WHY EVEN WORK TOMORROW? THE NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK ALREADY HAPPENED: Jesus, we were starting to think that we might have to *ask* for someone to make an animated .gif of Rick Perry petting that old man. Fortunately operative “Elliot P.” came through just in time, showing a little goddamn initiative around this place. Rick Perry, what are you doing! This is how Pig AIDS gets spread!

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  • Darkness

    Gah! I have plug-ins disabled on this browser. I thought I was safe!


    that is HYPNOTIC.

  • rafflesinc
  • jagorev

    This picture freaked me out just a little bit.

  • Click

    He looks to be calculating whether or not the old dude’s head is flat enough to set a beer on.


    As a Republican, aren’t ya s’pposed to do that in an airport bathroom stall? Hmmm??

  • Liquid

    What I find bizarre is the ‘Ooo..’ expression on his face as he does this, before the good ole boy ‘Aw shucks!’ grin.
    Kind of like ‘Hey nice penis..’ followed by ‘Ha ha, I just touched your penis, we’re just guys here!’

  • shadowMark

    The Meghan McCain thread hasn’t scrolled off yet. So this is the top of the Wonkette and Meghan is the bottom. If Cindy looks in I don’t think she’s going to be happy. I just hope that because of us Cindy doesn’t, you know, take something.

  • Buzz Feedback

    I’m so proud I could burst.

  • Sharkey


  • Way Cool Larry

    [re=419064]Liquid[/re]: yeah, the “ooooh” is freaky. He’s a total nutbar.

  • hobospacejunkie

    We Texans knew Gov. Perry was a gay. Which would be fine if he weren’t a member of a disgustingly homophobic political party. What we didn’t know about was his fetish for olds. Icky!

  • Norbert

    Good job Elliot P. but can you make one with the same frames in reverse order?

    There might an envelope of cash in it for you from the Hutchinson team.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=419054]Darkness[/re]: Try disabling your hair plug-ins. Then you should be OK.

  • badmuthagoose

    I’m…..ok, I’ve dealt with Perry as governor for about 400 years, but I’ve honestly never been as creeped out by him as I am now. What the HELL is going on here? You really just don’t see adult males petting other adult males’ hair. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before now.

    What the hell?

  • memzilla

    Context: The Guv’s nickname is Rick “Goodhair” Perry.

    The late lamented Molly Ivins, G-d bless ‘er, who coined the phrase, smiles upon all us Wonketteers.

  • kudzu

    Hey, don’t think us Austinites do that shit all the time, alright? That’s a Perry thing.

  • magic titty

    Mmmm…that scalp looks smooth fer cummin’ on…

  • iantenna

    this is not at all what clarence carter meant.

  • Click

    [re=419074]Extemporanus[/re]: That made me laugh so godamned hard I woke myself up.

  • trondant

    [re=419074]Extemporanus[/re]: Well done, sir.

  • Extemporanus

    Perhaps this will finally help us answer that age-old question:

    How many slicks does it take to get to the center of a rootsy old Pop?

    (Too Sassoon?)

  • Click

    Personally, I don’t think this Perry dude can be trusted. I’ve heard it told that the local businessmen grease his palms.

  • Click

    [re=419083]Extemporanus[/re]: STOP!! You’re killing me! I’m lizzzzing….

  • Extemporanus

    [re=419080]Click[/re]: [re=419081]trondant[/re]: The Dude a-Bidens.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=419068]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Congratulations! Mostly for being able to watch that scene for as many times as it took to make the gif. I keep finding myself making up excuses for why I’m not really seeing what I think I’m seeing.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=419086]Extemporanus[/re]: And that rug really tied the room together.

  • Ozma

    There is a compilation of photos of GWB fondling a bunch of bald guys heads:

    Is head-fondling a Texas good-old-boy thing?

  • Brendan M.

    I’m surprised that Giuliani showed up to the event. I didn’t think he kept his commitments to people like Perry, even the ones who let him crash at their place.

  • chascates

    Look, what we’re seeing here is the ‘laying on of hands.’ Perry is obviously the anointed one, or the one before the anointed one, or else I’ve been drinking beer & smoking pot since about l:30 CDT. Either way, he’s fucked and so am I.

  • El Pinche

    I thought I saw Perry at H-E-B today buying some head lice treatment and some gay ass wine coolers.

