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Here is yesterday’s most famous Internet thing, it is beloved Yale pin-up Anderson Cooper rescuing a Haitian boy from Hell. (Rod Blagojevich has signed on to star in the teevee adaptation, pending purchase and use of silver hair dye.) No snark allowed okay you guys?! David Denby will be supervising… from beyond the grave. [AC360]

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  • President Beeblebrox
  • sezme

    If only there was a way to clone Anderson Cooper. No more disasters?

  • Joshua Norton

    He should take the entire country of Haiti to spend the next few weeks at his family home in Newport. They could all fit in The Breakers servants quarters and nobody would even know they were there.

  • Aloysius

    Two quick questions:
    1. What’s the difference between “Haitian looters” and “Haitians who are saying the hell with ethics and doing whatever they can to survive in Port-au-Hellonearth”?
    2. Am I a horrible person for wondering if this incident will keep AC from donating blood to the Red Cross?

    Thank you. I’ll take the answers off the air.

  • Suds McKenzie

    He definitely brings some “guns” to the machete party.

  • Dreadful Gate

    He looks dreamy in a t-shirt. Nice biceps, Ace!

  • Mild Midwesterner

    So will it be a new trend for journalists to get involved in the situations that they cover? Don’t journalists traditionally attempt to sit on the sidelines and report from a 3rd party perspective?

  • AxmxZ

    [re=496850]Aloysius[/re]: Frankly, I can’t see this as ‘looting’ – it’s salvaging of supplies at this point.

  • Holy Cow!!

    Great. Now he’s Super Gay.

  • P Drizzle

    Anyone remember if AC had already gone silver on Channel One? I was but a pre-pubescent babe who couldn’t figure out why he liked Lisa Ling so much.

    I feel old now.

  • proudgrampa

    There was a time when I would have thought that actions like Cooper’s and Gupta’s were honorable and heroic and a sign of their sincerity and humanity.

    But this day and age, they just look like self-aggrandizing reporters. I wish they would just get the fuck outta the way and let the aid workers do their jobs.

    God, I was never this cynical when I was younger.

  • drpangloss

    Jebus AC bring a first aid kit with ya. I know you’re a camera whore but if you’re going to get into the fight so to speak at least bring the proper kit.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=496863]proudgrampa[/re]: Counterpoint – I doubt the patients Gupta saved that night care much whether or not he also filed a report about it.

  • Extemporanus

    The quick silver fox jumps over the lazy shark.

  • bitchincamaro

    The brick was thrown at Cooper because he was mistaken for David Brooks. And Matt Taibi threw it.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=496863]proudgrampa[/re]: Also – wasn’t the whole problem with Gupta the fact that the aid workers LEFT their job?

  • Paul Tardy

    Doesn’t saving the Haitian kid violate the prime directive Capt Kirk?

  • anonymousryan

    Funny, the AFP headline is, “ANDERSON COOPER DONNE UN ENFANT À LES NÉGRIERS!”

  • Terry

    [re=496850]Aloysius[/re]:

    Agreed. Taking food, drink, clothes, and stuff you might be able to use to create shelter is scavenging, not looting.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=496869]AxmxZ[/re]: I can’t disagree with you, there. [re=496866]AxmxZ[/re]: Or there.

    I don’t like the way I feel: it’s just that a lot more people giving aid are doing it without cameras over their shoulders. They’re the heroes.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=496858]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: No, I think some guy named Hunter Thompson came up with that concept. Although doing search & rescue efforts with a head full of mescaline isn’t usually a good plan.

  • Simba B

    [re=496850]Aloysius[/re]: Oh, there are other reasons that he can’t donate blood.

  • Hooray For Anything

    I stopped watching cable news almost a year ago but I decided to break my embargo and watched CNN to see what was happening in Haiti. I turned it on just in time to see ten minutes of Sanjay Gupta play doctor with an injured baby and decided never to watch cable news again.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=496868]bitchincamaro[/re]: Brooks is such a dick.

  • norbizness

    Wasn’t this the Diff’rent Strokes origin story?

  • DemmeFatale

    Good point about the misrepresentation of Haiti, AC.
    MAYBE CNN SHOULD EASE UP ON THE SHOTS OF “LOOTING!!”

