Terrifying.The latest “put a food item in the mail to Washington, DC in order to send a strongly worded message to whomever” stunt involves … a cooked bread thing! Note that bread does not appear even once in the Constitution, which is a smear on Ron Paul and our other Founding Fathers. This is why only toast can advance the cause of Freedom

As a gesture to all of the traitors that screwed over the United States of America last night, I propose the following:

Place a piece of bread in your toaster. ‘Cook’ it until it is charred black. Place charred toast in a suitable envelope. Mail said envelope to your representative in DC.

They’ll get the message…..

How about this: instead of taking advantage of the Socialist mail service — one that is about to collapse beneath the weight of its 14 bazillion obese pensioners with Cadillac retirement plans — just pop that fucker in the fax.

[Free Republic]

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  1. White or wheat? And why are we wasting all that food, anyway? Some people just lose all control of themselves when faced with their own stupidity…

  2. How does Erik The Son of Erik get a portion of the proceeds of this gimmick? It doesn’t make sense unless he is making $0.05 per slice.

  3. These morans actually believe that mail any thicker than a single sheet of paper will actually get anywhere near a congresscritter? I guess they also believe the free market will provide affordable high-quality health care insurance for all, too. In any case, the Mark II Facer-Canceller at your local postal collection-distribution center will reduce the dried toast to crumbs anyway. That might be even scarier for some poor schlub working in the House mail room — death powder! Anthrax!

  4. So after driving to the store on roads that were likely constructed using federal dollars, buying bread that was made from wheat grown by farmers who benefited from government subsidies, toasting said bread using electricity via a government-supported power grid, and mailing it to Washington using the federally-funded postal service, Freepers think that they can protest how government is intruding on their lives. Eh, what?

  5. Yes, Erik, passing a bill that you don’t like makes someone a “traitor”. Never has this idiot failed to take advantage of a chance for extreme rhetorical hyperbole; but hey, he’s good enough for CNN to trow away whatever credibility they had remaining for.

    [re=536562]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Does the postal service have stocks? Given the way he loves to encourage his morons to mail stupid shit to congress, I’d think he has some way to profit on mass mailings.

    I can just see it no, two congressional staffers: “What the? This envelope just contains a whoopie cushion.” “Eh, must be Erik up to some retarded stunt again; just trash it.” Way to send a message there!

  6. [re=536572]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You forgot buying it with their federally-funded food stamps.

    But the grocery store was privately owned, so FREEDOM!

  7. Just slightly off-topic, but am I right to think that the Repubs have gambled and lost big time on the HRC issue, and that they might fare badly in November as a consequence? Or am I having a foolish self-indulgent fantasy? Please help.

  8. [re=536568]V572625694[/re]:

    Well, after that envelope goes through the automatic sorters, it will come out as an envelope of overly brown bread crumbs.

  9. [re=536576]Holy Cow!![/re]: Toast, bricks, road salt, 40 pieces of silver (no, really…for ‘Judas’ Stupak)…

    At some point this trend will converge neatly with Dadaism.

    “What’s that in the envelope?”

    “Grass clippings, I think.”

    “What’s the message of grass clippings?”


  10. so basically, a after going through the mail system, a bunch of congress-people will get an envelope full of black crumbs and black powder. Yeah, that’s not going to be any problem.

  11. Breaking news. House fires erupt all across the South as people attempting to char bread, tea bags, and other various food items forget about the toaster to watch NASCAR.

  12. Burnt Toast? I don’t get it.

    WAIT… OH IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW, this is a warning to those “traitors” that they are Toast in November. Or that they’re carbon. Or something.


    [re=536560]snideinplainsight[/re]: Also, please don’t annoy, torment, pester, plague, molest, worry, badger, harry, harass, heckle, persecute, irk, bully rag, vex, disquiet, grate, beset, bother, tease, nettle, tantalize, or ruffle the Socialists. They just get angry and eat people.

  13. [re=536589]Terry[/re]: Major win for all birds of America! Ha ha, freepers’ll be distributing free food to unemployed non-taxpayer flying sentient beings. Socialism 4-Ever!

  14. [re=536579]ko.isabel[/re]: who cares! My girlfriend and I met at this hot toast burning site. Just put the words burnt and toast together to get the URL.

