Mark Sanford was involved in a SENSATIONAL high-speed chase the other day in South Carolina, where he has a lucrative freelance governorship gig. The driver of Sanford’s car was going 85 mph when he was pulled over by a state trooper, who wanted to know what the deal was with the 85 mph. For such is his job! Mark Sanford’s job is to roll down the passenger-side window, mumble “Mark Sanford” with all the engagement of a tape recorder that had previously recorded someone else mumbling “Mark Sanford,” extend his hand without ever leaving the car, and avoid a speeding ticket. [WILD VIDEO at The State]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    He was late to go “hiking.”

    Strangely, I can’t imagine Mark being a hypocrite for shitting on his gay Lt. Gov for not getting speeding tickets. Oh wait he was.

  • bureaucrap

    It IS possible to drive from Columbia SC to Buenos Aires in just under 47 hours if you don’t stop for things like pooping and sleeping. But he probably should have just bought an airline ticket.

  • chascates

    This didn’t work for Gov. Rick Perry. When his limo was stopped he told the officer he was ‘just trying to get on down the road.’ He got a ticket anyway.
    I guess everyone feels sorry for Sanford, broken man that he is.

  • HedonismBot

    Juli, as an avid Wonkette reader for more than a year and a half, I have to say you’ve really come into your own as a contributor. You’ve developed your own style, and all of your posts are consistently funny.
    Now, where’s my “iPhone?” Trucknutz. Also.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Are we sure the officer pulled him over for speeding?

    Maybe he was just wanting to get a few tips on scoring with teh Hawt Latina Ladies.

  • BigDupa

    He had to get to a Piggly Wiggly for some club soda post haste before the stain in his pants solidified. International sexy texting has its consequences. Can’t they just give a brother a break?

  • hobospacejunkie

    Leave Mark alone! The sole remaining power he has left as governor is the ability to wave off speeding tickets. Everyone else just tells him to fuck off when he tries to do governor shit.

  • A Better American Than You!

    I so much want to be a South Carolina politician, if only it didn’t require being a Republican and living in South Carolina.

    We were driving to Charleston a few years ago (pre-cell-phone days) and a big-assed Cadillac with legislative plates was driving all over the Interstate.

    SC knows how to treat its important people.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Looks like the phrase “Mark Sanford” is going to get its own definition much like Santorum has.
    Translation: Here’s $20, meet me at the next rest stop.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    As Bill Janklow discovered, the governor only gets a ticket after he’s killed someone.

  • FMA

    “It’s great that you’re doing your job, trooper, and the people of South Carolina appreciate it. but right now, I’m running late for an important blowjob…I mean, meeting.”

  • JSDC007

    This is what happens in Obama’s America. Horny white governors of confederate states get stopped for tickets. Time to segregate those highways.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Speeding kills more people than any other traffic related incident. By this logic, if we give people over .o8 fines and jail sentences, people who speed should be shot on sight.


  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I nominate ShortsX3 for sheriff of Michelle Bachmann’s district.

  • Norbert

    We should be thankful he kept it to just his name instead of tearfully reading the trooper some of his Grade 6 diary entries or something.

  • Terry

    Mark, Mark, Mark. You’ve become a cartoon, do you know that?

  • Larry McAwful

    I can name 49 states where the governor is more likely to get out of a speeding ticket by saying he or she is the governor. That’s all; just 49.

  • thefrontpage

    Apparently, Sanford told his staff that he was driving on the Appalachian Trail.

  • Mahousu

    Look, he had just finished a lunch at the Rotary. He may have needed to rush to the restroom for normal purposes.

  • stew

    Sanford’s friends over at (cheesy seque) are pissed at us Colbert fans!
    “Special message to the Colbert show watchers: do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible.”
    So? Keep fucking with their “conservative bible project”, of course!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    1. Get pulled over for speeding
    2. Casually mention that you are Mark Sanford

    This same thing always works great for me, up until the time where the cop insists on looking at my driver’s license, which, due to a printing error (obviously) indicates that I am not, in fact Mark Sanford.

