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'Debate mode'? Is that a sex position?
This should be entertaining: Christine O’Donnell is debating her opponent Chris Coons tonight on national teevee. Why does Chris Coons see the need to debate her? He doesn’t. He just knows that his poll numbers get better every time she opens her mouth. Speaking of her opening her mouth, will Christine O’Donnell be asked questions about the new revelations that she is quite the moaner? Will she demonstrate this for the electorate?

The Chris Coons part should be boring, obviously, because he’s the normal one. But if everyone who’s ever watched that first O’Donnell is her, by the transitive property, Chris Coons is also her. So Christine O’Donnell will be debating herself tonight. We will hear both how much she hates sex and how much she likes sex with her pudding boyfriend.

Join us here from 7:30-9:00 ET, if this Twitter thing is to be believed.

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  • smokefilledroommate

    mmm, puddin' for everyone.

  • Tommmcattt

    I would comment, but alas, I have been banhammered. I think.

  • OMG. You'll be twating the Xtine-Coons? Can't wait to find out twit's up. Or is that twat's up? We engineers aren't too smooth with the Inglés and all those perfect past presents or whatsumevers.

  • Christine O’Donnell: Oh, Beaner (heavy-set Christian rocker with a pudding-cup beard), my lips are hot. Kiss my hot lips.

  • cymchikster

    Ooh. Pudding boyfriend. I like the sound of that. I was just going to lick whipped cream off my boyfriend while listening to the debate, but this sounds MUCH better.

    • Pics or GTFO.

    • Steverino247

      Pix or, well, you know!

  • deelzebub

    I expect a Miss Teen South Carolina bout of gibberish every time she opens her mouth. She is us, fellow U.S. americans.

  • Extemporanus

    "Shee-yit, if this gonna be that kind of Tea Party, I'm gonna stick my dick in a bowl of pudding!"

    – Chris "Mantan" Coons

  • Plz ware the phake perl necklace!?!?

  • Katydid

    OK ladies, time to break out those dildoes. For America.

  • Extemporanus

    If there's one thing we all know, it's that Christine O'Donnell is not a master debater.

  • V572625694

    "Pudding-cup beard" is the most repugnant metaphor ever created, and I hate my Wonkette for introducing it. "Prison pussy," by comparison, is charming. PCB is, however permanently attached in my mind to Christine O'Donnell, so there's that.

  • MistaEko

    Well, Mr. Coons sure has the advantage because Christine sure is no master de-

    /strangled by the comedy gods

  • slappypaddy

    we already knew she was a moaner. it's the central plank in her pseudo-party's platform.

  • karen

    My twat is all atwitter with excitement. I'm sure Christine would approve.

    • ttommyunger

      Is atwitter twat limited to 140 orgasms?

      • HistoriCat

        You mean those things have orgasms too? Damn, learn something new every day.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    They have released Chris Coons opening statement. Apparently, he is making a play for O'Donnell's base:

    The country isn't what it used to be. It all happened so fast. Everything went to crap. It's like… everyone's sense of morals just… disappeared. Bad economy made things worse. [A shot of Tele's TV store "Closed until further notice due to BAD ECONOMY"] The jobs started drying up. Then the stores had to shut down.

    [ Next scene: an alley looking towards the street. An Obama poster for CHANGE is shown, with "WHEN?" spray-painted over the word]

    Then a black man was elected President. He was supposed to change things. He didn't.

    As more and more people turned to crime and violence the country becomes gripped in fear. Dark times. The country needs protection. There is an animal that lives by night, searches the trashcans and cleans out the garbage. To clean out the trashcan of society I've chosen to become more than a man. I'm the hero this country needs. I am… the Coon!

    • Fuck Toad

      You know what that reminds me of?

      Xtine's new ad:

      "You needed that blowjob. But your girlfriend had to give it to a minority."

      White hands crumple a 'Dear John' letter, reach into front of jeans.

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    I'd like to get my poll numbers up in her open mouth, if you know what I mean…

    • bumfug

      If it's the only way to shut her up I'm down with that. As it were.

  • PocketsTheClown

    Full-debate mode? Meaning what – couple rails, shot of tequila?

    I'd be asking security to pat-down puddin-yobs. XtineOD could start cracking and go full shithouse nutso if she realizes shes not going to get the job.

    • x111e7thst

      For the best effect those rails must be done off a Brazillian tranny's ass.

  • WarAndGee

    AP reporting that O'Donnell look alike doll with drawstring will appear for tonight's debate instead.

