Diaper full of felon votesAl Franken is the patron saint-senator of comedians, artists, and Mick Jagger impersonators, but did you also know he’s beloved by America’s felons? A “traditional values”-loving pack of watchdogs called Minnesota Majority says that “hundreds of ineligible felons may have voted [in] the 2008 General Election,” and they all may have/probably/most definitely voted for Franken. Criminals just don’t vote for upstanding, well-dressed Republicans — there is no common ground.

As Fox News explains:

[Minnesota Majority] found that at least 341 convicted felons in largely Democratic Minneapolis-St. Paul voted illegally in the 2008 Senate race between Franken, a Democrat, and his Republican opponent, then-incumbent Sen. Norm Coleman.

The final recount vote in the race, determined six months after Election Day, showed Franken beat Coleman by 312 votes — fewer votes than the number of felons whose illegal ballots were counted, according to Minnesota Majority’s newly released study, which matched publicly available conviction lists with voting records.

The report has given wingnuts an opportunity to talk about how “the Democrats may well have stolen the election,” and also how felons and Democrats are basically the same thing.

“In fact, it looks as if virtually all felons are Democrats,” writes Fox opinionist John R. Lott, Jr. “Felons are not just like everyone else.” (Are you SCARED yet? Come on, get SCARED.)

Meanwhile, the investigator guy who’s following up on Minnesota Majority’s complaints is all “whoah whoah WHOAH,” because maybe the Majoritarians don’t know what they’re talking about? Because of privacy laws, they couldn’t obtain access to info like voters’ actual dates of birth in compiling their possibly bullshitty report:

“In a state with so many Johnsons,’’ said Carruthers, “you have many people with the same name born in the same year. You have to have date of birth, to be sure you have the right person.’’

The most important question: Why didn’t Michele Bachmann stop all this voting nonsense on that fateful Election Day 2008? Was she too busy looking for hidden cameras in her coffee maker? Daydreaming about internment camps? Makes a person question their faith in God (i.e., Michele Bachmann). [Fox News/MinnPost]

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  1. You can call me Ray. Or you can call me Jay. Or you can call me Johnny. Or you can call me Junie. But you doesn’t have to call me Johnson.

  2. [re=616108]bfstevie[/re]: Screwed that up. Should read:

    You can call me Ray. Or you can call me Jay. Or you can call me Johnny. Or you can call me Sonny. Or you can call me Junie. But you doesn’t has to call me Johnson.


  3. “In a state with so many Johnsons”…

    Yes, there are a lot of johnsons in Minnesota, but most of them vote Republican.

    Oh, Johnsons!

  4. Because of this country’s ridiculous laws, most of us probably are felons. Guilty at some point in our lives of felonies that are now no longer prosecuted but which were felonies when committed.

  5. “”We aren’t trying to change the result of the last election. That legally can’t be done,” said Dan McGrath, Minnesota Majority’s executive director.”

    No, you are just lying to create the perception of voter where it doesn’t actually exist, to try and make your opponents’ win appear illegitimate and justify rules to prevent certain people from legally voting under the guise of preventing non-existent voter fraud. Hey, we can read between the lines, and know that in your minds felons=black people=people you don’t think should be allowed to vote.

    Oh, and even if your report was not bullshit (which it is), the rules against felons voting are bullshit and these people should have been allowed to vote anyway.

  6. Okey-Dokey..when the jigs up, its up. I’m one of the Felons who illegally voted for soon to be POTUS Franken. After being released from the Big House early after promising not to lure underage girls to my hippie artist loft with cotton candy shaped liked farm animals, I busted tail to the voting booth & yanked on various levers behind the closed curtain. Myy fellow inmates and I would have our every Tuesday evening Criminals-For Democrats meeting. where we discussed various methods of insuring Democrats victory. We wanted Wednesday nights, but the Gays-For-Recruiting-Underage-Boys club had that night already sewed up.
    Thanks…Lefty the Shank

  7. [re=616122]sezme[/re]: Felons are also more likely to have ADD, literacy issues, authority issues and poor communications skills. So it seems likely that their ballots were among the many already disqualified for being filled out wrong/ writing in Lizard People.

