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Suckin' on a sugar cubeLess than a week after first filing the papers, Michele Bachmann’s already got her new House Tea Party Caucus approved, a-movin’, and a-groovin’ — with a patriotic tea party kicking off the creation of America’s newest and greatest revolutionary sect. As your Wonkette goes to press, either seven or “nearly a dozen” Congressional reps have agreed to break biscuits with Our Lady of the St. Paul Tundra. Interestingly, they are all former winners of the “People’s Sexiest Man Alive” contest! Just like Bachmann once was, before the surgery.

Reports Fox News:

At least eight House members, all Republicans, are joining the Tea Party Caucus. The members include Reps. Mike Pence of Indiana, Pete Hoekstra of Michigan, Paul Broun of Georgia, Todd Tiahrt of Kansas, John Carter of Texas, Cliff Stearns of Florida and Dan Burton of Indiana.

The Wall Street Journal adds a few other names to the sign-up list, including Pete Sessions of Texas and Steve “the mothafuckin'” King of Iowa. “A spokesman for Bachmann told Washington Wire that ‘several more’ lawmakers have expressed interest in the caucus so the ranks are expected to swell,” America’s best business paper reports. Wouldn’t it be cool if those “several more” included all the members of the Congressional Black Caucus? Wonder what would happen.

Anyway, for now Michelle Bachmann’s raucous new caucus is like a single lady’s fantasy come true! A single, conservative, Republican lady who has incredibly low standards (almost all of them). Ooh, but Bachmann isn’t a single lady — she’s got a hubster who helps take care of the 400 foster kids, 62 foster cats, and 17 foster Komodo dragons roaming independently and freedomistical on their Real-American money farm. Let’s hope Mr. Bachmann doesn’t get jealous.

If Lady GAH-GAH does decide to get cozy with one of her fellow Congresscreeps, however, we hope it’s Mr. Kansas Leather ’07 winner Todd Tiahrt, who will understand her tough yet feminine nature. Florida rep Cliff Stearns would also be good: though a bit older than Bachmann, he has a degree in electrical engineering — a very practical major! — and can probably fix her electric chairs when they short a fuse.

It should be assumed that no women are attending this historic gathering of the TP Caucus because all Congresswomen are jealous of Bachmann for her unparalleled beauty and brains. Bachmann’s BFF since high school, Sarah Palin, had hoped to join, but then someone reminded her that she’s only a TV star and not an elected official. [Fox News/Wall Street Journal]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Snow Blight and the Seven Dorks.

  • Mild Midwesterner

    Hmmm… Reps from Texas, Indiana, Florida, Michigan, and Georgia — all states with severe deficits or above average unemployment. Sounds like a group that knows a thing or two about how government can fail and how to work with the poor.

  • JMP

    I haven’t heard of several of these guys, but considering they’re voluntarily joining a group lead by Bachmann I think you guys have a few names to monitor for comically insane statements and actions.

  • Canuckledragger

    Michele is brilliant, albeit unintentionally. By extending her invitation, she’s allowed all the lowest IQs in the House to self-identify. Tea Party Caucus member = idiot. Wake me when I’m proved wrong.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    what no Louie Gohmert??? that short troll aint in this group? i thought he would be a charter member…I think of that character from Will & Grace, Beverely Leslie whenever I see him talk.

    Louie Gohmert is a Homosexual…Louie Gohmert is a homosexual…Louie Gohmert is a homosexual…

  • WarAndG

    WOO HOO they is gunna stop the SOCIALISM. They’re gunna end Socialist Security, end Medicare and close the socialist public libraries and schools and give us all a free bible and a handgun. Reaganistan realized. Can’t wait.

  • Ducksworthy

    Please do not associate St. Michele with St. Paul. She would not survive the night if she ventured into the clubs in St. Paul, including even the St. Paul Curling Club.

    Racist hotbed St. Cloud is however in her district and it is in Minnesota. But these are different places.

  • Diana Davies

    Bachmann and all those studs! The ranks will swell and other stuff, also, probably.

  • fictional character

    the entire house of lords also attempted to gain membership.

    there was confusion.

  • gradgrind

    They’re still a twink or two shy of a “Men of the Tea-Cozy Caucus” calendar shoot. I’m talkin’ to you, Aaron Schock.

  • freakishlystrong

    I’m to assume this caucus(ian) is lily white? This shit is just getting embarrassing.

  • Clancy_Pants

    Bet she has the biggest penis of the bunch.

  • Ducksworthy

    Why is there a photo portrait of an Asian Carp at the top of this post?

  • Cape Clod

    You mean Scott Brown didn’t join the Klan Kaucus? I bet his Facebook page is going to be hysterical over the next few days.

  • Sgt. Biyatch

    Sounds like Michele’s going to put the “party” in Tea Party. And she’ll put an end to Obamaslavery!
    Also, Lauri – ha on Bachmann being the sexiest man alive.

  • weejee

    By my computerations eight bitters make a bite, and they certainly get my teeth a’gnashing.

