So long, suckersBACHMANN TO ADDRESS NATION: Ah, this is a typical thing people do when they are UTTERLY FREAKING OUT about their entire careers: “Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) has taped an advertisement apologizing for her televised comments calling Barack Obama anti-American, according to a Republican source familiar with her campaign’s decision.” It is still staggering that this one dingbat appearance on Hardball finally did the trick, after daily doses of such standard Bachmannia for the last two years. [Politico]

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  1. “I meant what I said, but somehow my entire character, being as awful and terrible as I am, will somehow convince you that I didn’t mean what I said. I am truly a horrible fucking person.”

  2. I completely expected most people (well, most Republican people) to ignore/tacitly agree with her batshitness, so I am very happy to be proven wrong.

  3. Possible Headlines for tomorrow:

    “Bach-anal Fest: She is so screwed”
    “Bachman Turner Under Whelmed: The apology that fell flat”
    “Bach to the future: Michelled tries to turn back time”
    “Crazy Texas girl who has nothing to do with Michelle Bachmann lied”

  4. Doesn’t she know that someone else came to Earth 2000 years ago and apologized for everything that ever happened ever so we wouldn’t have to apologize anymore?

  5. Yeah, the voters won’t stand for this now, but the same assholes voted her into office in 2006. Let’s be real, Congresscrazy Bachmann totally could have gotten away with that “unamerican” horseshit in 2004. Those were dark days.

  6. it she must, at least make it cable access. like on comcast or something. the ether can’t handle any more of her particles flying around. her orbit has warped.

  7. [re=147509]bitchincamaro[/re]: It is kind of like a mini Coctober, except there is no sex. Just satisfying little bits and pieces of unadulterated joy.

  8. My fellow Minnesotans, obviously I did not mean to say that Barack Obama is anti-American. Chris Mathews tricked me into saying that. All I meant to say is that he is uppity, and just wants to find loose shoes, tight pussy, and a warm place to shit.

  9. [re=147512]Terry[/re]: Hey, compare to some of the libtard trollops I’ve dated, that’s high living. Besides the female Wonketeers are lusting over Rachel Maddow…and you better believe we’re watching.

  10. Is it just me or is the guy on the left in front of W checking out his erection and the guy on the right doing some serious stroking? That is quite a kiss and these guys aren’t used to seeing two people of the opposite sex with both of them being over the age of 10 doing such a thing.

  11. MINNEAPOLIS — Congresswoman Michele Bachmann today apologized that Socialist idiots like Democrats did not understand her remarks about Barack Osama being disAmericanized. “I may be crazy but I am not the only Republican nutcase running for Congress,” she shouted. “The main stream media needs to back off and pick on somebody else. Like that guy in North Carolina. Go contribute to his opponent. Leave me alone, you unpatriotic traitors.”

  12. [re=147534]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: maybe this all happened because she know’s in her jeezbus filled heart that her shoes are tight, her pussy’s loose, and she’s gonna be living DOWN BY THE RIVER with only cold places to shit.

  13. [re=147525]Gopherit[/re]: You find her MILFYy? I admit that Sarah Palin erects my flagpole (wink wink (I’M TALKING ABOUT MY BONER!!!! HA!!!)) but Michelle Bachmann… she’s just someone I’d like to poo on (a SILTPO, that is).

  14. [re=147512]Terry[/re]: Not all of use male wonketters find Palin/Bachman/whatever crazy chick they find next to be teh hottness. Some of us have taste and standards. Though not in political commentary, obviously.

  15. Keep your chins up, friends. There is so much more to come. We await the public snit/freak out, at least one talking-head storm-off, more embarrasing fancritters doing crazy things, and many, many Armani…

  16. [re=147502]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Haha yeah. Her apology will consist of, “Last week, I made some comments that were divisive and accusing Americans who do not share my view of treason. BUT I believe Jesus is my savior, so joke’s on you, later sinners.”

  17. [re=147546]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’re starting to rub off on me. So to speak.

    [re=147512]Terry[/re]: To be fair, I do lust after Keith Olbermann and Chris Buckley in what is an apparent display of a major daddy issue.

  18. In triumph today I am blasting Tchaikovsky’s 5th in my cubicle. An ancient Melodiya recording. The track list loads in Cyrillic on Real Player.

  19. [re=147554]Styrofoam Boots[/re]: Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I’ve got images of her asking if shes doing it right and Matthews going HA! over and over…ewwwwww

  20. Church: the icky thing would be Matthews and Scarborough and the other guys talking about it afterwards, icky locker-room style, because they all want to be with each other more than the ladies.

  21. [re=147608]magic titty[/re]: Don’t lie. That gaping black hole of right-wing fantasies coming towards your junk—teeth bared. Who wouldn’t want that?

  22. [re=147644]Styrofoam Boots[/re]: And she bites his dick off, a perfectly funny ending. HA

    Off topic, but I want to start a petition to officially change Rudi G’s name to Rusty Thrombone.

  23. [re=147498]Carrie_Okie[/re]: I’d hit it with an imaginary black assailant.

    FUN FACT: 90% of imaginary crimes are committed by imaginary black people.

  24. [re=147494]Serolf Divad[/re]: Not where I’m goin’ she ain’t.

    [re=147512]Terry[/re]: Oh woman, that’s just gross! (and actually, I was just joking. Although brunette and dangerous-crazy is my type. Just ask Mrs. Caveman.)

  25. Since nobody above has done so, I declare a Bachmanalia–a weekend of lust and nuttiness made worse by heavy drinking and prescription medication abuse. Let the mirth begin!

  26. after daily doses of such standard Bachmannia for the last two years

    You’re forgetting that the American electorate has the attention span of a caffeine-and-sugar crazed two-year-old retard.

  27. [re=147476]Serolf Divad[/re]: When you wrote about Michelle going up to Barry on her knees, that didn’t finish like I thought it would.

    But it does allow me to make a Spinal Tap reference:

    Yeah, just simple lines intertwining, you know very much like, I’m really influenced by
    Mozart and Bach(mann), it’s sort of inbetween those, really, it’s like a Mach piece really, it’s…

    What do you call this?

    Well, this piece is called “Lick My Love Pump”.

  28. Much as I’d prefer Twinkleburger as a representative and human being, Bachmann performs an invaluable service by saying what Republicans really think.

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