Last known picture before the killing rampageAlvin Greene has so far waged a mostly peaceful campaign in his quest to defeat Jim DeMint and become South Carolina’s next senator. But the savage bellowing he directed at various members of the media may indicate that he plans to change tactics, and a recent incident in Oconee County is bringing his new plans into better focus. If the scuffle that one of his vicious enforcers instigated in a restaurant is any indication, he may be exchanging Lao Tzu’s Daoist teachings for Sun Tzu’s Art of War. Will any of his enemies still be alive at the end of the inevitable murderous rampage? Probably not.

If there is one place in South Carolina where shit inevitably gets real, it is Jimmy’s Restaurant in Seneca.

Oconee County Democratic Party officials asked Greene, 32, to speak at their monthly meeting Saturday at Jimmy’s Restaurant in Seneca. But that invitation was rescinded after the unemployed military veteran was indicted Aug. 13 on a felony charge of showing pornography to a college student.

On Tuesday, Seneca Police Chief John Covington said that Greene showed up at the meeting anyway and a woman with him got into an argument with people at the restaurant.

Party officials called police, who say the owner of the restaurant kicked out the pair and ended the party’s meeting. No charges were filed, and police say no tickets were issued.

According to a police report, the woman who arrived with Greene, Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman, also accused county party chairwoman Marilyn Hemingway of “being out to get her” but did not elaborate.

This is the new, active Alvin Greene. Instead of refusing to campaign, he now campaigns even in times and places where he has been asked not to do so. Instead of having no staff, he has staff members with awesome names like “Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman,” who are not afraid to get all up in someone’s grill if they don’t give Alvin Greene the respect he deserves. Welcome to Phase II of the Greene campaign. It will be terrifying. [Charlotte Observer]

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  1. I don’t know why anyone is bothering to campaign. Until AAA Plumbing and Heating Supplies runs for senate in South Carolina, DeMint is going to be the shoe-in.

  2. We can only hope that the future Senator Greene studies his opponent carefully before he tears him in half with his bare hands. George Rekers will then sodomize the bottom half of DeMint in the name of Space Jesus and bipartisanship.

  3. True students of Sun Tzu would recall that the great master used Imperial courtesans as stand ins for infantry and cavalry formations as he demonstrated his superior strategies to the King of Wu.
    Sifu Greene is simply teasing us with his use of courtesans here, it is beyond question that he is the reincarnation of Lao Tzu, and his imitation of Sun Tzus use of bitches and hos engaged in mock batter is simply his way of amusing himself at the expense of we round eyed devils.
    Well played, Sifu Greene

  4. I would absolutely vote for Alvin if he ran in CT, just for the laughs. It would be too wonderful to see Congresspeople have to deal with him. Imagine the howling when he doesn’t get to speak as long as he wants to, or have his friends accompany him to votes. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

    “The gentleman from CT WILL stop howling.”

  5. Have we seen this SC Democratic ballot? Was he at the top of it alphabetically or something? Was there some kind of humorous pattern of oval-filling his name name was placed at? Something must explain his nomination. Something.

  6. [re=645197]Katydid[/re]: Can we also fantasize that, if he did run in CT, he would tear Linda McMahon apart with his bare hands? Because then he would be my hero forever and ever and ever.

  7. “According to a police report, the woman who arrived with Greene, Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman, also accused county party chairwoman Marilyn Hemingway of “being out to get her” but did not elaborate.”

    People just don’t elaborate now-a-days. I wax nostalgic for the olde days when one could elaborate.

  8. Alvin Greene is the General Zhang Fei of the South Carolina Daoist sect. We’ll next see him standing alone on the patio of Jim-Bob’s Oyster and Hushpuppies Shack, threatening to cut off the head of anyone who dares to fight him.

  9. Phase One – a Zen-like calm Daoist attitude towards campaigning

    Phase Two – a nucular meltdown

    Phase Three – admissions of extra-marital relations with his wife

    Sounds like a winning strategy for South Carolina!

  10. Alvin Green Follows three simple rules for electoral success: One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

    And be nice until it’s time to not be nice.

  11. Today we are all Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman.

    I’m going to go get myself knocked up just so I can name my baby Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman.

    I don’t understand why SC didn’t nominate Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman, because with a name like that she’s got to be awesome…and with the apparent hallucinations too, WOW, this woman has got it going ON.

    Scuse me while I go write a song about Dottie Sue Maggart-Feldman.

  12. [re=645344]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: See, most Swayze aficionados would have gone with the easy “nobody puts Alvin in a corner” or the more meta “Wolverines!” reference. Not you. Sir or madam, I salute you, for it truly is your way…or the highway.

  13. Hey, Comic Strip Guy, friendly fire; five yard penalty, eh? Unless you’re deliberately pissing on Jack’s leg (for the fifth time), in which case, aren’t there some political cartoons you should be mocking?

    Yeah, it’s fun to be an iconoclast, but the idea is to stand INSIDE the tent pissing OUT. Why not find a crazy politician of your own and flick amusing boogers at him? Apart from the bothersome effort and difficulty involved, I mean. Go get ’em, tiger!

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