Marcus “Black-Chop” Epstein (someone come up with a better nickname!), seen here with drunk popinjay Christopher Hitchens at one of Reason magazine’s monthly medieval blood orgies, will not enroll at UVA law school this fall, according to the university’s Dean of Admissions in reply to queries from TPM and, more reliably, a Wonkette commenter. And what’s this! And this! [TPM]

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  • Gopherit

    Hitchens’ liver looks like it’s trying to stage an escape out of his eyes.

  • NoWireHangers

    You can see the evil in his red glowing eyes. Epstein too!

  • Fox n Fiends

    scarf is the new beard

  • ManchuCandidate

    I was hoping my “half” cousin (and disgrace to humanity in general) would use his legal edumakashun to prove the legality of his “If the ‘bitch’ is black, you have to smack” defense.

  • NoWireHangers

    Marcus has a bit of Teh Crazyface. No lie.

  • Gopherit

    Well, there’s always Liberty U. Will they take a Christ-killing heathen?

  • echoman2000


  • Gopherit
  • Mac W Cheese

    He looks like a Mexican.

  • Citizen Kang

    Marcus’ noggin is absolutely HUGE!

  • Tommmcatt

    Even Hitch is thinking “I would not hit that”.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Double macaca.

  • Mr Blifil

    It’s just terrible to see the vicious internet smears sullying the reputation of an otherwise perfectly deserving, kick-ass Negresse Chopping Ninja.

    I still want to know the story of how he got away from the black woman’s male companion. This dude is shorter than Hitchens, which means he’s just not that physically imposing. I’d like to think if it had been my woman he had chopped, he’d be trying to suck his balls back up through his nose.

  • Country Club Jihadi

    You could call him “Chai-Karate”

  • BillyClubb

    [re=329269]Gopherit[/re]: Noooo, The Hebrew Hammer was much cooler and fought against racists, not beside them. Plus, the Hammer had a hot girlfriend, and I can’t imagine Epstein dating anyone his mother wouldn’t approve of.

  • problemwithcaring

    “Hello, Meriam-Webster? Remember how you thought you could never find the perfect visage, the perfect person for the colloquial entry ‘Fat-Faced Fuck’? Well, have I got news for you…”

  • kthxbai…also


  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Was this before or after they waterboarded each other?

  • dijetlo

    someone come up with a better nickname!

    “Qui Chang Esptein?”

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Can’t a Wigger get a break?

  • mollymcguire

    Dear Wonkette:

    Please excuse my son from attending the University of Virgina Law School. He is a racist, misogynist dick sucker.

    Signed Epstein’s Mother

  • OReillysVibrator

    How will Tancredo be able to use this man’s J.D. to run in 2012 on a DUAL-issue ticket of immigration and legalizing karate-chopping black chicks?

  • Country Club Jihadi

    [re=329259]NoWireHangers[/re]: Andrew Cunanan style.

  • Lord Growing

    Black belter?

  • rereridiculous

    Drunk Hitchens? Isn’t that like closet-homosexual Republican?

  • ph7

    He’s accepting facebook condolences

  • x111e7thst

    [re=329292]mollymcguire[/re]: WIN!

  • hobospacejunkie

    Jar Jar Binks. Oh wait, you said a better nickname.

  • mattbolt

    Alright, nickname-making hats on…

    Blackie Chan?
    Kung Fu Panderer?
    Should we involve his Jewish-sounding name, to play on the racism angle, or is that too meta? Jew-Jitsu? The Karate Yid?

  • Gopherit

    [re=329303]mattbolt[/re]: You are going to hell for the Karate Yid. Bravo, sir.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Marcus should opt for med school instead. The look on Hitchen’s face clearly says “prostate exam”.

  • Mac W Cheese

    Oh wait, I just realized he looks Mexican but he is really Jewish. Being a young, upstanding Republican, he is probably also a closeted homo.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=329269]Gopherit[/re]: I love that movie. Marcus is not worthy.

