Human dumpster Sarah Palin hasn’t held many unnecessary interviews in the last few weeks, what the hell is wrong with her? Does she want this thing in 2012 or not?? Her lazy ass needs to be in cold motherfuckin’ IOWA right now and every week for the next few years, going to fried steak dinners with the Des Moines Register people and what not. This is what one must do. John Edwards put four goddamn years into that state and look what happened, OH RIGHT, he’s President. Well, Sarah Palin may not have the “grit” of John Edwards, but she’s at least creeping her way back onto the interview circuit. The safe outlets only, of course. Now let’s see what she told the wingnuts at Human Events about her experience on the McCain campaign… ah, she did nothing wrong and wasn’t allowed to do enough right.

“Gizzi” from Human Events asks her a pretty wide-open question: “What was the biggest mistake made in the ’08 campaign?” HMMMMMMM… her? No!

PALIN: The biggest mistake made was that I could have called more shots on this: the opportunities that were not seized to speak to more Americans via media. I was not allowed to do very many interviews, and the interviews that I did were not necessarily those I would have chosen. But I was so thankful to have the opportunity to run with John McCain that I was not going to argue with the strategy decisions that some of his people were making regarding the media contacts.

But if I would have been in charge, I would have wanted to speak to more reporters because that’s how you get your message out to the electorate.

Look everyone, Sarah Palin managed to get this subjective, vague, no-real-answer softball of a question objectively and wholly wrong.

Probe further, Gizzi:

GIZZI: And what was the most important lesson you learned from the campaign?

PALIN: The campaign was 99.9% amazing and invigorating and inspiring. But looking back, there were so many things that were outside of my control. I was in a campaign in which I did not know the people individually running the campaign. So I had to put my life, my career, my family, and my reputation in their hands. That’s kind of a scary thing to do when you don’t know the people you are working with.

Now I have all the faith in the world in Sen. McCain and his family. But some of the folks around him I did not know, and so it was a kind of a risky thing for me to put my faith in the decisions they were making on my behalf.

As an administrator, as a chief executive of a state, I am not used to that. I am used to proving my abilities by calling the shots. Then I know the buck stops with me. I made the decisions, and I’m responsible. When others are making decisions for me, as they were in the campaign, and I am the one to live with the fallout from the decisions that were made on my behalf, that is something I am not very comfortable with.

GIZZI: Do you want to give me any names of people?

PALIN: No. But they’re folks who have done this before. Of course, I haven’t done this on a national level before.

But my reliance on seeking God’s direction in all that I do — that is good enough for me. And others who have a different worldview and different strategy on messaging and such, I would like to have the opportunity to prove to them that my gut instincts were going to be quite adequate.

Well Sarah, the problem with that is that God thinks you’re a strange clown and likes to mess with you. And it’s too late to prove the adequacy of your “gut instincts,” which have already been proven to be shite ever since you accepted the vice president slot.

EXCLUSIVE Interview with Sarah Palin [Human Events]

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  • TJBeck

    Sarah who?

  • Bruno

    The way I hear it is she is too chicken to talk to Bush Senior. What ‘journalists’ does she think will give her an E-Z time? I’m guessing the Entertainment Tonight variety.

  • greatgooglymoogly

    Dear God:

    Please let Sarah Palin pick her own people to run her campaign. We promise with no conditions whatsoever that IT WILL BE THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! *cough* *gasp* *splutter* *pant pant pant* Seriously, though, it’ll be hilarious.


    Every creature in the universe

  • finallyhappy

    Yeah, I hear David Brooks wants to talk to her- he was considering calling her a non-fatal cancer on the Republican party but because she didn’t give him an interview- he had to call her out.

  • WadISay

    She lost this thing when she didn’t abort Trig.

  • Gorillionaire

    I’m guessing that it was her administrator + chief executive of a state being ass that decided to lug around her shoeless, sockless physically and mentally challenged infant all over creation at all hours of the night and on live teevee. Good mommy capabilities you have there Governor, also.

  • actor212

    “Gizzi”? Seriously?

    Why didn’t “Dick Hertz” interview her, too?

  • obfuscator

    “The biggest mistake made was that I could have called more shots on this: the opportunities that were not seized to speak to more Americans via media.”

