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  • This week, your “Disaster on tiny island brings misery to all” news is brought to you by Madeira. [New York Times]
  • Recent surveys suggest that the public is losing faith in science, because what has science ever done for them except give them penicillin and jet packs? [Financial Times]
  • Gordon Brown is just a screaming bitch of a diva, apparently, which is why his staff reported him to Great Britain’s Archbishop of Collegiality. [UK Press Association]
  • If you woke up yesterday morning feeling like everything was suddenly super awesome and all your problems had magically melted away, that’s because much-awaited credit card reforms finally went into effect. [USA Today]
  • This week Toyota executives will attend hearings at the headquarters of the company’s wholly owned subsidiary, Capitol Hill. [Washington Post]
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75 COMMENTS

  1. I know. Science. What good is it? I mean, they give us HDTV, but when they air the US-Canada Olympic hockey game, it’s on normal TV, at least as offered by my cable company.

  2. I make my living by doing sciencey kind of stuff and I’m very pissed off about my lack of a personal jet pack but I’m not angry enough to declare the world flat… yet.

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  4. James Inhoff: Any attack made by the AQ against this nation would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical knowledge they have obtained. This nation is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
    Dick Cheney: Don’t be too proud of this fundamentalist terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet by denying Global Warming is insignificant next to the power of SCIENCE.
    Inhoff: Don’t try to frighten us with your scientific ways, Lord DICK. Your sad devotion to that modern knowledge has not helped you triangulate the stolen Blossom DVDs, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the AQ’s’ hidden fortress…
    [Cheney makes a pinching motion and Inhoff starts choking]
    Dick Cheney: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

  5. The 13% APR on my $5,000 balance can’t be raised any higher after the fact? Wow, that really took the urgency out of this Chapter 7 filing.

  6. My credit card company wanted my first born as payment, but I have so children, so I mailed an envelope of semen as permitted under the new reform laws. The Post Office returned my payment as “gooey”, however. This is a severe loophole in the law and another win for the banking industry.

  7. I wonder if the folks on Capitol Hill will bring up the content of Toyota’s leaked memo about saving money by diverting attention from problems with their cars?

  8. Given that they have ice dancing, they really should let those bridge players have a go at it. Hey, they offered to set the tables up on the ice rink.

  9. Drudge’s BIG HEADLINE last night was the prezdent of Toyota (or maybe it was just some Asian; they all look alike to Matt) saying Democrats are unfriendly to business. I guess by that they mean “won’t let us get away with killing people, the big meanies.”

  10. [re=516908]Potater[/re]: I don’t understand why they’d say that. Since most Toyota plants are located in heavily Republican states, why would Toyota’s executives say things to help get Democrats elected? What’s their angle, I wonder?

  11. It’s only five years until 2015. Science, where are my goddamn hoverboard and flying car? The movies promised me them by then, and yet we don’t seem anywhere closer.

  12. [re=516912]Larry McAwful[/re]:
    The Nerd answer is that jetpacks do too little for too much. You only have about 5 minutes of fuel and they get too damn hot. Also, most operators would not be experienced test pilots and crash, die, etc.

    [re=516921]JMP[/re]:
    Again, nerd answer is that most people can’t handle travel in one or two dimensions let alone three (see local highways or malls.) Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a flying car (see fighter pilots). Otherwise, as I said above, everyday would be a Darwin kind of day.

  13. [re=516874]FMA[/re]: I waited and waited for that fucking game on NBC (last summer I ditched cable and opted for being able to buy food) and was very angry when it never came on and my asshole friends were all posting the score on facebook.

    Fuck you Bob Costas.

  14. [re=516925]Something making Surfeit’s Reply button not work[/re]: Yeah, exactly; we need our cities on the moon, along with the cities underwater.

    And hell, the second manned mission to Jupiter is supposed to be reaching it this very year, yet there not only was no disastrous first mission to nearly get there nine years ago, we haven’t even been to Mars yet!

    Still, at least we haven’t build the AI that launched nuclear war in 1997, then used its robots to enslave the remains of mankind.

  15. [re=516928]bitchincamaro[/re]:
    Hmmm it’s not as sexy as thought it would be.

    [re=516930]cheeto_jeebus[/re]:
    Unfortunately you tube is blocked here.
    If it’s Ann Margret in the seen from Tommy good call.
    I heard she got cut up from some broken glass doing that scene.

  16. [re=516921]JMP[/re]: You may be waiting on Science to build you a jetpack, but god’s honest truth, as a scientist I can tell you that we’re spending all our time writing grants to try to keep our jobs rather than working on your jet packs.

