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Here's your receipt, America!Well, that was a fun week in finance news. So what did the markets get, after the U.S. government decided to end market capitalism and become the Soviet Bank of Soviet America? Stocks ended the week flat, that’s what. Monday morning, the Dow opened at 11,421. Today, after this unprecedented nationalization of AIG and promises of some “We Buy Your Crap” market run by the Fed, the DJIA closed at 11,388. (The S&P 500 was about the same, starting the week at 1,252 and ending at 1,256.) A half-trillion in new U.S. debt just doesn’t buy what it used to! [Schaeffers Research]

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  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Wait. There’s still privately-owned stuff out there, still trading on Wall Street? But that’s unpossible!

  • WagTehGod

    So is it safe to give up my spot in the bread line and just go straight for the liquor/gun store?

  • columnv

    Freedom isn’t free, Ken.

  • azw88

    Oh, don’t be so sure that our 1/2 a trillion buckaroos didn’t buy much.. we bought TIME!! (and not that librul, cnn-related rag)
    Time enough for every major CEO and CFO to get out their golden parachutes just before the stock brokers and investors start jumping out of windows when this thing takes a really huge crap on the american economy.

  • TGY

    Stock markets are like herds of deer: skittish and prone to stampede off cliffs. Maybe that’s lemmings? It’s often tempting to just let them do it, but then how would one find another herd of lemmings deer on such short notice?

  • Tawmn

    I think I’ll have a yard sale this weekend!

  • blader

    Does this mean McGrommits will have to drop his “You don’t have anything a burrito can’t cure” health care plan?

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=102238]WagTehGod[/re]: Well, if you’d gone there first, you wouldn’t need to be standing in line for bread, now. The more you know…[ding ding ding diiiiiiing]

  • 4tehlulz

    We had to destroy capitalism in order to save it.

  • Rush

    Yeah but I just saved a bundle on my car insurance.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=102251]4tehlulz[/re]: We’re fighting it here, so that we don’t have to fight it there.

  • qwerty42

    expropriate the expropriators!
    or something.

  • Neilist

    I keep telling you Liberal Wonkette pussies: Stock up on guns, ammo and gasoline. When the time comes, you’ll be able to trade or take whatever you want . . . food, wome . . . .

    Wait?

    Oh, sorry. I was just quoting from the McCain/Palin “New Economic Plan for CHANGE!”

    (Gee. There’s a whole section in here about the best way to store fissionable uranium.)

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=102245]Tawmn[/re]: Citizen, much better idea to use Ministry of Internet, Satellite Radio and Indian Gambling Casinos’ “EBAY.COM” – you can get quickly paid (within 8 weeks, in US postage stamps) through the State Banking Administrations “PayComrade” service.

  • facehead

    The government put an emergency hold on “short selling.” This is some way for the investor to bet against a stock (so if the stock loses value, you get money). The following website (and others),

    http://www.investopedia.com/university/shortselling/shortselling1.asp

    Describes short selling as:

    “Short selling is the selling of a stock that the seller doesn’t own. More specifically, a short sale is the sale of a security that isn’t owned by the seller, but that is promised to be delivered. That may sound confusing, but it’s actually a simple concept.”

    Yeah, it is called fraud. Selling things you don’t own? I’m sorry, I’m no stock brocker, but if this is the sort of normal crap that goes on down in Wall Street, I’m investing all my cash in plastic vaginas.

  • trondant

    Look, I got a birthday coming up. Is there any way we can talk president Yee-Haw! into buying me the Socialst Workers’ Party?

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=102257]Neilist[/re]: [T]he McCain/Palin Palin/McCain “New Economic Plan for CHANGE!”

    Fixed that for you!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Christ, I wish I was rich enough to qualify for welfare.

  • american mutt

    Alex Jones was right suckas.

  • Winsome

    You know if I were Obama, I think I would quit right now. Tell McCain he can have it. I really don’t want Hopey to get stuck with this mess. Sob.