  15. [re=536580]Big Liver[/re]: At the very least, they’ve gambled and lost big in that we’ve now got a big expansion in government actually doing its fucking job; opposition to which is the core Republican philosophy.

  16. Thanks Wonkette for my good morning monday earworm. Oh the ska years…

    In a beat up Ford Cortina on Saturday night
    Second Step and Urban Blight
    Hear come the Boilers to check out the scene
    But that’s never too true if you know what I mean
    The reception is cool, so turn up the heat
    Come on boys do some East Side Beat
    Pick up the piece and make your play
    I wonder what the old man will say
    Caught in the act with a gun in your hand
    And a fat old judge doesn’t understand
    Burning and looting down on the street
    Come on boys do some East Side Beat

  17. Not to mention that burnt toast stinks up your house for the rest of the day. So burn away freepers. We’ll actually be able to SMELL you coming.

    Ewww. For some reason I just grossed myself out.

  18. If they had a brain between them, they’d all write nice thank you letters on soft, absorbent vellum sheets and then wipe their asses with them before mailing them to Commissar Nancy and the Hairless Reed, but of course, freepers are just crawling with the stupids and will therefor only succeed in irritating the Capitol postal workers with their pointless attempts.
    This is why we Maosits always win in the end.
    On a related note, since we’re firing up the Death Panels, can I call dibs on Glenn Beck? I promise to provide video to my fellow wonketeers.

    Say it with me people….”Long Life Chairman Obama!”

  19. Wow, 5 minutes of teabagger video and they didn’t mention “usurpations” or “stirring up the merciless Indian savages” once. They must really be depressed this morning.

  20. Speaking of teabaggers, this is the face of Wingnuttia, the sordid tale of Christine O’Donnell, a Fox News-quality pretty face and a teabagger who is primarying Delaware’s “Iron Mike” Castle for Biden’s old Senate seat. Tax liens, trash piles, and possum infestations.

    Possums – them’s good eatin’!

    Wilmington city records detail several complaints about the upkeep of the house while O’Donnell lived there.

    In September 2008, she was ticketed for high grass and weeds, according to city records. The ticket was appealed and later paid. The ticket was a result of a complaint that the high grass was providing a breeding ground for opossums, according to Wilmington spokesman John Rago.

    O’Donnell said the ticket was issued in the middle of the campaign season while she was busy running for office.

    Benedetto said the opossums were getting into her own backyard and that the high grass also coincided with a mice infestation in several row homes. She said her house cat killed about a dozen mice that summer.

    O’Donnell blamed neighbors for feeding the opossums, but refused to say which neighbors.

  21. in the form of a FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST.

    As I recall from my last trip to London, that’s mainly a Denny’s combo meal covered with baked beans. Thank god for those double decker buses with the open air top level.

  22. Mommy! I clicked on the Freeper link! Huge picture of eagle and comments, such as this;

    “They will probably just TAX it. Carbon Tax.”

  23. What’s with all that shit they want to mail, including salt, teabags and now toast. How about cutting the bullshit and sending the severed head of a dead horse?

  24. Toast?
    I’m the most.
    Got to palliate your host.
    I’m spittin quips and epitaphs
    Like Rich Little at a roast.

    Char me brown?
    I’m renowned
    the hallelujahs comin’ down
    we savin’ babies by the ton
    the Dems would rather watch ’em drown

    Think you’re winners?
    y’all are sinners
    buncha punk ass sit and spinners
    gonna set you up like bowling pins
    then rock your shit for dinner

    Healthcare, whut?
    sick to my gut
    Pelosi is a slut
    30 million uninsured?
    Put a gay thermometer up yer butt

    But I ain’t a hater
    I’m a skater
    this is a game of hot potater
    when I’m finished droppin bombs
    you’ll be lookin up from a crater

    Here’s a tip
    I’m very hip
    y’all think I’m trying to be flip?
    you hopin’ Gladys Knight gon’ save ya
    but instead you got The Pip

    Woo Woo
    that’s how I do
    I’mma hafta tell ya true
    you shoved that health care down my throat
    and now my face is turning blue

    but I’ll be black again
    and on the attack again
    the chips might be stacked again
    but y’all just woke a sleeping dragon last night

    either that or I’m smokin’ crack again

    peace out

  25. If only there was a mailing list of Red staters. We could mail them a steaming pile of batshit. Perhaps Wonkette can procure such a list for us…;)

  26. Next thing you know liebrals will be sending them waffles, as in “don’t waffle on your support of health care reform.” Conservative will respond with pancakes, as in “we’re going to pancake you flat for being a socialist.” Then progressives will send crepes to encourage solidarity with the French (socialists). Then Tea Partiers will have no choice but to send McGriddles because GOD BLESS AMERICA.

