• A Man In Full.Still bummed out over America’s comedic loss of Christine O’Donnell? Relax! There’s always another Top Tier Clown that will emerge to provide the laughs in the next election cycle. And the 2012 Humor Olympics have begun, because George Allen will announce today that he’s running for the Senate in Virginia, in 2012! Just six years after this racist buffoon was laughed off the political stage, he is “making a comeback” — this means he will carry a football around for the next two years straight, often while wearing cowboy boots, saying “Reagan” a lot, and sometimes even riding an alive horse. It was the weird “Old Europe” anti-negro slur macaca that ruined his re-election attempt in 2006, but the real beauty of that minor moment was the way it revealed a lifetime of the kind of ugly, deeply racist frat-boy crap you would generally expect from an old white southern rich twit but that isn’t really acceptable these days in states like Virginia, with its whole northern half filled with semi-modern people who have college degrees and hybrids and most of their teeth. Also, George Allen is a Jew, of all things! He freaked the hell out about that, too. A faux-redneck Jew who loves football and hates the Negro! And now George Allen is back! He’s the guy who stuffed the severed heads of animals into the mailboxes of black families, because …. well, anything’s fine when it comes to terrorizing African-Americans, right? [AP/NYT]
  • Way back in 2007, your president George W. Bush signed a new law that would regulate the manufacture of light bulbs — old, wasteful incandescent would be replaced by new low-energy bulbs. California, as usual, wanted to get going earlier with these good regulations that reduce our energy dependency, so the last new incandescents hit California shelves at the end of 2010. This time next year, the whole country will be under the Bush-era common-sense law. So, obviously, Republican congressional jackass Joe Barton is protesting this federal law enacted four years ago and signed by a Republican president. (Republicans are all about having endless “choice” these days, unless it means the “choice” ladies sometimes like to have, regarding the use of their uterus.) [NPR/AP]
  • “Consumers” are still bummed out around the world, perhaps from the indignity of being called “consumers” instead of “people,” but the consumers/people in the United States are still far more bummed out than the ones in Europe and Asia and wherever. [Marketwatch]
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  • x111e7thst

    The cowboi hat and football are good, but where is his gun? And I don't see a flag pin.

    • jim89048

      Truck, also.

  • freakishlywrong

    Unfortunately, in today's Republican party, racial slurs are a sure path to election.

    • Someone needs to pull a Marjoe Gortner on this: just get up, say whatever stupid racist crap you think you can get away with, get elected as a Republican… just to prove it works. Then switch parties and be reasonable until you lose in the next cycle.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      oh macaca! (too soon?)

  • DashboardBuddha

    Pah, you think consumers is bad, wait 'til we all become Consumption Units.

    • vulpes82

      I prefer Consuming Entity, if you please!

      • DashboardBuddha

        Unfortunately, entity implies humanity. Humanity certainly doesn't fit in their calculations.

        • Gleem_McShineys

          Yes, 'entity' implies some kind of cognitive ability, or separate uniqueness. Which is definitely not part of the plan according to their marketing specialists and/or twitter feed hypnosis experts.

    • bureaucrap

      They really don't care if you actually consume, as long as you purchase. So we really should be called "purchasing units".

      • DashboardBuddha

        You are correct sir. Henceforth, I shall be know as Dashbud2465 to my Chinese masters.

    • OhNoGuy

      To quote Tommy Lee Jones "Eat me! EAT ME!" (MIB)

    • Negropolis

      I'd sooner rather be stricken with consumption than be proud of being called a consumer. Consumer-American, on the other hand, may be acceptable.

  • DaSandman

    George has definately alienated the "Negros" and the "Homos" , well all the O's really…

    All he's got left are the inbreeders. You know, the Teabaggers.

    • mannacler

      Most baggers are too old to breed–fortunately.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Unfortunately, that's being a bit delusional. What everybody seems to fail to realize here is that, while beyond reproductive age now, those baggers have already spawned and already have children and grandchildren that are spreading throughout the country, à la the first scene of Idiocracy.

  • karen

    It saddens me people still dress like this. It reminds me of this Carlin bit: "Make-believe cowboys. Closest they've ever gotten to a cow is when they stopped to take a piss at an Arby's."

