Here is the corporate troll and traitor Joe Barton (R-Texas) apologizing to BP for the terrible inconvenience America has caused BP, and also promising to move back to communist-land because he hates America so much. Now a Republican congressman from Florida wants Barton kicked off the energy committee for being such a dildo.

Rep. Jeff Miller (R-Florida) represents Pensacola, which will soon be completely covered in BP gunk and death. Here’s his statement:

“I condemn Mr. Barton’s statement. Mr. Barton’s remarks are out of touch with this tragedy and I feel his comments call into question his judgment and ability to serve in a leadership on the Energy and Commerce Committee. He should step down as ranking member of the Committee.”

When will Joe Barton be chained up and drowned in a vat of Black Oil with Tony Hayward? [The Hill]

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  1. Joe Barton came to DC in that same wave as Newt Gingrich and in all those years has not distinguished himself as a statesman, no make that as a decent human being, in any way shape or form.

  2. Somewhere in the White House you KNOW Rahm busted one hellacious nut the moment he heard this.

    I know I did.

    Fuckin’ Repubs, just couldn’t sit on that screwed up ideology long enough to even pretend to be on the American people’s side. Assholes.

  3. Congressman Joe Barton regretfully informs the committed that he must leave, as his BP-oil-covered dildo has slipped out of his ass, and he must go get an adjustment.

  4. You can see the look in Hayward’s eyes: “Shut up shut up Shut Up SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUUUTTT UPPPP! SHUTTTT UPPPP! SHUTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!”

  5. I think Joe needs to take a hunting trip to the Gulf coast so he can shoot brown pelicans and eat them for lunch. This would only improve his image.

  6. Fuck resigning from the Energy & Commerce Committee : Barton needs to be beaten with an oil-covered 2 x 4. Hourly. And the same goes for his fellow GBP apologists Barbour & Bachmann.

  7. [re=601090]mustardman[/re]: Then to Massey for having all those inconvenient workers getting in the way of the mine collapse.

  8. It’s like that time that guy selfishly stuck his face in the way of liquored-up Cheney’s gun fire–like an apology made up for what our VP and his family had to endure after that little episode.

  9. This wouldn’t be the same Joe Barton whose top 5 contributors include 2 with “energy” in their names, one with “electric”, one with “Lockheed Martin” and one with “health” would it?

  10. Joe has been taking money from the oil industry for so long that everything he says has the taint of oil. Me – the only way I’ll get an oily taint is to squat on a beach looking out over the Gulf…or straddle one of those shiny brown pelicans……

  11. Jesus, Barton is right. If we were to handle this in a non ‘Chicago Machine Politics’ sort of way, we would have built a wall between Naples Manor and the end of Boca Chica Blvd and drained all the water away by now so BP could more easily access all that crude the worked so hard to release from it’s stony bondage.

    We’re all such goddamned criminals except for Congressman Barton. He’s like a more handsome Jeebus.

  12. You know, if I’m drunk driving, and run someone over in my drunk-driven SUV, it’s not called a “shakedown” if that person lives and then demands that I pay their many, many medical bills.

    It’s called a “goddamned miscarriage of justice”, is what it’s called. GET IT RIGHT, JOE.

  13. It’s like Barton covered his fellow GOPers with a smelly toxic gooey hydrocarbon substance that is tough to remove. For the life of me, I don’t remember what it’s called.

  14. And now here’s what needs to happen. Everyone goddamn left of center mouthpiece that exists right now needs to be out there explaining to the American people that this is what they believe. I was listening to Burgess whom I think some of you were kind of applauding because even though he’s a Republican he didn’t out and out deepthroat Tony, was on Andrea Mitchell during the break, and he wouldn’t say anything about this, but then he was going after the administration because it demanded GM fire its CEO, etc. etc. Like he was saying that he would agree with Barton except he isn’t so politically retarded to admit that doing so publicly would be political suicide.

    They BELIEVE in this shit. They really believe that companies should get to do whatever the fuck they want and any attempt to regulate them, or adopt fair rules of the road, or at the very fucking least, clean up after themselves when they essentially demolish an entire fucking region of the company, is wrong.

    They really BELIEVE that the government has no right to tell businesses they aren’t allowed to refuse service to black people.

    They really BELIEVE that it’s government over reach to ask companies to meet safety standards or have a back up plan in case their operations cause a disaster.

    They really BELIEVE in this mystical fucking “invisible hand” that will fix everything, and if the government gets involved it makes the invisible hand really sad and not work properly.

    Unfortunately, I don’t give a shit how big the invisible hand is, it doesn’t seem quite big enough to plug the fucking hole does it? And it would be really fucking wonderful if Keith and Ezra and everyone else in the media, it would be absolutely orgasm inspiring if they made this point instead of spending hour after hour whining about whether the president is making a grumpy enough face.