  • shadowMark

    [re=419090]Ozma[/re]: I think it starts with head-fondling and ends with the politician throwing up in your lap.

  • Ozma

    [re=419100]shadowMark[/re]: Or choking on a pretzel.

    (Well, that’s what they SAID he choked on…)

    BTW, which seems kinkier: bald-headed fondling or hairy-headed fondling?

  • Click

    [re=419089]Extemporanus[/re]: X’s in my eyes, baby. X’s in my eyes.

  • BMK

    [re=419074]Extemporanus[/re]: I think I love you, for that.

  • shadowMark

    [re=419103]Ozma[/re]: which seems kinkier: bald-headed fondling or hairy-headed fondling?

    This hair/head thing is so oddly weird that all I can think of is remember in Cronenberg’s remake of “The Fly” when Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis have their first kiss scene Geena Davis kisses Goldblum and bites him and she says,

    I’m sorry. I just want to eat you up. You know, that’s why old ladies pinch babies’ cheeks. It’s the flesh. It just makes you crazy.

  • BMK

    Don’t ask, don’t pet.

  • Downtheroadapiece

    [re=419055][/re]: Yeeees. Iiiiiiit. Iiiiiiis.

    Strooooke-shake pause
    Strooooke-shake pause
    Strooooke-shake pause
    Strooooke-shake pause

  • BobTheBuilder

    As gay as cum on a mustache.

  • Ozma

    [re=419106]shadowMark[/re]: I mostly remember Goldblum peeling off loose body parts and putting them in the medicine cabinet. Didn’t really get what he was saving them for.

    Oh, and, “Be afraid. Be very afraid!”

    Which, come to think of it, is an entirely appropriate response to these Texan head fetishers.

    I would love to see one Perry’s touch-ees just freak and drop him out of reflex. Say, for instance, a high-strung veteran who just can’t stand to be touched ‘that way’. Or just some guy who doesn’t cotton to strange men stroking his noggin, consarn it all.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    I really do think he’s involved in a string of petting disasters..

  • jesusbutter

    [re=419055][/re]: hypnotic in a creepy way that screams “Pedophile Perry wants to Pet you”

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I don’t think this is gay at all – there is a much more innocent explanation…

    I think Perry had just sneezed and he was wiping his snot off on the guy’s head since there was no Mexican around to use.


    [re=419075]badmuthagoose[/re]: AIn’t you ever bin to the Kenyan Lowlands? This here is how silverbacks establish primacy, peaceful-like.

  • Click

    Have you seen the clip where he shows folks at the gym how totally into weights he is?

  • Click
  • chascates

    Former Governor/President George W. Bush was a cheerleader. Gov. Rick Perry was a ‘yell leader ‘ (Aggie). Kay Bailey Hutchison was a UT cheerleader. State politics in the south are essentially beauty contests. For blind people.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=419075]badmuthagoose[/re]: Amen, brother/sister. This is fucking creepy. There is something seriously wrong with a man who feels compelled to touch other men’s hair. In public. Ewww.

  • sati demise

    For all who were wondering, he is saying “oooooo. weee!
    Texas exclamation for teh hot.

    God bless Molly Ivins. Seems Rick ‘Goodhair’ Perry has a bit of a fetish?

  • dogscantlookup

    That gif, HOLY ZOMBIE JESUS! it made me puke, laugh, and make me want to rape my own eyes with an artificial squid bait! thank you Wonkette and Elliot P, my orbital sockets are less crowded thanks to you

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Jim: It is well known that Pig Aids is a Mexican disease. As Dictate of Texas, Perry has special immunity to all things Mexican. Surely the old white man was reaching out as if to King Edward the Confessor, hoping for a blessing that would shield him from the horrible death that will soon wash over the land.

    Or he was offering Perry a blow job, and Perry patted him as if to say “later, my son, later.”

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Jesus, we were starting to think that we might have to *ask* for someone to make an animated .gif of Rick Perry petting that old man. Fortunately operative “Elliot P.” came through just in time, showing a little goddamn initiative around this place.

