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Hooray for Rand Paul! He did it!Last November, the Teabaggers won the House for the Republicans, which meant government spending and all post-18th century bureaucracy was gone forever, yay. Except, that big budget deal that saved us all from government shutdown? It’s going to make the government spend more money this year than if spending had just been left alone, according to the Congressional Budget Office. But that’s because of defense spending, which shouldn’t count, as there can never be too much defense spending. Republicans are still on track to erase Washington, D.C. and its suburbs from the map, right?

Brendan Buck, spokesman for House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), explains on the Speaker’s blog “The effect on outlays (based on how quickly the administration spends money) meanwhile is slowed due to increased and accelerated spending for our men and women in uniform. As the CBO puts it, ‘part of the reason …is that some defense funding was shifted from slower-spending to faster-spending activities.'”

See, “our men and women in uniform” needed very, very new weapons, because they have to face off against the world’s technological behemoth: individuals who live in caves and holes in the ground in third-world countries. Makes sense. [TPM]

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  • Barb

    I'm surprised that Boehner hasn't signed the government up for Groupon yet. Think of all the money he could save us.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Think of all the money we could save if we didn’t spend any tax-payers’ money on the flooded districts of the south right now.
      Keep government small. I think the republicans are on to something here.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Ron Paul actually said this over the weekend. Specifically that if we didn't have levees individuals wouldn't live near the river so there'd be no problem and no need for flood control.

        • SorosBot

          Libertarian really is just another word for sociopath.

          • V572..whatever

            A Libertarian is a Republican in mirrored sunglasses.

          • SorosBot

            That, and they use bullshit pseudoscience to claim that women and minorities are inferior to white men instead of the Bible.

          • tessiee

            A libertarian is a Republican who smokes weed.

        • Wilcoxyz

          Right. Just like libertarians choose not to live in places prone to earthquakes, tornados, blizzards, coastal areas affected by hurricanes, etc. See, we don't need gub'mint taxes and spendy help. We need more libertarians choosing the right places to live.

          • Ken Cuccinelli

            libertarians choosing the right places to live.

            Most simply choose Mom's basement.

          • horsedreamer_1

            &, at nite, when they pop in their Savannah Sampson dvd, they live in a wet basement.

            Where's their "flood" relief?

        • horsedreamer_1

          Because rivers have never been a leading conduit of commerce, let alone commerce itself.

          Tennessee Valley Authority, anyone? Hoover Dam?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Hey, if the gummint didn't build those hydro projects, people wouldn't be using so much electricity.

    • BerkeleyBear

      That would actually require anyone in the GOP to give a shit about saving money, as opposed to wasting it on war and booze.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        You're implying that money spent on booze is 'wasted'?

        Them's fightin' words.

        • tessiee

          Booze and hotpants!

  • memzilla
    • Radiotherapy

      You won't find it there, Columbus.

  • nounverb911

    Also, up is down, in is out, black is white.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And Republicans have family values.

  • SorosBot

    We spend almost as much on the military / "defense" as the rest of the world combined, which is unacceptable to the GOP; we must spend more than the rest of the world to truly conquer it; uh, keep America safe (I have no idea how to do that strikeout thingy).

    • Ruhe

      Not just the rest of the world. We must spend as much or more than the theoretical extraterrestrial opponents the Pentagon secretly plans for.

      • SorosBot

        We need to close the Death Star gap!

    • memzilla

      (strike)text(/strike). Substitute the "less than" symbol for ( and the "greater than" symbol for ). Thus, text.

      • Rosie_Scenario

        Servicey. Thank you. And here's an upfist.

      • James Michael Curley

        So you can line out the entire post.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          ¡ǝɯǝɯ ʇxǝu ɹno ʇı ǝʞɐɯ s,ʇǝl

      • V572..whatever

        Wow, good job. I couldn't figure out how to essplain it without invoking unwanted HTML sʇɔǝɟɟǝ.

    • tessiee

      We spend almost as much on the military / "defense" as the rest of the world combined, which is unacceptable to the GOP; we must spend more than the rest of the world to truly keep munnys away from the lazy browns and whorey wimmenz.

      fxd

  • ProgressiveInga

    More Boehner: "Blah blah men & women in uniform blah blah class warfare blah blah welfare for those who need it blah blah no individual mandates blah blah socialism blah blah." I hate these fockers.

