Here's a picture of a riot currently happening in Australia, wherever that is.It turns out that daily catastrophic tornadoes are not the only problem faced by America’s cities these days. Traditionally at the bottom of America’s socioeconomic system since being brought here in chains at the bottom of slave slips, black people seem to once again be having a very hard time of it during the Great Recession, and that has perhaps led to waves of “street protests” or “flash mobs” or “race riots” or “urban chaos” from Boston to Long Island to Washington to Charlotte to Miami. Or maybe some kids got drunk and obnoxious in a couple of places, as all kids tend to do. The troubles started over Memorial Day Weekend, which is legally supposed to be about honoring those Americans killed in America’s constant overseas wars but also marks the beginning of the summer. And summertime is when the rioting is easy.

There are two approaches being taken by public figures and the media, as far as responses to the alleged Urban Chaos go:

President Barack Obama is keeping quiet, for reasons that are either uncontroversial (a few drunken crowds on a long weekend is not really anything requiring presidential comment), political (he’s got an election coming up and may not want to remind white voters about poor city blacks), strategic (he may not want to inflame the mobs), or just cold (he may not really care). Where can we find an objective viewpoint? Maybe from lunatic fringe-right white evangelical Republican Gary Bauer! He probably has an email newsletter or something!

The president of hope and change has turned a blind eye to this urban chaos. I urge President Obama to speak up. He needs to remind urban youth that while other young Americans are risking their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan, it is unacceptable for thugs here to spread terror in our cities.

Yeah! (“Thugs” are another good term for “urban youth.”)

The Drudge Report, meanwhile, has fully embraced the story with a series of huge, fear-mongering headlines that barely even bother with the racist codewords employed by most of the media aimed at conservatives and the white working class.

Here, as collected by Gawker’s John Cook, are some of the excitable headlines Drudge posted about the Black Youth doing things that make Matt Drudge nervous:

Violent crime explodes in Myrtle during Black Bike Week; 8-hour hell…
Rib Fest At Rochester beach turns rowdy…
Urban Melee In Charlotte…
Unruly urban crowd shuts down Nashville water park…

“Urban,” as used above, means “black youth.” And for white people on constant alert because black people might be “up to something,” a public gathering of black Americans riding bicycles is indeed an “8-hour hell.”

But is there a middle ground between the white media’s fearful code words and officialdom’s quiet? Probably not!

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  • LetUsBray

    Shorter version: You Urban kids get off my lawn (where "my lawn" = everything).

  • JoeHoya

    First they rioted at the Rib Fest at Rochester, and I did nothing, because I do not like ribs…

    • BornInATrailer

      "because I do not like ribs…"

      You lost me.

      • SorosBot

        (Gah, vanishing reply problem for the first time in ages; let's try again):

        That's just one of the craziest statements I've ever read. How could anyone not like ribs? Well maybe Drudge and his followers don't because you have to go to an urban rib joint in the city run by urbans to get them, and they'd be all a-scared.

    • Goonemeritus

      Love me some ribs, it's fests that I avoid and it’s not that I hate people. I am just more comfortable when they are not around.

    • jakegittes

      Just wait until they have that Watermelon Fest.

  • Rib Fest At Rochester beach turns rowdy

    A Rowdy Rib Fest at Rochester! Time to call the National Guard–or at least the Alliteration Police.

    • Oblios_Cap

      You could put an eye out with one of those things!

    • SorosBot

      It got rowdy? My god, that could have led to shenanigans!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Several ne'er-do-wells and hooligans were nabbed in the fracas.

        • user-of-owls

          By contrast, police only issued stern warnings to the wastrels, reprobates, stumblebums and rapscallions.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Ragamuffins were not so lucky.

          • user-of-owls

            Nor bindlestiffs either.

            The less said about them, the better.

          • DahBoner

            I heard Police flushed out a few Drainbows, too…

          • GOPCrusher

            What about the scofflaws?

      • freakishlywrong

        Horseplay! Roughhousing!

        • DaRooster

          Those li'l scamps just creatin' a ruckus… did they have chitlins?

          • OneDollarJuana

            They shoulda taken those ribs and made some wimmen!

          • AJWjr.

            White wimmin!

      • AddHomonym


      • tessiee

        Were the hoi polloi involved in the hurly-burly?
        If so, were they chewing Hubba Bubba?
        Or listening to Oingo Boingo?
        Chanting mumbo-jumbo?

    • DaRooster

      We may as well use the lingo from the 20s and 30s… since we will soon be more broker than they was then.

    • AJWjr.

      Still trying to wrap my head around this. What does Jack Benny's black sidekick have to do with it? And how does this affect $arah?

