Shoving it down his throat.We wondered last night just how much money John (Cindy) McCain blew on Arizona’s GOP Senate primary. And now, with a preliminary total of 281,347 votes for ol’ Walnuts, the people at Esquire have done the Hard Math and figured out the craven fraud spent $74.64 for each one of his unenthusiastic votes — $21 million ÷ 281,347 = $74.64. The McCain/Budweiser fortune should be totally shot by the next couple of Senate races!

An interesting thing about famous old coot John McCain is that nobody has ever liked him — except for the Washington press corps, when he flattered them with his bullshit “Maverick act” — so he needs a lot of beer-heiress money and dirty donations from Savings & Loan crooks to “win” his endless battles of attrition. He was always seen as an opportunistic carpetbagger in Arizona, and if Barry Goldwater had truly been an eternal space robot there would be no John McCain in Washington today. (This is scientific.)

So McCain has always paid a premium for every winning vote, spending the adjusted-for-inflation amount of $13 per vote for his 1982 congressional run, which is a lot of money! The presidential race only cost him $5 per vote because he had the “natural advantage” of running against a Negro person, in America. [Esquire]

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  • Aflac Shrugged

    He did manage to fit the entire banking industry in there from time to time, so I can’t imagine he didn’t just swallow that bratwurst like an anaconda eating a baby boar. Was this taken with a high-speed camera or something?

  • Extemporanus

    Unlike John McCain, math is hard.

  • ph7

    That’s more than a nice meal (exclusive of alcohol), but less than a massage with happy-ending.

  • rafflesinc

    “the craven fraud spent $74.62 for each one of his unenthusiastic votes — $21 million ÷ 281,347 = $74.64”

    Did Sarah Palin give McCain her two cents?

  • ph7

    [re=645509]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: He learned the technique when eating Vietnamese rats – consume them quickly, preferably in one bite.

  • teebob2000
  • JMP

    But it’s worth it, so he can spend the next six years losing whatever little dignity he has left, not to mention likely going senile, in full view of the American public.

  • Bordo

    If he needs some money, Johnny can always sell one of his dozens of houses.

  • Troubledog

    Somebody wake up the Senator. Just poke at him through the bars with this stick.

  • Extemporanus

    “The presidential race only cost him $5 per vote because he had the ‘natural advantage’ of running against a Negro person, in America.”

    Breaking down the numbers further, John McCain’s presidential bid cost him $5 per 3 Negro votes. That’s, like, four whole sawbucks in today’s money!

    [re=645516]rafflesinc[/re]: She don’t know much about arthrithmetic…

  • V572625694

    [re=645519]teebob2000[/re]: Ha ha ha ha ha, ew.

  • smitallica

    [re=645521]JMP[/re]: GOING senile?

  • StrangelyBrown

    I imagine the late-2015 rollout of Buld Light Meth will be enough to ensure another term.

  • Troubledog

    Only $75? C’mon, Johnny. Remember when Dubya borrowed money from the Chinese and gave everybody those $400 welfare checks? That’s how you spread some money around.

  • Troubledog

    [re=645513]ph7[/re]: Not sure where you are buying your handjobs, but you might want to get that contract rebid.

  • Troubledog

    Also, Brian Williams looks super fat and sloppy in those Katrina ads. Somebody in NBC Brand Identity is totally fired about this.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=645519]teebob2000[/re]: YUM-O MY GOD!

    “The Old Country Buffet needs more Trigs, not fewer.”

    (Also, I’m heartened to learn that there’ll be at least one other photo-desecrating Wonketteer riding beside me on the short bus to hell.)

  • JohnnyMeatworth


  • JMP

    [re=645534]smitallica[/re]: OK, going MORE senile.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Money spent on your husband’s political campaign: $20M

    Time you had to spend fake-smiling next to your husband pretending you didn’t want to put a pillow over his open, drooling mouth in his sleep: infinity

    6 years of only having to see his hideous mug on teevee: priceless

  • weejee

    [re=645552]JMP[/re]: You did know I’m sure that they call Walnutz brain Maria cuz it there ain’t much there but dusty desert wind.

  • gurukalehuru

    $20 million? Why, gosharoonie, isn’t that more than the job pays?

  • Joshua Norton

    [re=645579]gurukalehuru[/re]: Not when you factor in all the stealing and shit.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I say Arizona sold our too low. Must have been all those cheap illegal alien votes.

  • GOPCrusher

    Sounds like a stimulus plan.

  • desertwind

    This doesn’t count the cash money Cindy was shoving into people’s pockets as they schlumped to the polls after being dropped off by a white all-you-can-eat-buffet stocked limo .

  • One Yield Regular

    To quote the homeless guy I see every morning on my way to work, “Do you have 38 more cents you can give me so I can buy a hamburger?”

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=645579]gurukalehuru[/re]: But he injected all the money into the market! It’s trickle-down economics, you ungrateful wretch! McCain is a hero in more ways than one.

  • mustardman

    No Problem. His sugar mama probably earned that much in one day of beer sales this summer! It’s pocket change.

  • andmeilikethesauce

    Really, is being senator that awesome a job? Wouldn’t it just be more fun to, like, spend $21 mil? You could buy 1 $21M hookerbot, or 21 million $1 hookerbots….

  • just pixels

    That’s outrageously expensive. We could save a lot by getting our voters from China. Over there it’s only $0.00 per vote. And there is no compromise on quality. The Chinese actually know a lot about American cultural. It’s almost like they have a window into our lives; they can see all the things we use in our everyday lives. Outsource the voting!

  • Zorg

    On a national level, the Repugs used to spend $5.00 for every vote they got, while the Democrats could do it for $3.00/vote, because many more people are registered as Democrats. But, $74.64 per vote, in a primary? For an incumbent war hero/recent Presidential candidate running against an insane huckster nobody? In a state with, let’s see, about three metropolitan media markets worthy of the name? Man, that has got to hurt! A lot.

  • RubyLou

    It seems Mr. McCain craves power. I doubt he’ll be around for two more senate races. The trouble with people who don’t take a stand is that nobody ends up respecting them much. I’d rather hear from a far left or far right person whose heart produces sincerity in actions and rhetoric, than a mealy mouth, across the aisle crowd-pleaser, who would sell his soul for $74.62 a vote give or take a couple of cents due to Sarah Palin. I think about 2 cents of her heart went into the endorsement anyway-obligation, you know.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    This is why Basil Marceaux had the right idea – If McCain had just given out 2 cases of Bud for each vote, he could have saved a cool $15 million or so, and at least the voters would feel they were getting something instead of nothing for coming out.

  • Oblios Cap

    Why is McCain “doing a Mehlman” in that picture?

  • Downtheroadapiece

    [re=645609]desertwind[/re]: But to Cindy it’s worth every penny to keep that sack of crap out of the house.

  • Maus

    [re=645791]RubyLou[/re]: “It seems Mr. McCain craves power.”

    And adoration, and the impression of “honor”.

    Dude’s got serious daddy issues.

  • Maus

    Also, media worship, but that’s more easily bought. If you can’t make the people love you, make the media TELL the public that they love you.

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