    What the fuck IS that? Why does she insist on skull-fucking the english language every time there’s a fucking microphone in front of her face?

  • Origami

    [re=204906]TJBeck[/re]: Right?

    I love the idea that Palin went from Starbursting Superstar to sifting through discounted pleather Anne Klein blazers in the clearance bin of the local Filene’s Basement (or whatever the Alaskan equivalent is) in between her time working non-events with America’s rejects. Fame is a bitch.

  • freakishlystrong

    Man, the “Party of Personal Responsibility” are like, major bus thrower under-ers…

  • magic titty

    So now she’s going with the “Let Sarah be Sarah” meme?

  • HedonismBot

    Yes, I know we’ve moved on to talking about the Moose Goddess again, but I missed the boat on the Warren thread and still had something to say. Damn you Wonkette, I will be heard.

    So… maybe, if we allowed teh gayz to marry, it would be such an affront to God that he would bring about the teh rapture. That’s what the evangos want, isn’t it? I thought they were in some huge hurry for Jebus to return and rain holy hellfire and damnation upon the sinners. Isn’t that, like, their whole raison detra? I’M CONFUSEDED!!!?!!!!1!!!

  • 4tehlulz

    >>the opportunities that were not seized to speak to more Americans via media.

    That’s true; CBS, ABC, and Fox are small media companies. She should have gone for something that reached a wider audience. Like Stormfront or public access cable.

  • L Urchin

    Yes yes yes!!! That’s delusion we can believe in! A small, dark part of me was afraid that Sarah would learn from experience and come back a stronger, savvier monster. But no! I think she believes everything she’s saying, and I worried for naught.

  • freakishlystrong
  • ella

    [re=204916]obfuscator[/re]: That’s the best she can do.

  • ToeCramps

    What a fukn psychopath! Somebody needs to snatch this woman’s teefs out of her mouth so she would just keep her trap shut!

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    2012 2011 should be beautiful.

    I can’t wait to see the Repug A-listers trudging through Iowa and New Hampster again:

    Caribou Barbie
    9udi 9u11ian11

    Which clowns am I forgetting?

  • slick7

    Did Bristol have that baby yet? I thought it was due on Dec. 20th. Oh wait, don’t tell me…it’s the Messiah! It’s the Second Coming and the Rapture is upon us. Or was her baby really Trig after all?

  • yellowdogdem

    Sarah and Dubya need to get a different God: one who doesn’t mind people who mangle the English language.

  • NunnaTheSOBs

    The GOOPers became so damn
    self righteous that they began
    to believe that any fucking
    IDIOT who talked a good wingnut
    game was ipso facto qualified
    to have his/her dumbass running
    the universe. They lost ALL that
    cred that they had built up
    over the years by pointing to
    that greasy head jackass Al Sharpton,
    or his mush mouthed fellow “reverend”
    Messy Jessie, and scaring the hell
    out of people by warning them that
    those two gentlemen would do
    HORRIBLE things like — wreck
    the banking system, cripple the
    stock market, ruin the manufacturing
    base, turn this country into a
    piss poor debtor nation in hock
    to chinks and mongrel slavs, so ruin
    our morels that sweet little
    peaches and cream complectioned

  • Violenza

    Aim for adequate, Sarah. There’s no way in hell you’ll make it there, but it’s a nice dream.

  • kdaddy

    Ignoramus rhymes with famous…that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

  • choinski

    Sarah: Never looking back means we can’t see your turkey blood spattered backside.

  • Scarab

    I cannot wait for the 2012 GOP primaries with Sarah ‘masterminding’ her campaign.
    I hear she’s already planning her Iowa/New Hampshire pregnancy.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    There’s something to be said for life in the slow lane isn’t there Sarah? Shhhhh. Too much thinkin’ makes your face scrunch up and get all wrinkly.

  • Scarab

    I heard the captain of the Titanic said the problem was that there wasn’t enough iceberg.

  • Blue Line

    She spoke in something resembling actual sentences that didn’t end with the word “also”. Meh…wake me up when she’s not reading from a script.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    [re=204929]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Huckabeeper will be at that party.

    As for the Palin interview, all her interviews are exclusive; they exclude reality.

