Laurie Coleman is so shinyNorm Coleman is just weird: “MINNEAPOLIS – Former Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman says his family voted 3-1 against him running for governor, so he will not join the race.” Thanks for the final tally, Norm. Glad to know democracy is still practiced in some households these days, like when a father can’t make up his mind about whether to seek employment. SO WHAT’S INSIDE THESE NUMBERS?

We believe the voting broke down like so. (If it’s wrong, Intern Riley gets fired five more times.)

Laurie Coleman (the wife who lives in Hollywood): No.
Jacob Coleman (son): YES! “[Norm] tells The Associated Press his 23-year-old son wanted him to run…”
Norm Coleman (The One): “…but that he felt he couldn’t step away from his family for 10 months to conduct the campaign.” No.
Sarah Coleman (daughter): No.

“He says he reached the decision during a family dinner Friday night.”

Jus’ like you ‘n’ me ‘n’ the common folk would reach them decisions, a-yuk a-yuk.

Coleman says he believes he could have won a Republican primary for governor, and that he’s not endorsing any Republican candidate for now.

Umm so yeah, I could definitely run and win, but like… it’d just be such a hassle. And the family. So not worth it. (Would totally win though.) (Just sayin’.)

Coleman: Family voted against Minn. governor run [AP]

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  • SayItWithWookies

    He thinks he coulda won a Republican primary, when he got creamed in his own family? Servant-leader fail.

  • Suds McKenzie

    If it was two to two, would the deciding vote be the family cat?, and how long would that take.

  • uppercanada

    Norm Coleman will now spend the next two years contesting this vote.

  • Way Cool Larry

    I demand a recount!

  • magic titty

    Um, hello. Where is the Jesus vote? Fucking heathens, all.

  • SmutBoffin

    “Umm so yeah, I could definitely run and win…”

    Is this written in your voice, Jim? Because you, Jim Newell, could probably win the MN governorship. Convert to Lutheranism, back the Vikes, bring a hot dish, and your’re in.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=496806]Suds McKenzie[/re]: I’m pretty sure the tiebreaker would be Mrs. Coleman’s hologram, and the two them vote as a bloc, so it’d still be “no.”

  • the problem child

    His wife voted absentee.

  • engulfedinflames

    [re=496806]Suds McKenzie[/re]: If it had been two to two the deciding vote would have gone to that waitress with low self esteem.

  • Snarkalicious

    I dunno…Minnesota governors have been a little fucked up of late. Maybe Norm getting into the race so they don’t have on for 7 or 8 months would be a welcome rest.

  • JadedDIssonance

    He was unsure about his prospects as the Lizard People Census Data was woefully inaccurate.

  • WadISay

    If this vote had taken place in Chicago, it would have come out 426 to 1.

  • magic titty

    [re=496819]the problem child[/re]: +1.

  • memzilla

    Wait… you mean he lost the Cletus and Brandine vote?

    (Of course, since it’s so cold in Minnesnowta, that’s the blue-neck vote.)

  • bureaucrap

    Laurie coleman also pledged to raise $1 million for the DSCC this year, so Norm could no longer count on her financial support.

  • bitchincamaro

    “I will now have more time to spend with the family that hates America more than it hates me. But just barely.”

  • progressiveinga

    Are we sure the 1 yes vote wasn’t a hanging chad? Possibly someone meant to vote for Pat Buchanan and changed her mind at the last minute?

  • Red Zeppelin

    Maybe he should ask for a second opinion from the Santorum family.

    Really, though, it’s just a cop out. Once a lazy hippie, always a lazy hippie.

  • schvitzatura

    Plan B?

    The former St. Paul mayor says he is putting together a think tank and policy institute in Washington.

    Those whose families disallow a run for leadership of the Land of 10,000 Lakes leave them no alternative but to become a white dwarf in the vast universe of professional scumsuckers and political patent medicine shillers. Brilliantly original, Norm!

  • Holy Cow!!

    This just in: Coleman sues family. Court battle to last for months.

  • sezme

    On this referendum, Lizard People vote Yes.

  • Come here a minute

    The son only voted for him to be “Minnesota nice”.

  • martinette

    Being Governor of Minnesota is a ticket to nowhere. Just ask Tim Pawlenty.

  • Anonymous

    Wonder if he got a vote from George W? He never made a move without his approval when he was in the Senate. It would have been nice to see him loose again.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=496819]the problem child[/re]: Early exit polling has you as the winner.

    [re=496841]progressiveinga[/re]: Any votes cast by Norm Coleman’s suicidal son are invalid.

  • Schmannity

    Al Franken also carried the family

  • the bf

    What was Nate Silver’s analysis?

  • FlownOver

    I’m not gonna believe any of this until I see Nate Silver’s analysis of the poll’s accuracy.

  • FlownOver

    [re=496916]the bf[/re]: D’OH! Beat by a fraction!

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=496807]uppercanada[/re]: “Norm Coleman will now spend the next two years contesting this vote.” And he is soliciting donations to pay for it.

  • Terry

    No, I think the scene around the Coleman table bore a striking similarity to a recent episode of Big Love. The patriarch at the head of the table announces he wants to run, everyone else in the room recoils in horror for their own individual reasons.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    [re=496830]WadISay[/re]: Depends. If it’s a punchcard or paper ballot vote, for example, you find a card or ballot that you like, count the total number voted, then run the card you like through the counter the same number of times (or,if you’re worried, maybe 80 percent the card you like, 20 percent other cards). So if it’s a 3-1 card, you might get something like 426-142, which wouldn’t make anybody blink too hard. If it’s a mechanical machine, you wire it so that one vote no automatically triggers three yes’s, or whatever ratio you think you can get away with (less on the North Side, way more on the South or West Side).

  • germansteel

    At least now the other candidates won’t be afraid to get into an airplane.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    When is Norm going to sue his wife to over turned her clearly ACORN inspired illegal vote?

    Speaking of which, why are the Republicans threatening a civil war if Mark Brown is not seated within 1 hour of the close of voting, but were all right with keeping the Dems from having their sixtieth vote for nearly eight months?

  • krlars

    What was the turnout? Cause I’m pretty sure you didn’t tally his synagogue girlfriend’s vote.

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