North Dakota Democratic Sen. Kent Conrad announced today that he will not seek reelection, creating a potentially prime pickup opportunity for Republicans in a GOP-leaning state.

“After months of consideration, I have decided not to seek reelection in 2012,” Conrad said in a letter to constituents. “There are serious challenges facing our state and nation, like a $14 trillion debt and America’s dependence on foreign oil. It is more important I spend my time and energy trying to solve these problems than to be distracted by a campaign for reelection.”

There is literally nothing to say about this man. Maybe he’ll finally have some time to open up that cute little bakery in the middle of the Dakota wilderness? Maybe he will cut $7 in debt and secure a small puddle of petroleum for America? Maybe the entire world won’t forget he existed approximately five minutes after his funeral?

Oh, he’s a Gaylord. [WP]

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  • Katydid

    America, meet your newest lobbyist.

  • _MISS_T_

    How can this guy not be missed?

    Can we think of any other Senator that allows outgoing correspondence to begin with 'Hi Sparkle Pony'. I think not.

    • Gay Mexican Intern

      It wouldn't fit into 140 "bytes" so definitely not Chuck Grassley!

  • Come here a minute

    He won't be able to run; he's donating his heart to Cheney.

  • SorosBot


  • chascates

    So he's admitting that being a senator is not a way to help us solve our problems?

  • SmutBoffin

    "I'm quitting my job so that I can do better at my job." WUT

    Lemme try the same: "Hey boss, I'm quitting so that we can complete that project sooner. Without all these job-related distractions, I can work much harder…"

    • Boredw/Gravity

      Sounds almost Palinesque.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    But who will be the new Gaylord of the Senate? I mean, other than Mark Rubio?

    • SexySmurf

      Rubio and Ham Biscuits will have to have a Paris is Burning style vogue-off to decide.

  • VicariousMe

    As for the rent boy everyone will soon be talking about, it is obvious I couldn't have paid him for sexy times because of the $14 trillion deficit.

    • jim89048

      That luggage ain't gonna lift itself!

  • Sophist/Glock Palin

    This man has somewhat less personality than an equal volume of air. He will be missed, or would be in the phenomenally unlikely event that anyone noticed he wasn't around anymore.

  • GodShammgod

    This is awful news. Him and Dorgan were the most liberal people that a state that gave 60+% of the vote to Dubya would elect.

  • christianmuslin

    Sounds like the GOP (Giddish Over Palin) has gotten to this dim bulb and offered him a highly lucrative future if he will retire so the Tea Party can show progress in the 2012 Senate elections. I, for one, hope this exciting position is Viagra spokes-model!

  • Guppy06

    "Maybe he’ll have some time to finally open up that cute little bakery"

    That's not what he meant when he said he wanted to "open up some cute little buns."

  • sati_demise

    The stochastic terrorism of the Teabaggers is running a lot of people out of office these days.
    Why be shouted down by a bunch of hooligans, getting death threats daily, when you could be making a puff pastry?

  • DoktorZoom

    North Dakota has a Senator?

  • MinAgain

    Oh, he’s a Gaylord.

    At least he'll always have a place to stay when he comes to visit Nashville…oh, wait. Wrong kind of Gaylord.

    My bad.

  • Negropolis

    On a kinda' serious note, can we not joke about public officials dying, right now? I hate to be "that guy" but I can't even crack a sardonic smile at the title.

  • Snarkfest

    I don't get it, he's leaving? And he got a nice invite to a 'Wellstone' party by the incoming house too.

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