  • illnoise

    [re=102242]azw88[/re]: exactly, it bought time. Time to blame it on the democrats in the spring.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=102259]facehead[/re]: Naked short selling, or naked shorting, is the practice of selling a stock short without first borrowing the shares or ensuring that the shares can be borrowed as is done in a conventional short sale. When the seller does not then obtain the shares within the required time frame, the result is known as a “fail to deliver.”

    What the fuck?

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102262]SayItWithWookies[/re]: No shit. A++

  • HedonismBot

    Plastics, young man, plastics. There’s a great future in plastics.
    But… enough about Cindy McCain’s face (hah hah!!)
    I kill me

  • HedonismBot

    [re=102272]HedonismBot[/re]: Mrs. Palin, are you trying to seduce me??

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=102259]facehead[/re]: “I’m investing all my cash in plastic vaginas.”

    How many quarters can you fit in Sarah Palin anyways?

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102242]azw88[/re]: $.5 trillion? That’s only a promise. It’s not like the feds have that sitting around somewhere. Let’s hope the Chinese have the same criteria for loans as the sub-prime lenders. Can you say “Liar’s Loan”?

  • facehead

    [re=102276]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: All too many my dear boy, all too many.

  • Juan McMaverick

    [re=102276]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: 2 whole casino buckets full, @ least.

  • ManchuCandidate

    According to the NYT, this weekend is shit your pants time. They just literally bought some time.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/20/washington/19cnd-cong.html?hp=&pagewanted=print

  • Delicious

    I was watching CNBC and the giddy enthusiasm was nauseating. Those assholes couldn’t hop fast enough over the still burning carcasses of Lehman employees – not that have much sympathy for Lehman, but it is their brethren.

    This time-buying shit smacks of insiders squeezing money out of what’s available just before they rush for the exits.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102285]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Nice. The perfect release for the Friday afternoon news dump.

    I’m off to fortify my house for the foor riots.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102289]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Um, Food Riots. Duh.

  • tunamelt

    God, we’re so effed, aren’t we?

  • facehead

    From the link posted by [re=102285]ManchuCandidate[/re];

    “When you listened to him describe it you gulped,” said Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York.

    As Senator Christopher J. Dodd, Democrat of Connecticut and chairman of the Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs Committee, put it Friday morning on the ABC program “Good Morning America,” the congressional leaders were told “that we’re literally maybe days away from a complete meltdown of our financial system, with all the implications here at home and globally.”

    Mr. Schumer added, “History was sort of hanging over it, like this was a moment.”

    When Mr. Schumer described the meeting as “somber,” Mr. Dodd cut in. “Somber doesn’t begin to justify the words,” he said. “We have never heard language like this.”

    “What you heard last evening,” he added, “is one of those rare moments, certainly rare in my experience here, is Democrats and Republicans deciding we need to work together quickly.”

    Democrats and Republicans working together? We’re completely fucked.
    Nice knowing you all, angry black guy and myself will be swimming to Cuba.

  • azw88

    [re=102277]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: THey have PLENTY of paper and ink.. just run those presses all night long baby!!!

    Buy your wheelbarrows now, ladies and gents, ’cause they will soon be required to haul you $$ when you head to the local market for a loaf of bread. And this is what the wackos want, anyway….. creating the kind of economic chaos that reigned in Weimar Germany that led to that classic election campaign slogan/team of “the Field Marshall and the Lance-Corporal” of course it is now “the Maverick and the MILF”

    Get yer swastikas while they’re hot gents, the price will only go up!

  • HedonismBot

    [re=102291]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Less drinking and typing. Or… perhaps more drinking and typing?

  • PentagonBookkeeper

    I thought it was all derivatives’ fault. Isn’t this fun turning over the bloated pork belly full of wiggly maggots? Now maybe I will be able to quiz my brother, the broker, about what the hell he does all day.

    Derivatives – “Also, stock index futures and options are known as derivative products because they derive their existence from actual market indices, but have no intrinsic characteristics of their own. In addition to that, one of the reasons some believe they lead to greater market volatility is that a huge amounts of securities can be controlled by relatively small amounts of margin or option premiums. One reason derivatives are popular is because they can be transacted Off-balance-sheet.”