  • Cause Barry is the commander of all thugs out there, right?

    • LetUsBray

      For years it was supposedly Jesse Jackson. But clearly the torch has been passed and Unruly Blackitude is the responsibility of the POTUS now that the POTUS is one of Them.

      • SorosBot

        Remember, all black people are exactly the same and have a sort of hivemind in wingnut land.

        • BarryOPotter

          …all black sane people are exactly the same and have a sort of hivemind in wingnut land.

          As in "fuck those fucking fucks in fucking wingnut land?"

    • DaRooster

      Word… Dawg!

    • DemmeFatale

      I love how they'r e not even PRETENDING to be un-bigots anymore!

      (Remember how they facetiously said : "I guess that makes me a racist" when they were constantly criticizing Barry?)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba


      • GOPCrusher

        Nothing facetious about it. They honestly believe they consider that as having an "adult conversation" about race in this country.

    • tessiee

      I forget:
      Are Those People all actually related, or do they all just know each other?

  • bureaucrap

    better drudge: "Urban rioting couple took my favorite table at Citronelle!!!"

    • OneDollarJuana

      Isn't Citronelle that lemon-scented toilet paper?

    • DahBoner

      So, were they Finders or Looters?

    • tessiee

      "took my favorite table at Citronelle"

      And immediately asked the waiter for some muthafuckin' iced tea.

  • Come here a minute

    "Drudge" is code for pasty white fuckface.

  • metamarcisf

    Gary Bauer? The return of the Budweiser Ferret!

  • Shorter Eggman: Do you know who else is a blackitty black person???

    • GeneralTapioca

      Bill Clinton

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Herman Cain? Michael Steele?

  • Weenus299

    Yet the SP caravan-through-Manhattan goes on, destined to do far greater damage to the fiber of the nation than a few switchblades in the sand.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ev'rywhere I hear the sound of marching, charging feet, boy
    Cause summers here and the time is right for fighting in the street, boy
    But what can a black boy do
    Except to sing for a hip-hop band
    Cause in sleepy urban town
    There's just no place for a street fighting man

    • OneDollarJuana

      Hmmm. Is this the year the sheeple wake up? Riots and strikes are the only things that make the Establishment nervous enough to enact progressive legislation. The sheeple have been quiet for about two decades too long. Maybe this is the summer that the sheepleshit hits the fan.

    • tessiee

      Callin' out around the world, are you ready for a brand new beat?
      Summer's here and the time is right for dancin' in the street.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    We need to unleash Mel Gibson on 'em. He, Matt Drudge, and Gary Bauer could put these urban youth into their places, shape them up, and probably get them all to sign up for the US military to go over to Afghanistan and kill people legally. Then all will be happy and the upcoming "summer in the city when the back of my neck's getting dirty and gritty" will be nothing but a perspiration problem for our nation.

    • FNMA

      Mel? Only if the rampaging hoards of youths are Jewish.

  • noodlesalad

    If the olds start to worry about their health insurance, just remind them about the urban black terraists. I'm guessing this is all the GOP has in 2012. Little do they know that granny is much more fearful of Blue Cross than she is of Blue Cripz.

    • tessiee

      "granny is much more fearful of Blue Cross than she is of Blue Cripz"

      With good reason.

  • SaintRond

    YOW, NEGROES! And young ones too! There could be one of those sneaky little thugs in your town, under your bed, waiting to grab you by your feet when you're sleeping and saw your head off like a mackeral before racing off on your bicycle laughing! Laughing!!!

    But I'm sure 60 years in the slammer for each and every one of them will make them see the error of their ways.

  • Weenus299

    Urban Melee? Is that an offshoot of Urban Outfitters? Charlotte is the official Southern Retailer of All Shit, BTW.

  • Oblios_Cap

    summertime is when the rioting is easy.

    And yet most Americans will pass up the oppotunity to do so. How depressing.

    • DahBoner

      "And yet most Americans will pass up the oppotunity to do so"

      It's hard to riot when you're stuffing your piehole with potatoe salad….

  • I blame saggy pants.

    • Beowoof

      Long hair, saggy pants Jesus these fuckers never stop complaining about the kids.

      • Yeah. I make an effort to keep in mind what I was like at that age while enjoying a smug satisfaction that comes with age that was mostly gained through trial and error. Lots of error.

    • Don't forget the backwards baseball cap.

      • Peace in our time

        The stores near me sell only the kind that have the bill pointing towards the front. Are they being racist?

      • Don't get me started!

    • Negropolis

      I blame the eight-track hippity hop music discs. These kids with their Snoopy Dogs, and Lady GiGis, and Justine Beavers.