    • freakishlywrong

      "blah blah taxes are off the table blah grownup conversation blah blah blah serious blah blah shared sacrifice blah" Fuck em. Fuck em all.

      • Weenus299

        "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck families and children fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck hardworking Americans fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck our military servicemen and women fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck sacrifice fuck fuck fuck fuck clean energy fuck fuck fuck fuck fiscal responsibility fuck fuck fuck …"

  • elviouslyqueer

    Well, obviously. Medicare, education, family planning services = unAmerican. Big, expensive toys that blow shit up halfway around the world = totally American. USA! USA! USA!

  • DownFist Troll

    Against Teabagger spending?! Why must you hate America so?

  • Troubledog

    You sleep until lunchtime, and this is the best you can do?

  • SexySmurf

    Brendan Buck is my new gay porn name.

    • Badonkadonkette

      Mine's John Böner.

      • Radiotherapy

        You say Ummm…alot.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Sarah Lou Sarah has a nice porn ring to it.

    • Radiotherapy

      Mine's Lou Sarah.

      • horsedreamer_1

        What did you think was cropped out of that supposedly topless photo of Sarah Palin with which Pareene teased us, oh, so many years ago?

        • tessiee

          Her pendulous postpartum udders?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Take the last names of the two main spokespeople for the Speaker and you get Buck Steel. I'm starting to think the Orange one has an affinity for barebacking.

  • Sue4466

    You mean all the very serious talk about deficits and tax burdens on Our Children(tm) has just been so much political posturing for the base? Color me surprised (which still beats Boehner orange).

    • user-of-owls

      I'll stick to Indian Red, thank you very much!

      Geronimo!

  • DaRooster

    "…part of the reason …is that some defense funding was shifted from slower-spending to faster-spending activities."

    Oh well, there ya go… I wish I had the luxury to do that… I would love to spends me some monies hastily.

    • PsycWench

      We did that the other night when we took the kids to Outback instead of Burger King. It turns out that if you spend money rapidly, you end up spending more. Too bad that was impossible to predict.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      i believe this is "hookers and blow", or more precisely "blow and hookers".

  • Allmighty_Manos

    But aren't we leaving Afghanistan and Iraq? I mean Osama's dead, right?

  • freakishlywrong

    I'm sure this will be breathlessly debated on the "news".

    • Where they will discuss the "deficit" and "courage."

      • freakishlywrong

        Don't forget "entitlements"!

        • Only for those who "need it."

          • freakishlywrong

            Due to what's known as "Republican Fiscal Policy" also known as Voodoo or Trickle down, the majority of us are going to need it.

          • Ducksworthy

            Voodoo and Trickle Down have been replaced by Land War in Asia Trainwreck. Its what made the Soviet Union so successful.

  • "… increased spending for our men and women in uniform."

    The uniform he means is, of course, the three piece suits favored by billionaires.

    • tessiee

      Hey, you guys, remember when they had the story on the news about how some of the armed forces had inadequate equipment and armor? Also, remember when they had the story on the news about how the returning veterans had inadequate medical care in falling-down hospitals?

      Boy, I sure am glad those problems have been fixed!

  • Hooray for opposite day! Less spending is more spending. Obama is a socialist. Gingrich is full of "ideas".

  • Badonkadonkette

    It’s going to make the government spend more money this year than if spending had just been left alone

    No, no, dig up, stupid!

  • Ruhe

    Nuclear war with the USSR? We secretly wanted it but we didn't get it. Y2K? Good money for wilderness outfitters and gold sellers but otherwise a total bust. Planetary destruction via global warming? It seems like it's taking a long time and who has the patience. Armageddon and the Rapture? Does anyone even believe that shit anymore? A Black Swan sailing right up Wall Street? Nah, we survived it more or less. So what are you gonna do to destroy the world if the world won't destroy itself? How about we haggle about the debt ceiling until everyone starts to get worried that money doesn't actually exist. Bingo. Caveman days again, baby!