  • tbogg

    Every caucus meeting will be like a Special Olympics event except without parents applauding.

  • One Yield Regular

    Isn’t it about time the Tea Party ceases to call itself a party and more accurately call itself the Tea Faction of the Republican Party?

  • Hiking the Appalachian Trail

    I was concerned that I did not see Steve King on there at first. There can be no gathering of marginally sane, wild-eyed Tea Partiers without Steve King. It’s in the caucus by-laws.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    When I first saw the word “stud”, I thought you meant two-by-fours and that she was was going to be beaten like a pinata. Then I read the rest of the story and my morning is now ruined by disappointment.

    Please…someone…anyone, make me laugh again.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    Lol…I just made myself laugh! Her picture looks like she’s about to give Newt Gingrich a blowjob.

  • valkyrie

    “Interestingly, they are all former winners of the “People’s Sexiest Man Alive” contest! Just like Bachmann once was, before the surgery.”

    You all are funny enough without having to resort to transphobia.

  • tencentcomic

    Those guys just joined that caucus for a better chance at a beaver shot–’cause that’s all they’ll get, don’t ya know.

  • miquonranger03

    The article picture is what she’s using for her OKCupid profile.

  • doxastic

    And with the establishment of an official Asshole Caucus, the Congress suddenly becomes self-aware.

  • ella

    I’ll bet a cup of tea that her favorite character on MASH is Frank Burns.

  • Mr Blifil

    When I was a young theatre intern with raging hormones, I was obsessed with sex and where I would find it. My track record was spotty at best. However, there was a select group of early-twenties types among my co-interns, all of whom regularly engaged, according to legend, in marathon bouts of group copulation in nearby random dorm rooms. Often young ladies would arrive on the train in small polymorphously perverse groups and leave a day or two later, rarely seen or spotted except perhaps wrapped in towels as they made their way back and forth from the common showers. One thing all these boys and girls shared was a remarkably high standard of physical unattractiveness. To a person they all qualified as “fugly,” each seemingly competing for the prize of which among them might be regarded as most repulsive. The thought of enduring time in their physical proximity, let alone participating in a group grope with them, was a source of high consternation, and I would seek out pretexts in order to avoid the possibility of bumping into or having a brush with any of these living gargoyles (not that I’m too much to speak of, but c’mon jeesus).

    All of which is preamble to my thesis: in the Tea Party Caucus, Michelle has found a safe and secluded construct which will allow her to pull a train whenever the urge overwhelms her. Which happens frequently, I’m guessing. Though, as we saw in her mauling of President Bush on the floor of Congress, her opportunities have been limited hitherto. Now all she has to do is remember her “safe word” and she’s good to go.

    Because, really, when you’re a repulsive human being without a shred of self-respect and decency, what is there really left to lose?

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=622135]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I would have said “just finished giving Newt Gingrich (and his staff)” a blowjob.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=622155]Mr Blifil[/re]: LMAO – “Mmmmm, Newt. Tangy and not bitter at all!”

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    [re=622135]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Yes, its the infamous “needledick dipstick dicklick” pout. For men with teeny peenies.

  • chaste everywhere

    “So the ranks are expected to swell.” I love when they do that.

  • Zorg

    Damn! I only guessed two correctly out of the bunch. Time to go to Commenter Re-Education Camp.

  • scooterKPFT

    John Carter from Texas? I thought he was on Mars.

  • user-of-owls

    Hoekstra just tweeted:

    “Joined the Tea Party Caucus. Now I know exactly how Jack Nicholson felt at the end of Cuckoo’s Nest.

  • Golfing OJ

    “Suckin’ on a sugar cube” — I doubt it, more like “Swishing pedophile priest jizz around her tonsils.” Asshole full-retard Bachmann uses her panties-shitting fear of negroes and Mexicans to test the real-world feasability of the First Amendment, as she fantasizes about giant 13″ trouser-anacondas invading her every orifice and providing the real humiliation she so craves.

    No, I’m kidding, she’s a nice person, the little KKKunt.

  • thefoxtrot

    Excellent…excellent.

  • Can O Whoopass

    Michelle Bachmann’s new book. “Mein Kraemps”, only $1 at Drudge.nut.

  • gradgrind

    [re=622247]user-of-owls[/re]: His actual twatt is even funnier: “On w Greta on Fox tonight. Should be substantive interview.”

  • GOPCrusher

    Steve King=Honorary Sergeant At Arms.

  • Jim89048

    This whole caucus will fit on one short bus, won’t they?

  • Hacklebarney

    Please do not every sully my state’s name again by calling Rep. Steve King the King of Iowa. There is a group of inbreds out in the northwestern portion of the state who have lost all touch with reality, but most of us aren’t that bad (see Obama ’08 caucus victory and recent gay marriage ruling).

  • disgustedcitizen

    Let’s see, there are 435 members of the House, and there are 9, counting Bachmann, members of the Toilet Paper Cockus. Hmm, Michelle, not exactly a ground swell of support for the TP Caucus, is there?

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