  27. [re=536616]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
    Dude, you’re not a Delaware native until you’ve been ticketed for “tall grass and weeds”.We have no sales tax so the state runs on that and whatever we can shake the city folk down for at our spiffy I-95 toll booth (Delaware State Motto:”Welcome to Delaware. Now, gimme a fiver”).
    Of course, we do have 2 Senators, even though our total population is slightly less than the number of people waiting in line at the DMV in Los Angeles county.

  28. [re=536613]ph7[/re]: The Freepers know how, although they may be confused because they just call it “toasting”; it’s how to toast bread without burning it that they have trouble with.

  29. Say what you will, teabagger’s to-do lists are long. I imagine they drive to the Walmart grocery store once a month just to keep their heroes happy.

  30. Hmm. After the anthrax attacks of 2001, mail has to go to an x-ray facility first to be checked for WMD’s. By the time the toast protest reaches Capitol Hill, there will be nothing left but bread mold.

  31. [re=536603]JMP[/re]: In return, let’s all mail Rush Limbaugh brochures of all the free, taxpayer supported service he can expect in his new home.

  32. [re=536634]dijetlo[/re]: Damn, I hate that toll booth. It always has ridiculously long waits, often adding an extra half hour, sometimes longer than all the rest of the little bit of I-95 in DE, on my trips down to the grandparents’; while most of the other 95 booths add at most an extra minute or two.

  33. [re=536649]slavojzizek[/re]: In the new Muslim socialist repubic of Hopey, we don’t call people by fucken aristocraic titles like sir or madam. It’s COMRADE from now on, BITCH !

  34. Toast? You bourgeois, MSM-consuming, granola-eating, Maoist fools! I bet you’ve all got degrees, haven’t you? And you sit there in your little bijoux apartments on the Upper East Side or in Georgetown with your oh-so-attractive-and-witty sociologist “friends” planning your oh-so-very-clever assault on American values.

    Send the suckers some grits! And photos of ammo! REAL Americans weigh 280 pounds minimum, and are always packin’. And we need REAL AMERICAN DOCTORS a-curin’ our God-given cardiovascular conditions and a-healin’ our multiple gunshot wounds.

    God help you all, you pussies.

  35. [re=536616]President Beeblebrox[/re]: That’s amazing. Everyone knows that possums are not animals anyone feeds deliberately, although it’s common to feed them accidentally.
    Or maybe this chick was penning them and feeding them food scraps in order to kill and eat them later.

  36. “I plan to start flying my US flag upside down until Obama is either voted out of office or deposed by force.”

    Why do these freepers insist on imagining that we live in some sort of 1960’s banana republic?

  37. I think the freeptards should also send along some jam. Along with the toast and tea bag, that would make a right nice breakfast for their elected officials.

  38. [re=536662]Cape Clod[/re]: Maybe because, secretly, that’s the type of solid conservative order they want to live under. That, and right wing military coups are just too sexy. Too sexy for their Tea bagged pants.

  39. The comments are charming. One freeper claims he’s going to fly his flag upside down until Obama is deposed–by law or force (they do love their drama, don’t they?) and another advises “they” will just prosecute him under “some terrorism” law.

    That would be your side’s terrorism law, buddy.

    The hysteria still boggles my mind.

  40. Great idea (buy your toast at my amazon store). But instead of using the taxpayer-funded socialist post office, support private industry and use FedEx. Gubmit caint do nuthin right nohow, yer toast will prolly just go to some welfare queen, who will eat it without the edumacashun to know about irony.

