Let's just get rid of all laws and the legal system. Too susceptible to Sharia.A new mosque is going to be built in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, despite the lawsuits of some angry Tennesseans, because a judge overruled this Christian nation’s age-old and CONSTITUTIONAL freedom to stop Muslims from being Muslim. That’s right, some people in Tennessee who are NOT white Christians are going to be allowed to worship non-Christian entities in a building they’re going to put on some land they purchased. Obviously, because the plaintiffs were lawyers, they understood that Sharia is a scary ghost going around the state and their very offices eating law books as ghost food, but this stupid judge didn’t even care. And yes, if you were wondering, these lawyer guys do have terrific quotes!

“We need to take what has happened in Murfreesboro out of the shadows of Shariah and shine on what’s happened in the light of freedom,” Smith said in his closing statement.

Yes, when Sharia came to America, it decided to take over the number-one most prized part of America, something called “Murfreesboro.”

So, as a result of this case, everyone in this podunk town had to immediately and magically transform into non-t-shirted Muslims, correct? Including these lawyers?

But Brandon has said he’d appeal the case to the Supreme Court if necessary.

“I’m not gonna submit, I’m not going to convert, and I’m not going to back down,” Brandon said in his closing arguments. “And neither are any of these three plaintiffs.”

Oh, nice for them. Interestingly, the judge in this case is referred to as “Chancellor Robert Corlew III” in this news story. You know who else has the title of “chancellor”? Hitler, history’s greatest Sharia ghost. HMM. [Tennessean]

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  • dr_giraud

    Murfreesboro, the Musical: "They Call the Wind Shariah."

    • sezme

      How do you solve a problem like Sharia?

    • Sharia! Say it loud, and there's Muslins praying.
      Say it soft, and they're all ululating.
      Sharia, I'll never stop hating

      The most frightening sound I've ever heard…

      • CrankyLttlCamperette

        That, sir, is genius. I wish I had more pee points to give you.

        • thebeatgoeson08

          I gave him mine for you.

      • Chet, you lovable scamp.

        As a totally non-gay dude who loves musical theatre, I just want to kiss you in a totally non-gay way.

        • Love me some West Side Story movie. When I was in Jr. High, a bunch of us read the play out loud outside during recess for a week. This was mighty strange in 1973 in Inner City Cleveland, and I don't know how we avoided getting our asses kicked. Didn't seem swishy to me at the time because Natalie Wood's Maria was (is) totally my Pretend Girlfriend.

      • Limeylizzie

        You, Chet Kincaid, are a genius

      • WriteyWriterton

        From the Lisa Buscani reference, I concluded you're either a Chicagoan or a flyover ally, so props, PROPS, to you, sir.

    • MLite

      I prefer "Shariah, I just met a girl named Shariah"

    • An_Outhouse

      Blues for Allah

    • DustBowlBlues

      Came home coughing crazy from my cold and tired as shit, but what could I do with a show-tunes Sharia Showdown?

      What, you thought I'd choose another musical? Not only until they do "Tom Joad's Wrath: The Musical."

      "Ohhhhhklahoma, No Sharia Sweeping down the Plain.
      And the waving wheat can sure smell sweet with no honor killings in the grange
      Oklahoma, Every night my honey lamb and I,
      Don our hoods and hit the woods where the burning crosses light the sky!

      We know we belong to the land
      And the land we belong to is damned

      So we when say, Yah, ay-ayip-ee-oh–ee-ay, We're only sayin'
      You're being sued OklahoMA!
      Oklahoma, O-K–F-U-C-K-E-D
      Oklaho0000ma, Yah!!!"

    • CapeClod

      "Dark of the Crescent Moon." A Muslim witch boy tries to marry the copper haired Barbra Allen. They get hitched in the general store because he is forbidden to enter a church.

  • smrtmnky

    there's no 'it gets better' videos for you if you choose to move to Murfreesboro. i am sorry to say

  • SorosBot

    That activist judge didn't even mention terrorism or public safety concerns! How can we let our public officials act reasonably and not inject racist fear-mongering that has absolutely nothing to do with the case before them into it?

  • SexySmurf

    Of course Muslins want to take over Murfreesboro. It has the word "free" in it, and Muslins hate freedum. Also has the word "Mur" which was given to Jesus, and Muslins hate Jesus. And finally it has the word "Sboro" which is where you get cheap pizza at the mall, and Muslins hate cheap pizza. I rest my case.