  • FreshCliches

    [re=204929]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Piyush The Exorcist.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Wow! That Human Events site is just a heaping pile of right wing nuttiness.

    Check out Jacking Jesus by Chuck Norris and the comment.

    I must shower now.

  • Crazybroad

    If that last sentence from her mouth had been an IM, I am confident that she would have said “adequite.”

    She’s going to be on “The Hour” on CBC New Year’s Eve. I may stay home to watch that.

  • Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    How could you leave off Fred “I’m still alive” Thompson?
    Or Mike “The world is flat” Huckabee?

  • Crazybroad

    [re=204925]freakishlystrong[/re]: Whoa. I wanted to have a friggin’ Merry Christmas, not one with visions of moose droppings dancing in my head.

  • TJBeck

    [re=204949]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Yea, here’s a bit of Chuck Norris wisdom:

    “What type of world do we live in when hoodlums (young and old) commit sacrilege for entertainment?”

    Um… this one. I think young and old hoodlums have been committing sacrilege for entertainment since the dawn of religion, or at least since some caveman discovered how to make fart sounds from the back of the sun-worshiping ceremony.

  • Aurelio

    [re=204916]obfuscator[/re]: There is also this: But if I would have been in charge, I would have wanted to speak to more reporters….

    She even manages to mangle the the English subjunctive, which is the easiest of any known language. Jeebus.

  • V572625694

    [re=204949]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Chuck really brings teh crazee, before he starts spewing stuff handed to him by others: “It has become a new Christmas fetish — neutering Nativity scenes by jacking Jesus.” One wonders what Chuck really means here.

  • V572625694

    [re=204958]Aurelio[/re]: And you know she probably said, “If would of been…” and some kind writer made it a bit better.

  • SwanSwanH

    [re=204919]magic titty[/re]: Coming up next: “Mill workers’s daughter.”

  • GlennBecksTaint

    Lets all move to Alaska so we can vote for her sooner!

  • obfuscator


    On an admittedly subjective level, the use of phrases like “via media” really annoys me to no end. I really cannot fathom how any plurality of non-retarded semi-educated adults could ever decide that she’d be a good choice for leading a fucking Girl Scout troop.

  • The Cold Sea


    Holy shit! They have community standards:

    “Three basic rules of Team Sarah:
    1. Common Courtesy
    2. Common Decency
    3. Respect for all persons”

    That rules out all of Wonkette.

  • Carson

    Isn’t she busy trying to fire the cop that arrested Bristol’s Mother-in-law-to-be?

  • The Unfairman


    Can Dick Hertz interview Cassandra Butts, in a very aggressive, gotcha media style? Then, in Hertz’ post interview interview, we could see the headline “Dick Hertz After Nailing Butts”.

    That would make my life.

  • obfuscator

    [re=204959]V572625694[/re]: Someone should really update the editors at Hu-Mon Eventz. No one who is way 2 kewl has used the word “jack” as a synonym for “mug” or “rob” since 2002. It’s now back to being a colloquialism for masturbation. Get with the times, Chuck.

  • V572625694

    [re=204971]obfuscator[/re]: I know…the idea of jacking the little baby Jebus while Chuck Norris watches is so….Republican.

  • actor212

    [re=204969]The Unfairman[/re]: We’d have to make it an interview of Butts and Mike Hunt.

  • chascates

    Is the God Palin uses for her direction the same one that Bush used? Cause I’m thinking we need a different deity to give advice. Flying Spaghetti Monster maybe. Someone who isn’t a Cosmic Psychopath and doesn’t hold a grudge for a million years. Extra points if the New Guy/Gal likes to party and isn’t completely hung up on sexual issues and a control freak.

  • crookedlawyer

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if this is the best the GOP’s got, bring it on.

  • obfuscator

    [re=204961]V572625694[/re]: Supposably, she’s learning sentence making better also these days in many active facets to better indict her messaging objectives in a more direct contex to the American electors.

  • Jollity

    [re=204931]slick7[/re]: Bristol was delivered of a spirit baby, like Joanna Southcott.