  8. this fox report is utterly bogus bullshit (which makes it difficult to distinguish from other fox reports). everyone knows felons vote straight republican, because they know the republicans are going to require them to have a gun in each hand.

  9. [re=616115]bfstevie[/re]: You skipped a couple from the long version, which he usually did on the Redd Foxx show. You can call me Jay, or you can call me Ray Jay, or you can call me RJ, or you can call me RJJJ, or you can call me RJJJ Jr., or you can call me Johnny, etc.

  10. Looks like more slave transpirations to me. Posterity will reproach us for this and all we’ll be able to say for ourselves is, “hookworms!”

  11. “his Republican opponent, then-incumbent Senator Coleman” should be “his then-Republican opponent, former Democrat Senator Turncoat Coleman.”

    There, fixed.

  12. [re=616129]gurukalehuru[/re]: [re=616122]sezme[/re]: Damn I’m slow on the draw.

    This is going to be one of those evolution/creationism debates — the Republicans might not have any evidence that there’s massive voter fraud beyond their conjectures, but shouldn’t we teach the debate and listen to both sides of the issue? Those folks arguing that facts help to legitimize one’s point of view are just trying to distract us from the real issue — that massive voter fraud of an unprecedented size and scope that has totally disenfranchized the citizenry of Minnesota probably almost definitely took place. Or not, as some filthy doctrinaire deniers claim. And the answer probably lies somewhere in the middle.

  13. What is this the election that wouldn’t die? Some kind of zombie election? Don’t these freakin wingnut asshole have anything better to do? And there is no question Bush beat Gore way back when. God I hate these people.

  14. How can they call themselves Minnesota Majority if their boyz keep losing elections?
    And what’s with all the Johnson’s located there? I say, with a bit of coaxing, every Johnson in the state should be stiff, at attention, and ready to for counting. Unless you’re a felon/Democrat. Then your Johnson is not to be counted. Any felonious Johnson’s will find the booth is zipped shut for them.

  15. Basically they’re saying Minnesota spent six months to check the election results down to the sub-atomic level . . . and got it wrong. Must be the cold winters makes them more stupider.

    The “felons are Democrats” (and vis-a-versa) trope is getting kinda old: Democrats hate America, Democrats love the terrorists, Democrats don’t want to defeat the Conferacy, Democrats love the British, Democrats blew up the oil rig.

    But old or new, our politics today lacks the concept of a “loyal opposition”. The other side isn’t faulted for having bad ideas, or selfish motives, or being narrow minded. Rather, they are accused of treason for goodness sake. Is there anyone in public life — Sarah, Barack, Michele Bachman, Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh — who we truly think does not want America to be the best it can be?

  16. Wow, this is quite a distortion. Since this website cites my piece as showing that “felons and Democrats are basically the same thing,” it would be nice if someone actually could point where I wrote that in my Fox News piece. What I said, and it is something that Democratic academics have also found, is that felons vote overwhelmingly for Democrats, at a much higher rate than people of the same demographic backgrounds vote for Democrats. I never wrote nor suggested in anyway that Democrats are felons. Possibly this type of logical leap explains some other mistakes on this website.

  17. The only thing worse than that image with the shopped-in Franken face would be one with Vitter’s face stripped in. Neither is conducive to breakfast, oh my dear Wonkette.

  18. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]:

    I’ve read that White men who are also closeted homosexuals vote overwhelmingly for Republicans.
    Do you have any insight on that and when can we expect to see it aired on Fox?

  19. John R. Lott, Jr., the same clown that has been busted multiple times for making up personas to review his books and gush about his brilliance?

  20. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: I never wrote nor suggested in anyway that Democrats are felons.

    No, just in the title of your article.

    And none of your commenters seem to think that, either.