    Off-balance-sheet!! Yeah!! This is going to be a great weekend watching these hedge hogs (Dinsdale of course) root around looking for their Dicken’s era ledgers.

    “The use of derivatives can result in large losses due to the use of leverage. Derivatives allow investors to earn large returns from small movements in the underlying asset’s price. However, investors could lose large amounts if the price of the underlying moves against them significantly. There have been several instances of massive losses in derivative markets, including:” Bush’s bowel movements, McCain’s craps games gains, and Cheney’s golden showers parachute.

  • Godot

    [re=102243]TGY[/re]: One day I will discover the secrets of posting strikethrus on Wonkette. Then I will be the king!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102298]HedonismBot[/re]: More, alas. That was a dead-sober typo.

  • Tawmn

    There’s no place like home… There’s no place like home… There’s no place like home… There’s no place like home…

    ahhhh poppies…

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102300]PentagonBookkeeper[/re]: And when the assets’ price is woefully overvalued to begin with….

    For those who have not seen it, here’s a little primer on the sub-prime loan fiasco I hope they update it.

  • DailyComicsReview

    It’s almost like the government doesn’t care about when people are having hard times financially, just big business

  • Neilist

    [re=102261]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Quite right, CEB. Quite right. But the Palin/McCain Plan requires a floatplane, snowmobile, and a couple of hundred yards of salmon netting.

  • rocktonsammy

    my broker wants to put her money on my mattress

    Bush has been asleep at the wheel for the third time, 9/11, Katrina and now this. Screw impeachment, find a tree and enough rope for the whole damn bunch of these treason crooked bastards. Revolution 09, people put your liquor and ipods down and join the fight!!

    ps bring weed..

  • HedonismBot

    It’s like raaiiinnn on your wedding day
    It’s the good advice you just can’t take
    It’s like when the economy goes under because it was all built on a house of shaky credit cards and all that wealth generated on Wall Street was just a lot of smoke and mirrors and we’re all fucked
    Isn’t it… not “ironic”…
    “extremely fucking shit your pants scary,” THOSE are the words I was looking for
    And who woulda thought, it figures

  • tunamelt

    [re=102310]rocktonsammy[/re]: Put down the ipods, keep the liquor, FIGHT ONE-HANDED.

  • facehead

    [re=102311]HedonismBot[/re]: can you sing the other song? Where she blows me in the theater?

  • Hutch

    I, for one, am breaking out the absinthe tonight. After half a bottle, maybe I can make some sense out of the macro-econ blogs.

    I can’t touch my retirement until next year. I hope there will be enough left to stuff a mattress… or maybe a pillow.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=102324]Hutch[/re]: If they print $500 billion, you’ll be able to fill your house with your retirement money……and maybe buy a sandwich with it.

  • nuckingfutz

    Mmmmmm…. dachshund! (pet looks over at me curiously and sensing danger, runs from the room)

  • Hutch

    [re=102333]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Sandwich, eh. No more absinthe?!? An inflatable to French Guiana is looking better and better.

  • Borat

    [re=102259]facehead[/re]: take it easy, short selling is good and the gov’t is screwed up. Haven’t you ever placed a bet against something? Wouldn’t you like to place a bet on Walnuts falling over into a bucket of warm piss? I know I would. I just don’t think I could find a couterparty

  • Borat

    [re=102310]rocktonsammy[/re]: I’m thinking the televised chauchescu execution.

  • Borat

    [re=102333]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Well, Zimbabwe issued a $500billion note recently. Maybe we can get a few of those. Or we can’t afford those anymore?

  • ShamWow

    [re=102305]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: No snark – I work as a trainer for people who value hedge funds. I’ve been using that presentation in class for the last 6 months. I find it’s the only way to make heads or tails of what happened. Stick figures and cursing make sense to everyone!

    Snark back on….buttsecks, snarky, Walnuts!, VP Bullwinkle, snark….

  • jodyleek

    [re=102268]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: “Fail to deliver” for the rich, “robbery” for the poors.

