Omnipotent Chicago mob boss and mayor-for-life Richard Daley held a press conference with local reporters yesterday to discuss the city’s handgun ban that will probably be overturned by the Supreme Court, which loves giving citizens of violent death-towns as many handguns as the Constitution permits (10.9 trillion). It was a very serious affair, and Daley brought all sorts of guns to show the reporters how bad they are. When one reporter asked the Mayor how effective the ban has been, Daley picked up a rifle, giggled, and said he would stick it up the reporter’s butt? To demonstrate… huh? =

This is a fine transcription job from the Chicago Reader reporter, describing how Mayor Daley went about threatening his dumper with a rifle:

So I asked: since guns are readily available in Chicago even with a ban in place, do you really think it’s been effective?


“Oh!” Daley said. “It’s been very effective!”

He grabbed a rifle, held it up, and looked right at me. He was chuckling but there was no smile.

“If I put this up your—ha!—your butt—ha ha!—you’ll find out how effective this is!”

For a moment the room was very, very quiet. I took a good look at the weapon. It had a long bayonet. (Was it seized during the Civil War?)

“If I put a round up your—ha ha!”

The photographers snapped away. Suddenly everybody started cracking up.

Daley went on. “This gun saved many lives—it could save your life,” he said—meaning, I think, that getting that gun off the street might have saved many lives, including mine.

Second-generation mayors-for-life always get to be so flip about everything.

[Chicago Reader]

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  1. You wanna know how to get the Chicago Reader? They pull a knife and threaten to stick it in your rectum, you pull a gun and threaten to stick it in their rectums. He sends one of yours to the hospital with a knife protruding from his rectum, you send one of his to the morgue with a gun, um, just kinda hanging…out…of his ass. *That’s* the *Chicago* way! And that’s how you get the Chicago Reader.

  2. Daley knows that, no matter what, he’ll always be reelected, so why not just be as big of a dick as he wants; he’ll never have to face any consequences.

  3. [re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: [re=582869]Extemporanus[/re]: Feel free to jam that comment up my butt any time you’d like — I’m on hold with Xfinity, waiting to upgrade my Internets.

  4. “If I put this up your—ha!—your butt—ha ha!—you’ll find out how effective this is!”

    Ahhhh, sleepaway camp. *Shudder*

  5. In Chicago, guns don’t kill people, railroad ties kill people.

    Therefore, we need to rescind the whole rails to trails concept. The removal of metallic rails from the wooden ties, complete with the associated metal spikes, frees the wooden tie for public use, representing the greatest threat to Chicagoans’ health, safety, and welfare, since the introduction of sausage.

    Which should also be banned.

  6. [re=582866]SayItWithWookies[/re]: god, he’s a hopeless diaster of a public speaker. i’m reading a great book on harold washington and the council wars, and li’l daley comes off as a pretty dim bulb.

  7. It really is a shame that the Mayor isn’t more articulate. Some effort to stem the easy flow of weapons has got to be a good thing. If only he’d said simply “well, the guns you see here won’t be killing anybody.” Can the Mayor get a do-over?

  8. [re=582968]chascates[/re]: It’s the Action Jackson memorial handgun ban. No ban on meat hooks, cattle prods, chainsaws, or concrete outerwear – overcoats or galoshes.

  9. I totally thought this was made up until I clicked the video.

    Then I re-watched it to make sure it was not just my imagination.


  10. Gesh. Is there anything more . . . disquieting . . . than watching an alleged Democratic handling firearms?

    It’s like watching a nun playing with a penis . . . .a real nun, that is. Not Sister Larry Flint.

    (On, and the “rifle with a bayonet” is an SKS with the standard folding bayonet. Standard issue in smaller Warsaw Pact countries, and ceremonial/display arm in the Red Army, since around the end of the Great Patriotic War.)

    But one idea that I am sure all you Wonketeers share with Hiz Honor: DISARM the NEGROS!!!!!!!

  11. Maybe that’s how you get Scalia to uphold the ban on guns. You conflate the issue with the pornography issue and First Amendment free press rights. If a rifle can be shoved up a reporter’s ass, in public, maybe guns should be banned in order to protect freedom of the press and to eliminate pornography. Just like the Founding Fathers would have wanted it, Justice Antonin Scalia!!!!!

  12. So what does a handgun ban have to do with shoving an SKS rifle up a reporter’s ass? Dems and guns put people at ease like Republicans and protecting the environment, I guess they’re in denial about or just can’t remember 1994, duh…

  13. [re=583321]RPolanski[/re]: Interesting argument, counsel. But you’ve failed to account for the historical fact that a majority of the Conventional Delegates would have insisted that the rifle be shoved only 3/5ths up the reporter’s ass, reflecting the social structures of the Southern members of the Confederation . . .

    ::::Banging head against table:::

    Sorry. I’m on Oxycotton from an operation on my leg, and I’ve taken to spouting Rush Limbaugh/Federalist Society pronouncements at every opportunity.

    “Social structures” for “slavery” was sort of a giveaway, however.

  14. [re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: I used to get the Chicago Reader by picking it up in the metal box or corner bookstore, when I lived in Chicago.

  15. [re=583401]MsQuasimodo[/re]: Y’know, I always passed on the Reader. Mainly because if you paused long enough to pull one out you we’re liable to get gang banged by twelve homeless dudes with stacks of “Streetwise”.

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