  • daisy chain

    Ha ha I got banned from Team Sarah for saying that the Obamas are human beings who should not be publicly executed for sport. Those people don’t take rationality lying down. I told their administrator to enjoy hate and racism and to also join that cunt Sarah in eating a bag of dicks.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    Dagnabbit. I thought “Jacking Jesus” was going to be a Jesus-ancient-Aramaic-prono christmas story.

  • josereyes.theroof

    I am going to Anchorage in March — start of the Iditarod, & all — so I might try to score an interview with the governor (since she seems so keen on getting her voice out there, in answer to unscripted questions). First I’d ask: how much is Bristol dowry?

  • superfecta

    [re=204993]Jollity[/re]: I’ve always been a fan of Joanna Southcotte. Did you know there are still a few followers who want to, er, open her box? (note: this is literal).

  • Bowdoin

    This is the precise, exact duplicate of the shuck and jive of the last moron to make a name as a veep candidate for that godforsaken party. Little Danny Quayle said, when he threw his size four fedora into the ring in ’96, now it’s my show; just watch me go now! No longer is Jim Baker ruining it for me. I’m my own boy!

    He promptly sank beneath our notice like a stone. And like the denial of all idiots who cannot come to terms with their own incompetence, he claimed he was forced to drop out of the race because of “lack of funding,” as if the fact nobody was dumb enough to invest in the clown had anything to do with the clown himself.

    She was picked for the Gabby Hayes sidekick role. The arrogance to whine that she did not seize the campaign with her own two hands and throttle it like a moose.

    Brando wanted to do Jor-El as a voice from a briefcase. There’s your role model.

  • Bowdoin

    [re=204913]Gorillionaire[/re]: They asked her where she went to school, being as she obviously has a real feel for education, and she said, “Oh, anywhere, everywhere, just wherever one was put in front of me.”

    Isn’t there supposed to be a new Palin in the happy holiday card by now?

  • Bowdoin

    [re=204931]slick7[/re]: “Oh wait, don’t tell me…it’s the Messiah! It’s the Second Coming and the Rapture is upon us.”

    Except Palin herself sent up the prayer, and there was this, ah, misprint, so what happened was the Holy Rupture. But we do have the Left Behinds.

  • Bowdoin

    [re=204943]Blue Line[/re]: “[Her] speech suggested at times an intelligence almost normal.” – Malone

  • Atheist Nun

    “The campaign was 99.9% amazing and invigorating and inspiring.”
    So, uh, that’s… 0.001% = McCain’s cock in her mouth, right?

  • AWOcoholic

    Coulter on Palin. The opinion piece you want to hate-fuck.

  • Tomthebunny

    [re=204943]Blue Line[/re]: I thought the same thing- someone edited the SHIT out of that interview.

  • Joey Ratz

    [re=205032]AWOcoholic[/re]: Amazing. I knew Human Events was a right-wing rag of the lowest order, but I really wasn’t prepared for this. The Coulter piece was too fucking long, so I went to the comments – only to find insane comments by a guy who has composed an entire pro-Palin album and another who claims that George Soros financed the WALNUTS! campaign with the intention to fail. Surreal.

  • TeddyS

    The really, really good present beneath the tree is that Caribou Barbie will be the GOP in 2012 because she is so beloved by the bitters. It doesn’t matter that she will still be dumb, probably have two more children and be up to her fake eyelashes in state scandals and Bristol’s divorce. She’s got that teeny-tiny ultraright wingnut gunners for Christ idiot vote, complete with radio rush and shit for brains sean … and they will NEVER surrender. Yea for our side.

  • finallyhappy

    Three basic rules of Team Sarah:
    1. Common Courtesy
    2. Common Decency
    3. Respect for all persons
    SO I guess saying “Fuck that” is out?

  • davesnothere

    [re=204931]slick7[/re]: Yep, Trig. Her post-partum bulge should be flattening out pretty good by now, and the subject probably won’t even come up, what with Levi’s mama getting busted and all. But if anybody does ask, they can say “oh yeah, miscarriage.”

  • StupidGeek

    Dear Sarah Palin,

    Please keep running against national democratic political candidates, because they will never, ever lose.

    Also, I still can’t read your words on paper without getting a brain bleed.



