HOW COME GOD INVENTED RATIONAL THOUGHT UNLESS HE WANTED US TO SHOOT IT AND GRILL IT? “If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” Going Rogue, page 133. [via Slate]

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  1. “If God hadn’t intended for me to suck some dicks in high school & college, how come were all able to fit in my mouth?”

    – Sarah Palin, Going Rogue, page 669

  2. [re=462419]Doglessliberal[/re]: Wouldn’t it be there’s a place for meat on our plates? It’s Flinstonish to put “animals” on your plates..God, now I’m doing it, the word salad.

  3. [re=462437]freakishlystrong[/re]: I can see her with a leg on her plate. A big, bloody caribou leg. Or better still, the leg of an endangered animal, like a wolf she shot from her helicopter. She gnaws at it and eats with her hands because she is not a wuss like those libruls.

  4. [re=462420]FMA[/re]: But the beautiful part about Trig is that he is hand made by god and thus has an immortal soul, which will live on in heaven long after his body is eaten.

    Animals on the other hand, do not have a soul, what you see is what they got. Thus it would seem cruel to take away the only thing an animal has, its life, for a moose burger.

    Trig on the other hand has nothing but heaven to look forward to after dinner.

  5. Why did God invent a gullible public if he didn’t want them to be fooled? Why did God invent Christian witch doctors if he didn’t want them to choose the president in an obscure Alaska church? Why did God invent gays if he didn’t want them to be bashed?

  6. Like I said the udder day, she is just quoting Homer Simpson. The next Homer quote she’ll be spewing is “it takes two to lie – one to lie and one to listen!”

  7. [re=462423]magic titty[/re]: Reminds me of Kirk Cameron’s new gig: telling everyone that the banana fits in the human hand, and is therefore proof that God exists and loves us. You know what else fits right in the human hand? A big black dick. God exists, loves us, and wants us to be super gay.

  8. And if god intended us to be abstinent until marriage, as you keep telling us, Sarah, why did it make sex feel so good? If god intends for you to be President, as you seem to think, then why did it make you such an idiot, and the vast majority of Americans hate you for it?

    (The answer to each, of course, is that god, being fictional, doesn’t intend anything).

  9. There certainly aren’t any major stories in the Bible about God putting something edible on the planet then forbidding people from eating it (under punishment of removal from the Garden of Eden).

    ^I used that kind of line in a recent open mic.

  10. [re=462479]Zadig[/re]: Well, Kirk is right; it is true that bananas were intelligently designed. By humans – just like pretty much every modern crop, dogs, modern cattle, and pretty much every other domesticated species.

  11. [re=462469]Doglessliberal[/re]: You must go. And mercilessly tease the Trigs. Go up to get the novel signed and then pull it back at the last minute and yell “Psyche!”

  12. [re=462491]freakishlystrong[/re]: I cannot. I really have no longer have tolerance for that much stupidity in one place. Plus, that is a haul from my house and I am having a dinner party that night so need to be cooking. Some other intrepid Wonketeer with a stronger stomach than I needs to go.

  13. Since morons like to bring this up alot, you may as well know, Hitler was NOT a vegetarian. A guy who made it out before the war ended came to the US and wrote a tell-all book “I Was Hitler’s Personal Doctor!” and in the book he wrote that he tried to get the boss to go meat free several times but that Mr. Conquer The World just didn’t have the will power to abstain from eating dead burnt fatty animal tissue.

  14. sentence, actual
    ________”As the soles of my shoes hit the soft ground, I pushed past the tall cottonwood trees in a euphoric cadence, and meandered through willow branches that the moose munched on,” 102

    So a moose eats her young daughter, she eats the mooose, the circle of life continues.

  15. This is standard Republican humor. You take some line that’s been around the world for decades, you repeat it as though it’s the newest thing under the sun, and the people who never pay attention to anything actually think it’s the newest thing under the sun and laugh as though the rest of us – not laughing because we’ve heard the line a gazillion times – just don’t have a sense of humor.

  16. [re=462420]FMA[/re]: Not cool. The Palins are not Irish. Palin is a name that originated from Normandy, France.

    That said, as Palin is French, it’s safe to say that she is a socialist and can’t be trusted. I mean, she’d surrender all our wars, AMIRITE?!

  17. If God wanted people to not smoke pot, why did He make cannabis plants out of marijuana?

    If God didn’t like gay sex, why does He make so many gays?

    If God wanted Alaska to be part of America, why did He attach it to Canada?

    If God didn’t want Levi to pose for Playgirl, why did He make Levi out of pure hottness?

  18. If God didn’t intend the internet to be censored how come it was created by the government, is highly regulated by the government, and is operated by cowardly suck ups, and if any of those suck ups does show some back bone they hardly get any support from anyone?

  19. [re=462459]bureaucrap[/re]: That’s wrong. Men should eat womanmeat, and women should eat manmeat. Think about it. If you eat another person of the same gender, their body will have the same nutrients your body already makes. Those are empty calories. But if you eat the opposite sex, you gain the powers of the other gender, in addition to your own innate powers!