  15. Oh hell, and according to Rachel, one of Barton’s top contributors is Anadarko… one of the four owners of what was once called Deepwater Horizon…

  16. “Ooooooh we are sooooo sorry, Mr. BP that the cash cow we all want to milk got in the way of your lovely oil and made the teats too slippery to hold. How can we clean ourselves off so we may continue to please you?”

  17. To paraphrase Lt. Col. Kilgore: “I love the smell of crude in the morning… The smell, you know that gasoline smell… Smells like…. victory”

  18. This guy occupies Phil Gramm’s old seat. Do we really think roving he’s a corporate whore will damage him in some way? I guess all things are possible, but for Texas, this would be an EXTREME change of climate. Oh, and speaking of climate…

  19. You can count on the GOP to stand up for the small people. Did Hayward graciously accept his apology? You left out that part. I so hope Barton can save the special relationship between him and the petro dollars.

  20. STFU, Barty Boy, your pitiful apology won’t give Mr. Hayward his life back, will it now? If I were Tony, I’d bitch-slap that patronizing toad with a dead pelican.

  21. You people are being very unreasonable.

    British Petroleum paid a lot of very good money for Congressperson Barton. It is ENTITLED to have him say stuff like this.

    However fookin’ ridiculous it may be.

  22. Apologizing to perpetrators appears to be some sort of Republican tribal custom. Remember when Dick Cheney shot a crony in the face and then the crony apologized to Cheney? Same thing.

  23. Carnak predicted it. I said that the Republicans would wail and winge that the CEO had to answer questions!

    This isn’t the first time Barton has done this. It isn’t the first time the GOP has done this. They did the same thing with Blankfein. They’ve done it over and over again, “I just want to apologize to you. A man of your wealth shouldn’t have to answer questions from the injured! I furthermore want to thank you for screwing me and beating us all with paddles. It has been an honor to be so thoroughly thrashed, and I will gladly offer more grandmothers for you to rob.”

    They’re the perfect Toady. As the bully gets in trouble for fracturing Toady’s jaw, Toady says, “And what a fiiiine right hook it was, too, sir.”

    The expect this to result in donations? It certainly doesn’t result in respect.

  24. Next Barton apologizes to the KKK for America’s inability to manufacture hemp rope in sufficient quantities, when it might have made a difference.

  25. Joe has now apologized for his previous apology, which his colleagues have formally announced was wrong to say (i.e., “fucking stupid”). It’s just hell to get this stuff off your hands, slippery and sticks to anything.

  26. I only hope that Tim Kaine has enough nutsack to distribute Joe Barton’s apology to all Democratic candidates to put in their campaign ads. Maybe after the American public is bombarded with it for hours between now and November, they will finally get the hint.

  27. [re=601103]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: He just apologized to Greenland for chipping the iceberg with the Titanic. Barton is going retro or something!

  28. “As you can see, Mr. Hayward, we elected a black president in this country, something I and my Republican colleagues are simply horrified by. I understand that you had to meet with him… in person… I just… I can’t express enough SYMPATHY for you, that you had to be in the same room with a black guy.”

    Is what he meant.

  29. Remember when the Republicans claimed to be the party of personal responsibility?
    Yeah me neither.

    [re=601093]gjdodger[/re]: I thought Hayward looked confused as though this was some new form of sarcasm he had not previously encountered.

  30. [re=601077]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: And then Joe Barton apologizes to the staff of Enron and to Bernie Madoff for all that bad publicity (oh, and that going-to-prison thing), adding, “This is what happens when government gets involved in business! People lose their jobs!”

  31. [re=601216]Gregoire[/re]: Yeah we should add him to the increasing list of folks who busted a nut upon hearing Barton open up and spew.

  32. And speaking of 9/11, I heard that Barton just apologized to al qaeda for building the WTC in a place that got in the way of their planes.

  33. [re=601093]gjdodger[/re]: Never thought I’d see the day when even an oil company CEO would be disgusted with too much shilling for big oil.

  34. [re=601125]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]:
    I don’t believe they believe in this shit. They get a daily feed of talking points and the fear of Limbaugh jolts into them whenever they even daydream about stepping out of line. There’s no other explanation for their incessant bog-the-whole-fucker-down lockstep.

    Obviously something huge is going on that plebs don’t know about. Ask me, I think the rednecks are having their racism and fear of progress blowjobbed most elegantly by frightened rich fucks in case there really comes that one day when all the smart people take a fucking week off from Jon Stewart and Wonkette and actually jam Washington DC until all the bullshit stops.

    Til then, however, I am going to continue seeking a real, live vampire. I shall become a vampire so that I’ll possess the power to veer us all from that absolutely no-shittin-around certain day of doom we’re all idly snarking and snacking and farting our way toward.

