Wonkette’s annual CPAC attendee friend Garrett Quinn, who is insane for still going to these things but great for sending us the laffs, has delivered the first batch of terrifying furry photos from Day One. They depict an astroturfing eagle and a monstrous grey squid-elephant walrus fetus that isn’t Dick Armey. (Maybe.) Six demerits to each from Mittens, we guess? UPDATE: My god, is it actually Cthulhu??

Oh, sorry, this isn’t a furry, he isn’t even wearing his human costume yet.


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  • ManchuCandidate

    It’s Snuffaluffagus and Big Bird!

    Oops. I mean their “proper” Right Wing Values family low taxes and no homo equivalents. “Bert the Elephant” and “Ernie the Eagle.”

  • Doglessliberal

    what the fuck is that? A squid?

  • Joshua Norton

    Maybe they don’t like dressing up as much as they want to disguise who they really are. I know I would.

  • edgydrifter

    I guess Joe the Pilot won’t be speaking at this one.

  • freakishlystrong

    It ain’t CPAC until the hideous furries show up on our Wonkett! Yay!

  • Joshua Norton

    Needs more capes.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Welcome to CPAC — home of the Flaccid Pachyderm.

  • NineInchNachos


  • NineInchNachos
  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    At the risk of asking the obvious, these people really have a weird costume fetish, don’t they?

  • elburrito

    CPAC as Hunter S. Thompson would have seen it.

  • Lawndarts

    I think NineInchNachos is right – it is CTHULHU!!!!

  • freakishlystrong

    The elephant? is very deflated and sad. Like the Republican Party.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Now that’s funny. Thanks.
    My eyes are watering.

  • JMP

    This’ll probably be meaningless to anyone except other who’ve lived in the Chicago area, but I think that must be Eagle Man, ready to lay his car insurance eggs:

    [re=515337]Doglessliberal[/re]: An elephtopus.

  • Tommmcatt

    $10 says both those dudes are some poor, deluded college kid trying to get “CPAC Intern” on their resume.

  • skutre

    There’s a whole Army of Dick behind the elesquid

  • brown_recluse

    is that last one Cthulu?

  • gurukalehuru

    It’s the Joe Stack Memorial Service. American Solutions, indeed.

  • Buzz Feedback

    WTF is Tickly Octopus doing at CPAC?

  • DC Hates Me

    Anyone ever see the movie, The Angry Red Planet?

  • Maddow Loves Cox

    Is anyone else feeling turned on right now?

  • TGY


  • jbd

    [re=515356]NineInchNachos[/re]: [re=515399]brown_recluse[/re]: yeah, ok, that was my first thought too. but not nearly green enough and lacking in electability.

  • WadISay

    [re=515337]Doglessliberal[/re]: The message has got to be, try the calamri buffet tonight, it’s delicious.

  • grevillea

    Y’all are confused: K-Lo just looks slightly different without her necklace.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    The Eagle has landed. And it has no eyes.

  • Ducksworthy

    Crap. Now I’ve just wasted 20 minutes reading about Cthulhu. Thanks a lot Jim.

  • qwerty42

    Needs more Klingons. And Imperial Stormtroopers. And Batman. Heck, some confederates too?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Since “elephant” is letting us see his human hands anyway, why not go ahead and prop up that trunk in an upright, “triumphant” position? Either that or incorporate a few different materials into the costume next time. I hear styrofoam works.

  • Extemporanus

    Shit! If I’d known a furries post was on deck, I would’ve held off on linking to last month’s issue of <a href=”FURVERT Magazine“>FURVERT Magazine in the previous thread.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=515359]NineInchNachos[/re]: Lovecraft is to theology what Any Rand is to economics.

  • bfstevie

    [re=515401]gurukalehuru[/re]: On the “American Solutions” web site “general chairman” Newt Gingrich, in the “about” section, uses the same Einstein quote of about insanity used by Joe Stack. Coincidence?

    I dutifully reported this to the wonkette tips department, and expect to be ignored, just like in real life.

    Oddly enough, I have some hours in a PA-28-140.

    Remember to thank our brave troops.

  • Carrie_Okie

    Just another crazy day at the corner of Arkham and Miskatonic.

  • La Cieca

    On a more positive note, Raven has really polished her “Disco Critter” characterization.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Is…is that supposed to be a web-footed bald eagle?

  • SayItWithWookies
  • F*T*S*

    Needs more Sarah Silverman.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=515433]Extemporanus[/re]: It’s CPAC, there will be many furrie posts-and please please that link in every one!

  • WadISay

    [re=515439]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Shouldn’t it be wearing wingtips, har-har?

  • prizepig

    It’s Splashy! The Waterboarding Squid!

  • madtowngooner

    If this place was bombed, and I’m not advocating violence, but if it were, we could raise the nation’s IQ by 50 points easily.

    Golf shoes, obviously.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=515440]SayItWithWookies[/re]: During one especially boring CPAC break-out meeting, the Eagle quitely slipped away to the men’s room where he furtively rubbed one out, patriotic tears and semen falling at his talons like so many broken American dreams.

  • HipHopOpotamus

    I’m just excited to start reading Craigslist M4M “MWM seeks same, discreet, in town for weekend only” posts again. Oh, wait, FIRST.

  • coolcatdaddy

    An eagle with duck feet?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=515445]freakishlystrong[/re]: Oh, if no one objects, I most certainly will. And next time I’ll even try not to fur-up the motherfurrin’ HTML.

