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Mmm, that looks good, I'll have thatDefinitely not gay at all South Carolina Lieutenant Governor André Bauer, who has pledged not to run for governor if sex-having Gov. Mark Sanford resigns, so as to avoid any trace of string-pulling, has added some Modifications to this pledge. He has called on Sanford to resign IMMEDIATELY, but if he hasn’t done so within a month, then he will allow himself to run for governor. André Bauer is now praying to his gay French god (Howard Dean?) that Sanford resigns in 32 days, in which case there will be no evidence whatsoever of string-pulling or back-room deals. Not that we have any idea what this gaysack could offer Mark Sanford in exchange for a timely resignation. Anyway. [The State]

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70 COMMENTS

  1. Apparently he is not gay. I’m wondering now if he hasn’t got a babe on the side; and if not why would a middle aged guy not have something going on. Unless he’s a priest or has issues?

  2. Change the hair to silver and you can clearly see that he is John Ensign’s brother. OK, gay brother. And remember, that guy who calls himself Ensign’s father and cashes him out of jackpots is NOT his “real” father, so if you’ve seen even one episode of The Young and the Restless, you know I’m on to something (on second thought, make that Dynasty — the fashions would be more accurate).

  3. Not that we have any idea what this gaysack could offer Mark Sanford in exchange for a timely resignation.

    I’m thinking that a gubernatorial knob-gobbling might work wonders.

  4. But wait, I thought André Bauer was a black guy on the teevee….

    Anywho, looks like we have a new Breck girl to make fun of–it was fun while it lasted John ‘son of a millworker’ Edwards but we found someone purtier who hasn’t (yet) cheated on his cancer ridden wife & bore a child out of wedlock with said mistress. Seriously, he’s got some nice feathering going on there…

  5. Well until God calls for Sanford to resign, Sanford’s going to stick to his guns. And André is going to stick to his baguette. Though a little lube could fix that.

  6. Andre was a college cheerleader. A male cheerleader, for crap’s sake.

    Do yourself a favor, Andre, and plaster your car with rainbow stickers now dude, before
    we do it for you.

  7. I don’t know, the whole “I won’t run but only if you quit now but if you quit later than I’ll run later” thing strikes me more as 7th grade girl than typical Gay Gooper, which would be more “I’m running for this high orifice, er, office, no matter what, tap tap tap.”

  8. Slightly off-topic: does anyone remember when former baseballer Mike Piazza held a press conference to announce he wasn’t gay??

    So awesome.

  9. Sweet Jesus. I just saw the vid of Bauer’s presser on The State. Somebody needs to fit that girl with a tiara STAT. Oh, and wax the poor thing’s eyebrows, for heaven’s sake.

  10. Gay-dre’ Bauer was supposed to be Sanford’s insurance AGAINST impeachment—you know, kinda like Hillary was supposed to have been Barry’s insurance against the McVeigh Clan- only I guess Barry was feelin’ pretty bullet-proof last summer and went with Gaffe-y Joe instead–only time will tell whether THAT was a good call…

  11. “The House Republican Caucus will discuss whether to impeach Sanford this weekend at its Myrtle Beach retreat.”
    Any damn excuse for a Toga party. And sexytime.

  12. Methinks the only strings this guy’s been pulling are on those skimpy little speedo thong thingies the lads are wearing at Hilton Head these days. And BTW, they don’t call it Hilton Head for nothing, if you know what I mean.

  13. [re=395815]Uncle Glenny[/re]: Yeah, go to “The State” link that Newell thoughtfully provided in this item, and scroll down to the video.

  14. Sanford said Wednesday that Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer’s call for him to resign hours earlier was almost like “heaven on earth.”

    wtf does this mean?

  15. Methinks there be something a-brewing between this plucky up-and-cummer André Bauer-Bottom & known XL Oompa Loompa Charlie “Fist” Crist, and that something might just be a whole steaming vat of gubernatorial-grade santorum.

  16. [re=395895]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Jeez I think you’re right: the leadership of the entire Southeastern seaboard seems to be takin’ a HARD left turn—then a walk on the wild side. This is not your father’s South!

  17. Unless the Lt. Governor has a boy toy down in Rio, how does he expect to fill Sandford’s big hole?

    Still, I found it interesting that Sandford announced that he would not be railroaded out of office, but he would be willing to pull a train.

  18. To what is this string attached? What horrible thing happens if you pull it? Would all the hot air go whooshing out of S.C., and the whole state spin out of control over Appalachia, like a Governor on walkabout?

  19. If I were him, I’d neglect to talk about anything pertaining to ‘railroading’ or ‘French’.
    Apparently he’s known as ‘Blue Tie Adonis’ on Gipperslist (in an ad regarding a sale of a lawn mower and uh services).

  20. [re=395975]finallyhappy[/re]: as a native of the great state of SC I was just wondering why you take such pleasure in our little humble state, pray tell?

  21. He was SO awesome in “Homicide!” Have to say I liked him better as a bald black guy.

    Frank Pemberton’s mantra works even better as a GOOPer campaign slogan: “I speak for the dead.” By next Election Day, that’s a constituency that’s sure to include a lot more of today’s wrinkly teabag-hatted loons.

  22. There is something very unsettling about this guy. Maybe, it’s that all of his facial features are all too close together? I don’t know; what I do know is I get dizzy every time I see that picture of The Lieutenant. There was a lieutenant in the Village People, right? My god, I’m so damned confused.

  23. [re=395993]takes12no1[/re]: Not just your state- I look for Sanford’s resignation, the Palin Divorce or the death of any Fox media whore. I just think Marky’s resignation is most likely. When that happens, I may concentrate on Vitters or Ensign political demise. just looking for whatever will make me happy first!

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