    • GOPCrusher

      Come Saturday, you will rue those words. RUE, I SAY!

  • El Pinche

    ITS QUIET NOWN THAT CBO IS SECRETELY LEAD BY GOERGE SORROS

  • memzilla

    Yeah, I gotcher budget package right here, pal.

  • Government doesn't have a spending problem, it has an arithmetic problem.

  • Radiotherapy

    And who can forget the Trucknutz?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    This is my rifle, this is my gun
    One is for fighting, one is for faster-spending activities.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Hey 'baggers, there are free-market companies out there that will economically print spell-corrected posters with kerned layouts on durable materials…

    Just trying to help…

    • Naked_Bunny

      Wait. Are you saying that photo isn't a satirical Halloween display?

  • jaytingle

    It's times like these when I begin to question the good faith of the members of the legislature. I mean, it's as if they have ulterior motives.

    • spudgun

      Smell that?? That's sarcasm!

      ;-)

  • Doktor Zoom

    Needless to say, even though the increased spending goes to defense contractors, this will be spun as proof that Obama is committed to giving all our money to irresponsible brown people.

  • owhatever

    Right wing social engineering costs a lot of money. If the gummint would just ban abortions, like the 4fathers said, the budgets would be balanced.

    • V572..whatever

      Plus don't let teh Gheys get married. That's really expensive, what with two trousseaus per wedding.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    'Math is hard'. Barbie

  • user-of-owls

    “The effect on outlays (based on how quickly the administration spends money) meanwhile is slowed due to increased and accelerated spending for our men and women in uniform."

    Ok, I'm a reasonably intelligent guy and I've spent several precious minutes trying to make any sense out of this statement whatsoever. The result: fail. In all seriousness, can someone help parse this thing not politically, but simply syntactically? How can 'increased and accelerated spending' lead to a 'slowing' effect on outlays?

    • BerkeleyBear

      It takes a roadmap, but I read it as "the effect on outlays" = the reduction in actual spending supposedly made in the deal. So using semi consistent language, he's saying (I think) that while the deal itself will save money some day, it isn't today because we are spending money on defense.

      Or in other words, if we don't continually treat military spending as emergency and sacrosanct, we might save a nickel down the road. That, and his unicorn is purple with a pink mane.

      • user-of-owls

        It takes more like a galactic map, so thanks for burning some psychic calories with me!

    • GOPCrusher

      Tax cuts+increased Defense spending=PROFITS!

  • edgydrifter

    Shut your traitor hippie mouths, peaceniks. We need those depleted uranium HummerNutz for the troops!

  • James Michael Curley

    It is ironic that if a 'bager put that sign up in my neighborhood I could call up code enforcement and have the owner cited for a nuisance. Ironic because the ordinance got passed by a bunch of Republicans, years ago, trying to surpress their opponents.

    • freakishlywrong

      That was actually a smart ass liburl taking the piss out of the teabillies.

    • horsedreamer_1

      In 2004, I had a landlord who asked me to remove the Kerry-Edwards sign from my window.

      Funny thing: they never asked me ahead of time about the Bush-Cheney sign they put in the yard.

      • DahBoner

        Even funnier: Due to unfunded educational mandates, you thought the new sign said 'Take a dump here plz'…

  • Gopherit

    Well, it makes sense. If you're going to fuck over the poor as many times as the republicans have, you better have a lot of guns to back it up. Ask the French.

  • Radiotherapy

    I know, let's give discount coupons to the Oldz for their health care and block grant Medicaid (whatever that means)….and shazzam, problem solved.

  • DaRooster

    Maybe just me… but I really cannot stand people that are capital and lower case deficient…
    Makes me think "Idiot" right off the bat… and well hey… what do you know.

    • tessiee

      Also misusing "your" and "you're"; "there", they're", and "their"; and one that I don't even get, "were" and "where" (I mean, they don't even sound alike!), as in "We where going to the store".

      • DaRooster

        Going we're?

    • fuflans

      what about e. e. cummings mr. or ms. liberal fancy punctuation rooster? hmmmmm????

      (me? i am just too lazy to capitalize on the intertubes.)