  • memzilla

    Anagrams of "Matt Drudge" include Graded Mutt, Matted Drug, and Get Mad Turd.

    In Tardo Veritas Dumbass.

  • SorosBot

    Strange that violent crime being at its' lowest point since the early 60s is apparently like a "war zone" in Drudgeland. Oh, sorry, I should remember not to let facts get in the way of my racist fear-mongering.

    • memzilla

      … or fearist race-mongering, in Drat Mudge's case.

    • Ruhe

      It's not meant to be reportage. It's just plain old projection. Everything about the right lately has the whiff of armageddon about it. What with their brilliant plan to let us slide into default while ending all food subsidies and maintaining the wars they seem clearly to be pushing for the end times. It's their latest wet dream. They'll be finding signs and portents everywhere.

    • jaytingle

      It is, perhaps, understandable that Drudge would become so animated about the thought of groups of young, studly black men as they strut about with wanton abandon. He's only human.

  • The picture is actually the new 2012 Rascal. Make sure to upgrade to the Urban Defense Package. It fires countermeasures on anyone with skin tone darker than eggshell white. It is all covered by Medicare.

  • Barb

    He must be friends with Baltimore Raven player, Ray Lewis, who stated that if there is no NFL season this year "crime will go up." Football hypnotizes the urban youth and keeps them from looting.

    • LetUsBray

      But when the Raiders went scuttling back to Oakland crime in LA went down sharply. I always assumed it was because their fans could no longer get sufficiently excited to go out and commit crimes.

    • SorosBot

      I think we may have more to fear from the Republican base if there's no football; no beer and no football make rednecks something something…

    • Fare la Volpe

      Strange, because in all my years of being forced to sit through Family Football Night, I've just wanted to go out and smash every window I could find.

      • OneDollarJuana

        I think he meant that no NFL means the players have more free time on their hands. Idle hands are the Devil's playground …

    • GOPCrusher

      Once they take away their food stamps, these darkies will be too weak from hunger to go on their murderous rampages.

  • Oblios_Cap

    There are black folk in Boston? I thought they didn't live where it might get cold!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I thought they were all bused out of there back in the early 1970s.
      Oh wait, they just scared all the white people away.

    • sezme

      Sadly, my (white) sixth-grade teacher in my (very white) school used this as to explain why there weren't many black people in Green Bay, Wisconsin which was to the south of us, although the Packers may have employed a few.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I recall a cold reception in the public schools, but it had nothing to do with the weather.

    • DahBoner

      "There are black folk in Boston? I thought they didn't live where it might get cold! "

      Yes, and they stay warm by knifing each other over on Blue Hill Avenue.

      And for the same reason of coldness, it's hard to find many Mexicans in Boston, so they import Brazilians, which they call "Portugues"…

    • tessiee

      Slightly OT but true story:

      I'm always cold, and the former Mr. Tessie is/was *never*cold. One October evening, we were out and about. I was bundled up as usual, and he was wearing only jeans and a t-shirt. These black teenage girls were walking behind us, talking about teenage stuff.

      I got that feeling that you get when somebody is looking at you, so I turned around and saw one of the girls pointing at Mr. Tessie. Another girl explained to her: "Oh, you know how Those People are. They don't feel the cold the way we do." When she saw me looking, the girl gave the other girl a shot in the ribs with her elbow and hissed, "Shut-upppp!".

    • Negropolis

      You will be surprised to find, then, that 84% of the population of Detroit – an even cooler city in the winter – is composed of the elusive ice negro!

  • Beowoof

    Hey Matt I am concerned about suburban youth and the amount of meth their smoking. Certainly with their parents being teabagger morons I can understand the need for the meth.

  • He needs to remind urban youth that while other young Americans are risking their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan

    Dear Asshole Gary Bauer:

    Since Vietnam three groups of young men and women have been sent to tropical hellholes, desert wastelands and imperial graveyards: African-Americans (urban), Hispanic immigrants (urban) and southern whites (often not urban). One thing that unites them is that they are working class kids who can't find a job otherwise, who want to qualify for citizenship, college money or get some job training.

    None of them are Gary Bauer-ish assholes.

    • RoboGuppy

      Your reference to Gary Bauer as an 'asshole' is an insult to assholes everywhere.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Amen. The Army is compromised primarily of minorities (or that was my observation the 4 years I was in). Most of the white kids don't bother joining or join the Air Force or Navy. Obviously Gary doesn't know shit about the Armed Forces.

      • Whatever

        did 6 in the navy and was the same there.

    • Wish I could upfist you many times for that truth.