  • snoopyfan2010

    I honestly believe that Barry is the universe's way of dealing a good blow of karma against folks like Allen.

  • What's the "macaca" equivalent for white douchebags? "Cletus"? "Jethro"? ""Lindsey"? "Haley"?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Okie. Or Redlegs (a precursor to white trash from the West Indies, although it also applies to Cincinnati Reds fans – who tend to be white douchebags).

    • Trinket


    • __kth__

      My theory about the 'macaca' moment, of which I've never been able to convince anyone, is that that dumbfuck was trying to say "muchacho". Because he thought the webcam kid was Hispanic, and, like a typical wingnut, thought his passing acquaintance with the language was a good enough substitute for fluency in it (e.g., hmm, not sure if this is the right word, but I'll just go ahead and blurt it out anyway!)

      So if my theory is correct, the equivalent would be "bubba". Or more like "bubba" misremembered so it came out "brotha".

  • finallyhappy

    Well, Virginians were stupid enough to elect O'Donnell and Cuukoonelli-maybe the sane Virginians will wake up enough to defeat this loser.

    • Look: O'Donnell didn't win. Deeds lost that shit and lost it hard. A credible candidate (Brian Moran…) would have taken care of business, but Deeds took the Dem primary because Terry McAuliffe was such a horrible candidate that he made Deeds look like RFK and Moran pissed off the WaPo (to his credit) for being honest about taxes and transportation (Deeds got the WaPo Richard Cohen endorsement). And the bloodbath carried on down the ticket. What really sucks: the accidental governor, O'Donnell, could be the next GW Bush to Forrest Gump his way into higher office. Sorry for the snarklessness, but there it is.

      • Terry

        I still can't get past the fact that O'Donnell enrolled in and got a masters from the Christian Broadcast Network University, now called Regent University. He enrolled when it was the CBN University! His thesis was: "The Republican Party's Vision for the Family: The Compelling Issue of The Decade". Really? The GOP's vision for the family was the most compelling thing in the 80's?

        • horsedreamer_1

          Reagan had that Wall thing covered.

        • Yes, and if you read his thesis, you'll see the picture of a failing grade in Composition 101. He pulls shit that would get you fired at Arby's. And THAT is the caliber of candidate that Deeds lost to. Inexcusable. Worse campaign than Martha Coakley's. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

          • Terry

            That's pretty much how we ended up with Ehrlich as governor and Steele as lt. governor a few years back. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend ran what was arguably the worst campaign you could possibly chose in the State of Maryland. Cozy up to out-of-state interests for money and take your potential at-home base for granted.

          • SorosBot

            It's also how Massachusetts of all states ended up with a Republican Senator; and why we in Pennsylvania are now stuck with Gov. Tom Corbett, a fully owned subsidiary of the energy industry.

          • Terry

            So, what's Corbett going to do in the Laurel Highlands? Magically make lots of clean burning coal magically appear in all those tapped out mines between Johnstown and Altoona?

          • OhNoGuy

            He'll likely have that magic touch that makes old people vote for him and young people leave the state. Which insures the election of another bonehead like him.

        • Weenus299

          Wellll, that and blow.

        • GOPCrusher

          Isn't that their most compelling issue in every decade?
          Because EVERYTHING is out to destroy the "family".

    • Negropolis

      Well, this wasn't 2006, 2008, or what will be 2012, which is either a less-bad year for Democrats, or what will be a great year for them. It won't be another wave, I don't think, the tea party has basically maxed out their power.

  • Krazy Kleagle George Allen is back? Holy shit, thought the folks in Vee Aye had driven that stake in deep. Did y'all screw up and use maple or poplar instead of oak? Georgie claims to be "the original Tea Partier." The original twatwaffle perhaps, but the 'original Tea Turd? Meh.

  • Barrelhse

    He's cute as a button in his little cowboy outfit.
    Been ridin' the Old Jism Trail?

  • So Joe Barton believes W committed a bulb libel against him. He was totally in the pocket of Big Fluorescent.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Joe's just pissed because his house is full of rheostatically controlled dimmer switches for all his lights, which are made passè and obsolete by them new communist CFL bulbs.