    (Also, the color’s off because the pic was created for print. I’ll try to upload a spiffier web-friendly version as well.)

  • S.Luggo

    Wild thing, I think you move me.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=515487]Extemporanus[/re]: And Photobucket will sell you a mug with that on it, too. The picture, not the semen or tears.

    [re=515490]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Shhh…and don’t ask to see his birth certificate either.

  • eclecticbrotha

    [re=515391]JMP[/re]: Look at those loooow rates!

    Squidephant needs better shoes.

  • Jukesgrrl

    One of those furries could be that Pennsylvania Republican staffer who tried to lure a school boy into a dog house. AND HOW WOULD WE KNOW?

  • crookedE

    [re=515421]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: and, for some reason, flippers.

  • Flanders

    [re=515436]bfstevie[/re]: NEWT GINGRICH DID IT! Tipster/commenter bfstevie writes, “Saw the ‘American Solutions’ furry on the Wonkette. Turns out this is a ‘tri-partisan citizen action network’ whose General Chairman is Newt Gingrich.”

    You got props!

  • Magnus Maximus

    Those yellow tights are going to haunt my nightmares

  • lochnessmonster

    I DON’T want what they were eating/drinking/smoking when they decided those were good costumes and they’d wear them in public.

  • Maddow Loves Cox

    It’s an ‘obama job creation fail whale’.

    So, that explains that.

    There was apparently a Bush Not Killing Thousands of African Americans Fail Whale, but it was in New Orleans when Katrina hit, so ironically it was able to swim to freedom.

  • GleepGlop

    Is the elephant/cthuhlu guy wearing a suit under there? Look at his shoes.

  • artbot2000

    It’s the mother of all crocheted Chthulhu sock puppets!

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=515618]Maddow Loves Cox[/re]: You’re shitting me–it’s supposed to be a whale? That’s Fucking Retarded.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=515618]Maddow Loves Cox[/re]: Your Obama Fail Whale link was broken.

  • mrwizzy

    I would totally hit that eagle.

  • Maddow Loves Cox

    I apologize for my broken link. Please don’t unleash the Fail Whale on me. Or, if you do,
    please put a caption on it, so I can tell what the fuck it’s meant to be.

    It’s the second photo in that slideshow.

  • Maddow Loves Cox

    ‘That’s Fucking Retarded.’

    I only knew he was a Fail Whale, I didn’t know his given name. Suits him.

  • blinky_twinkie

    I don’t care what *they* call that grey blobby thing. *I* think it’s a Squidephant. The cheap shoes are a dead giveaway. No Fail Whale worth his blowhole would be caught DEAD in those fucking retarded shoes.

  • Allyson

    1. Someone get that poor bald eagle some decent tights from Wolford! Expense be damned, no living creatuer should be condemned to wear those awful yellow things!
    2. That elephant (assuming that is an elephant) looks clinically depressed. Break out the Prozac!

  • Allyson

    (Meant to write “creature” in that post, but my eyes are still recovering from that awful yellow…)

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=515694]Maddow Loves Cox[/re]: I was doing my best Rahm.. However, you are correct–it’s ‘Fucking Retarded’ the Fail Whale.

  • bolton&#39

    @JMP Eagleman just laid an egg on the roof of my car.

  • Wingnutia

    The highlight of the event will be of course when the furries alternate blowing newt gingrich (he’ll marry one of them, he’s got a lot more hypocrisy left in that giant head with the evil, tiny face) and dick cheney will demonstrate the christian compassion of the right by torturing some unemployed black guy they dressed up like obama…ah, conservatives, they’re a lot more interesting when they get off of their meds and into their weird furry and “patriot” costumes. Come to think of it, is it any surprise that the GOP senators once bukkakied on General Patreaus’ dress uniform? weird costume fetish, indeed.

  • Mr Blifil

    Whatever that bulbous gray thing is, I hope it doesn’t start wriggling around.

  • Mad Brahms

    [re=515864]Mr Blifil[/re]: What is “things often heard at CPAC”, Alex?

  • libwakman

    I recognize my sons shoes sticking out from the sad deflated gray blob-thing..he thought he was gay so I wallpapered his room in a nice Palin print (GOP endorsed) and now he’s just fucking crazy. Its for the best.

  • Scarab

    Those attendees are sadder than Comic Con.

  • teebob2000

    Fail Whale FAIL.

  • Lake Affected

    That is some totally CPAC hair on the dumpy red sweater lady behind Webby and the Fail Whale.

  • slowuncle

    what is American Solutions? An Amway spinoff? If they sell door-to-door, those costumes’ll be a real deal-closer!

  • American1st

    Wow now we know rappers learned how to be potty mouths from the educated foul mouth libs who were their teachers in schools.
    Please will all you assholes promise to move to iran when we elect sarah palin?
    Dont we all love how fast america woke up and saw what morons you so called educated liberals are?
    If you liberal progressives ever had to earn an honest living you would starve like the ignorant little piglets you are.

  • libwakman

    Will be dining on roasted piglet this evening as we educated liberals have our weekly meeting to hatch plans to drive god out of America and our gay-lesbian-transgender friends plan their route to “homo-up” school children everywhere.

  • knobwurst

    Who knew bald eagles were gay? I sure didn’t.

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