MUST DINE ON MORE CORPSES OF ILLEGALSHa ha, it’s funny because the mutant overlord Michael Chertoff is the Secretary of Homeland Security, which includes Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and unbeknownst to him some ILLEGAL ALIENS snuck in and cleaned his house! Have you ever heard of such an outrageous thing in your life, that illegal immigrants might work for large housecleaning services?

Once upon a time Michael Chertoff, like all rich people, used a maid service. This maid service must have had a good reputation because all sorts of richy Washington pols, including the Clintons and Madeleine Albright, used them at one time or another. But Consistent Cleaning Services failed to notice that some of its workers were terrible aliens without the proper documentation.

Consistent Cleaning Services has been fined $22,880 for failing to ask for ID or fill out I-9 forms for some of its employees.

The moral of the story is, everybody should just clean their own goddamn house and then illegal immigration would immediately stop, everywhere. Also, Michael Chertoff is a scary demon who eats Mexicans for brunch.

Cleaning Firm Used Illegal Workers at Chertoff Home [Washington Post]

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  1. this builds confidence in the Secret Service:

    “Every few weeks for nearly four years, the Secret Service screened the IDs of employees for a Maryland cleaning company before they entered the house of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, the nation’s top immigration official.

    The company’s owner says the workers sailed through the checks — although some of them turned out to be illegal immigrants.”

  2. Wait… illegal immigrants are actually guerilla housecleaners? Okay, that changes everything. I no longer favor comprehensive immigration reform and merely making it a bit easier to get citizenship. I now support opening the borders completely; anyone who wants to come in can come in. This is great!

    I’m leaving my doors unlocked when I go to work for the day, too. The Pine Sol is under the sink, and please take care not to use Brillo pads on the non-stick pans. Thanks.

  3. What, Mark Penn was too busy? Doing what?

    [re=196536]magic titty[/re]: Do not mock Gareth! He can kill a man with just his thumbs. Don’t piss off Ricky Gervais, or he WILL!

  4. No, Ms. Smith, immigration would not stop. We white people still need someone to hate, and it’s not cool to hate on black people anymore, and nobody hates the k’reans, so we have to have the im’grants so we can hate on someone.

  5. Geeze, incompentence at Homeland Security? I’m sorry, but the list is already full — can we just wait for a month and a half and say this happened during the Obama administration?

  6. I’m thinking that in those dark, pre-dawn hours when the undead walk, Michael should be cleaning his own damned house instead of watching infomercials for Guerillas Gone Wild and sucking down Clamatto juice.

  7. Also, rumor has it that Chertoff was boning an underage illegal housecleaning alien for nearly 6 months. I know about this rumor because I just started it.

  8. You would think Chertoff would want his house cleaned by poor, thankful for a job, illegal immigrants that couldn’t give 2 shits who the hell he is. As opposed to, you know, pissed off “natrual born citizens” forced to clean houses to pay for their useless $300K education.

  9. Now I know where I’ve seen Chertoff before. In a George Romero movie. He needs the illegal (untraceable) aliens to supply his never ending hunger for……..brains…….brains.

  10. The moral of the story is, everybody should just clean their own goddamn house and then illegal immigration would immediately stop, everywhere.

    Surely you jest? I would die ~ die!! ~ without my housekeeper. When I am homeless and living in a Maytag box, Cenovia will still come and tidy up for me and I will sell cans and mine own blood to pay for it. Legal? Illegal? Whatever, I cannot live with out her. $30 an hour and worth every penny.

  11. [re=196539]Sean O[/re]: “That’s one reason why gays shouldn’t be allowed into the army. Because if we’re in battle, is he going to be looking at the enemy, or is he going to be looking at me and going “Ooh. He looks tasty in his uniform”. And I’m not homophobic, all right? Come round, look at my CDs. You’ll see Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys. They’re all bummers.”

  12. I’ve worked with Homeland Security and based on the lack of ability of the people I worked with – I imagine the people who do security clearance are totally illiterate. By the way, does Chertoff have some fatal disease? I’ve seen dead people who looked better.

  13. [re=196608]ivenson[/re]: No, I now remember when I last saw him. He was part of that Army of the Dead that Viggo Mortensen enlisted to beat the bad guys in the last Lord of the Rings movie. Maybe Chertoff can get the rest of the army to clean his shitter.

  14. I have a question – I posted this very same story on my blog, and got a response THE SAME DAY from DHS, from Chertoff’s assistant, asking me to post the press release by Russ Knocke, in which they explain and defend Chertoff.

    I received maybe ten hits on my post, and no comments, the post does not come up on google at all, so far, and yet they wrote this e-mail to me.

    You have had MUCH more traffic to your post, many comments, and you are on the first page if one Google’s Michael Chertoff.

    Did you receive an e-mail?

    I am just curious.



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