  • BillyClubb

    [re=329298]ph7[/re]: Funniest FaceBook comments ever! How did you happen upon that page?!

  • tunamelt

    WTF is up with the scarf? Does he think he is Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl?

  • Gopherit

    [re=329309]NoWireHangers[/re]: Okay, how about the Krav Maggot?

  • V572625694

    OT…one wonders where Custerwolf is, after her long weekend.

  • Roger the Shrubber

    Nickname: Wingnut Chun Oolong Pak Fak Sau.

  • Origami

    So he’s Asian-ish?

  • j6n

    Hack-job, honoring his two favorite activities.

  • j6n

    …or Captain Hack. Guess who won’t be going back to school, anymooooooree.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=329272]Citizen Kang[/re]: “Marcus’ noggin is absolutely HUGE!” You know what women say: big head, tiny other head.

  • magic titty

    Hong Kong Phooey

  • mrpuma2u

    [re=329292]mollymcguire[/re]: Oh such a win. I nearly guffawed at work and looked crazy to my co-workers

    How about Chaim kong fooey?????

  • Scarab

    [re=329292]mollymcguire[/re]: Well played.

  • octupletsmom

    I like the message in the background: “easor”.

    Very “easor-matic”.

  • Scarab

    ‘Non-pork chop’?

  • octupletsmom

    “Hit me back. Hard!”

  • j6n

    The Kosher Klansman?

  • azw88

    [re=329308]Mac W Cheese[/re]: Indeed, and from the looks of the pic, he got Hitchens drunk so he can haz the gey buttsecks with him. And now that Cheney has given his blessing, maybe they will even get gay married. (hell, the little shit’s about to lose his job, and can’t go to school, he needs him a suga-daddy to clothe, house and feed him)

  • Gopherit

    [re=329385]j6n[/re]: I think they’re a band.

  • Tommmcatt


    We’re both showing our age with that one; you for posting it and me for laughing out loud.

  • Terry

    [re=329295]Lord Growing[/re]:

    I vote for this one!

  • mollymcguire

    [re=329406]Tommmcatt[/re]: The clasics never go out of style.

  • skantea

    Public intoxication

    and now another assault?

    No wonder he’s attracted to the GOP.

  • Crow T. Robot

    I declare this thread good.


    Three words- Liberty Universe City.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=329441]skantea[/re]: I’m pretty sure he’s probably never had sex a with a live/adult woman, so there’s that to add to your list. Plus TPM found this quote of his:

    “Diversity can be good in moderation — if what is being brought in is desirable. Most Americans don’t mind a little ethnic food, some Asian math whizzes, or a few Mariachi dancers — as long as these trends do not overwhelm the dominant culture.”

    A real class act–ain’t no race he doesn’t despise or stereotype. But, boy, Chris Hitchens looks messed up in that picture!

  • Wellstones Ghost


    Karate Yid!

    Karl Rove is on the other line and says that Loser Tancredo’s Loser Karate Yid is Fair Game.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    one less douchebag lawyer to write torture-approving memos for President Jeb Bush in 2018.

  • Neilist

    To me, that looks like a police lineup after a raid on a NAMBLA Convention.

    “Hitchens! Put DOWN the Cub Scout, and come out with your hands UP!”

  • dirtydeeson

    This kid contacted me — a future UVA 1L — about living arrangements for next year. One look at his Facebook profile and I steered clear. Happy about that, avoided a year of serious nonsense.

  • kth

    [re=329496]Neilist[/re]: ha,”put down the candy and let the little boy go”

    Kid definitely has a John Hinckley/Mark David Chapman look to him, like he’d shoot Obama to try to get with Lindsey Lohan. Since he won’t be able to go to law school, he’ll have to get an MBA. They’ll understand that it was his fiduciary responsibility to himself to lie about his criminal record.