    Immagine using woman’s intuition while playing poker at a men-only game. You’d clean the place out.

  20. Someone should publish an index of “sentences.” Also.

    Sentence, actual:

    “As the soles of my shoes hit the soft ground, I pushed past the tall cottonwood trees in a euphoric cadence, and meandered through willow branches that the moose munched on,” 102

    “The apartment was small, with slanting floors and irregular heat and a buzzer downstairs that didn’t work, so that visitors had to call ahead from a pay phone at the corner gas station, where a black Doberman the size of a wolf paced through the night in vigilant patrol, its jaws clamped around an empty beer bottle.”

  21. I understand what she’s saying. And if my calculations are correct, rats, chickadees, and those squashed raccoons you see along the edges of highways are animals, in whatever state of living, and are therefore meat. That means that by transitive property, Sarah Palin eats roadkill and serves it to her family! Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!

  22. Another blast of wisdom from her Grand Rapids speech (she allegedly has a degree in journalism which includes aspects of communication):

    “This is the heart of industry in our country, and I would like to see for this heart of industry for you all to just see a revitalization of your economy, and to be able to see really some remarkable things happen in this part of our land, and I anticipate that good things are going to happen here.”

  23. [re=462469]Doglessliberal[/re]: She’s coming to Fayetteville, Arkansas too. I think the tour planners mistakenly assumed, “Arkansas? Palin? Match made in heaven!” I say mistakenly because someone failed to observe that there happens to be a large university here, which does not, in fact, offer degrees in Jesusology. So when she breezes into what she undoubtedly thinks is a little slice of crypto-fascist nirvana, I hope someone snaps a pic of her face when she’s surrounded by a mob of pinko faculty and patchoulista students.

  24. [re=462521]the problem child[/re]: Let me tell everyone something. Moose-munched willow branches look like shitty tangle of bare sticks all about 7 feet high. There is NOT A DAMN THING SEXY about a bunch of bare twigs pruned back to near death.

  25. TRUEFACT: I had Swedish meatballs for dinner last night, but I was too full to Finnish them.

    [re=462434]Doglessliberal[/re]: Actually, it’s neither. She puts him to sleep on a bed of mashed potatoes. (Seriously, she said “mashed potatoes”…)

    [re=462420]FMA[/re]: Trig is murder.

    [re=462448]nbawriter[/re]: Whore: The other white meat.

  26. [re=462558]chascates[/re]: “I would like to see for this heart of industry for you all to just see a revitalization of your economy, and to be able to see really some remarkable things happen in this part of our land” … but I wouldn’t sign a bail-out for the auto industry or stimulus projects for any part of Michigan if I were president. I’d tell you to pull yourselves up by your bootstraps. Ronald Reagan did it, I did it, and so can you! Now I’d like to introduce your fellow Michigander Ted Nugent, who is going to teach you good folks how to shoot your own dinner meat and catch fish with your hands like Todd and I do. God bless!

  27. [re=462515]Gorillionaire[/re]: You forgot to mention how meat apparently made Hitler have “extremely embarassing issues of flatulence”, which somehow conjures up images of fire-spewing anuses.

  28. [re=462691]4tehlulz[/re]: And I take every opportunity to remind the ones I know that realise how stupid that was just about every chance I get.

  29. So, um, did she tell Trooper Wooten “Bad Cop, No Donut?”

    Sarah Palin’s views on arming outer space?

    “Space is for Deadheads, not Warheads!”

    pfft. This woman is a *Crazy* *Person*

  30. From the 1956 Flanders and Swann song “The Reluctant Cannibal”, a dialog between the “Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief” cannibal and his son, who is refusing to eat the dinner of “roast leg of insurance salesman”:

    (Son) Eating people is bad!

    (Dad) But people have always eaten people, what else is there to eat?
    If the juju had meant us not to eat people, he wouldn’t have made us of meat!

    (Son) I won’t eat people!

    (Dad) Have you been talking to one of your mothers again? You’re not getting to be one of these cranks that thinks that eating people is cruel, are you, you see a man sitting in a pot and think he’s suffering? Oh, it’s not like that at all. Why, he’s just had an invigorating chase through the forest. He’s sitting there in the nice warm water, with all the carrots and dumplings and things, he’s thinking “Oh, the pleasure and happiness I’m going to give to a whole heap of people”, that man in the pot there, he enjoys it.

    (etc.) ”

    Palin’s version is a post-ironic celebration of the small-mindedness and piggery the original was ridiculing. Some people have no shame

  31. For what it is worth, there is a full-page, full-color ad on Page 13A in today’s (11-19-09)
    St. Petersburg Times. Newsmax offers a copy of Bible Spice’s new “book” for the low, low price of only $4.97. But wait, there’s more: it also includes a FREE four-month trial subscription to Newsmax Magazine as well as a FREE copy of Newsmax’s recent special report, “Sarah Palin and the Newer Feminism”. A $45 value! I could not make this up if my life was on the line! Billy Mays lives! Billy Sunday lives!

  32. “When I graduate, I’m going to Bovine University!” Going Rogue, page 235

    “You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad.” Going Rogue, page 256.

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