  • Gary Bauer should wear blackface when he goes out into the dangerous urban streets. That way, the feral urban youth will think he's one of them and will leave him alone.

  • freakishlywrong

    ♫tweeettweet♫! Here boy!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I think these urban kids need to settle their beefs with a highly choreographed dance off. Bring it.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Agreed, and to the dulcet toons of Smooth Criminal. Oh, wait.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Sharks vs Jets FTW!

      • Fare la Volpe

        "I thought were just gonna go rumble with those greasy Jets?"
        "Not without six years of ballet and two of jazz tap. C'mon, people, take it from the top!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sure that Drudge would be much more comfortable at one of our mostly-white spring break riots at Port Aransas or South Padre Island. Oh, wait, he's gay. Them Aggies would kick his fucking faggot ass.

    • jaytingle

      What are you talking about, gay? Drudge will have you know he was engaged once. In any event, Matt is married to his work which is important work and essential to the understanding of current events. That is why he moved his home base from not-at-all-gay news capital West Hollywood to totally-heterosexual news mecca South Beach Miami. He goes where the news is.

      • Fare la Volpe

        "The News," of course, is a pet-name for his Cuban rentboy.

  • Tundra Grifter

    That clever person put the "Media Whore" sign on the wrong bus.

  • Bauer: I urge President Obama to speak up.

    Obama: Where all the white women at?

  • Poindexter718

    I called Trump to see if he would intervene since he claimed to have great relations with "the blacks" but he clarified and said he was referring to the Clifford Blacks of Matinecock, Long Island.

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh, and wingnut pussy/bully? You think it's just white kids fighting whitey's wars?

  • smitallica

    Imagine Gary Bauer's shock when he actually sees our brave, heroic troops and realizes that most of them are also, ahem, "urban."

  • BZ1

    first the Zoot Suit riots, now the Rib Fest??

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm tellin' ya, Wonkette, if you'd ordered up a bunch of t-shirts with "Very, very urban" printed on them, you'd never have had to close the Wonkette store.

    • I had to close the Wonkette store because nobody else would *run* the Wonkette store, and there is nothing so miserable (for me) as doing accounting and filling out Texas sales tax quarterly returns the night before they're due.

      You all actually bought a ton of Wonkette shirts, and I paid many writers with those moneys!

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Yay, Ken. I'm sure that money went to buy Rick Perry some new cowboy boots to name.

    • OneYieldRegular

      My apologies. And I didn't even buy a shirt. I'll try to make up for it by hitting "refresh" more often. I'll even click on a Sarah Palin post if I have to.

  • prommie

    This kind of fear-mongering could result in some strange fruit by the end of summer.

  • baconzgood

    The revolution will not be televised….Because it scares Faux Noose people and is bad for ratings.

    • CapeClod

      No, it will not be televised because it only exists in the minds of some right wing slags.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Remember the two or three Black Panthers standing in front of the polling place scaring all the white folk? Fox ran with that for at least two months.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Good thing there was no Fox back during the 60s. Their on-air personalities would have been having coronary occlusions right there on the set.

        • HistoriCat

          "would have been having coronary occlusions right there on the set" … still waiting for the bad part.

  • jackypants

    Really, though – Black Bike Week is about Black Americans riding *motorcycles*, and behaving every bit as absurdly as the honks do at their own corresponding bike rallys (which for some reason are never called "White Bike Week" Whyfor no? Have some pride, guys!).

  • We had none riots here in C'Addle's Central District. Why to we always get left out? Must be the drizzle.

  • krazyvladimir

    Next thing you know, those black people will run for a public office

  • baconzgood

    "Black Bike"? OMG! I commute with a GT Timberline FS soft tail to work every day……I must hate white people. But I'm white, Oh what to do what to do?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Keep a careful eye on your bicycle, lest it get uppity.

      • Peace in our time

        Be extremely careful about unicycles, you never know which way they're going to go!

    • Relax, it just means you're a wigger. Which is totally fine!

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Wait, Willie Horton was from Mass. Coincidence?

  • oh crap, I knew I shouldn't have attended any of these urban events. Wait until my parents find out I'm a thug.

  • baconzgood

    Mmmmmmmmm……Ribs. Who the fuck cares about riots? I haven't been to a good ribs fest in 8 years.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    I remember the day I stopped taking Drudge seriously in any way, shape or form. One afternoon in the fall of 2009, he and Rush Limbaugh played ping pong with a story about a school bus fight, probably one of 3,000 on any given school day. This fight was caught on video and a black kid got up and punched a white kid in the shoulder, white kid punches back, another white kid punches white kid, a black kid punched the first black kid. Viewing the entire tape, it was a non-racial incident. Drudge and Rush didn't just dog-whistle, they blew God damned tubas all afternoon about "Obama's America", where black kids beat up white kids on school buses. They had a grand old time with that story, bouncing it off each other all afternoon.