    • mavenmaven

      Great analysis. Kudos if it appears on Glenn Beck's blackboard tomorrow.

    • Hey, wait a second. You aren't by any chance from Smurfreesboro, are you? That's the "Blue State" sister city. The extra "S" is for Sharia. Or socialism. Or something.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I wonder what the percentage is of people who live there who can actually (correctly) spell the name of the town.

      • T_Party_Pickens

        They can all spell it. It's right there on the summons.

  • PublicLuxury

    It just ins't fair. Some mahzlum is gonna come and git are keeds. Then they'll be a wearin' fuckin' towels on them heads. Look what Obamar has done did to our cuntree. Its not the same. Teh gay and mahzlums and lesbos all comin' to roon are cuntree?

    • DangerHelvetica

      You ah tearing me apaht, Sharia!

    • comrad_darkness

      Well translated to Oxford Standard, sir.

      • OneDollarJuana

        And shouldn't correctly be spelled "Oxferd Standerd"?

    • zhubajie

      Shriners are the fifth column!

  • Mort_Sinclair

    You left out the part where it said, "Corlew stood up, adjourned the court, and then proceeded to make a fist with his left hand, which he then lifted in order, apparently, to bump knuckles with all the prevailing attorneys before him." Says so right in the article.

    • Failure_Artist

      Isn't that the Terrorist Fist Jab?

      • Mort_Sinclair

        Is most certainly is. ;)

  • horsedreamer_1

    Me & Sharia, go together like babies & pacifers.

  • PublicLuxury

    Fuhrer Obamar

  • SayItWithWookies

    The quote bring Calvin Trillin's eternal question to mind: If law school is so hard, how come there are so damn many lawyers? Clearly any lawyer who is worried that a religious structure several miles from his home might force him to convert didn't go to one of those hard law schools.

  • Mindblank

    This man just needs a nice Persian lamb kebab with some falafel. Mmm, so tasty. Either that or a big, steaming helping of STFU.

    • nounverb911

      Shouldn't the kebab be served on a loofah, just like Bill O'Reilly does?

    • Thurman Munster IV

      And a light Chianti with some fava beans.

  • comrad_darkness

    Wait, there is some tiny bit of sanity left?
    Nah, they are just ffcking with us . . . aren't they?

  • genxr

    Murfreesboro… sounds like something a teabagger would shout at a Glenn Beck rally to protest against the muslin president taking our freedoms and given' em to illegals, but with a mouth full of pork rinds.

    As part of the settlement, all plaintiffs must convert to muslin.

  • V572625694

    Let's take a little trip to the mosk site, on something called "Veals Road":

    Lookit that: Prosperity Missionary Baptist Church is right there at the corner of Mt Herman Road. And a junk yard and an auto parts store (possibly the same bidness). Looks to me like this mosk, even if it were in a Butler building, might be a big improvement to the real property around there.

    Here's a nice street view:

    • Oh my, that looks like a road you dump a body on. Run Muslins, run.

    • jim89048

      I predict many huntin' "accidents" in thet thar locality in the future.

      • How are they going to convert anyone? There aren't any people there.

  • DahBoner

    MUSLIMS: When your Jesus hollered to his fadah, he called him "Allah".

    MURFREEZBORO: HUH, UH! He called him "Bubba".

    MURFREEZBORO Messicans: No way, bro! He called him Papi!

  • chascates

    How about a compromise? They don't build a mosque there but we stone Newt Gingrich for adultery?

    • nounverb911

      Vitter and Ensign too.

    • Ducksworthy

      Sounds fair to me. Do we get to bury him up to his fat neck?

  • DangerHelvetica

    The comments there are a goldmine.
    "Muslims ram their ram their religion our throats by using tactics like these. No need to come to the door, they do it out in the open.Take this case,As part of the agreement, Walmart has agreed to send about 10 of their employees for diversity training next month that CAIR-MN is conducting, Aljabri said.