    Doesn’t make any difference if I have a hot Latina giving me a lap dance at the time.

  • Jim89048

    Today, we can only wish we were all Mark Sanford.

  • finallyhappy

    [re=429451]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: And speaking of Rick, I saw where Dan Savage devoted part of his column to Santorum(haha)’s Presidential plans

  • chascates

    [re=429480]stew[/re]: So Colbert is NOT going to be in the new Bible?

  • SayItWithWookies

    But Governor Sanford has to speed now. Ever since his wife started making him call in every hour, he’s gotta get his quickies in between appointments. It’s terrible how after you use state money to cheat on your wife how nobody cuts you any slack anymore.

  • Gopherit

    Only one question: WHO ELSE WAS IN THE CAR.

  • Godless Liberal

    He would have been heading east on 26 if he was leaving Easley heading back to Columbia. One thing that stretch of 26 is not, is a busy stretch of anything.

    Also, dear state trooper, if the car you are pulling over turns on its own blue strobes, there is probably not a need to continue pulling it over. I don’t know why you were after that car in the first place, the driver was clearly not black.

  • Hopey dont play that game

    My new catch phrase: I’m Mark Sanford, Bitches!

  • Mr Blifil

    It’s not the speeding that offends me. It’s the texting while receiving a blowjob from one of his sons. That offends me.

  • sezme

    That ain’t working; that’s the way you do it: Money for nothing and the chicks for free.

  • sezme

    I doubt that was really Mark Sanford. Judging by the audio recording, I’d say it was Skoal Rebel.

  • stew

    [re=429487]chascates[/re]: Colbert (formerly “lord”) knows I tried, but they immediately deleted my changes and blocked me from the site.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I don’t get it – the Gov’s car is obviously an official vehicle – with blue lights flashing, and the driver has a badge – you would THINK he would get out of the car and say, “I have the governor in the back and he’s on his way to an important homeland security meeting to interrogate Al Queda terrorists who were about to highjack a schoolbus”

    Not say “I don’t know why I was speeding, ask the idiot I was driving”.

    Are they all stupid or just disfunctional?

  • Not_So_Much

    Was his penis inside someone else while he was mumbling his own name?

  • binarian

    This would have been a perfect picture for some alt text…a la “Mark who???….” or “This ain’t the AT, sir, you gotta slow down…”

  • the problem child

    So, if they did write him a ticket, it would just get handed off to someone in the governor’s office to pay, and it would just be money going from one government fund to the next, right? But I agree, the driver should still be losing points on his license, if you all have that in South Carolina.

  • Gopherit

    I finally watched the video. Sounded more like elvis than sanford……and I’d let elvis go, too.

  • S.Luggo

    Sanford thought that the speedometer was calibrated in kilometres/hora, as did his driver Manuel. Old habits are hard to break.

  • Darkness

    [re=429456]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Speeding is a *contributing factor*. Generally, there has to be a second one too, like that bridge abutment, or that sharp curve. And frankly, to a first order approximation, everyone speeds. So saying speeding is the number one cause is like saying, having your hands on the wheel of the car is the number one cause.

  • Sweet Baby Cheeses

    I’m sure Fred Sanford would get the same treatment in South Carolina, right?

  • surfacenoise76

    This guy’s such a piece of shit. His major accomplishment in life is marrying a rich woman.

  • BerkeleyFarm

    Man has no class. The done thing is to say “why certainly, officer” when asked to produce ID, and then let them read it.

    A friend of mine used to be a cop. He got pulled over for Driving Really Fast on a rural stretch of I-5 in far northern California. Those of you who know the rural stretches of I-5 in California know that the speed limit is generally not observed, but he was really hauling. He was polite to the trooper and presented his ID without further commentary. His sheriff ID was clearly visible in the wallet with the license. He got let go with a warning that he really was going too fast. He chalked it up to “professional courtesy”.

  • Godless Liberal

    [re=429543]Darkness[/re]: The real contributing factor in speeding deaths is not the speeding, it’s the asshole going slow that the speeder ran into. Driving the speed limit is really fucking inconsiderate.