    Moderator to pull string for rebuttals. Randomly selected voice options upon release of the string include:

    "I'm not a witch."

    "I don't own a dildo."

    "They are taking away our freedoms. I like my freedoms."

    "The founding fathers."

    "Jesus. Low taxes. In that order (giggles.)"

    "The sanctity of life."

    • "Math is hard."

      "Don't ask me, I'm just a girl."

      • SarcasticNymph

        "Avada Kedavra!"

      • Extemporanus

        The BLO strikes again!

  • mavenmaven

    Prediction: Every word out of her mouth will be pre-regurgitated "talking points" with not a single original or interesting statement in the whole "debate". Wind her up and watch her spew.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Prediction: Sean Hannity will announce that her performance was the greatest since the Lincoln/Douglas debates, and that those who mock her only do so because she is a women.

      • BarackMyWorld

        A Fox News instant poll of Fox News viewers will reveal she overwhelming won the debate, which was not actually shown on Fox News.

    • lumpenprole

      That would be awful. The last Brown versus Whitman debate was like that. No matter how pointed the question that came Meg's way, she diligently stuck with "LOOK! UNIONS! HE'S GOING TO MAKE CA INTO A UNIONY WREAK WITH HIS UNION FRIENDS! UNION MONIES! YOUUUUUUUYUNS!"

  • hockeymom

    I'm going full pessimist on this one.
    I think she'll come off as cute, likeable, funny and not at all scary.
    And he'll be the boring old guy.
    People have already proven over and over that they don't care if a candidate is dumb.
    I think this is nothing but a win for her.
    (and I say that hoping I have to come back tomorrow and eat my words!)

    • Fox n Fiends

      Sarah Palin redux? Probably. If she winks at the camera you'll know you were 100% correct.

      • Extemporanus

        Nose twitch is the new wink.

        • Crank_Tango

          endorsed by the tinka tinka tee party!

          • Extemporanus

            Oh man, if Chris Coons were to channel the spirit of Paul Lynde during this dumb fucking debate thing, I would watch the ever-loving shit out of it!

          • Crank_Tango

            I'm still waiting for her to break out the old hash dildo!

    • V572625694

      Let's hope Coons has some magic bullet that will release Teh Crazy that's in Christine.

      But seriously: he's 30 points ahead in the polls. Nothing to worry about. People don't like their politicians to be laughed at, except in Illinois.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Moderator: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabbos.
    Chris Coons: Sarah Palin!
    Moderator: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!"
    Chris Coons: Christine! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Christine O'Donnell!
    Moderator: Pork?
    Chis Coons: You're gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
    Moderator: Mr. Coons, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.

    • Lucidamente1

      Chris Coons's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
      Chris Coons's good conscience: For shame! Christopher, I'm surprised at you!
      Chris Coons's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
      Chris Coons's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever… I'm proud of you, Christopher.
      Chris Coons's evil conscience: You homo.

  • Lucidamente1

    maybe she'll tell us how to perform an 8-27-69

    • PocketsTheClown

      Like gold, they say..

    • petehammer

      It was the printer's error:

      Ate 27, 69ing.

  • PhilippePetain

    I've got to say that I'm a little bit disappointed. There's something in thinking about that pent up forty-one year old sexual tension that has had me waling away at that special someone just a little bit harder these last few weeks.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Sorry dude, but it is looking like that pudding cup has been sporked.

    • Crank_Tango

      I hope you really giving it to that special someone in a most Vichyous manner, sir.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    She is no master debater.

  • WALLYPIP

    All was quiet at the Wilmington Ramada, where Sarah Palin slept fitfully. Her hand-picked acolyte Christine O'Donnell was floundering, thanks to a lamestream media barrage. There was the witchcraft, there was the phony resume. Sarah vascillated between rage and compassion for her Momma Grizzly Cub, as she called her in private. Her semi-somnolence was disturbed upon hearing a light tapping at the door. She crept there and put her eye to the peephole. Even the distorted fisheye view could not obsure the lovely sight without. It was Christine. Sarah opened the door and Christine, clad in black lace, burst through it. Sarah's head spun and her loins moistened as Christine kissed her ravenously. They morphed into a mass of writhing flesh as they stumbled toward the bed. (To be continued).

