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  • This week, your “Disaster on tiny island brings misery to all” news is brought to you by Madeira. [New York Times]
  • Recent surveys suggest that the public is losing faith in science, because what has science ever done for them except give them penicillin and jet packs? [Financial Times]
  • Gordon Brown is just a screaming bitch of a diva, apparently, which is why his staff reported him to Great Britain’s Archbishop of Collegiality. [UK Press Association]
  • If you woke up yesterday morning feeling like everything was suddenly super awesome and all your problems had magically melted away, that’s because much-awaited credit card reforms finally went into effect. [USA Today]
  • This week Toyota executives will attend hearings at the headquarters of the company’s wholly owned subsidiary, Capitol Hill. [Washington Post]
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  • WadISay

    When the commercial real estate market collapses, we will remember this as the happy time.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=516871]WadISay[/re]: Ah, another optimist, like myself. We are so freakin’ doomed.

    I may go to the liquor cabinet REALLY early today.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Why isn’t mud, Jello or oatmeal wrestling an Olympic event?

  • FMA

    I know. Science. What good is it? I mean, they give us HDTV, but when they air the US-Canada Olympic hockey game, it’s on normal TV, at least as offered by my cable company.

  • x111e7thst

    Jet packs have not improved since the late 60’s. Therefore evolution is a lie.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I make my living by doing sciencey kind of stuff and I’m very pissed off about my lack of a personal jet pack but I’m not angry enough to declare the world flat… yet.

  • dhgfu

    Welcome to—————– http://www.9elife.com ——————-

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    New era cap $15

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  • proudgrampa

    We should feel better because the credit card companies are only going to shove the broomstick halfway up.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=516878]dhgfu[/re]: WTH, dude. Stop shilling your knock-offs web site!

  • Potater

    [re=516878]dhgfu[/re]: I’m still waiting on my brand name tracksuit.

  • ManchuCandidate

    James Inhoff: Any attack made by the AQ against this nation would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical knowledge they have obtained. This nation is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
    Dick Cheney: Don’t be too proud of this fundamentalist terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet by denying Global Warming is insignificant next to the power of SCIENCE.
    Inhoff: Don’t try to frighten us with your scientific ways, Lord DICK. Your sad devotion to that modern knowledge has not helped you triangulate the stolen Blossom DVDs, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the AQ’s’ hidden fortress…
    [Cheney makes a pinching motion and Inhoff starts choking]
    Dick Cheney: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=516871]WadISay[/re]: [re=516871]WadISay[/re]:
    Yes but wouldn’t it be cool to live in an abandoned Wal-Mart?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=516878]dhgfu[/re]:
    ————— have some cheap things …———————

    Haha!
    Win!

  • Aflac Shrugged

    The 13% APR on my $5,000 balance can’t be raised any higher after the fact? Wow, that really took the urgency out of this Chapter 7 filing.

  • Alexander the Large

    [re=516883]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Is it Darth Dick or Dick Darth-dadly

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    My credit card company wanted my first born as payment, but I have so children, so I mailed an envelope of semen as permitted under the new reform laws. The Post Office returned my payment as “gooey”, however. This is a severe loophole in the law and another win for the banking industry.

  • progressiveinga

    [re=516878]dhgfu[/re]: What about Snuggies? Any discount on Snuggies? Or Freedom Trays? No? Then stfu. Loser.

  • Terry

    I wonder if the folks on Capitol Hill will bring up the content of Toyota’s leaked memo about saving money by diverting attention from problems with their cars?

  • Diana Davies

    [re=516879]proudgrampa[/re]: It’s not so much the broomstick as the splinters. Oweeee!

  • Darkness

    Given that they have ice dancing, they really should let those bridge players have a go at it. Hey, they offered to set the tables up on the ice rink.

  • Larry McAwful

    Will the Toyota executives’ seppuku be televised? If not, then I don’t think this scandal merits any further coverage.

  • red sky

    We should all be very happy that jet packs are not avaliable to the general public, could you imainge the calamity that would ensue?

  • Potater

    Drudge’s BIG HEADLINE last night was the prezdent of Toyota (or maybe it was just some Asian; they all look alike to Matt) saying Democrats are unfriendly to business. I guess by that they mean “won’t let us get away with killing people, the big meanies.”

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=516873]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Wrestling for hobo beans has been a popular backyard sport for 2 years. Does that count?

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=516907]red sky[/re]: Why? Would Toyota be manufacturing them?

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=516907]red sky[/re]:
    Every day a Darwin’s Award winner with Red States rapidly depopulated.

    Doesn’t seem so bad.

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=516908]Potater[/re]: I don’t understand why they’d say that. Since most Toyota plants are located in heavily Republican states, why would Toyota’s executives say things to help get Democrats elected? What’s their angle, I wonder?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=516911]bitchincamaro[/re]:
    Pictures please.

