The bruises show that she's old!OR THEY COULD DO THAT: Helen Thomas and Bob Schieffer, the two oldest people currently wandering around your front yard, will be hosting a Q&A next week — in Second Life. Paultards are expected to slaughter them. Or is that the other game that they play? This is vulgar. [New World Notes]

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  1. You guys laugh, but my sources tell me that Helen Thomas has been slaughtering Orcs in World of Warcraft for years now and intends to show up in Second Life fully armed along with her pillaging party of Knights, Dark Elves and Halflings. They will then proceed to slaughter every “living” being they encounter in Second Life, showing special cruelty to the Paultards.

  2. I can’t get past “renowned avatar customizer.” That’s someone who does portraits in MS Paint that look nothing like their subjects (and not in a Picassoesque kinda way, either). Apparently I’ve been a renowned avatar customizer for years and didn’t know it.

  3. @MARCdMan: My fur is mocha brown, and my dong is reasonably sized, thankyewverymuch. I have pictures on my Flickr account, if you’re interested. No? ‘K.

    No, the real question is, will Helen have enormous, gravity-defying boobs? And how good are Bob Schieffer’s cyberfucking skills? Will the two of them demonstrate? It would be a metaphor, if they did, about the current state of the media coverage of…oh, who am I kidding?

    Curse you, Jim Newell, for making me wonder if I’ll be fapping to Helen Thomas and Bob Schieffer in the near future!

  4. Bob S: So now we’d like to open the session up for questions. Anyone? Anyone?

    HT: Hunt those filthy Orcs back into the holes from whence they came! Slay and slay! Mount their leader’s head to my truncheon, and carry it through yon city as a warning!

    Bob S: Ms. Thomas, I’m sure, has a career’s worth of anecdotes and personal insight into the ethics of journalism and particularly as they pertain to the conduct of the presidential press pool. Helen?

    HT: Prepare the chain guns and the vorpal scythe! We shall show them no mercy on this day of retribution! Let these gutters run green with Orcish ichors! We crush their skulls! We eat their hearts!

    Bob S: Well, maybe we could take a brief break and come back after a – oh, I see a question there. Yes?

    Audience: Is that a +5 withering cleaver you’re wielding, Ms. Thomas?

  5. HT: We shall countenance no living Orc on this field ere nightfall, mark me! Nor goblin, nor hobgoblin, nor kobold nor bugbear nor even troll or dark gnome, lest they bow before our colors and snivel for quarter! March forth, dogs, lest you die abed in dottage! Witness now the full measure of Elven steel!

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