  • frailamerica

    [re=496871]anonymousryan[/re]: I don’t know French, but The Google Translate says this: Anderson “Cooper GIVE A CHILD TO THE slavers!”

  • SayItWithWookies

    Yeah, AC’s a whore, but I’ll take his grandstanding over troglodytic Jesus fart Pat Robertson’s any day. If Robertson had the courage of his repugnant convictions, he’d be down in Port-au-PrinceofDarkness telling the Haitian people this was all their own fault. And I’d dearly hope that PTL would put the footage on the air.

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    That’s funny, I would have cast Blagojevich in the role of the small Haitian child. He is after all at least as black as our Kenyan leader.

  • Tommmcatt

    Great job, Coop. Now do it in a speedo.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=496871]anonymousryan[/re]: [re=496885]frailamerica[/re]: I just did that myself and got this result: “Anderson Cooper GIVE A CHILD Blackbirders”

    Whatinhell is a Blackbirder??? Answers when we return.

  • MzNicky

    The blood looked fake. Adjust the color saturation, CNN!

  • Escape Goat Nation

    Bill O’Reilly is now breaking things in his office.

  • Come here a minute

    Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: take off your pants and slide on the ice.

  • frailamerica

    [re=496890]proudgrampa[/re]: Apparently, Négriers = Blackbirders AND négriers = slavers

    That really explains nothing…

  • Fox n Fiends

    Diane Sawyer IS FUCKING PISSED.

  • S.Luggo

    The kid seemed to take the rock heaved by Limbaugh in stride. He must be a Dem.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=496885]frailamerica[/re]: OK. Got it now. I didn’t know the etymology. So the AFP headline is sorta racist, no?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=496901]frailamerica[/re]: [re=496908]proudgrampa[/re]: C’mon you two, it’s a Beatles reference.

    “Blackbirders slaving in the dead of night…”

  • dijetlo

    Next time Cooper saves somebodies life he needs to pick a Haitian girl in a low cut blouse, the entire clip cried out for some gratuitous boobage.
    also
    They’re black, so it’s looting.
    If they were scavenging, they’d have covered themselves in that white dust that’s everywhere in Haiti.
    I thought we covered this during Katrina?
    Shortly, they’ll start to “riot”…although the dusty ones will technically just be “protesting”.
    It’s elementary racism and your mostly Americans, I can’t believe you find this confusing.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=496913]Extemporanus[/re]: Sorry, but enlighten me. What does the Beatles song have to do with the AFP headline? Or are you being ironic? Or did anonymousryan pull my leg?

    Help! I’m confused!

  • edgydrifter

    Scud Stud –> Haiti Hunk

  • Hooray For Anything

    I guess we should give Cooper credit for at least helping the people. Gretchen Carlson’s in Haiti too but she’s going into Haitian hospitals and Red Cross centers to give viewers an illustration of what life would be like if health care passes.

  • glamourdammerung

    I am so sad that teh wonkett made me look to see if Denby has shaken off its mortal coil.

  • Oh hell to the no

    I wish AC wasn’t totally gay for dudes.

  • jetjaguar

    “from beyond the grave”

    Too soon Wonkette… too soon.

  • Jim89048

    Gupta sounds foreign, what’s HE doing there?

  • Reefpilot

    This could only be improved by a satellite interview with senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana. Or a special helmet cam for the Silver Fox. Plus Sean Penn in a leaky rowboat. Maybe Ray Nagin slamming a Mojito.

  • donner_froh

    Denby is a Haitian zombie? That explains a lot.

  • frailamerica

    How is it that his handheld DV camera didn’t get boosted when he put it down?

  • ummm

    [re=496850]Aloysius[/re]: Anderson Cooper is already presumably banned from giving blood. Look up the parameters.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=496929]proudgrampa[/re]: Something tells me that [re=496871]anonymousryan[/re] was pulling your leg.

    I was just serving up a quick bowl of “Négriers/négriers=Blackbird/Beatles” griot, seasoned with a dash of White Album irony. Sorry if it gave you indigestion.