  • JMP

    It’s only five years until 2015. Science, where are my goddamn hoverboard and flying car? The movies promised me them by then, and yet we don’t seem anywhere closer.

  • Surfeit O&#39

    [re=516921]JMP[/re]: And Moon cities, why aren’t there any fucking Moon cities?

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=516912]Larry McAwful[/re]:
    The Nerd answer is that jetpacks do too little for too much. You only have about 5 minutes of fuel and they get too damn hot. Also, most operators would not be experienced test pilots and crash, die, etc.

    [re=516921]JMP[/re]:
    Again, nerd answer is that most people can’t handle travel in one or two dimensions let alone three (see local highways or malls.) Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a flying car (see fighter pilots). Otherwise, as I said above, everyday would be a Darwin kind of day.

  • bitchincamaro
  • cheeto_jeebus

    [re=516918]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: how about video?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChGxwRq3YcI
    the beany stuff starts at about 30 seconds.

  • Whatever Blows Your Skirt

    [re=516871]WadISay[/re]: [re=516872]proudgrampa[/re]: it has already BEGUN

    enter *evil laugh* here.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=516874]FMA[/re]: I waited and waited for that fucking game on NBC (last summer I ditched cable and opted for being able to buy food) and was very angry when it never came on and my asshole friends were all posting the score on facebook.

    Fuck you Bob Costas.

  • richardwb1

    [re=516878]dhgfu[/re]: Me want
    ————— have some cheap things …———————
    I do not know why.

  • JMP

    [re=516925]Something making Surfeit’s Reply button not work[/re]: Yeah, exactly; we need our cities on the moon, along with the cities underwater.

    And hell, the second manned mission to Jupiter is supposed to be reaching it this very year, yet there not only was no disastrous first mission to nearly get there nine years ago, we haven’t even been to Mars yet!

    Still, at least we haven’t build the AI that launched nuclear war in 1997, then used its robots to enslave the remains of mankind.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=516928]bitchincamaro[/re]:
    Hmmm it’s not as sexy as thought it would be.

    [re=516930]cheeto_jeebus[/re]:
    Unfortunately you tube is blocked here.
    If it’s Ann Margret in the seen from Tommy good call.
    I heard she got cut up from some broken glass doing that scene.

  • Katydid

    [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You don’t work for the DIA, do you?

    ::peers at Manchu suspiciously::

  • Sparky McGruff

    [re=516921]JMP[/re]: You may be waiting on Science to build you a jetpack, but god’s honest truth, as a scientist I can tell you that we’re spending all our time writing grants to try to keep our jobs rather than working on your jet packs.

    With the funding situation as ass-bad as it is, we’re lucky to have the money to buy a Dora the Explorer backpack from the thrift store, nevermind buying the parts to build your damn jetpack.

  • HipHopOpotamus

    [re=516921]JMP[/re]: At least we got the crappy 3-D movie graphics back in time for the Chicago Cubs to beat the Miami Gators in 2015.

  • Hello Sunshine

    Maybe that’s why Gordon Brown is so angry all the time – Tony Blair took the Prime Ministerial jetpack with him when he left Downing Street.

  • donner_froh

    [re=516871]WadISay[/re]: [re=516872]proudgrampa[/re]: The only question will be whether Hank Paulson is brought back to continue his fine work of stuffing the economy into its grave or if the current heads of state at Goldman Sachs will do it.

  • donner_froh

    [re=516907]red sky[/re]: While a jet pack would be nice I will settle for a date with Judy Jetson.

  • tootsieroll

    [re=516928]bitchincamaro[/re]: You’d think I would have learned not to click on the links you kids post with food or beverage in my mouth when I visit Wonkette.

  • Mustang

    I was listening to a spokesman for the credit card industry on Saturday. He was hilarious. He said how happy the credit industry was with the changes and then went on to explain that it’s too bad if you want to get a credit card now because you probably won’t be able to and even if you are, the interest rate will be 178 percent. What a pack of asswipes.

  • Barry White Zombie

    I don’t think this has been posted here yet. Here is a Ana Marie Cox interview from a few days ago http://www.avclub.com/milwaukee/articles/ana-marie-cox-will-talk-politics-for-food,38292/

  • JMP

    [re=516940]Sparky McGruff[/re]: But it should be so easy to write a grant proposal for a jetpack or hoverboard. “Proposal: to create a jetpack. Purpose: it’s a motherfucking jetpack”.

    [re=516943]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Yeah, but we still need to wear special glasses for them; where is our holographic 3D?

  • cheeto_jeebus

    [re=516937]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Then i’ll watch it again for ya. Poor Ann, and me not there to lick her wounds.

  • Gumboz1953

    [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But it worked in The Jetsons. They promised.

