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Personality Parade!For years now, various people have been begging to take photographs of Arizona’s State Flower MEGHAN McCAIN posing in her girdle. Well now there’s encouraging news for horticulture enthusiasts around the globe! Meghan says she’d totally do it, except poor PAPA JOHN would probably crash another plane into VIETNAM, if he ever found out. So that’s at least a polite maybe! And speaking of beautiful cactus flowers, Meghan wants HILARY DUFF to play her in a highly anticipated MAJOR MOTION PICTURE based on the pop-up book Megan still needs to write ….

Like the rest of America, BARACK OBAMA’s Portuguese water buffalo BO SAMA BIN LADEN has a serious eating disorder and can’t stop snacking on MICHELLE OBAMA’S TOES between meals. And now not even toes can curb Bo’s insatiable appetite and he’s resorted to binging on clothing, like the time he devoured DAVID AXELROD’s clip-on tie made of 100% Rayon. Will Bo seek council from the wise PRO-ANA INTERNET FORUMS or will he continue down this dark path of PORTUGUESE WATER DOG BULIMIA? ….

Minnesota’s preeminent authority on voter intent AL FRANKEN has won! Something. And now he is looking for an office in DC, preferably in a neighborhood with good public schools ….

GOSSIP UPDATE! Professional loser NORM COLEMAN is being evicted from his office, for reasons that are still unclear. And now he has 48 hours to evacuate his collection of adjustable office chairs, the ones with the roller legs. Reliable gossipmongers say the new tenant will have no need for “chairs” as the office will be redecorated in a traditional MINNESOTA OPIUM DEN STYLE, complete with over-sized Turkish pillows for sitting upon. Don’t worry about it, Norm. There’s always blogging!

Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com

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31 COMMENTS

  1. Ms. McCain forgets what sort of man she is dealing with. Pops McCain once offered up his wife to a bunch of filthy bikers for some sort of fellatio contest. He probably subscribes to that flaccid rag Maxim, which is where these granny panty photos would undoubtedly wind up. Fortunately he masturbates with his gimp hand so no insects will occur.

  2. Meghan “I got drunk and passed out in some guy’s bed once and now I think I’m sexually active” McCain should really try abstinence or marriage — that’s where the real Republican tail is.

    Also, as someone who has visited veterinarians before, my expert diagnosis of Bo’s problem is pica, not bulimia. An elitist, silk-tie-eating form of pica, but pica nonetheless.

  3. Wrapping my noggin around the image of Megs in a girdle, flashing her cactus flower…is Riley’s purple prose going to turn me straight?

  4. Meghan just needs to meet her soul mate, is all. Unless that’s what the Hilary Duff reference was about.

    Speaking of which, it’s time to start the Mark Sanford suicide watch: Four months later, he got on a plane to Argentina for another rendezvous with Chapur when he made an important discovery. “I will be able to die knowing that I had met my soul mate,” he said.

  5. Ahhh, my Lil’ Waggamuffin fix for the day. I am sure you loathe that moniker, Riley, but you bring joy to this wage-slave’s frazzled brain and a welcome respite from billables.

    How did you develop this acid acuity at such a young age?

  6. Dear Sir,
    I have lived in the fine state of Minnesota for lo these many years and am not familiar with these opium dens of which you speak. Could you perchance provide directions to one of these fine facilities? Thank you.
    Sincerely,
    BK

  7. For years now, various people have been begging to take photographs of Arizona’s State Flower MEGHAN McCAIN posing in her girdle.

    Because there ain’t no lovin’ like embonpoint lovin’….

  8. Waggaman needs to get his nose bobbed. That bulbous tip makes him look like an anorexic Bill Clinton. The top hat hearkens to W.C. Fields, and just makes it worse. Like when a fat chick wears a mini skirt.

    Speaking of fat chicks, regarding Naked Meaghan: I’m down with it.

  9. I thought Norm’s office furnishings consisted of a lice-infested cot accented by a jizz-stained wool Army blanket circa 1862. In which case, opium den decor FTW!

  10. [re=352743]S.Luggo[/re]:

    A Chingar La Puma: The South-of-the-Border Adventures of My Little Lieutenant Governor By Mark “Guapo” Sanford

  11. Normy can move in with that lapdancer chick in Washington, Michelle Bachmann, since they both slithered from beneath the same rock.

  12. [re=352746]Mike Steele[/re]: Yes, it surprises me that all the hat-haters in this forum don’t realize that young Riley is merely accessorizing.

    Women and fashionable (gay) men have been doing it for centuries. You just add something to your ensemble which draws attention away from your least attractive physical characteristic. In Riley’s case, this is of course, his deBergerac-esque humungous honker of a nose-monument that the poor lad is going walleyed just trying to see around.

    So everybody quit being so DAMN INSENSITIVE, making fun of Riley’s hat all the time.

    (Gotcher back, kid.)

  13. I will only do Meghan McCain if she is wearing her girdle and Riley’s stove pipe hat. Thats the way good Republicans should get schweatty.

  14. [re=352757]Cicada[/re]: You know what they say about men with big noses, right? They have really huge…handkerchiefs.

    I heard ‘teeth.’ But it could be both, y’know?

  15. That face is making me masturbate to news about Meghan McCain. Waggaman, I’m shaking my fist at you (or I will be after I’m done finger-picking with my typing hand)!

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