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Nothing to see here, folksHey, this is nifty! If you see a 20- to 30-foot fireball on the Potomac, fear not, it is just some special effects crew working on a teevee show about our exciting FBI. Filming is set for 9:30 AM till noon on Wednesday near the Key Bridge.

Here’s the memo from the District Department of Transportation:

Please be advised CBS Paramount will be filming for a television pilot titled “Washington Field” in the District for one day on Wednesday, March 25, 2009. This is a new television series about the elite Washington field office of the FBI and a team of agents with exceptional and diverse skills who are called together for only the most critical cases.

The first shot they will be shooting in the District takes place on the Potomac River just north of the Key Bridge and Jack’s Boathouse (K / Water Street, NW under the Whitehurst Freeway). In the scene, there will be six (6) sculling boats on the Potomac River and one of them blows up. The special effect simulating the explosion will occur on Wednesday March 25th between 9:30am and 12:00pm (noon).

NOTE: It will NOT blow the boat into a million little pieces. Instead there will be a 20′ to 30′ high fire ball that will last approximately two (2) seconds. All material will be vaporized and there may be a small plume of smoke. The sound will be a low thud; not a loud bang.

So, brave Wonketteers, you are COMMANDED to go down to this bridge tomorrow and photograph the Fireball of Doom consuming an innocent sculling boat and do not get yourself blown up plz. The winner of this photo contest gets a brick dance from Newell or an all-expenses paid trip to the DDOT’s glamorous Potholepalooza.

[The Weekly Standard]

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43 COMMENTS

  1. This is a new television series about the elite Washington field office of the FBI and a team of agents with exceptional and diverse skills who are called together for only the most critical cases.

    Special Agent Ken’s special skill will be: snark
    Special Agent Sarah’s Special Skill will be: biting sarcasm
    Special Agent Jim’s special skill will be: wit

    It’s gonna be an awesome show, guys!

  2. Also, if you see a giant fireball above the Treasury building, don’t worry, that’s just Tim Geithner using your tax munnies to launch a “PPIP”

  3. Blowing up rowing shells??!! That is totally lame, like blowing up Vespas or something. Plus, anybody who has ever seen a shell knows they’re not well suited to carrying fireball-inducing quantities of explosives. Everybody knows you blow up helicopters, duh.

  4. This is a new television series about the elite Washington field office of the FBI and a team of agents with exceptional and diverse skills who are called together for only the most critical cases.

    and then have anal sex

  5. This may be the most hilarious press release ever put out by a government agency. “This is a new television series about the elite Washington field office of the FBI and a team of agents with exceptional and diverse skills who are called together for only the most critical cases.” Is this information really necessary? Has CBS enlisted the DDOT in a “viral marketing” campaign now? Also, the phrase “It will NOT blow the boat into a million little pieces” makes me giggle.

    Do I even want to know what a “brick dance” is?

  6. This is a new television series about the elite Washington field office of the FBI and a team of agents with exceptional and diverse skills who are called together for only the most critical cases.

    Wow. The originality and out-of-the-box thinking of TV execs never ceases to astound.

    What next? A buddy cop show about mismatched partners who disparate talents eventually meld together to produce an ace crime-fighting team? That would be fuckin’ bleeding edge TV.

  7. it’s an inside job! this is just a cover for them to raise the founding father’s gold which sunk to the bottom of the river aboard the black pearl during the hobo uprising of 1809.

    that’s how geithner is paying for his cash-for-trash bailout.

  8. This is a bit of a tangent, but did you know that it is a crime to lie to an FBI agent? I mean, AT ALL.

    Thus our biggest group of unindicted criminals are FBI wives.

  9. Will the show explore the FBI headquarter’s inability to react to tips from field agents or recreate the bureaucratic nightmares involved in trying to get the bureau to cooperate with other agencies? How about a dramatic story line about the ‘cover-your-ass’ mentality that dominates all federal intelligence branches? And will there be a catchy theme song and lots of car chases?

  10. [re=271746]WadISay[/re]: my reaction was, what terrorist/rabblerouser is going to go after Jack’s Boat house and shells? Is this a grand political statement against rowers?

  11. We here in Philly received a similar email not long ago, saying that we should not be alarmed by the sound of gunfire in Center City on a particular Saturday because it was just Jamie Foxx filming a movie. Please, this is Philadelphia. Like we aren’t used to gunfire.

  12. [re=271753]hobospacejungle[/re]: More likely a tense pairing between a comely hot young woman with sloe eyes and hints of wayward wanderings, and a buff earnest, slightly troubled young man with six pack abs and a few tats. At first there will be tension, animosity, and threats of martial arts confrontations, as each strives to outdo the other in denying the obvious physical attraction which threatens to undermine and derail their vital work for the government.

    I know, I know, been there done that. But in this instance, in this one inspired go-for-broke instance, they get to do the buttsecks. Every week. By the final episode she will be able to endure penetration by a melon. Suck that Holly Hunter.

  13. Why is there no live-blogging of the Geitner/Bernancke (sp?) testimony before Congress? Bachmann keeps asking them to point to the exact place in the Constitution that grants them the right to hand out money to corporations.

  14. [re=271763]Doglessliberal[/re]: Yeah, I assume it’s some sort of anti-elitist terrorist jetskiers. Then the FBI will have to torture somebody who knows details of the planned attack on the arugula stand and the incoming shipment of nouvelle boujolais.

  15. Wow I just got notified by Politico.com that my comment was deleted. A comment I left 3 days ago. Those moderators are real Johnnies-on-the-spot huh? TELEPROMPTRZ!!!1!11

  16. [re=271775]BigDupa[/re]: I once thought that would never make good television, but The Deadliest Catch (and a lot of other reality shows) gets a lot of viewers based on following people doing their regular old jobs, so I really don’t know anymore.

  17. [re=271779]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Geithner: “The part written on mah DICK!!” [turns around to his boys, throws his hands in the air as the hoot and holler at what a g he is]

  18. Why can’t they do cool things like this when I am out running and then I can be like one of those Washington dudes just in the background running and stuff while something really important is going down. I would like that.

  19. [re=272121]politicalhor[/re]: Officials Downgrade TV Film Crew’s Plan. No Explosion Expected Tomorrow.

    Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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