    I think I am going to start “short selling” iPods on eBay. And, when my Paypal account
    has sufficient funds I am going to Fail to Deliver somewhere in the Carribean.

  • 4tehlulz

    >>my broker wants to put her money on my mattress

    So that how prostitutes refer to their business….

  • NotLaughing

    [re=102363]Borat[/re]: Afford in what way Charlie?

  • wheelie

    Last Monday in Dublin city centre, outside a train station, I watched a retired American tourist couple trundle along the pavement. She stopped when she saw a 2c coin on the ground. They bellowed to each other in that special American-retiree-on-vacation voice. “HONEY, I’M GOING TO PICK THIS UP”, “DID YOU GET IT?”, “OH YEAH, I GOT IT”, “OH OK THAT’S GOOD”.

    A metre away, the junkie that squats under a blanket beneath the ATM looked on. He hadn’t bothered to pick up that little coin earlier. Who needs 2c?

  • trondant

    [re=102398]wheelie[/re]: But that’s $10USD at today’s rates – of course they picked it up. Now they can split a hot dog, hold the bun.

  • Hutch

    Hey! I have some toxic debt as well. Can I look for a buyout? How’s ’bout we just stop buying the credit card debt. I mean, I have excellent credit, but what the heck! Who cares at this point if I can’t get loans.

    Talk amongst yourselves.

  • DoctorCulturae

    So how long before VP Darth decides to “temporarily” postpone the elections?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=102245]Tawmn[/re]: Put your canned beans to the side. Household pets? That’s up to you. http://www.benji.com/benji.info/images/art/benji-110-cu.jpg Fucking useless social parasites.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=102398]wheelie[/re]: I don’t blame the American tourist for asking. The coins might have exploded into Lehman shares.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I’m just waiting for Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh to lead a rag-tag ban of Republicans over the Iron Curtain to the Capitalist paradise or Russia where they can set up a government in exile.

    Now if I can just get the Feds to bail out my school loans. I am surely too big to fail.

  • gliberal

    Could I get a couple grand for some hookers and blow in Vegas?

  • fromtheright

    What’s that thump thump thump sound I hear. Why it’s helicopter Ben dropping bags of fiat dollars all over my lawn. This is wonderful. New plasma TV and Lincoln Navigator tomorrow for me. Thank you taxpayers, you big suckers.

  • kapish

    This bail out is so gigantic that coming US administrations may have no money with which to do anything.

  • njdon

    bin laden said he would cause economic chaos. have they won yet?

    y’know, i used to enjoy gracie allen (yes) because she was so scatter brained,unfortunately her character has been channeled into our president.

  • fromtheright

    Dear Wall Street. Thank you for your generous contributions to our re-election campaigns. We’re always ready to give you our ear.

    Sincerely, Barney and Chris

  • Sire Says

    I’m not worried when we have LADY LYNN FORESTER DE ROTHSCHILD telling us everything will be okay. Here is a peek into her life of “humble” luxury.

  • njdon

    [re=102521]Sire Says[/re]: that was worth 2 minutes of my valuable time. very funny. sad part is that the multi milliondollar lawnmower guy down the street will be impressed.

  • Q2

    I happen to be watching Bill Moyers Journal last night…not something I usually do…but I got lucky.

    Moyers interviewed former Nixon White House strategist and political and economic critic Kevin Phillips, whose latest book BAD MONEY: RECKLESS FINANCE, FAILED POLITICS, AND THE GLOBAL CRISIS OF AMERICAN CAPITALISM explores the role that the crumbling financial sector played in the now-fragile American economy.

    The man struck me as knowledgeable and no-nonsense. IT WAS EXCELLENT.

    I urge you to watch this video of the interview…

    <a href”I happen to be watching Bill Moyers Journal last night…not something I usually do…but I got lucky.

    Moyers interviewed former Nixon White House strategist and political and economic critic Kevin Phillips, whose latest book BAD MONEY: RECKLESS FINANCE, FAILED POLITICS, AND THE GLOBAL CRISIS OF AMERICAN CAPITALISM explores the role that the crumbling financial sector played in the now-fragile American economy.