  • WALLYPIP

    Christine ripped the satin nightie from Sarah with one swift motion, and leaned back to behold the sweating, panting Momma Grizzly in the dim, neon-infused light that streamed through the window. Sarah moaned and arched her back as Christine let her own clothing fall to the floor. Christine leapt onto the bed, landing on all fours, and moved like a stalking cougar toward her shadowy prize. Her tongue plunged into the musky velvet vise and swirled frenetically. Sarah shuddered and heaved like a calving moose, finally screaming "Praise Baby Jesus!" as she exploded with the force of Vesuvius. An ethereal blue light suffused the dank room as they lay entwined and panting softly. "Oh, Christine," she finally whimpered. Christine gazed portentiously into Sarah's eyes and said, "You're a witch now."

    • MiniMencken

      Damn, but that last line is good!

    • SarcasticNymph

      Where to we go to vote for making Wonkette a user-contributed porn blog?

      • tcaalaw

        Are you suggesting that it's not one already?

    • Radiotherapy

      Nevermore.

    • ttommyunger

      Pant, pant!

    • PuckStopsHere

      Reminds me of this, a little, because each is great in their own special way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBvpj0cCHLA

  • Steverino247

    I think I've already OD'd on Christine. Enough already!

  • OT, sorta, but C'Addle's beloved Stranger is pointing to our Wonkette's coverage of Xtine. Congrats Eds! Your Pull-it-heres nominations should cum next week.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Like in the Palin/Biden or 2nd Bush/Kerry debate, expectations are so low she'd basically have to come out riding a tricycle while wearing a tin foil hat before anyone could say she did a bad job.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Perhaps a miniature tractor, and a pudding cup actually stuck on her chin?

  • bordo2

    I'm kinda hoping that at some point, O'Donnell's head will spin around on her shoulders while puking pea green vomit at the moderators and growing, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Coons!"

    • Extemporanus

      "Let Pudding-Cup Beard fuck you!

      Let Pudding-Cup Beard fuck you!

      LET HIM FUCK YOU!"

  • SarcasticNymph

    What I wouldn't give to have Colbert cover this debate live wearing a black cloak and pointed hat.

  • SarcasticNymph

    Expect a bunch of derogatory comments about Coons.

  • Guppy06

    "he’s the normal one. "

    Sweet Jesus, I certainly hope so!

  • el_chupacabra

    Chokesondick?

  • V572625694

    Fucken elitist CNN "live" feed doesn't have any fucken sound for the fucken workin man trying to listen and still draw a paycheck!

    • They've got all their best people working the endless mindless drivel keeping the 36+ hour Chile mine coverage going.

  • rocktonsam

    Shes got teh crazy Merika likes.

    Nice ass, also.

  • ttommyunger

    She and Sarah both could use a good ol' Missouri Horse-Fucking.

    • tcaalaw

      Carl Paladino likely agrees.

      • ttommyunger

        Sure, he'd go for it, you betcha!

  • SaintRond

    When I was a kid and got my first series of shitty apartments in fucking Hollywood with ratty naugahyde furniture and the tie dyed T-shirts all over the floor, there was always a clone of Christine O'Donnell living in the upstairs apartment. There was always something depressing about these young O'Donnell clones. Sometimes you'd see her sunbathing by the inevitable kidney shaped pool in the courtyard and if you talked to her for five minutes she'd tell you about going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show a hundred times or some lame band she was into and then after that bonding experience lasting five minutes tops you could go back to her apartment with no air conditioning in the middle of July and fuck her. Always a boring fuck, a sad fuck, but a fuck and what the hell, when you're young a fuck is a fuck is a fuck. Then maybe you'd run into her five or six years later and she'd be selling time shares or going to beauty school. But she was still fucking sad. Always sad.

    This one went into politics. She's still fucking sad.

    I thought I should share this depressing memory of all the Christine O'Donnells I've known in my life. Because it is what it is. Peace. God bless.

  • SaintRond

    When I was a kid and got my first series of shitty apartments in fucking Hollywood with ratty naugahyde furniture and the tie dyed T-shirts all over the floor, there was always a clone of Christine O'Donnell living in the upstairs apartment. There was always something depressing about these young O'Donnell clones. Sometimes you'd see her sunbathing out by the inevitable kidney shaped pool in the courtyard and if you talked to her for five minutes she'd tell you about going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show a hundred times or some lame band she was into and then after that bonding experience lasting five minutes tops you could go back to her apartment with no air conditioning in the middle of July and fuck her. Always a boring fuck, a sad fuck, but a fuck and what the hell, when you're young a fuck is a fuck is a fuck. Then maybe you'd run into her five or six years later and she'd be selling time shares or or she'd be going to beauty school. But she was still fucking sad. Always sad.

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