  • Redhead

    Uggg. CNN was on at the bar last night and Wolf Blitzer showed this clip over and over before interviewing the Haitian ambassador to the US. The conversation basically went like this:
    Wolf Blitzer: We need to get all these Haitian orphans to loving AMERICAN families. How many orphans are there now?
    Ambassador: You mean before the earthquake? I don’t have exact numbers but…
    WB: No, now, after the earthquake.
    A: I haven’t counted every orphan…
    WB: We need to get them all out, now! Why aren’t you flying them all out now to AMERICAN families?
    A: Well we want to make sure that they’re all orphans and, with the chaos, they don’t have relatives and families who will find them later after they’ve been adopted.
    WB: They need to be adopted now! What do you say to people who are criticizing the US occupation of Haiti?
    A: You’re not occupying us. We had XXXX soldiers for 9 million people before the earthquake – to compare, NYC had XXXXXX. Some of those are missing now, so your military is helping keep order, but we’re still in control, the president is still making decisions.
    WB: But some people are saying America can’t occupy Iraq and Haiti at the same time. What do you say to that?
    A: uhh….

    At this point, I was yelling “shut up you douche” at the tv and my friend suggested we leave.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    It’s a step forward when a Vanderbilt admits there IS a Haiti. Saving the potential domestic servant was mere noblesse oblige.

  • Bob From Boise

    Um, did I just witness a gay man kidnap a small boy on the streets of Port-au-Prince?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    WWTBD?

    What would Ted Baxter do?

  • Neilist

    If Cooper had an AK 47 and a bunch of mags, instead of a digital handicam, he could have done a lot more about those folks throwing chunks of concrete off the roof.

    Just sayin’.

    (“The Social History of the Machine Gun.” Terrific book.)

  • finallyhappy

    [re=496929]proudgrampa[/re]: Maybe you needed more coffee- I thought it was wonderful

  • Radiotherapy

    [re=497002]Neilist[/re]: Too soon?

  • teebob2000

    OUR HOMO!!!! Er, “HERO”!!!!!

  • teebob2000

    [re=497015]Radiotherapy[/re]: Last week Tuesday wouldn’t have been too soon for Neilist. You new here?

  • teebob2000

    [re=496850]Aloysius[/re]: I think the distinction is what do they “need” vs. what do they “want” (simply because it can be gotten). i.e. food/water/clothing/shelter/medical supplies vs. a box of padded manilla envelopes from the office supply store that had partially collapsed.

  • Radiotherapy

    [re=497043]teebob2000[/re]: Neilist, the lovable gun-totin’ troll? I believe I voted to keep him in the December, 2009, “Jim, should he get the ban-hammer poll?”
    I wonder if Haiti has a 2nd Amendment — it was a joke about guns, people.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=497012]finallyhappy[/re]: [re=496973]Extemporanus[/re]: Aaah, you young whippersnappers!

  • lochnessmonster

    [re=496860]AxmxZ[/re]: That’s what I think…who could ever decide that they don’t have the right to get what they need for them and their families at this point? I don’t consider it “looting” it is survival.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=497065]proudgrampa[/re]: So as to ensure that you remain my proud, unfuddled Grampa, I will make a better effort in the future to reference cultural touchstones from eras with which you have greater firsthand experience.

    If only I’d followed my instincts and made a “Blackbeard the Butt-Pirate” joke instead…

  • ja

    cmon AC,, the shits going down; you need to step it up. the black tee has to come off in a moment and be pressed to the poor kid’s head as you hurdle the barricade. also, the bloody handprints were a nice touch.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=497085]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re a sweetheart. Now about that Blackbeard thing…

  • Neilist

    [re=497054]Radiotherapy[/re]: There was a poll to ban Neilist? Really? Gesh, I would have voted TWICE to get rid of that asshole.

    [re=497043]teebob2000[/re]: It’s Never Too Early For Bad Taste. At least, I think that’s the motto of the Lie-Brul Wing of the Democratic Party.

    [re=497015]Radiotherapy[/re]: Too soon? To be hit by a lump of concrete? Could be. But if it Anderson Cooper in the head, it’s not like it would do any damage.

    All kidding aside, the Important Thing to remember is that something like the Haiti earthquake, and resulting societal collapse, could NEVER HAPPEN here in the U.S.A. Say, in places like Los Angeles (Watts Riots, Rodney King Riots, Massive Brushfires, Massive Flooding, etc.)

    NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!

  • Guppy06

    Yay, Anderson Cooper saved somebody. How many people did Anderson Cooper’s camera crew save?

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