  41. [re=536616]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I like her! Doesn’t pay her taxes, doesn’t pay her civil fines, a menace to the neighborhood, etc. etc. The perfect social conservative. And gosh, darn it, cute enough (easily) to replace Sarah Palin.

  42. [re=536616]President Beeblebrox[/re]: O’Donnell, who entered national politics as an anti-pornography crusader, attributed her financial predicament to misunderstandings and errors.

    She sounds like a shovel-ready Senator.

  43. This guy’s screen name is nesnah, which is Hansen backwards, as in Chris Hansen, clearly proving beyond all dispute that nesnah is a kiddie diddler taunting the host of To Catch a Predator. Ergo, all Teabaggers are child molesters. Just sayin’.

  44. Immigration reform will bring “scrambled” eggs! Get it? Scrambled!

    But the entire tea bagger movement will meet its Waterloo when the Dems reform Wall Street. There will be a Yankee War of Aggression over whether to send hash browns or grits.

  45. Come to think of it, why didn’t we just send Dubya toast in ’03? Woulda saved us an awful lot of trouble what with the endless war and whatnot. No wonder we’re in the minority, they just plum outsmarts us.

  46. [re=536634]dijetlo[/re]: It wasn’t the tall grass & weeds thing that got me – it was the possum infestation. And the tax lien. And the foreclosure. And the gender discrimination lawsuit against the wingnut Intercollegiate Studies Institute – that’s not conservatism I can believe in!

    Speaking as a fellow resident of the 302, I, for one, welcome our new photogenic former-ISI-employee wingnut Senatorial candidate.

  47. [re=536580]Big Liver[/re]: I don’t know. If Democrats explain that a Republican win will mean old fuckers again have to start paying through the ass for donuts and that their 23 year old son can’t be on his parents insurance any longer and they’d better get all the health care you can NOW before the Repubtards roll back restrictions on insurance companies and they get booted off again because you have the pre-existing condition of obesity, then maybe the Democrats can play the fear game.

  48. [re=536662]Cape Clod[/re]: Because these are people for whom John fucking McCain is too liberal, and their brethren are getting older and dying off; part of them knows that violent coup is the only way they’ll really rule the country. Even back when they controlled all three branches of government they couldn’t get what they wanted on the domestic front, though they did get their wars.

  49. [re=536585]freakishlystrong[/re]: Haha yes exactly: a marvelous character, prodigy.

    ᴁeond widweᴁas wundor sceawian, laþes lastas. Whiles I stood rapt in the blackened wonder of it, came Missiues from the King.

  50. Of course I want to participate in this patriotic act but I am struggling to follow the logic. So if I eat yogurt for breakfast instead of toast do I send that to John Boehner and Co.?

  51. [re=536651]JMP[/re]: OK, since you are a fellow wonketeer, I’ll hook you up,
    If your going South on 95, take the exit just before the toll booth for 896 N (North! South takes you “South of the Canal” and unless you really enjoyed the movie Deliverance, that’s no place you want to go). The third light is Rt4 (you’ll see U of D stadium across the street), make a left. Rt 4 ends in a T at Elkton Rd, make another left. The ramp onto 95 on the Maryland side is on your right about three miles down. It only adds about five minutes to the trip.
    Now be warned, we pay unemployed auto workers to sit at the state line on Elkton Rd and throw rocks at cars with DC or NY plates. It’s a stimulus project to encourage visitors to use our glorious toll booth. Green Shoots!

  52. [re=536653]Jack Bowman[/re]: 280? What kinda faggot weighs in without his guns? Did you get your daily abortion this morning, Comrade Gladys?

  53. [re=536678]President Beeblebrox[/re]:

    the possum infestation…tax lien…foreclosure…gender discrimination…Speaking as a fellow resident of the 302,

    Yer awful picky for a Delawarean, aint ya? She hasn’t killed a lover and stuffed his/her dismembered body into a beer cooler before depositing it at the bottom of the river, has she?
    Didn’t we all agree that was the cut off point for political morals around here?

  54. Burnt toast? That’s the depth of their commitment? I would have thought that passing HCR would be enough to finally incite them to march on capitol hill with pitchforks and torches as they keep threatening. Then we could finally get them all locked up for good.

    Should have gone for Single-Payer.

