The GOP’s two most important and popular “fixers,” Vice President Richard “Mitt” Cheney and Bush chief of staff Josh Bolten, spent yesterday on Capitol Hill in a closed-door meeting with Republican Senators, trying to persuade them to vote for the Bush-Democrat Motorcar Bailout plan of $14 billion. (Somehow, $14 billion has become a lot of money for Congress to spend!) The meeting did not go well at all — Cheney bit them? — and now the Republican Senators will never vote for anything involving money and cars again.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said he hadn’t made a decision whether to back the proposal unveiled Wednesday and “couldn’t handicap” its level of support. A number of Republicans already were opposed to the idea of a rescue, and pledged to filibuster any plan following a meeting with Vice President Dick Cheney and White House chief of staff Josh Bolten.

The things Cheney must have shown them in that room… the midget rituals… the Wiccans… the little Thai boys, covered in a mesquite glaze… must, MUST be repressed. Filibuster everything, FTW.

Senate GOP leader voices opposition to $14 billion rescue plan [Detroit Free Press]

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  1. [re=196680]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
    Don’t matter how long they sit. In the case of one guy (Vitter) he’s always got his diaper on and ready to, er, go.

  2. Cheney: “We’re here to pretend to support this Detroit bailout plan so that the House Republicans can pretend to be against blowing gargantuan sums of money”
    Mitch: “kthxbai”

  3. [re=196687]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s too bad Vitter and WALNUTS! pack the diapers, because I’m sure a few of the other Republican members would enjoy a good golden shower.

  4. Ah, the Republicans– standing up for conservative values since 2006.

    If the Dems really wanted this bill to pass, they should have phrased this not as a bailout for auto workers, but as a bailout of auto executives who might have to give up a vacation home or two due to low stock prices.

  5. I guess Cheney musta figured out that when the Big 3 go down, Big Oil won’t feel quite so “big” anymore. But on the upside, Congress can’t mandate auto emission standards since they won’t be making automobiles as we know them for a long time around here.

  6. Well, bear in mind that Republicans are steadfast in their opposition to the Axis of Evil. Also, to the Chassis of Infamy, the Tie-rod of Tyrrany, the Rear View Mirror of Discourtesy, etc.

  7. How is it that everything Mitch McConnell says infuriates me? That was a perfectly normal statement and yet I am now overcome with the urge to kick a puppy or something.

    Also, I will not think about what went on in that room because I would like to be able to sleep again without having night terrors.

  8. And then the greasy goblin shadow overlord for the lame duck cheerleper thrust his claws through Mich McConnell’s chest and pulled out his still-beating heart and beat both eyes black with it.

    CARS is GAS mblmlmlbl is OIL mblblb GRAHHHHHHH *crunch* *splat* *thumpthumpthumpthump*

  9. Dick’s heart probably isn’t in it. I’d think his prefered response to this crisis would be to suggest that the Pentagon offer a large contract to Haliburton to convert the millions of unemployed UAW members into solyent green for the rest of us to eat ’till the depression ends.
    Seriously, when you listen to the way the Republican Senators are framing their “misgivings” about this bailout it’s clear that they see this as an opportunity to crush the union. I heard Jim Demint, (R) Senator from South Carolina, on NPR describing his concerns about “unionism”. “Unionism”?

  10. $30 billion divided by $15K (the price of a Chevy Aveo) = 2 million Chevy Aveos. Why not just buy 2 million Chevy Aveos and give them away, on a lottery basis? On second thought, just take the money.

  11. [re=196788]WadISay[/re]: I think Aveos are made in Korea, but your reasoning is sound. The giveaway cars should be:

    GM – Chevy Cobalt
    Ford – Focus
    Chrysler – PT Cruiser

    Also, the govt could use a bunch of efficient little cars to replace the huge Suburbans, Expeditions etc that they tool around in now.

    I’m gonna love seeing my local jerk Homeland Security agent have to make his Starbuck’s and Wendy’s runs in a PT Cruiser.

  12. [re=196699]Servo[/re]: A little late, but because you asked for it:

    BUSH: The regional governors now have direct control over
    territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of Al Qaeda attacks and banks collapsing.

    MCCONNELL: And what of the Democrats? If the Democrats have obtained a
    complete technical readout of our political plans, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and exploit it. They could get rid of all of the chaperones at the Page dance.

    CHENEY: The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands.

    MCCONNELL: Any attack made by the Democrats against our desire to bankrupt the American Auto industry would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they’ve obtained. The Republican Party is still the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we filibuster

    CHENEY: Don’t be too proud of this Political terror you’ve
    constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to
    the power of the Vice Presidency.

    MCCONNELL: Don’t try to frighten us with your Vice President’s ways, Mr. Cheney. Your sad devotion to that ancient bucket of spit has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Democrat’s hidden fort…

    Suddenly McConnell chokes and starts to turn blue under Cheney’s spell.

    CHENEY: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

    BUSH: Enough of this! CHENEY, release him!

    CHENEY: As you wish.

    BUSH: This bickering is pointless. Vice President Cheney will provide us with the location of the Union Jobs by the time this bailout is
    operational. We will then crush the Democrats with one swift stroke.

  13. This just in from the Performance Racing Industries trade show in Florida: has anyone told those bone-headed Southern GOP Senators that their beloved *NASCAR* is going to go down the drain without Big3 sponsorships? If Reid and the Dems can’t persuade them, perhaps a bunch of pissed-off bubbas will make the case!

  14. If they even come close to succeeding in their crazy efforts to destroy all car companies everywhere, the “Shelby” and “Corker” family names ought to go down in history like “Boycott,” or “Quisling”….

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