According to news reports, Navy Captain Owen Honors, that guy who made all those dumb gay-joke videos with the mock masturbation and butt probes and some kind of stuffed toy parrot sidekick and Glenn Close (?), is apparently still in charge of the USS Enterprise. But he will not be for long, according to a source who says he’s being relieved of his duty today. How nice of them to take that load off! The Navy denies that a decision has been made about this straight man and his gripping, accurate portrayal of a nerdy gay sailor (with acting), but to whom are we supposed to listen: the Navy, or reports of reports of reports of reports of something an unnamed source supposedly said? We’ll take the latter, though sadly, it means the END OF HUMOR in our armed forces. Where will Reader’s Digest get their material now that Navy people aren’t being forced to (mock) shower naked and (mock) have stuff shoved up their butts by a superior officer?
The Navy has traditionally moved faster than other U.S. military services to relieve officers of command when they are believed to have acted improperly. A spate of commanders have been disciplined in this way in the past year, for offenses ranging from sexual misconduct to running ships aground.
Brave men and women. But until we are able to perform acts of sexual misconduct while running ships aground, we will never win the wars overseas. Let this man go. He may be our only shot. He’s had a lot of practice. [WP]