  55. [re=536709]MzNicky[/re]: Muu-muu my Son. For if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we do not believe, he stays faithful. He cannot deny himself…

  56. [re=536750]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I think the message is that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and toast is only part of a balanced breakfast.

  57. [re=536572]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Forgot the government inspections at the bakery and grocery store that make sure the product and the people who make it are safe, the trade regulations that ensure that package is Wonder Bread and not some chinese knockoff laced with anthrax, the corn syrup (assuming we are talking Wonder bread) made possible by ridiculous subsidies, the tax breaks for the Kroger Company (or Meijer, or whatever) to expand to their bumfuck hometown, and the ridiculously low tax rates that make it possible for them to own a fucking car, house and shop for anything, the products liability rules that made sure the toaster was built as something other than a kiddie attracting deathtrap, the socialist building inspection and mandatory remediation laws that keep their home from collapsing on them, the criminal level subsidies for the petroleum business that make the gas something like 1/5 the cost it is anywhere else in the developed world and the zoning they use to keep the possom feeding bitches at bay.

    But other than that, YAY limited government and freedom.

  58. Getting The Message: A Play in Less Than An Act

    (Representative opens package. Removes piece of burnt toast.)

    Representative: Huh, burnt toast. You know, it has been a while since I’ve seen Rocky Horror. Maybe we should have a screening party on Capital Hill. Should I dress up as Janet or the Doctor?

  59. So I guess the wingnuts are so mad at congress they want to mail them burned breakfast material? “TAKE THAT PELOSI, WE BURNED YOUR TOAST! hahahaha” you erik son of erik, are a true rebel

  60. Ya know, it occurs to me, it’s not that wingnuts oppose government intervention into our lives, after all they’re still the PATRIOT ACT’s vanguard. What they oppose is government doing anything to improve anyone else’s lot in life aside from their own. Never do I hear wingnuts bitch about how our government has been calibrated to essentially make sure the rich get richer, or that the tax code is riddled with so many loopholes for the wealthy it’s amazing any of them actually pay taxes. No, this bill will eventually help those who are struggling too much to afford basic health insurance and not those who could buy and sell hospitals, those responsible must be shot! er, or sent burned toast….

  61. [re=536877]sanantonerose[/re]: well…erik does have to be realistic as much of his readership and indeed wingnuts in general are mongoloids who must be sent daily bitter instructions to get the raspberry going. You could say their brilliant philosophy when one redstater or freeper actually performs introspection (they never look inside for long because if they do, the massive cognitive dissonance they carry would collapse reality and create millions of little black holes) the mouthbreather’s would espouse most likely this creed: “I don’t think, therefore I am”.

  62. After you send the toast, put rice in an envelope! To symbolize the marriage of America and Tyranny! And then, throw playing cards at your congressmen, for sorrow and hate.

  63. [re=536662]Cape Clod[/re]: They figure if it worked in Honduras, it’ll work in the US of A. And Zelaya did much less to piss off his native teabaggers than Barry did.

  64. [re=536700]Snarkalicious[/re]: I had two before lunchtime, thank you, and still had enough change for an Egg McMuffin. This whole federal let’s-wipe-out-the-unborn pogrom kicked in fast on the corner where I hang out. Dynamite.

  65. Wasn’t Michelle Batshitcrazymanonman going to slit her wrists or something to keep HCR from passing. Maybe gawd made it pass because she reneged on her promise.

  66. Yo Erick, I have a suggestion. Have all your fellow Freepers pick their noses and send their findings to Congress with a note reading, “Hey Congress, you’re all a bunch of boogerheads.” ‘Cuz seriously, ADD-addled second graders are showing more maturity than are the freeps.

  67. [re=536579]ko.isabel[/re]: If you younger women want to meet creepy older men you can find a list at this site. There’s nearly 100 of them. Just put SENATE and GOV together to get the URL. Some older women there too! Check it out.

  68. For a complete breakfast, sprinkle that burnt toast liberally with powdered sugar before you send it to Congress. Be sure to mark your return address clearly! You’re sure to get their attention.

  69. Ummm…someone should tell these people it isn’t a good idea to mail stuff like this…’memba the mailings right after 9/11 – anthrax scares etc??? Of course they may not be the brightest bulbs.

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