      • BerkeleyBear

        But even that attempt at rationalizing Joe "I'm sorry, BP" Barton's insanity is bullshit. I was just making some home repairs and found out that they now make dimmable CFLs to satisfy all the oldz who have come to rely on their sliders.
        So, to recap – the Bill was signed by W years ago, the industry has responded, consumers have adjusted – yeah, this is the time to go fucking with it.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Keep Government Out of Business!

          (When it's convenient.)

    • horsedreamer_1

      George W. Bush was a RINO.


      He was insufficiently committed to tax-cuts for the rich & scrapping Social Security.

  • Has anyone filed a missing persons report on Riley?

    • horsedreamer_1

      I'm imagining the video for "The Real Slim Shady", except it's Jack, not Eminem, opening the fridge, to reveal a milk-carton with Riley's face on it.

    • You all wouldn't believe me if I told you where Riley is, today, and where he has been for the past week, and where he will be for the next week.

      You probably won't believe it when he writes a post about it — assuming he lives through the horrible process. Maybe we can scan his "compensation check" or something.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Jury duty sucks, especially if you are chosen. Will the 40 bucks a day he gets from the city/county be better pay than he makes at Wonkette?

        • karen

          $40???? We get $10.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Well, in TX it's 10 bucks for the first day, but if you are empanelled it's 40 a day until the trial is over.

          • Justice in Texas is swift, and introvenous.

  • Come here a minute

    Those new lite bulbs are the reason I can't get my kids vaccinated or something. Jesus said so. Senator Allen will save us from this facacta macaca.

  • Terry

    "Still bummed out over America’s comedic loss of Christine O’Donnell? "

    Oh, girlfriend isn't gone for long unless they lock her up in the pokey for an extended stay. She has zero actual talents or skills and is still believed by a good percentage of tea baggers. She needs to hit those folks up for money sooner or later.

    "ugly, deeply racist frat-boy crap you would generally expect from an old white southern rich twit but that isn’t really acceptable these days in states like Virginia, with its whole northern half filled with semi-modern people who have college degrees and hybrids and most of their teeth. "

    Northern Virginia gets fairly consistently screwed over by the rest of the State in Richmond, despite the fact that they put most of the money into the State coffers. You'd think that would start to annoy them after a while, but it doesn't apparently. Neither do the actions of their current governor and attorney general.

    • depends where you are in NoVA. Arlington County is ready to secede but in Fairfax you can find vanity plates that say GO PALIN (on a Subaru) and THANK BP (this on a LandRover). G Connolly still carried that district, but just barely.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        GO PALIN (on a Subaru)

        Obviously a fan of English comedian, actor, writer, fish-slapper, and television presenter Michael Palin, whose travel documentaries continue to delight audiences 'round the world.

      • Terry

        True. The sanity falls off pretty quickly as you get further from DC, oddly enough. Despite my occasional rants here on Wonkette, there are things, places, and people in NoVa that I actually like a lot but then something happens on that side of the river that makes me wonder what's in the drinking water there (that we let you have, despite the King of England giving it to us a few centuries ago).

        • Yeah. I fucking hate it here, fwiw, but then again I'm from Portland and a snot.

  • Terry

    "Republicans are all about having endless “choice” these days, unless it means the “choice” ladies sometimes like to have, regarding the use of their uterus.) "

    They'd also like to give us the choice of believing exactly and only as they do in terms of religion.

    Joe Barton is an arse on his best day.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Joe Barton lights up my life.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Totally. No worries, man. Hakuna macaca.

  • hollywooddood

    Six years is long enough for the voters to forgotten. But the internets never forgets, asshole!

  • I know it is a day and a half away, but will our Wonkette be live blogging Michele Bachmann's re-butt all to Obarmar's SoTU?

    • vulpes82

      Well, Ken already hit his head against the Wonkbot repeatedly about Obama's, so what else is left except the Krazy Komedy of Ms. Bachmann?

  • YasserArraFeck

    If he'd stuffed the mailboxes with guts instead of heads, those good colored folks could've been eatin' chitlins that evening. Thoughtless bastard.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I thumbed this up to get you back to positive-one.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    From the pic, I'd guess Lovie Smith might have liked to have George available to take a few snaps for him yesterday afternoon. Couldn't have hurt.