    I always knew Drudge was biased, but until then I still found it a decent if questionable source of quick news. I've rarely gone back since. The man's an asshole.

    • freakishlywrong

      You came to Drudge's douchebaggness late, my friend.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I admit I went to Drudge during the 08 primaries but never went back after he posted the Obama in Kenyan/Muslim garb picture.

      • Fare la Volpe

        It was none of the above. It was Obama in Sikh garb, which is a religion and culture completely removed from Muslims or Kenyans. It'd be like posting a picture of Laura Bush in a kimono and rioting that she's dressed like an Australian.

        • Texan_Bulldog

          Umm…yeah, that's what I meant to say! Thanks!

        • tessiee

          "It was Obama in Sikh garb, which is a religion and culture completely removed from Muslims or Kenyans."

          Eh, Sikh non-Christian furriner, Muslin non-christian furriner, tomayto, tomahto.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't remember the day … probably because it took about 55 seconds to gag on whatever shit he was dishing up.

    • OKthennext

      Rarely gone back since? That's once too often.

  • prommie

    You do have to understand, though, it all traces back to the "black president makes pigfuckers' heads asplode" syndrome that has become the most prevalent form of mental illness in America since Obama was elected. The pigfuckers are askeered, because they are seeing confirmation of their fears, that if we elect a black president, "they" will take over.

    • Geminisunmars

      Together we can eradicate BPMPHAS. Won't you send your donation today?

    • Crank_Tango

      this is good news for Cain.

    • GOPCrusher

      No better way to energize the base, then to strike the fear of rioting urbans running wild in the streets, in their hearts.
      Next week, I fully expect an in-depth expose on the increasing numbers of black males violating white women trend that began on 1/20/09.

  • CapeClod

    Reminds me of the time two black guys where standing near a voting booth in Philedlphia and Fox News went on a siren screaming alert that the New Black Panthers were out "Intimidating" white voters at the polls.

    • user-of-owls

      Yo, Capey. You old enough to remember when they 'integrated' the schools in Southie?

      Now that, my friends, was some serious Urban Chaos. Problem was, the Chaotics were not, under contemporary usage rules, "urban." Alas, they were a bunch of drunk Mick chowdah-heads all ginned up on teh hate and Hoodsies.

      Heavens to betsy, however shall we categorize that late unpleasantness?

      • CapeClod

        I do remember the picture in Life Magazine of a well dressed 'urban' gentleman about to be stabbed with an American flag that was connected to the intergration of Southie, but I actually grew up in Fairfield County in Connecticut.
        (True fact: We had one black guy in our graduating class. He was, of course, the star wide reciever on the football team.)

        • user-of-owls

          Ah, of course he'd be the star athlete. We had one black girl in our class and in a spasm of white guilt we elected her homecoming queen.

          I'm pretty sure we slashed her tires the day after homecoming.

      • Celtic Fest?

  • CapeClod

    Off topic, but the Sarah Palin media whore tour must have just missed getting sucked up by that tornado in Springfield. Why does God hate us so much?

    • Just imagine that this was her bus.

    • MrFizzy

      Probably concerned that her stinking cooter would end up closer to him.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Doubt that's a worry. More likely she's part of the package that includes the tornadoes. Someone really should tell Him that His "mysterious ways" schtick is getting stale.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Gangs of tastefully-dressed young people roved the gentrified neighborhood, looting rare book shops, pelting passersby with elegantly-presented haute cuisine, and abusing the police with witty but obscene bon mots. They then retired to their club for cigars and brandy.

    I swear, these Urbane Youth are getting out of hand.

    • tessiee

      I heard that later on, they broke into the library and translated all the books into Latin and Ancient Greek.

  • freakishlywrong

    If they can hack Weiner, we should be able to hack Drudge. Imagine the salt smelling that would ensue after that posting!

    • Hacking isn't even required. Photoshop a screencap of Breitbart posting a picture of his junk to Twitter. Pass it around to news outlets saying "OMG LOOK WHAT I FOUND BREITBART DOING". Get several others to confirm that they saw the Twitter post too. When Breitbart protests that he never posted such a thing, and others state they never saw the post, claim that he must have deleted it right away, but NOT FAST ENOUGH, and incidentally the fact that he deleted it so fast PROVES he's hiding something.

      Honestly, smearing somebody in the Internet age is SO easy.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I lived in DC during the riots of April 1968, and let me tell you, Matt Drudge, this ain't shit.

