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Wasn’t that fun, two years ago when everyone flooded the streets in sheer happiness after Obama won? Haha, we don’t think that’s going to happen this year! Oh no, this year’s results are too devastating for Washingtonian libruls, who are probably just going to lock themselves in their homes, pout, and watch reruns of the 2008 election results in attempt to go back to happier times. Why don’t libruls want to watch the results in public this year? Isn’t it better to be with friends in a public location that serves alcohol on a night like this?

Elections are supposed to be like Christmas in D.C.! But not this year! Even if tonight’s elections mark The End of Times (which they don’t), DO NOT go through it alone. Although, there are basically NO election watch parties happening at bars in D.C. tonight. One Lounge is hosting a “Swing Voters” election-watch party, which they’re promoting as a party for those who just “want an excuse to party on a Tuesday, ” and a group of (sad) liberals are hosting a party at Hudson Restaurant/Lounge, where they will take solace in the rarely disclosed footnote from the Obama campaign: “Change is not a sprint, but a marathon.” Ah, yes. How could we forget? And these are basically your only organized election-watch bar party options, as compared to two years ago, unless you want to go to a party organized by a local candidate.

The restaurants/bars below all hosted election watch parties in 2008. We hope that they recognize that the sun will come up tomorrow no matter what happens, and that they should offer drink and food specials and have their teevees on the returns tonight so Washingtonians can drink together in sadness on this historic night.

When all is said and done, go treat yourself to a whoopie pie at the Capitol Hill Sweetgreen. The sugar should make everything all better, right?

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