    How many other faiths are getting special treatment to accommodate their beliefs.How many other faiths can walk off their jobs using their religious belifts as why and be fired by conpany and then allowed back to work as Muslims religious belifts supersede all other faiths and comes across as very demanding with companies bending to Muslims religious belifts or else you have a bunch of angry Muslims ramming their beliefs down your throat even going as far as saying human rights violations"

    • SorosBot

      "How many other faiths are getting special treatment to accommodate their beliefs"

      Someone needs to read the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which requires employers to do so for all faiths.

      • Ducksworthy

        Don't be bringing that shit up with these folks. They know the Civil Rights Act of 1964 is what ruined their country of White Amurikka.

    • WarAndGee

      As a government employee I get Christmas and half a day on good Friday off. That counts. No? Oh yeah war on Christmas.

    • Nevadans gets Halloween off.

      • anniegetyourfun

        But not Delaware?

        • lulzmonger

          Delaware gets Walpurgisnacht off.
          Blessed Be!

      • jim89048

        But we cleverly call it "Nevada Day", because we're sneaky like that.

    • EdFlintstone

      My favorite is somebody claiming 500 muslims walked off their job at a Swift plant in Nebraska. Like theres 500 muslims in Nebraska let alone at one plant.

      • jim89048

        You didn't know about Swift's Halal pork abattoir?

      • zhubajie

        Lots of Somali refugees in S. Sioux City. They work cheap.

    • CapnFatback

      How many other faiths can walk off their jobs using their religious belifts

      Ah, but if you use your religious belift, you don't have to walk, silly.

      • anniegetyourfun

        I got certified on one of them belifts for my jerb.

    • WIDTAP

      Them thar commenters are right! Xtians never ask for a day off – not even Christmas.

    • HedonismBot

      My local Wal-Mart is very diverse. Why just last week I saw a skinny person there!

    • emmelemm

      So. Much. Ramming. in that comment. {clutches pearls}

      I wouldn't mind gettin' rammed by a sessy hot Muslin, if you know what I mean…

    • lumpenprole

      Why doesn't Christianity have a mandatory Jesus Break during the workday? To even begin to compete with this Islamo-ramming, Amurka needs to implement at least four mandatory Jesus Breaks per shift. Till then, Allah wins.

  • WarAndGee

    Just another chapter in the right-wing Christian jihad.

    (Jihad of course meaning "struggle," a "kampf" maybe, as in Mein Kampf etc. Ok now I'm rambling. Must be drunk again )

    • SorosBot

      A few years back, I remember a bigot's letter to the editor which claimed that the existence of the concept of jihad proved that all Muslims were evil, and there's nothing like that in Christianity. Apparently that moron never heard the word crusade.

    • charlesdegoal

      I think it's OK to do a Godwin fifteen minutes into the comments, as you do, but Stuef's preemptive strike is just not fair.

      • WarAndGee

        "Hitler is everywhere." – Mojo Nixon.

        Fuck, I misremembered it. He sang "Elvis is Everywhere." Never mind.

    • zhubajie

      The struggle to reach beyond the pot belly and tie their shoes.

  • OneYieldRegular

    There is no "free" in Murfreesboro!

    Um…wait uh minute…

  • Soooo, it's not about parking & traffic flow issues, like they originally said?

    Color me shocked!

  • SorosBot

    That's a nice Orwellian use of "freedom" by Smith while he's actively opposing freedom.

    • Not_So_Much

      The Retard is strong in this one…

  • magic_titty

    I don't understand this generation of Tennesseans. Just let them build the mosque so you can burn it down after. Christ. Didn't your forefathers teach you how to do anything?

  • awesome_dude

    What gives this activist judge the right to tell us we don't have the right to not be converted to Sharia law!?!? SOCIALISM!!!!!!

    • GOPCrusher

      Seriously, this AM on the Des Moines Register comments board, some retard posted that the fact that the activist judges ruled that gays can marry in Iowa is proof that the next step is to impose Sharia Law in Iowa.

  • edgydrifter

    The conservative mind (such as it is) is a fascinating study in malleability. A mosque goes up and they worry they might start feeling a bit allah-ish. A gay guy walks down the street in front of their house and they start to wonder if now might be a good time to ditch Brandeen for a little man-meat. They're like a flock of retarded pigeons, always scared, always flustered, and completely distracted every time they see something shiny.

    • kenlayisalive

      Right? So, can we expect to find this guy in an airport bathroom with his prayer rug sometime soon, or what?