  • bc

    OK fine, you lost, get over it and head on back to your tanning bed you useless bitch

  • Servo

    “But some of the folks around him I did not know, and so it was a kind of a risky thing for me to put my faith in the decisions they were making on my behalf.
    As an administrator, as a chief executive of a state, I am not used to that. I am used to proving my abilities by calling the shots.”
    A rather heavy pixie dust-induced delusion. Sounds like she had earnest ambitions to become the next “Decider”. The translation for Denali is “The High One”. How fitting.

    [re=205031]Atheist Nun[/re]:
    That explains her winking. That was his target eye.

  • hobospacejungle

    [re=204998]daisy chain[/re]: You are my hero!

  • PsycGirl

    You just know Obama’s reading this stuff and saying “Oh, please please please run in 2012….that way I wouldn’t even have to campaign, just kiss a few babies and get caught with my shirt off now and then”.

  • Darehead

    How Sarah became a “human dumpster”:

    Once, she ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
    Reply: “No, jump in!”

    (sorry, Henny)

  • CanadianBacon

    The host of The Hour on CBC television is George Stroumboulopoulos. No, I am not making the name up. Our socialist taxpayer funded national television network actually picks Hosts because of their ability, not their ideology. If anyone thought the interview with the turkey in the background was the last massacre involving Sarah, well maybe not. The problem is George will probably be polite and not go for the kill, as being nice and polite is the Canadian way. Especially with the head of the National Guard, who probably has her husband with her carrying the “football”.

  • villageatrois

    Bristol Baby — 3 days late now. Bristol Husband — 273 days late. So, the Palinator publishes a calendar, as if to draw our attention….

    Is she holding the little bitch in chemically induced coma until tomorrow night, in order to have a Christmas Eve bastard child?

    Mebbe pick up some Franken-sense and mirth?

  • ladymacbeth

    [re=204925]freakishlystrong[/re]: i’m so going in…

  • TGY

    Alaska, this is Planet Reality calling…

  • slick7

    [re=204993]Jollity[/re]: Good one Jollity…a spirit child. I love how detached Sarah Palin is from her kids. She’s got one overseas fighting a war and one about to have a baby and she doesn’t mention either of them – ever. She just keeps obsessing about how if she had been in charge she would’ve won the election. Good grief. Great link too.

  • lumpenprole

    You know those people who get all bent out of shape when you blurt out a redundant phrase? Palin could give each and every one of them an aneurysm before she’s finally gone.

  • Anonymous3

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  • answerbird

    > Her lazy ass needs to be in cold motherfuckin’ IOWA right now and every week for the next few
    > years, going to fried steak dinners with the Des Moines Register people and what not

    When you live in f’ing Alaska, Iowa is like a tropical paridise, except no waves, no sun and no president elect.

  • Darehead

    There goes the Wonkerhood. = [re=205092]Anonymous3[/re]:
    Jim? Can you see who has been naughty or nice?

    Back to that big pink Santa bag of snark material, Team Sarah, here’s one brilliant idea from the sub-group, “Resistance,” teaching Alaska kids about the Constitution! How radical! Excerpt:

    “Although the MSM will be undoubtedly be reluctant to report Alaska’s “radical” new teaching about the Constitution, hopefully other states will follow Alaska’s example.”

  • Bruno

    [re=204967]The Cold Sea[/re]: TeamSarah has respect for ‘all persons’?? Even the gayz? Oh, I guess we have to treat them delicately in open forums, then we get to fuck them politically.

  • specialed

    She has surpassed Dan Quayle on the Stupid-o-meter!

  • TJBeck

    [re=205064]PsycGirl[/re]: You just know Obama’s reading this stuff and saying “Oh, please please please run in 2012….that way I wouldn’t even have to campaign, just kiss a few babies and get caught with my shirt off now and then”.

    Amazingly, kissing a few babies and getting caught with her shirt off now and then is going to be Palin’s strategy in 2012 as well.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=205042]finallyhappy[/re]: [re=205076]ladymacbeth[/re]: The comments are hateful, so much for the rules, have at it kids!

  • zhubajie

    [re=204921]HedonismBot[/re]: G-d is playing with the EVs; check out the story of Ahab and the lying spirit in Kings for an earlier example of this.

    Zhu Bajie

  • wickedlittledoll

    Yes her demise was definitely related to her limited amount of Fargo-style turkey massacre interviews

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