Let's make journalists wear police badges again.WONKETTE PAULTARD PAL GARRETT QUINN GETS BOSTON GLOBE GIG: What happens when people write for your Wonkette? They get hired to write for other things! Joining recent “used to write for Wonkette but just got better gigs” people Juli Weiner and Dave Weigel is our young friend Garrett Quinn, who is now an official blogger for that lefty paper up in Taxachusetts. [Boston Globe]

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  1. On a related night, I got hired for “services rendered” for simply standing under the highway overpass the other night, ’round midnight. I had a funny taste in my mouth afterward, but I’m almost certain that I never would have had the entrepreneurial opportunity unless I had made poop and dick jokes on teh Wonkett.

  2. I plan to search each and every one of these *publications* to which the former Wonks are defecting, and if I don’t find dildo manuals in any of them, I will be sorely disappointed.

  3. It’s because hipsters, if appropriately clad, can infiltrate survivalist and Christian identity meetings, what with their scruffy beards and ironic mesh hats.

  4. I just got invited to a seminar that promises to teach me how to deal with problem employees. This is from the flyer:

    Learn about the causes of unacceptable behavior, how to coach and counsel problem players, when to discipline, and when to terminate problem employees or kill them and say they went to work for a newspaper.

    Is it your job to supervise any of these characters?

    * The Excuse Artist — Misses every deadline and goal, but always seems to be ready with a good excuse or to place blame and point fingers at others.

    * The Short-Changer — Late to work, early to leave, “stretched” lunches, extended breaks … this person makes an art out of shortening and short-changing the workday, while leaving coworkers “holding the bag”!

    * The Intimidator — Everyone’s tip-toeing around this person, lest they incur wrath and anger! The Intimidator uses fear and bullying tactics to control coworkers and can single-handedly ruin an entire team.

    * The Gossip — Behind closed doors, over the grapevine, and under the radar, they’re waging verbal warfare … personal attacks, rumors, carping, and criticism are the tools of their trade!

    * The Clod — This one is ill-mannered, opinionated, and obnoxious. Everyone else is always apologizing and making amends for the rude and thoughtless behavior of The Clod … behavior that often results in lost business, ruined relationships, and stressful working conditions.

    * The Downer — No matter what, this person is unhappy … for this pessimist, the glass is always half-empty. The Downer maintains a consistently negative, stifling presence and constantly spreads the bad news to everyone else.

    * The Minimalist — Apathetic and low-performing … these unmotivated workers can be counted on to give the bare minimum (or even less). They make an art out of turning in mediocre performances that are poor enough to frustrate managers … but passable enough to keep them employed!

    * The Soap Star — Their continuing “soap opera” of problems not only hurts their own productivity, but distracts sympathetic coworkers who get drawn into their never-ending predicaments and problems.

    * The Itch — They need constant attention, reassurance, and feedback … and take so much energy and time to manage, you often find yourself sacrificing your job responsibilities to help them meet theirs!

    * The Smarty-Pants — Challenges your management authority openly and forcefully, constantly questions management decisions, and creates a harmful undercurrent of “anti-management” chatter.

  5. [re=550231]Troubledog[/re]: I think they missed one:

    The Jackass – works hard and brings creativity to his problem solving, often identifying weaknesses in the current system while finding promising opportunities for future growth of the organization. Self-motivated and accomplshed, with a wide variety of interests outside of work, co-workers find this person pleasant to be around, and find things function more smoothly under his/her confident attitude and calming influence. Labors under delusion that honest efforts to “lift all boats” will lead to recognition and reward. Fire this motherfucker tout suite.

  6. [re=550231]Troubledog[/re]: Is’t possible to be an The Excuse Artist, The Short-Changer, and The Minimalist all at the same time? (And they call me “unable to multitask”! Guess I’m showing them.)

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