    But I will be a good vampire, one who feeds only on the bad.

    And I shall feed only on pornstars, in addition furthermore.

  35. [re=601125]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Here here. I don’t know how our other Texoid Wonketteers feel about it, but I am deeply ashamed and mortified that after only an eighteen month hiatus I have to go back to lying about where I’m from godamnit.

    It only took eighteen months to bring the “Most Dumb-ass State in The Union” trophy back to its former home for eight long years: on Rick Perry’s nightstand.

    This utterly clueless oil whore/über-moran makes Smirky McFlightsuit look like a fucking Rhodes scholar. The level of ass-licking by this fawning corporate sycophant was truly breathtaking to behold.


  36. If rape victims should pay for their own rape exam, which was the policy of the Palin administration in the city of Wasilla, Alaska, why shouldn’t it logically follow that gulf residents and other victims of the oil spill pay for their own cleanup costs? For once, maybe a republican IS showing some intellectual consistency.

  37. Loud, divisive, public GOP infighting.

    And all you negative nellies thought that nothing good would ever come out of this devastation.

  38. [re=601238]Golfing OJ[/re]:
    “..the rednecks are having their racism and fear of progress blowjobbed most elegantly by frightened rich fucks in case there really comes that one day when all the smart people take a fucking week off from Jon Stewart and Wonkette and actually jam Washington DC until all the bullshit stops.”
    Just tell me how we go about doing that, and I am there. I want the bullshit to stop already.

  39. Did he also go on to berate the “small people” for being so mean and demanding to Nice Mr. Tony?

    I keep trying to parse that statement, and all I can come up with is, “I don’t want to live in a country where anybody who does bad things might be punished for it in their precious, precious monies.” Am I missing something? Is he just insisting it has to be some kind of non-fiscal alternative like near-fatal public flogging, or many years hard labor on a chain gang? Because that might be acceptable, perhaps.

    Or is it just that all penalties for reckless endangerment should be on a flat rate. Like a $500 fee for speeding, making an illegal u-turn, driving while intoxicated, accidentally discharging a firearm through your neighbor’s bedroom wall (personal favorite since it happened to me recently), or melting a hole in the earth’s crust with an unsupervised gum-and-spitwad reactor, etc. Because, you know, rich people deserve to afford more crimes, or else what’s the incentive in getting rich?

  40. It’s like when Cheney popped his hunting pal in the face with a shotgun and the guy wound up apologizing to Dick for the inconvenience.

    The Gulf Coast should tell BP it is sorry that it got in the way of its oil spill.

  41. Excuse me, waiter. There’s a hair in my soup. I don’t mean to cause trouble, but please send it back to the chef with my apologies.

  42. Re Nazis & c Back in the day bigbig Senator Taft (R) also condemned the Nuremberg trials as being unamerican and unconstitutional.

  43. [re=601243]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Everyone forgets Mr. Barton has an honorary Ph.D in Wingnut Logic and Magical Thinking from the Heritage Foundation. He will step down and spend the rest of his days cultivating a grotesque moustache and touring the Think Tank circuit as a “visiting scholar.”

  44. [re=601125]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: I hear that. But you may be giving whores like Barton & Co. a little too much credit. I don’t doubt their “beliefs” in their causes, as long as they are on the receiving end of the money machine that defines what is modern day corruption in American corporate politics. This is America, Inc., after all. If the campaign dough dries up, these flakes blow away.

  45. This is absolutely great! Thanks Joe, more than you can imagine.

    Who wins general elections in contested districts? The independent vote. True belivers vote for who you’d expect. The independents (usually 10-20% of the total potential voters) swing the election.

    The R’s alienated the Hispanics with Arizona. Now, with thousands of ads and images showing Barton kissing BP’s ass, and Bachmann et al supporting him, even the independents will be disgusted enough to get out and vote the effing GOP out. The Dems already have an ad out on it:


  46. [re=601308]crapshooter102[/re]: To be fair to your grandson, a person’s IQ is the measure of how much the person is capable of learning, not how much they know already. So, I’m sure your grandson has a higher IQ, even if he has not yet acquired very much knowlege. Barton is ignorant AND he probably has a very low IQ.

  47. My mind is whirling: Barton just apologized to the Big Bang on behalf of everyone who blames it “for starting everything and whatever”.

  48. Mark my words. This apology will be quoted, shamelessly and without negative consequence, by no less than 10 GOP candidates running against Dem incumbents as a means of attacking ‘the Washington establishment.’

  49. [re=601339]Weeping Jesus[/re]: After which he apologized to Death for all these people that keep him busy all the damn time.

