?

        • PristineODummy

          I've heard it's dangerous. You know, once you've had urban, there's no going back.

        • You'll never go back.

    • user-of-owls

      So, by way of what you might contribute during a boring weekend of Wonk-drought, here's what a certain avian just posted…anonymously!! at our lovely tip center referenced above:

      There was at least 20 brown illegals at the tacoria micha somethin or other in sprindale yesterdy. i know becuase they did'nt speak english at all!! what happend to our cuountry!! god bless secrue arkasnsas!1 plz invistagte tkhose darm taco placess! thay are full of illlegal browsn who are secking us dry liek hookwer;ms!

      See how easy? See how fun!?

      • fuflans

        oh owls. i am sorry you are there (unless you want to be and then i am glad you are there) and i will take this challenge.

        • user-of-owls

          Do (or Hoo! as my clan says) it!

    • Negropolis

      Can we make baseless charges of meth cookery against the natives?

      • user-of-owls

        Did I mention the 'tip' section was anonymous? And that the Harpy in Chief is named in the quote above? And that so far, said Shrill has not yet denied that she operates the largest meth factory in the tri-state region using tax-subsidized ethanol and FEMA orphans to fund her Hispanocidal hate sect? Not to say she does, but still, it's curious that she hasn't denied it, don't you think?

        Not that we'd want to encourage irresponsible people to post completely anonymous 'tips' about there first-hand experiences or perhaps fourth-hand rumors about how "they" are destroying "our" way of life. We wouldn't want to do that, now, would we?

        • Negropolis

          But, it'd be irresponsible not to speculate. :)

        • sati_demise

          I seen some brown people working at that slave labor CAFO. they feed them chickens arsenic, and the compost from it will poison your land. Get them Mexicans out of there before they get poisoned.

          I sure did.

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    just look at the VIP's at the top
    Chase Bank confirmed zombie

  • iburl

    Good thing for our Chase masters that we aren't allowed to sue corporations anymore.

    • fuflans

      AND they can speak with money like all the rest of us.

      which is funny to say about a bank.

  • glamourdammerung

    Having dealt with Chase before, I am not sure they were treating this person any worse than their regular clients.

  • These are not the "Chase Rewards" I was promised in the T.V. commercial

  • Warpde

    "Black Man Arrested, Fired From Job For Trying To Cash Large Check"

    Yeah! You wish Boehner.

  • fuflans

    well i was trying to make a 'banking while black' joke back many many hours ago but my fucking phone shut down and i was in traffic for two and a half hours (distance traveled: 16 miles and i am NOT in LA right now.) and i'm sure one of you other brilliant people got to that.

    instead i will merely note that most criminals are smarter than our racist tard teller and wouldn't try to go to a bank to cash a stolen / forged check.

  • fuflans

    i would also like to nominate our racist-tard teller as US america employee of the year.

  • Negropolis

    Credit unions, people. Credit unions. But, reputable ones. But still, credit unions or local bank. Then, you don't have to be worried about being arrested for "banking while black."

    P.S. God help the black man named Ikenna Njoku in America. Methinks he needs to enter from Ellis Island so we can change that to "Kenneth Jenner" or some shit.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Come on, everyone knows how to handel this situation. Pull out your own gun, hold it to your head, and shout "Hold it! Next man makes a move, the nigger gets it!"

    Works every time.

    • tessiee

      Baby, you are so talented!
      …And they are *so DUMB*!

  • Redhead

    When I read "Black Man Arrested, Fired From Job For Trying To Cash Large Check" I was SO hoping it was going to be Herman Cain.

  • ttommyunger

    According to local accounts of the incident, when the young, white, attractive teller asked how she could help the large black man, he grinned malevolently reached for something in his pants and bellowed, "Pardon me while I whip this thing out!". The teller immediately swooned with the vapors and the would-be rapist was taken into custody. Fixed.

    • tessiee

      If only he'd brandished a nice, garden fresh zucchini.

      • ttommyunger

        He could have produced a Daffodil, the cracker bitches brain would have perceived a big black dick.

  • dopper0189

    Chases mistake is that they didn't do this to a million black people trying to cash their checks in the same week. Because a recent Supreme Court ruling says if you do it to too many people they can't sue you in one big class action case. They need to think bigger next time.

  • "…Chase Special Investigations, realized it was a mistake."

    Fox News presents "CSI : Bank Division". This week the team investigates a plot to audit corporate political contributions. Warning: May not be fair and balanced.

  • MinAgain

    My Chase credit card just moved to the top of my debt snowball. Bastards.

  • Veritas78

    I'll bet that there is enough legal talent in this country to ensure that he will never make another mortgage payment in his life. We should all stay tuned to this story, which is likely to have a happy ending.

    By the way, I finally closed my Bank of America checking account this week (they weren't pleased — it took an hour). I opened it as a college freshman with the Coolidge Bank 37 years ago. It was sold to five different banks before ending up at BoA. Now I'm at a credit union, where I plan to stay for the rest of my life.

    • sati_demise

      I luv my credit union you will not be sorry one bit

    • bagofmice

      Bank behavior has been so bad that I will never do business with one again. Credit Unions FTW!

  • LetUsBray

    If there were any justice at all the poor dude would sue the unholy fucking snot out of Chase, the police dept, and his heartless former employer until the bank is renamed First Bank of Ikenna Njoku, Auburn becomes Njokuburg, etc, etc.

    But alas, any legal action will end up before the Scalia Corporate Court, who will issue a spooge-stained ruling declaring he had it coming.

  • BZ1

    Chase Bank, you say, seems kinda fishy? What do they chase away, besides customers and integrity?

  • tessiee

    Thank goodness it was Auburn, Washington, not Auburn, Alabama as I'd first thought, or things could have gone really badly for this poor guy.

  • loulouroo

    I used to call myself a secular humanist, but that would imply I have any faith in humanity, which I .. just…lost…NOW.

    • tessiee

      Can you still be a secular humorist?

      • C_R_Eature

        Oh… just… WIN!

  • tessiee

    What do Those People need money for, anyway? You know they're just gonna run out and spend it on something to make them even *more* black, right?

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