      • zhubajie

        Praying to Priapus, the p*nis god, I'm sure.

    • DashboardBuddha

      "They're like a flock of retarded pigeons, always scared, always flustered, and completely distracted every time they see something shiny."

      that is solid gold, quotable wisdom right there.

      • emmelemm

        Yes, I'd give it a million thumbs if I could.

      • anniegetyourfun

        I'm picturing a flock of retarded pigeons, and it's so beautiful.

        • emmelemm

          Aren't all pigeons retarded, really?

          • OneDollarJuana

            You gotta hand it to 'em, though, for wicked abilities to handle disabilities. I can't begin to count the number of times I've seen pigeons walking around on stumps like nothing was wrong. Doesn't seem to slow 'em up at all.

    • elfgoldsackring

      If'n Jeebus wanted me to make mah own 'lifestyle choices', he woulda wrote it in the Constachewshin, alongsida that bit abaht Murrka bein' the new Jerusalem, 'cept this time fer decent white folk with guns. But heaven knows ah ain't got the best record makin' good choices. Does it to you?

  • SmutBoffin

    Hey, whatever happened to the GROUD ZERO MOSK, anyway? Did Wingnuts just give up on that shit or were liberal analysts correct when they claimed it was just an election season stunt and Wingnuts never really cared in the first place?

    • Banelm

      … Like a certain ranch in Texas, this too will pass…

  • CapnFatback

    This is, of course, a clear message from the judge to the fine Christian-God-fearing people of Murfreesboro to take the law into their own hands.

  • MinAgain

    I would just like to apologize for my state. It hasn't been the same since John Seigenthaler retired.

  • GuanoFaucet

    These ignorant morons are only scared of Sharia because they mistakenly assume that the whole don't eat pork part will take away their precious pig-fucking freedoms.

  • Office_39

    Allah 1
    Jesus 0

    This is on a nation-wide playing field where Christians number 78%, Muslims 0.6.

    • Oblios_Cap

      To be fair, it's football season, and Jesus is kinda busy deciding which teams he's going to let score and whose lives he's going to ruin.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Coming soon to a theater near you:

    "Inherent the Murfreesboro"

    From Monkey Trials, to trials put on by monkeys.

    Funny how these things are always in Tennessee.

    • zhubajie

      Actually, TN is better than it's neighbors to the south!

  • elfgoldsackring

    Murfreesboro ain't free!

  • GravyBoyJohnson

    i've stayed in this metropolis murfreesboro while attending the hippie drug orgy bonnaroo. yeah. they should roll out the prayer rugs to anyone willing to spend money there.

  • zhubajie

    I expect tea-tards etc. _will_ take up their guns before too many years, to put the coloreds and the non-Southern Baptists, etc., back in their places. The people they attack will fight back, of course, and the next civil war will be on.

    • slappypaddy

      it's not 1860, and it's not 1775. let them pit their popguns and pipe bombs against the marines and the apache gunships, see what happens. they will learn the hard way just how outnumbered and outgunned they truly are when they go up against the veterans of the imperial wars. it will be darwinian in its results.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Not to get serious or nuthin, but therein lies the problem. The military has stronger Second Amendment Remedies than the general populace. Today's military skews crazy Jeebus-Right-Wing in its command structure, so any uprising by the general populace will only result in moving the ball to the right.

        • zhubajie

          The military has a LOT of southerners, too. If your home schooling didn't teach you much in the way of real math or science, what else is there?

        • zhubajie

          The Pentagon has become the Pentacostalgon, according to Mikey Weinstein. When a US general gets booted out of Turkey for giving the Turkish General Staff a "come-to-Jesus" Powerpoint presentation, you know things are not good.

  • slithytovesss

    What the hell is going on? First people start rejecting the facist knee jerk airport porn scans and body gropes, then a jury rejects facist knee jerk torture justice, then a judge rejects a facist knee jerk violation of the Constitution. What the hell is this, America or something?

    • HedonismBot

      Not to worry, when the appeals reach the Supreme Court, Scalia, Thomas, Alito, Roberts and Kennedy will set these librul activist judges straight.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Dear Christians,

    Your religion is just as silly.



  • Pragmatist2

    "…. I'm not going to convert."?????
    The Muslims wouldn't have him. Doesn't he get that?
    The guy is like pork made into graven images and sold with interest.

