Cartoon Violence!By the Comics Curmudgeon
Remember when we elected a young, handsome president? This was a whole 23 months ago, so obviously the sweet blush of youth is long gone from the man’s face, replaced by a sort of tired, ashy pallor. The presidency is a killer — never doubt this! But in a way, Barack Obama’s premature aging is a metaphor for America, which is also getting old and worn-out. And if there’s one medium that’s good at expressing these sorts of metaphors of aging, it’s cartooning. (Political cartoonists are all old, because all young cartoonists are drawing tentacle rape hentai on the Internet.)

So what’s a guy to do when he’s no longer young and hopeful, but now aging and sad? Well, here in USA America, Mr. President, we go out and buy some impractical petroleum-consumption device. The louder the better! The noise its engine makes represents your penis, you see. But as this cartoon demonstrates, our socialist president can’t even get this right. He appears to have acquired some kind of “hybrid vehicle” — not the kind that uses gasoline and electricity, but the kind that combines mechanical parts and organic matter to create an unholy machine-mollusk union. Your attempt to arouse this lady donkey-furry will backfire when you rev the motor, only to leave a trail of viscous slime behind you!

The truth is, we’re all getting a bit older! And saggier, with “saggy” being a euphemism for “fat.” Like Uncle Sam here. Ha ha, look at that gut! But I think all of us — including our chubby Uncle — are in for a surprise. That’s no mere beer gut; Uncle Sam is pregnant! The movies tell us that a baby is the best way to feel young again, but of course the movies are liars. Babies are exhausting! And expensive! Do you know how much a baby country costs to raise? And Guam hasn’t even left for college yet, just sittin’ there on the couch all the time. No wonder Uncle Sam looks so darn depressed.

People react to getting old in weird ways! Sometimes they come up with odd hobbies to while away the time and keep their mind off their own advancing decrepitude. John Boehner, for instance, probably ought to be spending his time working on what he’s going to do as President, once the Republican-controlled Congress impeaches Obama and Biden and removes them from office next February. But instead, he’s just frittering away energy by assembling the biggest gang of Irish dwarf thugs he can find and outfitting them with the most adorable bowler hats and shillelaghs. It’s a sickness, John! It’s just as bad as self-tanning! Get help!

The really sad thing about getting older is that we can’t even shake off the silly rumors people spread about us when we were young. Like that whole “President Obama is a Muslim” thing. Not that this cartoon, which features the president prostrating himself in a manner similar to a Muslim at prayer, means to imply that at all. No, no, don’t be silly! It means to imply that the president wants someone — possibly a bevy of hot Iranian dudes, possibly his own enormous marbleized avatar — to do him up the butt.

Hey, you know how sometimes people refer to rich and powerful dudes as “fat cats,” if they’re trying to generate negative feelings and resentment against said rich and powerful dudes? Well, get this: what if we drew one of these metaphorical fat cats — oh, you’re going to love it — as an actual obese feline? We’ll have him walking around on two legs and wearing a suit, just like a rich person would. Except he’ll be a cat! A fat one. No, there’s no need to make any kind of larger point. This “fat cat” business is comedy gold!

Oh, political cartoonist, you made your Meg Whitman drawing entirely out of dollar signs, yet I see the word “SIGNS” in your caption, which could have clearly been rendered as “$IGN$” and yet was not. This not showing the strength of your convictions! WEAK.

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  • Uncle Sam is REALLY depressed because Christine O'Donnell is acting like she cares about him NOW, talking him into not terminating his pregnancy and everything, but he knows that once his baby is "post-born" he'll be a Welfare King, which means O'Donnell suddenly wants to leave him up shit creek without a paddle.

    Poor man!

  • Weenus299

    the Iran thing. Why the fuck would Iranians want to view Obama as a marblized Lincoln? Do they even know who Abraham Lincoln is? And if they did, is Obaham Lincoln going to free all Iranians from bondage? And the supplication/buttsecks thing thrown in there. Bizarre.

  • natoslug

    re the first cartoon: Why is Tiger Woods driving our economy? And what does he have to do with the midterm elections? I feel totally Rick Sanchezed when I look at these!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I don't know if that's supposed to be Tiger or not. I think the cartoonist is just trying to tell us that those Harleys are slow (and they are, as compared the the Jap bikes). Also that the chicks who ride on the back of Harleys look like farm animals (and they often do).

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I feel sorry for a person who chose to be a cartoonist, as a professional career no less, who draws fat cats in his cartoons and then labels them as such in italics. There's something very sad about that.

    • JMPEsq

      No kidding, that has got to be one of the most pathetic cartoons I've ever seen. Take a figure of speech and make it literal – then label it; and that's it. It's especially pitiful when it's been used as a visual metaphor in countless editorial cartoons that were at least attempting to say something, even if they did a poor job, which did not feel the need to label the fat cat.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        And I just noticed the 'elect me' button on the politician, because with two men in the cartoon I wasn't sure which was which. It's like the cartoonist is saying to us "here ya go, retards."