    With the funding situation as ass-bad as it is, we’re lucky to have the money to buy a Dora the Explorer backpack from the thrift store, nevermind buying the parts to build your damn jetpack.

  17. [re=516871]WadISay[/re]: [re=516872]proudgrampa[/re]: The only question will be whether Hank Paulson is brought back to continue his fine work of stuffing the economy into its grave or if the current heads of state at Goldman Sachs will do it.

  18. [re=516928]bitchincamaro[/re]: You’d think I would have learned not to click on the links you kids post with food or beverage in my mouth when I visit Wonkette.

  19. I was listening to a spokesman for the credit card industry on Saturday. He was hilarious. He said how happy the credit industry was with the changes and then went on to explain that it’s too bad if you want to get a credit card now because you probably won’t be able to and even if you are, the interest rate will be 178 percent. What a pack of asswipes.

  20. [re=516940]Sparky McGruff[/re]: But it should be so easy to write a grant proposal for a jetpack or hoverboard. “Proposal: to create a jetpack. Purpose: it’s a motherfucking jetpack”.

    [re=516943]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Yeah, but we still need to wear special glasses for them; where is our holographic 3D?

  21. [re=516872]proudgrampa[/re]: If you’re drinking madeira, make sure you check it really well. Might want to run it through some cheesecloth to filter the sludge. Unless of course you like sludge.

  22. [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “people can’t handle travel in one or two dimensions let alone three (see local highways or malls.) Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a flying car (see fighter pilots). Otherwise, as I said above, everyday would be a Darwin kind of day.”

    And the downside of that would be? Something has to offset the way stupid people are reproducing.

  23. [re=516940]Sparky McGruff[/re]:

    I’ve had to totally scrap my plans for a secret Arctic lair, too. I’m thinking of building it in Accokeek instead. Cost effective and no one will ever look there.

  24. [re=516965]BadKitty[/re]:
    Trust me, after being cut off a couple of times and nearly T-boned on the street by someone who doesn’t get “red = stop”, I feel the same way. It’s more like DWIs. I don’t care if the drunken fools get themselves killed, but for some reason the universe protects drunks and fools and everyone else dies. Unless we get flying car equivalent of minivans and SUVs.

  25. [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But see, it would be a flying car, not a plane; and they’re always just as easy to fly as a regular car is to drive in all the movies and shows.

    Besides, the cutting edge shouldn’t be travel in three dimensions, but four. Just think how all the evangelicals would react if we could take them back to when their myths supposedly happened and observed real history instead…

  26. [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a flying car.”

    Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a car.

  27. [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Uhhh, they gots this stuff called ‘computers’ now, nerdmandude, which will take care of the flying and the balancing and soft landings and not killing yourself because you are an idiot with slow reflexes, so, what with that, where’s my fucking jetpack? I want my fucking jetpack.

    Actually, I don’t really want a jetpack, I want some way to just fly, thats all, just fly, fast and slow, and hover, hovering is important to me.

  28. [re=517002]Prommie[/re]:
    Computer networks not fast/reliable enough to do so. Imagine Internet Explorer crashing (well you don’t need to do that) then imagine it controlling your car and going to shit at 300mph. I’d be pulling the ejection handle.

  29. Ice dancing is not a sport. It’s an Olympic competition (much as the ancient Greeks held lyre-strumming and poetry competitions), but “sports” do not involve sequins and subjective judging. If ice dancing is a sport, then so is ballet.

    Same goes for figure skating, gymnastics, diving, free-style skiing (except ski cross, which is fuckin’ AWESOME), ski jumping, etc. Not sports. Nothing wrong with having them as Olympic competitions, but if the outcome is determined by anything other than an objective score or a time, it’s not a sport.

  30. Don’t forget that reproduction is considered “success” in bilogy. There’s nothing in Darwin that says you have to be able to tie your shoes. So, if your belief that your invisible friend from the Bronze Age rode dinasaurs allows you to produce 19 children, you’re a fucking biological genius.

  31. Deniers want the Paultard blimp to carry large, bamboo poles to prevent the blimp from bumping into clouds. Sounds logical.

    The poles can also be skillfully employed to poke off the Shai-Hulud sandworms gathering at a landing site.

  32. [re=517039]Lazy Media[/re]: You have a point. Now curling, that’s a sport. I love curling. I’m watching it right now. It’s very relaxing. And it looks like the kind of sport you could play without spilling your beer.

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