  21. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: Awww — your work showing that all felons vote for Democrats has been horribly misquoted and used out of context. You have all my sympathy — Wonkette seriously distorted my brilliant academic research showing that all Republicans like to have young boys pee in their mouths and made it seem so — dirty. Maybe you should swallow and write a serious rebuttal.

  22. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: If this really IS JohnRLottJr – clearly you don’t get this site. However, you did state Academic work by Jeff Manza and Marcus Britton of Northwestern University and Christopher Uggen of the University of Minnesota estimated that Bill Clinton pulled 86 percent of the felon vote in 1992 and a whopping 93 percent in 1996.
    ….and then suggest their figures are low. And then state African-American and Asian felons in Washington reported that they voted exclusively for Kerry. So, no, you don’t state Democrat = felon. But you sure do tiptoe around, flirt with and generally insinuate the idea. In other words, create the usual NeoCon Bloviation Effect.
    And if you’re NOT JohnRLottJr – great imitation….really…..

  23. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: OMG, someone who writes opinion for Fox is complaining about distortion? You make assholes look cuddly and reasonable.

  24. This shit gets easier to start; never gets any easier to take. Perhaps many vice felons remain saner than their law? Felons and bureaucrats…

  25. IS FUX News sayin’ Franken is a favorite of marijuana possession felons? Or defrauding millions of taxpayers and investors EVER FUCKING DAY felons (you know the ones rarely brought to justice)?

  26. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: I’m sure you’ll get a more receptive audience at Storm Front. If you could stop thinking about those Johnsons for five seconds, you’d see that.

  27. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: Total bullshit. I myself am a felon, from back in the day when simple possession of marijuana was a felony. And yes, I do vote Democratic, most of the time. HOWEVER–many, if not most, of my fellow biker/felon acquaintences vote exclusively Republican. Not most of the time, ALL of the time. Remember when the Hells Angels asked the DoD to ship them all off to SE Asia to finish the war? Not a liberal among them…

  28. Minnesotans always vote with thier Johnson, that’s how Bachmann got elected in the first place.

    But as a guy who once had a job teaching Minnesota prison inmates, many covered with racist tatoos, I don’t think they’d be voting DFL. (That’s Socialist Minnesotan for “Democrat Party”)

  29. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: The only mistake on this web site is that you got on it to post some more republican bullshit. Really, republicans complaining about voter fraud, is like baseball owners complaining they pay too much for players where they set the market.

  30. We went through this same BS in Washington in the ’04 Governor’s race. Strangely enough, the only felons they could find who voted all voted Republican. Despite Mr. Lott Jr.s’ protestations, most of the felons from rural areas tend to be Republican voting, Meth snorting, NRA members. Sort of like David Vitters.

    And, of course, as everyone knows, study after study has proved that most diaper wearing whore-mongers and creepy sexting to underage pages are Republicans

  31. You guys, I am SO sure that the investigation went deeper than this. Like, all of these felons had sufficiently “black” names, right? Lots of Qs, Sh’s, apostrophes? They weren’t all named “Bill Johnson”.

  32. I’ve read about some study that showed that allowing felons to vote in Florida’s elections would have changed the outcome of the presidential election several times, meaning the Democrats would have won more often in the past. Crist, however, signed a bill allowing felons to vote in Florida, which certainly helped Obama win. Don’t be surprised if Florida votes for and the presidency stays with the Democrats for a long time. Hooray for felons!

  33. [re=616176]JohnRLottJr[/re]: McGrath is obviously a jackass, and there’s no proof that the people they claim to be convicted felons are such, and I hope they make a mistake and get sued for insinuating that people who are not convicted felons were taken for convicted felons.

    As I typed the above I imagined you reading my words aloud as I sat on your face. It gave me great satisfaction to contemplate. That will now be the default mode for all future responses I may or may not compose should you attempt to come back here to peddle your phony martyr complex. Might I suggest your Johnson lacks sufficient heft to overcome our demographic advantages.

  34. Actually, most professional criminals are conservative (or so Horace Rumpole). They appreciate the value of material possessions and hard currency.

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