    • "Caleb Hanie" sounds like a character from a comedy CBS purged to make room for "The Jeffersons." The game kinda looked like that, too.

    • crybabyboehner

      Well he could hardly be more of a pansy than Cutler.

    • walterhwhite

      So glad you brought up football! On behalf of all New England Patriots fans, I extend my deepest thanks to all Wonketeers who hail from Pennsylvania (and Pittsburgh in particular) for helping the Steelers beat the Jets.

  • Hera Sent Me

    You can have my incandescent bulb when you pry it from my hot, blistered fingers.

  • YasserArraFeck

    More choices for Ol' Virginnie – incandescent, fluorescent, and dim.

  • PublicLuxury

    George Allen, just another rodent on the tea tard stage.

    • Terry

      Too bad he didn't ride the family coat tails into a long, long career in sports management.

  • deanbooth

    I'm for conserving energy, but look for an increase in injuries from falling down the basement stairs.

  • PsycWench

    I shall campaign for choice as well, starting with the choice to freely and without repercussion smack people who annoy me. Mr. Barton, could you come over here for a sec?

    George Allen once claimed that he was going to kick Democrat's "soft teeth down their whiny throats". Thanks for getting that civility conversation going, GA.

  • last thing on Virginia out of me: it would be a much saner and tastier place if these motherfuckers ran the joint

  • Bachmann/Barton in 2012 on the Brain Dead Anti-CFL ticket.

    A sure winner.

  • bflrtsplk

    Can this George Allen shoot straight? Enquiring minds want to know.

  • Is the football where George keeps his testicles? I've never seen him without it.

    He does make Al "Four Touchdowns in a Single Game for Polk High" Bundy look dignified and intelligent though.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I wonder how damn stupid Allen is. He kept repeating 'macacca' KNOWING he was being videotaped. Did he think no one would figure out what that word meant or that the video would magically disappear? Seriously, what was he thinking?

    • walterhwhite

      "Thinking?" George don't need no stinking "thinking."

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Consumers” are still bummed out around the world, perhaps from the indignity of being called “consumers” instead of “people”

    Would calling them "serfs" or "wage slaves" make them feel better about themselves?

  • SorosBot

    Don't call it a comeback, Allen's been here for years…

  • beer4prez

    It's not so much a Northern "half" of VA, rather a densely populated Northern eighth of semi-modern people who mysteriously forgot to vote for Governor or AG in 2008; geniuses.

  • I prefer to be addressed as Profit Center, not Loss Leader or Legacy Product. And damn it, I want all the basic human rights of a corporation! I will be filing a colorful Annual Report full of lies using the Apple Pages Corporate Bullshit template this year, instead of a tax return.

  • horsedreamer_1

    2012 is a presidential year.

    George Allen will get smoked.

  • Sue4466

    The really sad thing now is that Allen won't look that out of place on the GOP/Teabagger ticket. He never really did, but since his macaca moment the country has lurched even more rightward (i.e., a moderate like Obama is a socialist who needs to move to the center) and the race baiting has become the new normal (again) that he'll just fit right in. Isn't Virginia the state with the Confederacy fanboy of a governor who "forgot" the whole keeping people as slaves part of the Civil War? My guess is Allen'll win.

  • mavenmaven

    The republicans don't like the new light bulbs because they don't give quite that same sensation when inserted in one's own a$$hole.

    • jim89048

      They still work, but the threads don't match.

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    Hakuna Macaca, hakuna macaca
    It means no Negroes, for the rest of your days
    It's our Tea Party, philosophy
    Hakuna Macaca

  • Is Layne filming an episode of "Undercover Boss"? Without some "Song Remains The Same"-style fantasy sequences based on our comments, that's going to be lame-ass television. Well, at least he's working for a living again, instead of just exploiting Stuef & Wags.

    • horsedreamer_1

      He prolly just finished his book about walking the California coast, from Tijuana to Oregon.

    • If only all it meant to "work on Wonkette" was to type some jokes about the news. I would almost pay someone to let me do that, if I could afford it.