  50. Rep. Barton to Hayward:”I’m just speaking for myself here but I wanna say, Hail Satan! Hail Wotan! Let them that are small and weak suffer eternally at the pleasure of the chosen ones!”

  51. [re=601201]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I can’t express enough SYMPATHY for you, that you had to be in the same room with a black guy.”
    -I noticed that undertone too. The way Barton made deep eye contact with Hayward as he spoke. Did Barton think no one was watching? Were they in private it would have been a tongue kiss. Icky.

  52. Well, I have to agree with Barton on one thing: The pay per view charges for the live stream of the firing squad execution tonight are nothing short of a shakedown. In Texas this stuff would be free if he had his way.

  53. [re=601372]PsycGirl[/re]: If Glenn Beck has not received an apology from a young girl who was raped and killed in the early 90’s, why does he not come out and say so?

  54. [re=601373]Weeping Jesus[/re]: Of course, as Barton noted, “shakedown” was his own choice of wording, and his own opinion. That’s why every right-wing pundit and politician used the exact same word to describe the BP escrow fund.
    What “talking points?”

  55. I think Monica Lewinsky is still waiting for the apology for what happened in the White House. I think it qualified as a form of shakedown.

  56. [re=601113]Joshua Norton[/re]: Alvin Greene would have asked, “Who are you again? I was wondering what you had for dinner last night.”

  57. On behalf of selfish, lazy American toddlers, I would like to apologize to Super Duper Lead Paint Toy Company of Shanghai for the trouble they were caused.

    Furthermore, I’d like to throw myself at the feet and/or anus of Wall St. and ask if there’s anything, anything at all I can possibly do to help them cut through the morass of bureaucratic redtape that inhibits their creation of innovative financial instruments.

    While I’m at it, I’d also like to apologize to international capital in general for those uppity 20th-century experiments like trade unions, campaign finance regulations, environmental protections, and the democratic nation-state. Don’t worry, we’ve almost got things back on track.

    I regret that I have but one life to give to British Petroleum. Amen.

    /rant. As for me, I’m off to the pub. p.s. Go fuck yourself, Barton

  58. [re=601361]tribbzthesquidz[/re]:

    Daddy, what does regret mean?

    The funny thing about regret is, it’s better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven’t done.

    And if you see your mother this weekend, be sure and tell her “SATAN SATAN SATAN”

  59. So, wait, Barton got something around $150k from these guys in PAC money . . . that’s all? Not only is he a total whore. He’s a CHEAP TOTAL WHORE.

  60. [re=601438]Darkness[/re]: He also has some major shares in natural gas wells, a possible ‘contribution’ from a ‘supporter’ who is now dead.

  61. Not that I want to call the editorial staff of Wonkette into question, but when it says (R-Texas) next to the name, isn’t it redundant to call him a traitor?

  62. Before he entered Congress in 1989, Joe Barton was an executive with ARCO (Atlantic Richfield Company), which became a subsidiary of BP in 2000 and is now officially known as BP West Coast.

    Try to act surprised.

  63. Dear Texas,

    If you keep inflicting us with people like Dick Armey, Phil Gramm, Louie Gohmert, Tom Delay, Joe Barton, George W. etal, on the country, instead of your flirting with secession, the rest of the country is ready to demand it.

  64. [re=601093]gjdodger[/re]: That’s wuz my thot too. Haywood must have gone “Oh Fuck, did he just call me a citizen? Are these fat sacks getting dumber as I sit here? Wait a minute, I remember this weasle-faced cretin. He used to work for us through ARCO…oh my God, is that that troll who tried to follow me into my W.C. stall in ’91?.”

  65. Joe Barton is 100% right. The Obama Administration is shamefully shaking down BP by forcing it to give the White House a $20 billion slush fund to spend however it wants. And we’ve already seen that the Obama Administration thinks that just about anything can be blamed on the oil spill including the results of its own policies like declaring a moratorium on all offshore drilling.
    Lovefilm Free Trial

  66. [re=601504]isaiahleie[/re]: Do…you…know…what…ES…CROW…is? I need to go a little faster so I don’t annoy myself responding to you, so try to keep up. Here is the recipe:

    Bring 2 quarts of water to a rolling boil.
    Add: 1 cup salt, 2 cups strychnine, 1 Bay leaf and a tablespoon of cayenne pepper.
    Breathe fumes for 10 minutes.
    Add 1 lb of Marfa Stooart Brand JUMBO Rat Dicks.
    Allow to reduce for 10 minutes, while breathing fumes.
    Drain, and let cool in refrigerator overnight.
    If still alive in the morning, scoop mixture into a brown paper bag and enjoy with a glass of your favorite bleach.

    (Disclaimer: If this kills you, and it will if directions are adhered to, baby Jeebus will weep, but your dumbshit commentary will not be missed)

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