    • GOPCrusher

      Doesn't even measure up to daily life in Detroit.

  • not that Dewey

    This is good news for Enema Man.

    • Urban, Illinois had the Enema Bandit back in my undergrad daze.

      • not that Dewey

        Wow — that was 20 years before I was there. How could its memory not have survived in myth and legend? I remained in "Urban" long enough to witness the last two Halloween riots and to witness the death of "Hash Wednesday".

        • How could I have dropped Urbana's trailing a, eh? Specially given how close I now live to Canucklandia and rootin' for Vancouver and all (been a long time since the Seattle Metropolitans were the first American team to win the Stanley Cup). Oh well, I wuz a P-chem guy, not an English major.

          • not that Dewey

            See, I thought you were just being clever with the "urban" meme. (and someone needs to rescue your pee. I've already upfisted you from two different computers, and you're only at +1!)

  • user-of-owls

    I saw that "We Comin' Fo You, Whitey!" display on D-Rud the other day and out of curiosity, went to Beantown's Murdoch outlet (Boston Herald) fully expecting to see loads of screaming meanies front and center. Lo and behold: nothing. It was buried so deep even in this right-rag that it took nearly five minutes of dedicated searching to find it.

    DrudgeReport: Sensationalizing Hateful Trivia So You Don't Have To!!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Gary Bauer: Just remember that the material goods that probably encourage this violence is only part of the story. It is also likely that these people reject your stupid Jesus stories, too.

  • Geminisunmars

    Wait. I is confuzed. I thought Urban Renewal was a good thing.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "No Vietnamese ever called me urban."

  • Once you had urban you never go back.

  • DaRooster

    Or maybe some kids got drunk and obnoxious in a couple of places, as all kids tend to do."

    HEY, who you callin' Kid?

  • neiltheblaze

    The fights in Boston were just some kids reacting to the sudden hot, humid weather here. The weather went from March to July in the space of about three days – and everyone was a little irritated and unused to it.

    It wasn't a gang-fight. It was a few kids – but they were black and hispanic kids – so they can't have a little minor scuffle, because everyone knows if you're black or hispanic, you don't have minor scuffles – you only have riots.

    Interestingly, the Boston Police are disputing the State Police who had been banging the riot meme. The Staties have jurisdiction over the beach because it's part of the park system here – the Boston Police have jurisdiction off the grounds – but know a gang fight when they see one. They are saying that it wasn't gang related at all – it was just a hot, muggy day and some kids got a little pissy with each other.

    But why assign the most likely thing when the media can make it a big-ass race war?

    • DahBoner

      Same thing happens every summer. Boston youth goes to the beaches to party at night and some drunk kids get into a fight and the locals call it "gang related" if their skin color is dark…

  • MozakiBlocks

    Well done!

  • Terry

    So, what gated enclave is Drudge living in these days?

  • zhubajie

    "it is unacceptable for thugs here to spread terror in our cities."

    So send Congressional Republicans to Gtmo!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I have laughed so much at this.

    And I'm a piece of shit for it.

  • SorosBot

    If any urban people actually decide they do want to riot, for real instead of just getting rowdy, try not to repeat the mistakes of the riots of the 60s (not to mention the 90s LA riots). Don't destroy your own neighborhoods; instead, plan a bit, and go out to the richest suburbs to riot and destroy the man's neighborhoods; the rich white guys are the ones who deserve it.

    • DahBoner

      Unfortunately, transportation from the city center out to the Burbs in most cities usually sucks, so unless you have gas money, it's hard to riot in upscale locations….

    • Rotundo_

      Try to get on the bus to Whyteflyte Heights with a cardboard box of Molotov cocktails. You are correct though, folks should try to go off to the McMansion and Mansion lined lanes and commence creative destruction.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Connect the dots, people. We are having these unprecedented problems because we have an "urban youth" inhabiting the White House.

  • timbo71351

    I hate old white people. And I'm a 40 year old honky.

    • Geminisunmars

      Please be a little more selective in your hate.

      • DahBoner

        I'm with Jesus.

        I only hate religious hypocrites…

    • Rotundo_

      I hate manipulative assholes ginning up the stupid and fearful to take advantage of their stupidity to grift more money upwards to those who have entirely too much already. Stupid old white folks just happen to be very easily manipulated, Drudge, Limbaugh, Beck, and a cast of thousands play them like a harp from hell. All you need is a microphone, several thousand stations kicking out 50KW of AM or FM out to scared stupid people and you can get them to vote to slit their own throats merely by saying "Urban youth are growing restless and violent near you!"