    Sheesh, Ken’s been walking the Earth like Caine for what, four days, now, and already the power is going to your head. Well, sir, remember what happened to a little girl from Alaska about a year ago when that happened with her.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=419090]Ozma[/re]: LBJ used to do that, too. It’s a whole ‘nother country.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    This is just soooooo creepy. The way he comes in so quickly, the angle, the disarming smile…this is exactly the way pedophiles and other assorted assaulters do their hit-and-run touching.

    To be honest, though, if he’d come at me like that, my natural reaction would have been to bite his damned fingers off. Maybe it’s my blackness, but you don’t get away with touching us on our heads. You’d come away with missing fingers and/or a broken nose.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    BTW, can’t you Texan’s field a competent, charismatic Democratic candidate? I mean, between fielding Dumb (Perry) & Dumber (Kay Bailey), I pity you. Texans deserve better.

  • schvitzatura

    [re=419144]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Goodhair would lose at least two digits if he came at me with his nasty rookers…so, it’s not a black thing, it’s a personal space thing, speaking as an Eurozone immigrant’s great-great-grandson (at a minimum)…

    That’s not coiffure transcendence, bitch!

  • desertwind

    That’s just nasty, ya’all.

  • dijetlo

    De-evolution is running amok in Texas. Good thing that guy didn’t have flees or Gov. Perry would have spent the next ten minutes picking them out of his fur eating them.
    Thus making him late for the tea party, which always vexes the March Hare and the Mad Hatter so.

  • Egregious


    Definitely. Those pursed lips can only mean one thing. He’s gettin’ off. He is getting OFF!

  • El Pinche

    There might be a brain underneath all the caked up hairspray. Mr. Perry won the hearts of all of the libertarians I know (it’s easy to do , just say God Damn America, I want my own Republic).

    He’s got their vote and nutbag Medina’s fat back.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Typical Texan, he sees some oil and he goes for it.
    Hair grease that is.
    Good fer shakin’ hands.
    Texas style.

  • the problem child

    I just can’t look, and I just can’t not look. Thank you, operative Elliot P. for my utterly confused state.

  • the problem child

    And just watch the trooper’s head bob, in the background, as part of the whole ensemble: Is he paying homage or just hoping that he can’t later be identified as a witness?

  • mayor_quimby

    [re=419144]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Word, that whole rub a negro on his head for good luck will get your ass dropped.
    Then pissed on.

  • hiphophitler

    Seniors are the new black folks. It’s OK to rub they little haids fer luck.

  • auduboner

    I think the old man was trying to kiss Perry’s Ring… “Your Holiness!”

  • DemmeFatale

    [re=419119]NYNYNY[/re]: I think you’re onto something. It’s patronizing, dominance seeking behavior. Old men, whole countries, the world…they don’t care.

  • S.Luggo

    So wrong. So very wrong.

  • Min

    That’s not so bad. As least Perry didn’t scratch that man behind the ears and let him hump his leg.

  • TexasKateinSF

    I got this in an email from my brother this morning, and I could have died laughing.

    I have also been a victim of Rick Perry’s crazy weird hair petting. And trust me, the petting he gave me was much, much worse. It was humiliating.

    It happened at RunTex in Austin where we were both trying on shoes a couple springs ago. I couldn’t figure out who he was at first. “He’s so familiar looking! Who the heck IS that?” Just as it clicked inside my head that it was Perry, our eyes met across the room. “Great, now he’s caught me staring at him”– Now I HAD to go introduce myself. I approached him and stuck out my hand, as a crowd quickly began to gather around him. Perry grasped my hand, drew me in close, kept shaking and wouldn’t let go! By now it was clear, I’d walked directly into a photo-op. Then the REAL weirdness began: He began to speak to the crowd that had gathered around him and continued to shake my hand. Then suddenly he started petting my head and hair!!! Not once, like he did to the guy in this video, but repeated long awkward strokes down my head, while holding me his clutches that I couldn’t escape from. I was so baffled and appalled at what he was doing I couldn’t move!! Finally, somehow, I was able to escape.


    “Hey guess what? I met the Governor today. He pet me…. No. Really, he pet me.”

  • AKAM80TheWolf

    I now know where I’ve seen that suave but inappropriate touch before! He’s the newest reaper on Dead Like Me.

  • Elliott

    Here’s the second one I made

  • blogslut

    I love you, Elliot P.

    I live in frigging Texas and spreading this gif around will give me hours of pleasure. Yeehaw!

  • AKAM80TheWolf



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