      • See, that's why you're the kind of hard ass-working small biz entrepreneur who deserves a tax cut and fewer burdensome regulations! Countdown to Wonkette's hard-right swing in 5, 4, 3, 2…

  • Limeylizzie

    Didn't he have a weird anti-Jew thing as well, if I recall his mother was a Jewish convert, due to tryng to hide from the Nazis, a Converso, if you will, but he said he didn't know, kind of like Madeleine Abright and Kati Marton, except they both embraced it fully Anyway, he seems like a real dozy cunt, or as my Grandmother would have put it "He's neither use nor ornament".

    • READ BELOW THE FOLD, Lizzie. (This page, the one with the comments.)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "dozy cunt" is one of my favorite English terms, right up there with "soppy wanker." I just wish that Detective Chief Superintendent Foyle would use those terms a little more frequently on his television programmes.

      • Limeylizzie

        You know I love that Mr Foyle, I feel that he would play all kinds of dress-up games involving the filthy Boche with me.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Somehow, that doesn't surprise me much. Myself, I'd be all over that Sam Stewart, but she would have to be in her driver's uniform to get things started.

  • Troubledog

    I keep waiting for a fat one to swim by, so I can exclaim "harpoon a macaca!"

  • Sheesko

    This moron turned the surplus he inherited from his Democratic predecessor into one of the worst deficits in this history of deficits (ooh! a trend!), including mine, which is really saying something.

  • Schmannnity

    I was not under the impression that there were a lot of "cowboys" in Virginia. Isn't Virginia a long ride to the railhead in Abeline? Maybe he should go with what his base knows and dress like the Army of Northern Virginia so he can keep fighting the War of Northern Aggression.

    • schvitzatura

      Can't wait for Col. Macacawitz to step off from Spangler's Woods, to everlasting glory!

  • crybabyboehner

    It's the bolo tie that really makes his "outfit"!

  • Isn't George Allen the co-host of "Mika Brzezinski's Morning Shoe Fetish"? I get those guys mixed up.

  • ttommyunger

    Just what we need, another big dumb cunt in Congress. This Allen turd is a joke even among his inner circle, but he is so un-selfaware he'll never catch on. The sheer genius of being born telegenic to a wealthy celebrity. I know what he needs, but it is against the law and I don't like to travel that much anymorel

  • hagajim

    Why the hell is this turd….whose Daddy (or grandpa I'm not certain which) coached the Washington Redskins during their glory years (you know – when they won more than they lost…i.e. pre Daniel Snyder), wearing a fucking Cowboy hat? Does this mean he sold out to Jerry Jones for enough cash to run for the Senate again? I can't understand why the stupid fucks don't just fade away and let the world move on without them.

  • spinozasgod

    I am guessing Mr. Allen has been encouraged about the chances of a bigotted f-wit being elected in Virginia by the election of its current governor Bobby "the south will rise again" McDonnell, and his trusty side-kick, Kenny "the douch" Cuccineli" .

  • MinAgain

    Q. How many Republican congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. Zero. Republican congressmen prefer living in the Dark Ages.

  • I have two George Allen-related anecdotes. They come by way of my father, who had the displeasure of working in a government agency when Allen was governor.

    (1) When he was a practicing lawyer, before becoming a State delegate, Allen had a Confederate flag and a noose hanging in his law office. When confronted about this blatantly racist bullshit, he said the noose symbolized that he was "tough on crime." He has openly and unashamedly displayed the Stars & Bars throughout his life.

    (2) During Allen's administration, my father attended a luncheon with the governor himself. During the dessert course, Allen was brought a spitoon, into which he spat his chaw, while seated at the table and in the presence of his guests.

    This has been your "George Allen is a Loathsome Cretin" update.

  • PabaBritannica

    If you read even one page of George Allen's book, it becomes obvious that he really, REALLY, REALLY wishes he was his father, who was actually a Californian football coach and not a make-believe Not-Jew Virginia "Cowboy".

  • PabaBritannica

    Actually, I think Allen might elicit more pain than approval this time around, as every appearance across the state will remind us that the Redskins are god awful, incapable of being repaired, and owned by a retarded man who was given a bankful of money to do whatever he pleases with.

    NoVa is hockey country now. Go away, Mr. Touchdown.

  • Negropolis

    OMG! There are TWO Dixie Jews in Virginia, and both Republican, no less?! But, I thought there could only be one?

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