  • There is just something about a Ken Layne post in the morning that says "summertime" and "urban riot," I dunno.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Nostalgic, isn't it?

  • Hey. What happened to my Pee Points?
    Oh well, when you're at the bottom you try harder.

    • Geminisunmars

      Just means you went over the top. Like your odometer.
      (But really, what happened??)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think it's a game that Intense Debate plays to amuse itself. Happened to me the other day. Kind of a cyber peek-a-boo, or "got your nose!"

      • user-of-owls

        More like "pull my finger."

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          More like "pull my p-ness".

      • Now they're back?
        Someone is just fucking with us.
        I'd better cash these in before they get lost again.

  • Sometimes, "Urban" means Puerto Rican if they do something bad.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Nobody reported on The Warriors getting chased across NYC all the way out to Coney Island by the Gramercy Riffs, the Baseball Furies, the Turnbull ACs, the Lizzies, and the Rogues? Fucking lamestream media.

    • user-of-owls

      And what about the fuckin' Dead Rabbits, huh? What about dem?

      • AJWjr.

        Do they go with the flow, like dead fish, also?

  • HistoriCat

    Let's hope it doesn't degenerate into a kerfuffle.

    • What's all this ballyhoo about?

    • user-of-owls

      Or, heaven forfend, a hullabaloo!

    • tribbzthesquidz

      And chewing gum.

    • freakishlywrong

      Or, mercy me, a donnybrook!

      • OneDollarJuana

        Or golly! A fracas, a melee, a Waterloo, an, altercation, a battle royale, bickering, a brawl, a broil, a brouhaha, a dispute, a flap, a fray, free-for-all, hassle, knock-down-drag-out fight, mix up, quarrel, riot, row, ruction, ruffle, rumpus, run-in, scuffle, set-to, squabble, stew, trouble, tumult, uproar, or having words!

  • There is a kind of loathsome genius to "Rib Fest At Rochester beach turns rowdy…"

    • tessiee

      As opposed to the sedate, mannered ribfests we've been seeing so much of lately.

  • First the Arab Spring now the Urban Summer,what's next?

    • Combine the two and make it a Bollywood Autumn.

      • user-of-owls

        Followed in due course by the Winter of our Malcontents.

        • A Child's Treasury of Global Misery by Season.

        • DahBoner

          You forgot about the rural apple juicin' in the Fall…

  • Sassomatic

    If only Trump were President. I hear he has a way with "the blacks."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Flawless victory!

  • OT

    The C'Addled Timez reports that toothless crusader of truth, justice, and the American whey – Dennis Kuchinich maybe carpetbagging C'Addle for new digs since we are the only blue state to gain a congressional district and ol' Kaptain K looks to get gerrymandered by the GeeOhPee in Ohio.

  • DahBoner

    I say fuck Boston Beach.

    Every White elitist in Boston knows to go out to the North shore or Cape Cod.

    Boston beaches are the redneck Irish riveria…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      With all the gingah going on there, I bet it looks like a lobstah-fest by the end of the day.

      How 'bout Scarborough down in Naragansett? Quite the Guido-fest

      Are youse going to Scarborough Beach
      Seaweed, gum, gold chains, and moussed hairs
      Girls with big rumps
      In eight inch pumps
      Whose boyfriends' chests are bigger than theirs

      We hate going to Scarborough Beach
      PRO-FM drowns out yells for "help"
      You wade in dread
      In a tide that's all red
      You come out with a crotchful of kelp

      We're not sure about Scarborough Beach
      They say it's illegal to drink
      And the water we're told
      Is always too cold
      Which can cause a guy's "ego" to shrink.

      • DahBoner

        "How 'bout Scarborough down in Naragansett? Quite the Guido-fest "

        I never been there, but the locals think the North Shore is Italian and the Cape is gay.

        There's buses to both, so locals who sit in Boston next to a busy highway, in a perhaps still-polluted bay, should get out of town more often…

    • Does no one go to the Vin-yahhhd anymore?

      • DahBoner

        "Does no one go to the Vin-yahhhd anymore? "

        Yes, the elite still have summer homes on the Vinyard and Nantucket, but oddly enough, the locals who live on those islands are "poor", with half the income of the average resident back on shore…

        • tessiee

          "the elite still have summer homes on the Vinyard and Nantucket, but oddly enough, the locals who live on those islands are "poor""

          Probably because you can't make all that much working at the saltwater taffy shop or souvenir store, and that's the only kinds of businesses/jobs that places like that have.

  • DaSandman


    "Urban Youth" = Negros

    "Urban Chaos" = A fuck ton of Negros with some Hispanics mixed in and a lot of other brown people from God knows where. Maybe Bangladesh.