  • Gumboz1953

    [re=516872]proudgrampa[/re]: If you’re drinking madeira, make sure you check it really well. Might want to run it through some cheesecloth to filter the sludge. Unless of course you like sludge.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=516939]Katydid[/re]:
    No. But I did stay in a Holiday Inn last night.

    See? Gubbiment guys never make jokes, let alone really lame ones.

  • BadKitty

    [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “people can’t handle travel in one or two dimensions let alone three (see local highways or malls.) Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a flying car (see fighter pilots). Otherwise, as I said above, everyday would be a Darwin kind of day.”

    And the downside of that would be? Something has to offset the way stupid people are reproducing.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=516932]Whatever Blows Your Skirt[/re]: BWAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!

  • Dean Booth

    I want hover TruckNuts, to float over my left shoulder at all times.

  • Terry

    [re=516940]Sparky McGruff[/re]:

    I’ve had to totally scrap my plans for a secret Arctic lair, too. I’m thinking of building it in Accokeek instead. Cost effective and no one will ever look there.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=516946]donner_froh[/re]: They don’t call it “Government Sachs” for nothing.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=516965]BadKitty[/re]:
    Trust me, after being cut off a couple of times and nearly T-boned on the street by someone who doesn’t get “red = stop”, I feel the same way. It’s more like DWIs. I don’t care if the drunken fools get themselves killed, but for some reason the universe protects drunks and fools and everyone else dies. Unless we get flying car equivalent of minivans and SUVs.

  • JMP

    [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But see, it would be a flying car, not a plane; and they’re always just as easy to fly as a regular car is to drive in all the movies and shows.

    Besides, the cutting edge shouldn’t be travel in three dimensions, but four. Just think how all the evangelicals would react if we could take them back to when their myths supposedly happened and observed real history instead…

  • HipHopOpotamus

    [re=516951]JMP[/re]: Don’t worry, CNN’s on it. It’ll be ready for 2012 election night.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=516990]JMP[/re]:
    Fingers in their ears while screaming “Jeebus Save me” over and over again.

  • artpepper

    [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a flying car.”

    Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage a car.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=516995]artpepper[/re]:
    Only about 5-8% of the population has the reflexes and brainpower to manage LIFE.

  • Prommie

    [re=516926]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Uhhh, they gots this stuff called ‘computers’ now, nerdmandude, which will take care of the flying and the balancing and soft landings and not killing yourself because you are an idiot with slow reflexes, so, what with that, where’s my fucking jetpack? I want my fucking jetpack.

    Actually, I don’t really want a jetpack, I want some way to just fly, thats all, just fly, fast and slow, and hover, hovering is important to me.

  • Prommie

    [re=516958]Gumboz1953[/re]: Where you gettin’ your madeira? OOohhhh, I get it now, joke about mnudslides, never mind.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=517002]Prommie[/re]: I once had an “out of body” experience in which I hovered. It was cool.

    Then the drugs wore off.

  • steverino247

    [re=517001]proudgrampa[/re]: Yet 99% of the population have the reflexes and brainpower to manage reproduction.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=517002]Prommie[/re]:
    Computer networks not fast/reliable enough to do so. Imagine Internet Explorer crashing (well you don’t need to do that) then imagine it controlling your car and going to shit at 300mph. I’d be pulling the ejection handle.

  • Lazy Media

    Ice dancing is not a sport. It’s an Olympic competition (much as the ancient Greeks held lyre-strumming and poetry competitions), but “sports” do not involve sequins and subjective judging. If ice dancing is a sport, then so is ballet.

    Same goes for figure skating, gymnastics, diving, free-style skiing (except ski cross, which is fuckin’ AWESOME), ski jumping, etc. Not sports. Nothing wrong with having them as Olympic competitions, but if the outcome is determined by anything other than an objective score or a time, it’s not a sport.

  • Deacon Frank Orris

    [re=517007]proudgrampa[/re]: Stupid drugs! Where are my drugs that don’t wear off, also?!

  • sanantonerose

    On losing faith in science: Whenever the space shuttle lands, I always expect the locals to run out and beat it to death with sticks.

  • steverino247

    Don’t forget that reproduction is considered “success” in bilogy. There’s nothing in Darwin that says you have to be able to tie your shoes. So, if your belief that your invisible friend from the Bronze Age rode dinasaurs allows you to produce 19 children, you’re a fucking biological genius.

  • S.Luggo

    Deniers want the Paultard blimp to carry large, bamboo poles to prevent the blimp from bumping into clouds. Sounds logical.

    The poles can also be skillfully employed to poke off the Shai-Hulud sandworms gathering at a landing site.

  • FMA

    [re=517039]Lazy Media[/re]: You have a point. Now curling, that’s a sport. I love curling. I’m watching it right now. It’s very relaxing. And it looks like the kind of sport you could play without spilling your beer.

  • Darkness

    [re=517039]Lazy Media[/re]: So, real sports don’t have refs?

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