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Maybe he's the political cartoonist for The Weekly Reader (2nd grade edition).

    • Swampgas_Man

      The "cartoonist" (note the sarcastiquotes) is apparently 12 yrs old, since he clearly believes he's the FIRST to ever think of this idea, and thus doesn't need anything else, not even a hint as to which congresscritter he's attacking.

    • I think you're missing the point… See, it's an overweight cat, and he's wearing a suit, kind of like a rich lobbyist would. And this overweight, or 'fat' cat is supporting the campaign of a would-be politician. This brilliant cartoonist has used the subtelty of his artistic vision to imply that our government is for sale to the rich! He has also revealed the secret truth that rich people shit in boxes full of sand.

  • natoslug

    After we're done killing all the lawyers, can we line up the political cartoonists?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Gotta call bullshit on the "Felix." Felix was a brother. That fatcat looks more like a well fed Bill the Cat.

  • Hello !

    Uncle Sam has the sadz because he's afraid he might have a baby like Trig.

  • Steverino247

    I thought the Meg Whitman cartoon was pretty good. Obviously, it was drawn before we knew about her penchant for paying $23/hr to MexiMaids.

  • Ducksworthy

    Thank you Josh for not subjecting us to the usual slew of graphic idiocy that appears to have been drawn by inmates of on of Breitbart's for profit insane asylums. Except for the Iran thing will illustrates our need to murder brown civilians. But are the Iranians even brown enough? I think that's the problem the bomb bomb Iran people don't understand. That and the fact that totalitarian regimes thrive on enemies and fear, oh what they get that, they just don't want to admit it. Never mind.

  • GunTotingProgressive

    Actually, I think the Guamian (Guamanian?) cartoon is implying that Uncle Sam went to ASU, which we all know is a major party school. The backwards "S" is either because they don't use the alphabet in Guam (relying perhaps on the exchange of shells for communication), or perhaps is a connection to the backwards "B" that nut carved on her face during the election.

  • HELisforHEL

    Ugh, when did editorial art get so terrible? I blame it all on that insipid Mallard Filmore asshole.
    Nice job on the ObamarLincoln–"He's a black dude, so I'll draw big lips" instead of even attempting to accurately portray his features. I think this idiot forgot the watermelon slice and the straw hat & banjo.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Slap some bodacious moobs on fatty Uncle Sam and you've got Haley Barbour to a tee. "Going South," indeed, also.

  • Lost_Teabaggers

    Well Josh you've picked a good batch this time. Thanks for not subjecting us to Ramirez and the other teabag-in-the-mouth ballsacks from such warm and wholesome publications as the Washington Times this week. Except for cartoon #4 who appears to be a self unaware neocon…yeah, redundant. Anyway, so I guess according to cartoon #4 the only way Obama can look dignified is to threaten to bomb Iran over and over and not do it, ala Bush. Yes, that worked out SO WELL for getting Ahmadinejhad out of power and getting Iran to stop building reactors…oh wait, no it didn't!

    I think it's hilarious that morons who thrive on fear as a coalescing force in the US don't or pretend not to recognize their own reflections in Iran; empty threats of force that we can't possibly carry out only strengthens the Iranian hard right's hand, morons. Either way and this is the second of many times I'll post this today: go fuck yourself.

    • JMPEsq

      Well it's not like Bush's overheated rhetoric lead to a nut like Ahmadinejhad getting elected in the first place, and under Obama with his willingness to negotiate the guy actually lost his reelection bid but stuffed the ballot boxes to stay in power.

  • SarcasticNymph

    #3: Nothing like a gang of dwarfs to stimulate an intimidating Boner.

    #4: Image is actually an Arizona teabagger wearing a patriot hat and ASU T-shirt. You can tell by the spelling.

    #5: Too suble. Please add $100 bills hanging from pockets and aces is jacket cuffs.

    #6: Please create a Christine O'Donnell image using dildoes.

  • JMPEsq

    It's nice to see that we're teaching other countries' cartoonists ours' wonderful habit of overlabeling everything.

  • Goodnight_Loon

    I came in here to post something, and forgot what.

  • Whatcha doin' Paul Szep?

    Oh, drawin' metaphors.


    So people get my cartoon…

  • Radiotherapy

    Could we death panel that infernally grey Uncle Sam guy?

  • sati_demise

    obsly, Obama wants teh buttsecs with Lincoln. How could that be bad?

    • LetUsBray

      Right; the cartoon is clearly saying that any American would be honored to get their back door pounded by Marble Abe.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Or Scholastic's Weekly Reader?

    (Is that still published?)

  • chascates

    I reside with several fat cats and they have no concept of money or success, only of cat food and naps.

  • fuflans

    uncle sam looks like a cracker.

  • ttommyunger

    Getting old is a drag? Try being dead; bummer!

  • lulzmonger

    I'm so old I can remember when these things were both smart & funny.

    "Tippecanoe & Tyler too" = comedy GOLD.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That cartoonist sure knows his buttsecks positions! Practice much, dude?

    And I was sure it was an Asay cartoon. Color me chagrined!

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