    • user-of-owls

      …while wearing a bikini.

  • Freedom from Choice.

    That's what True Murkans want.

    Why do you hate Amurka, Liberal Fascist Islamohitler Judge?

  • x111e7thst

    I could swear that the paper hatted management trainee at my local deepfried cows anus emporium asked me today: "Do you want Murfreesboro with that?". But I suspect him of being brown so I regard anything he says with the deepest suspicion.

  • My_pal_HAL

    Every fucking decision by a municipal or county planning authority is the result of "shady backdoor deals that included poor notification, a lack of transparency and predetermined votes". Standard Operating Procedure. Nothing to do with Muslins.

  • Banelm

    Yeah, Catholics took a lot of shit back in the day. Really, it was just when the abortion argument was pushed to the front that the S.Baptists decided to stop calling them satanists & work together.

  • Banelm

    Uh huh. Because literally, once the mosk is built, the terrorists will begin sweeping up people on the street and mass converting them.
    Do they even realize that the Muslims are already living in the community? Just like the gays serving in the army. Already there, just wanna make it official, thnx.

    • jim89048

      Oddly, the only people who have ever tried to convert me have been either
      A) Mormons,
      B) Jehovah's Witnesses, or
      C) republicans.
      I voted for
      D) None of the above, which is my right here in Nevaduh.

  • An example of why I hate these fucks:

    Laurie Cardoza-Moore, one of the plaintiffs, said last August: "You have Bible book publishers, you have Christian book publishers, you have Christian music headquartered here," she said. "So this is where the Gospel message goes out. And the radical Islamic extremists have stated that they're still fighting the Crusaders–and they see this as the capital of the Crusaders."

    With all that Christianity is oozing all over the streets in Murfreesboro why would the cunning Muslims choose it as a point of attack? Since it is obvious that these holy rollers believe (correctly) that their Muslim enemy is smarter, works harder and is more disciplined than they are why would they be so dumb as to start the march to Shariah in middle Tennessee, the buckle of the Bible Belt?

    These people are the very essence of stupidity.

    • DustBowlBlues

      " Tennessee, the buckle of the Bible Belt? "

      I beg your pardon. I AM in the Dust Bowl, you know.

    • zhubajie

      The Crusaders were mostly Catholic Frenchmen.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Never doubt the ability of less than 2 percent of the American population which happens to be Islamic, most of whom don't practice Sharia law and many of whom are secular, to convert the entire state of Tennessee to normal dental hygiene practices, indeed it is the only thing that ever has…

    I think it was Margaret Mead who said that, or maybe Art Linkletter.

    • metamarcisf

      Actually, it was Art Linkletter's daughter, right before she flew through the windowpane.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Yesh. We actually have the single Art Linkletter's "Letter to My Daughter" (maybe, "Kids Today, I just Don't Know" or "Kids do the Darnedest things"…)

  • metamarcisf

    Normally I'd have been on this post like a Palin on a lumberjack, but I had to work. The point is, that if a Mosque can be built less than 890 miles from Ground Zero, in downtown Murfreesboro, then why don't we just give up and hand Bin Laden the keys to Air Force One right now?

    • DustBowlBlues

      I give you a thumbs up every time you post (and often you deserve it) and I follow you. When you reply with funny shit, those negative numbers really bother me.

      And this one deserved the thumb.

    • zhubajie

      'Cuz we don't know where he is?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Please, someone. Read my comment on the They Call the Wind Sharia comment because I worked a whole ten or fifteen minutes on it, a first for a wonkette post.

    • Homer Simpson is/was/always will be right: The lesson is, Don't Try.

      Or else.

    • WriteyWriterton

      It was enjoyable. (Sorry. Snark on.)

    • HedonismBot

      I've worked 10-15 minutes on comments before. But it was probably more like one minute total, with constant annoying interruptions from the jayohbee. Why they won't pay me to sit down and comment on this website is beyond me.

  • DustBowlBlues

    The Sharia law ban in started right here in my county. During the centennial, some moderate muslins (the ones we always want to come out and speak) gave the legislatures presentation quality, personalized Korans with the Centennial seal.