  • widestanceroman

    Liberals just don't understand faith-based economics.

    • Fox n Fiends

      Send this sarcastic pearl of wisdom to Krugman, stat

  • fuflans

    hahahaha silly people! we won't need to balance the budget after saturday.

    jesus will do it.

  • prommie

    They are as bad at math as they are at spelling, grammar, history, and science. This should be no surprise.

    • tessiee

      Knowleje is eleetist.

  • baconzgood

    Does this suprise anyone? Republicans always bitch about the budget then fuck it up more. Remember Reagan, and Cheney's "Deficits don't matter". FUCK YOU TEA-BAGGERS! I hope you all rot in hell you hypocrites.

  • Fox n Fiends

    I've come up with a simple way to balance the budget:
    Cut military spending by 60%, permanently. Any proposed increase to that new spending limit will trigger a dollar for dollar tax increase on the wealthiest 3%. Problem solved.

    • Why don't we privatize the armed forces? Doesn't privatization fix everything? Well, that and lower taxes for the rich.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Hah – have you seen what Xe is charging the U.A.R. for a lousy 800 mercenaries?

  • DahBoner

    The job creators have their own private security, fire and even mercenary armies.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Well curse thank Jesus they haven't have raised the debt ceiling raided the endowments. Or have haven't.

    • tessiee

      I'm not sure whether to not/upfist or not/downfist your comment.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Isn't that called "Project Graduation"?

    Here's fifty bucks, kids. Don't go gettin' trashed tonight. Instead, give that fitty to your older brother and let him buy your beer tomorrow night.

  • mavenmaven

    Of course, the increased military spending was not used for things such as providing armored vehicles for the actual soldiers until the Obama administration, and even those were flawed and dangerous http://www.armytimes.com/news/2008/07/marines_MRA

  • arihaya

    Republicans are still on track to erase Washington, D.C. and its suburbs from the map, right?

    those wingnuts have always wanted the capital city to be located in Richmond, VA

  • Weenus299

    What the fuck ever. Have we invaded Syria yet?

  • Golfing_OJ

    Poor fuckhead BONER, all his lobbyist friends were giving him empty packs of Marlboros and Kools filled with hundred-dollar bills as outright bribery toward throwing his lily-white teabag pederast friends under the bus to appease "Wall Street" Nobama.

    Ahem. Please excuse my brusqueness. I meant to say, "I wonder what Ross Perot is doing today."

  • Naked_Bunny

    If we don't have tanks, then what is to keep Canada from conquering us?

  • ttommyunger

    Note to local Asian sign-maker, Mee Ting: how about not signing your work so prominently until you get a little more proficient at it? Just sayin'

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    No reasonn to fret. I'm sure Sean Hannity will point out that this is all Bill Clinton's fault.

  • orygoon

    This is reminiscent of what happened when my son told me that we-the-'rents would save money if we would get phone service through his account on some kind of "family plan".

  • DahBoner

    Xe is just short for 'Xenu'.

    Where is Scientology on the list, again?

  • Ducksworthy

    Next Kristallnacth the GOP plans to smash all the compact florescent bulbs. That'll save monies.

  • GOPCrusher

    If all their munnies weren't going to Planned Parenthood, we could spend more on Defense.
    SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!

  • Guppy06

    Remember, boys and girs: by "our men and women in uniform," they mean "defense lobbyists."

  • loulouroo

    F'ing Trailer Park Jesus!! Nice one, Tea tards and your mandates. What are we spending it on? The pointless war your boy Dubya started? Still paying for the useless Stars Wars non-sense your God Reagan started? And you still want to kick the poor vets in the ass after they've served? Nice one.

  • BZ1

    Brendan Buck, c'mon, that's a porn name…

  • lochnessmonster

    I chalk it all up to "creative accounting".

    • tessiee

      Or possibly "creation accounting"?

  • DaRooster

    So this Ass-Hat imports his signs from China? It is signed at the bottom-
    MEE TinG

  • widget2011

    If we didn't have any rivers we wouldn't need any levees.

  • muddypolitics

    Gotta love it. "GOP says GOP's negotiating skills MIA on budget deal" >> http://bit.ly/kH7oih

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