  • dirtydeeson

    He’ll have to choose his B-school well. Nowadays, most of them are on and on about trivialities like “ethics” and “a sense of personal dignity and societal responsibility” and so on.

    I hear there are wonderful openings in payday lending, though.

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=329451]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’d get fucked up if I was forced to pose for pics with the Great (Half) White Hope, Marcus Epstein.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Clearly the future of the GOP lies with bright young lights such as Mr. Epstein. The Jewish-Korean vote will certainly balance out the near-complete loss of the Latino demographic.

    There’s a name for his actions on July 7, 2007 at Jefferson and M Street NW: Schizophrenia.

  • El Pinche

    In the pic, I can almost see the faint residual of Dumb&Dumber’s Dirty Sanchez on Hitchens.

    So does this mean Tancredo goes back into his hole forever?
    BTW, who the hell karate chops?

  • Mahousu

    Oh, dear. Checking his Facebook page, I see:
    IQ Test
    Marcus’s IQ Test score is:

    I suppose in retrospect, this makes his achievements almost impressive.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=329271]Mac W Cheese[/re]: That’s because he’a almost as short as Jimmy Fallon. Tra-la-lee, tra-la-la, absolutely delicious … a Hitchen’s sort of way. Lucky Charms.

  • echoman2000

    poor c. hitchens. he looks like he’s been hit at and missed, but shit at and hit.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Shit, I thought Korean people were supposed to be smart–aside from eating dogs & that kind of crap. Was Marcus’s mom a mail order bride to some Jewish dude too ugly to get laid by ummm…anyone else?

  • bago

    The half-kike chopper?
    court-fine negotiator?
    I don’t know any derogatory terms for Koreans, but I bet the Japanese do.

  • sweetcandy

    I have a name for this ass-wipe.

    Marcus “Chop the Chopper” Epstein

    Marcus “Tancredo Henchman Chopper” Epstein

    Marcus “Sho’nuff” Epstein. He is the last dragon dum dum dum (okay I don’t know the rest of the song). Nah those are too good of names to waste on him.

    Lets go with Marcus “Ass-wipe” Epstein…yeah that’s perfect for him.

  • Son of Mark Penn

    Maybe he’s an expert in the art of “Kike Won Darky”?

  • buggers

    So to analyze why this guy is such a douche, I’d have to say he has some inner self hatred about his mixed ethnicity.

  • TGY

    He looks like such a hardened criminal. Oh, wait, he’s on the left? Never mind.

  • Serolf Divad


  • zenferret

    [re=329347]magic titty[/re]: Hong Kong Jewy

  • chaste everywhere

    Pat Buchanan has a wife/sister named Gay?

  • schvitzatura

    Separated At Birth™: Hervé Villechaize and Marcus “Nick Nack” Epstein

  • WickedWitch

    [re=329292]mollymcguire[/re]: Like everyone else… WIN.

  • schvitzatura



    ∴ Francisco Scaramanga = Tom “Paco” Tancredo…

  • howell

    That pic looks like bring-your-stepson-to-work day.

  • chaste everywhere

    Anti-Pork-Chop Epstein?

  • ga

    AHHHHHHHHHH I just joined to comment because I KNOW THIS KID FROM WILLIAM AND MARY. Douchetron. And I thought the frat boys who yelled at me, “Where are you going, to a poetry reading?” when I rode past on my bike were bad….

  • FormerDCite

    Maybe we can all suggest that he enlist in the military. Standards have relaxed a lot, and it would put him in a position to do something with his rage against dark skinned people. Of course, we all know he would get blanket parties every night and never live to see the end of basic. We used to put boots in our pillow cases. Bars of soap work too.

  • JSDC007

    He can always attend that other law school at another University in Virginia – Liberty University. See its a University in Virginia (and who really cares about words like “of” and “in?”), and it does have a law school. Of sorts. This VDare fratdouche will so belong there.

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