  • fuflans

    no offense to anyone from rochester or myrtle beach, but I would worry more about 'urban riots' if they were actually, you know, 'urban'.

  • Fare la Volpe

    But this begs the question: are the youth very, very urban?

  • If the Original Kings Of Comedy toured again, Drudge would screech, "The Roof Is On Fire! Huge Mobs Of Middle-Aged Urbans Rush To Laugh Riots Nationwide…"

    • prommie

      "I'm not black like Barry White, I'm white like Frank Black is . . . ."

  • tihond

    It's official, Drudge has started watching the local tv news.

  • proudgrampa

    Who's Matt Drudge?

  • AJWjr.

    Good times…

  • Callyson

    Meh…maybe those of us in Los Angeles have very high standards for defining an urban riot, but this is much ado about nothing much…

    • proudgrampa

      Ah, Watts! Now THAT was a respectable riot. Oh, and the Rodney King verdict. Yeah, LA sets the bar!

  • Summertime means kids out of school and in my town if you're walking downtown on a summer eve and there's a fuckton of police cars parked outside of a club, chances are there are many urban youths inside trying to get out of the heat and do some dancing. Fun!

  • Oh, Matty… you're such a drama queen. You and your boyfriend Andy Breitfart.

  • If we're talking about urban youths and our 'very urban' youth president, are we talking about this? I has a confuse because I'm not good at decoding bullshit.

  • hagajim

    I guess when the poor urban folks start getting hungry they may well riot for ribs….how fucking depressing this whole Wonkette thing is getting….I may have to smoke some crack now.

  • DaRooster

    "…it is unacceptable for thugs here to spread terror in our cities."

    Terror? How many died… no NOT from rib bones… in this… terror.

  • Redhead

    As far as the "urban melee" in Charlotte – one of Nascar's biggest races was held there this past weekend. Which means all the white rednecks from across North and South Carolina flocked to Charlotte, with their pop-up campers and RVs, and consumed about 3.5 cases of Natty Light per person.

    Whereas every person who doesn't give two shits about Nascar left Charlotte for the weekend, to miss the traffic congestion that moved about two feet every hour. Just keep that in mind, when you read anything about trouble in Charlotte this past weekend…

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Let the wild rumpus begin!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Release … the RUMPUS!"

      • DahBoner

        You too need to get a Rumpus Room!

  • thedeathofirony

    There was once a time, not 15 years ago, where the local fashion was backwards, upside-down tennis visors… bejeweled and rhinestoned.

    I miss Lower Haight.

  • DemmeFatale

    My brother, (a bad-ass white dude teaching in the projects of NYC), says that once white people (usually in the suburbs, and usually boys), start imitating a fad, it's doomed.

  • politics_nerd

    Slave slips? Pawlenty of typos goin round here.

  • baconzgood

    Probally not. Baconz tends to woop-woop it up. It's my nature to scream yell and throw a flare at a cop on a horse.

    • GOPCrusher

      Peg a guy on a light pole in the head with an empty Grey Goose bottle or GTFO.

      • baconzgood

        Too much effort. I'm rowdy….But I still maintain "LAZY". Besides I'm a Smirnoff man. Well Canadian Club and Yuengling, but beggers can't be choosers when you pour booze into a Aquafina bottle and walk around.

  • iburl

    "Rib Fest At Rochester beach turns rowdy…"

    May I suggest Tactical Nukes? For freedom.

  • El Pinche

    fo shizzle my urbizzle .

  • pinkocommi

    "'Urban,' as used above, means 'black youth.'"

    I use the term "Republican" as a euphemism for "asswipe."

  • Troubledog

    Also, what gives? Paul Ryan said the urbans are all indolent layabouts lounging in their safety hammocks. Surely those people cannot be a menace.

  • Oh agreed (just don't tell teh oldz they're still trying to figure out who to hate)

  • Negropolis

    Remember, "you people", only white Christian men are fighting overseas. Oh, but it's not a religious war, either.

    This blatantly offensive "you should be thanking us" racist drivel is nearly old as the nation. The idea that non-whites haven't contributed anything of value to the society, that white people are the real victims because everyone else is such a burden, and thus that non-whites shouldn't have any grievances because they've just done so much for everyone else. It's probably the most offensive form of racism in this country, far more offensive than the stuff where non-whites are viewed as subversive opponents.

  • AznMom420

    "Hey, you damned kids stop having fun on my lawn and die in Iraq already," writes grumpy old man.

  • ttommyunger

    "Matt Drudge Very Concerned By ‘Urban Chaos’ and ‘Urban Youth’." Also concerned about semen staining his teeth yellow as time goes on.

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