  • One Yield Regular

    Mark Sanford was driving along through South Carolina one day and blithely rolled through a stop sign. A state trooper pulled him over and asked him why he didn’t stop. Mark Sanford defended himself by saying, “I’m Mark Sanford. And anyway, officer, I slowed down.” The officer reached through the driver’s window, grabbed Mark Sanford by the collar, and starting beating the crap out of him with his nightstick. Stunned, Mark Sanford yelled out,”Ow! Ow! What the hell are you doing?!? Stop it! Stop!!!” The officer leaned into the window. “Do you want me to STOP, Governor? Or do you just want me to SLOW DOWN?”

    [re=429555]BerkeleyFarm[/re]: It’s physically impossible to observe the 65 mph speed limit on a 90 mph parking lot.

  • Guppy06

    What does Leviticus have to say about hypocrisy and abuse of power?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=429599]Guppy06[/re]: What does Leviticus have to say about hypocrisy and abuse of power?

    Not sure, but once we stone him to death for adultery, will the rest really matter?

  • bitchincamaro

    Should have checked the trunk for [fill in the blank].

  • Guppy06

    [re=429613]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It might change the prescribed size and weight of the rocks we’re supposed to throw at him.

  • TGY

    [re=429599]Guppy06[/re]: Something about the purification of bodily discharges, I think. Fits Mark Sanford pretty well.

  • gjdodger

    [re=429464]Terry[/re]: He’s the Governor Matt Millen. He’s the biggest fuckup in Governor history, but they have to wait a few months to get rid of him.

  • hillarys_left_nut

    “Seems like when they get started they don’t leave a guy nothing.”

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=429624]Guppy06[/re]: True, dat. Moses was so very specific. Ask any (Conservative or Orthodox) Jew.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=429501]Gopherit[/re]: Mark Sanford rode shotgun while being driven by insatiable lust.

    (And if you believe a snitch like Hank Hill, Billie Batts was in the trunk.)

  • assistant/atlas

    At this point, even the most homophobic voters in South Carolina must be beginning to think that maybe they should’ve let the gay French dude be Governor. Even public buggery wouldn’t be as consistently embarrassing.

  • PoignancySelz

    Now, what would be funny is if the cop walks up to the car and we hear “Mark Sanford”, The cop says, “who is Mark Sanford?”, “Why, I am the governor of South Karolina.”
    Cop says, “That’s great numbnuts, but you are in Georgia”

    Those reckless tickets are expensive.
    “Fans, remember, the police are rough”

  • lochnessmonster

    Way to go law makers! The very people who sign laws into effect don’t have to follow them! So kids, if you want to be one of the privledged few who do not have to follow the rules, go into politics. You can laud your law breaking over the common folk.


    [re=429439]bureaucrap[/re]: He then heaved an enormous sigh and turned the car around, making it just in time for the 9th inning of his estranged son’s softball game, reported the officer to beautiful, flirtatious drillbit heiress Jeni Sanford.

  • Robert Zimmerframe

    [re=429555]BerkeleyFarm[/re]: Time was, a southern governor would just pull out a state road map from the glove compartment, get out of the car, spread it on the hood, and say “Officer, help me with somethin’. Can you tell me where is the place you wouldn’t like to be transferred?”.

  • BerkeleyFarm

    [re=430224]Robert Zimmerframe[/re]: Indeed.

    And knowing Slimeford’s bitchiness, he’d probably start spreading rumors in the new locale that the officer was gay.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    I love how when the driver drops Mark Sanford’s name, the officers initial reaction is simply to say “that’s not a good reason for speeding” or something equivalent to it.

    Then, as is customary, the officer goes over to talk tot the governor, and let’s him go without a ticket. Then, the highway patrol has to go into damage control mode retroactively assigning a ticket to the governor because of course it’d look bad if he didn’t get one.

  • zhubajie

    [re=429618]bitchincamaro[/re]: The alien space ship motor! (Repo Man)

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