    NONE of the Republicans would take them. And the dipshit who represents my district gave a press conference and announced he wouldn't take anything from "baby killers and women burners." (My hand to god). He got such great publicity that when he was termed out, he got the Sharia law ban on the ballot and ran for District Attorney (once again, my district) behind it. And won. Dipshit Rex Duncan beat a really quality prosecutor.

    So that's our personal history with this shit. Oh, and our Sheriff, the guy removed from office at the recommendation of the grand jury and now facing felong charges? The asst. Sheriff has revoked the sheriff's rule that prisoners are only allowed to read Christian material that the sheriff pre-screened. Oh, and his rule included the fact he preferred Bibles to be King James.

    And that, wonkeratti, is why your humble servant can say that, without a doubt, no matter what the honkies in Tenn do, I happen to live not only in the Buckle of the Bible Belt, but I am on top of the hole you put the belt through when you buckle it.

    • zhubajie

      Do his KJV Bible have the KJV Apocrypha?

      • DustBowlBlues

        His view is that English was good enough for our Lord Jesus Christ, it's good enough for him. And none of that Catholic shit or understandable English, either. You fucking commie atheist.

  • comrad_darkness

    You know who else covered up statues' faces before allowing himself to be photographed in front of them?

    • Oblios_Cap


    • zhubajie

      Well, John Asscroft (Ass-crack) covered up their tits, at a cost of a couple million.

  • comrad_darkness

    "I’m not going to convert"

    Now, at least (albeit, in a paranoid schizo way) you Xians finally understand how the rest of us sane people feel when your outreach addicts come to our door.

  • Negropolis

    Project much, Mr. Smith? Don't flatter yourself, Mr. Smith. They don't want you, they want your nubile, corn-fed, Southern-bred daughters. Really, though, we'd really appreciate it if you put Daisy Mae in a burka, and make sure to cover up them cankles.

    • zhubajie

      Maybe during the window of nubility, age 14-18. Willow Palin's age! Bristol is past her use-by date.

  • ALIVE!

    Shine on, you crazy … motherfucker.

  • StarsUponThars

    Um, Christians, you do know that Jesus Christ was a Muslim, right? That’s right, your spiritual leader is not a blond-haired white-skinned blue-eyed Aryan, as seen on TV. He was born in the Middle East, which makes him a towel-headed sand monkey terrorist. Probably looked a lot like Osama bin Laden too. Reality’s a bitch, ain’t it?

  • StarsUponThars

    Um, Christians, you do know that Jesus Christ was a Muslim, right? That's right, your spiritual leader isn't a blond-haired blue-eyed white-skinned Aryan as seen on TV. He was born in the Middle East thousands of years ago, which means he was a towel-headed sand monkey terrorist. Probably looked a lot like Osama bin Laden too. Reality's a bitch, ain't it?

    • zhubajie

      Well, I do, but I'm a middle east archaeologist/historian as well as a sort of Xtn. (Altho' the most religious thing I've done lately was burn incense and kowtow at a Dragon god shrine.)

  • lulzmonger

    ♫ ♫ Muh-muh-muh-MY SHARIA! ♫ ♫ [ /new-wave ]

    IANAL, but as long as no domestic law is broken, I'm pretty sure that both parties in a dispute can agree to use Sharia, Hammurabi's Code, the Law Of Manu or the code of the fucking Mouseketeers to setlle their beef – freedom to use ANY legal means to arbitrate is an essential part of a functional modern society … oh, wait.

  • aious

    You have to laugh a bit at how stupid some people are in this country.

    This moron wants his religion basically forced onto everyone but would have a panic attack if he saw another religion just being talked about on a street corner

  • zhubajie

    Well, you notice that in spite of all the rhetoric about "we can have another revolution if we want to," they mostly shoot their girlfriends, wives, ex-co-workers. Not that they couldn't be more dangerous under the right circumstances.

  • zhubajie

    The ones I know best really think life would have stood still when they were 12 years old, if some evil force or person or group had not made things change.

    Why they so I cannot say.

  • zhubajie

    Fortunately the different prot fanatics groups in the US are tremendous rivals. I can't imagine that Rod Parsley, eg, wants to share his tithes with Roosevelt Franklin. If some nuts really do try to install a church of the United States, the resulting fights would be very amusing, like pro-wrestling. From a safe distance, of course.

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