    The man struck me as knowledgeable and no-nonsense. IT WAS EXCELLENT.

    I urge you to watch this video of the interview…

    http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/09192008/watch2.html

  • Trifocal

    [re=102533]Q2[/re]:

    Q2…I happened to see Moyers last night and agree…Phillips has knowledge and experience and he doesn’t gild the lily. I liked ( but didn’t like ) the analogy of the Seven Sharks.

    boys and girls….we are screwed.

  • Snarkfest

    I won’t be happy till the bastards are swan-diving off the skyscrapers.
    …as long as they miss the old homeless folks when they splat.

  • Snarkfest

    btw – 1 hour vid of an excellent (and prescient) talk Phillips gave in April ’08 at http://pdxjustice.org/ – just a little ways down.

  • Naive

    I am no economist, but it seems to me that if we the taxpayers are going to bail out the financial system, we should have a stake in it. If we are going to leverage our future, shouldn’t we do so with a level of reform? Shouldn’t we learn from history that a bailout is just a deferment of collapse? Whether it’s the bailout of Chrysler postponing the demise of business as usual in Detroit by 20 years or the S&L bailout (wasn’t one of the candidates in this race the charter member and president of the glee club of the Keating 5?) leading us to basically the same place on a larger scale now. You can’t save the system and then expect it to not break again unless you fix it.

    Anyone would agree that the culture of borrowing is what got us here. What if this bailout included a refund to every taxpayer along with a tax code that seriously and extremely encouraged savings and/or debt reduction? There are something like 135 million tax payers in America. If everyone got a check for $10,000 dollars that would be $1.5 trillion dollars or so (right? I get confused at these large numbers. I guess I don’t use them as often as some people). Now, you could spend that $10,000 however you want however there would be something like a 75% tax penalty for using them for anything other than saving for 10 years or paying down current debt. Give a tax write-off for how much you reduce debt or only tax the earnings, but not the principal of the savings on a deferred, reduced basis. This would take a big bite out of individual debt, provide a massive amount of capital to the market and encourage a culture of savings in place of debt. Currently you get a tax write off for borrowing. Turn that around. Sure, we would be rewarding individuals for irresponsible behavior, but isn’t that we are talking about doing with the financial institutions? There have to be corrections to make sure that neither the banks, nor the individuals, get in the same mess. Thus changes in the current tax code for individuals and similar changes in corporate tax code and bringing back some sane legislation like the Glass Steagal act.

    We have to get out of the idea of a lottery nation. The winner take all, something for nothing, windfall or lose-all that has become the modern interpretation of the American dream. It doesn’t work. Any human president with a conscience would stand in front of the nation in tears at this point wondering how he can make amends for destroying the nation. Perhaps by endorsing Obama? How can the Republicans not acknowledge, and how come we don’t demand they acknowledge, that the party that has dismantled all regulation and consistently rails against big government, socialized medicine, public education etc, is overseeing the greatest socialization in this history of this country? We’re making Hugo Chaves look like a rank amateur in the arena of nationalization. And Obama should shake Rubin, who championed repeal of Glass Steagal, no matter how much it would piss off Clinton for being implicated in this mess. We need a real break from the past in order to move forward with sanity.

  • Texas2Step

    [re=102511]njdon[/re]: No, Gracie Allen only played dumb. Bush isn’t playing.

  • fromtheright

    A chicken eats lunch one day, and believes the sky is falling down because an acorn falls on her head. She decides to tell the King, and on her journey meets other animals who join her in the quest. In most retellings, the animals all have rhyming names such as Henny Penny, Cocky Lockey and Goosey Loosey. Finally, they come across Foxy Loxy, a fox who offers the chicken and her friends his help. Foxy Loxy eats the chicken’s friends, but the last one, usually Cocky Lockey, survives long enough to warn the chicken and she escapes. Moral of the story for next week is that Congress i.e. Dems. fully know in every disaster (mega banks not wanting to lend) there is opportunity (for lots of pork and voter friendly stimulus packages).

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Barry “Hope” O’Sama has a million cars, all garaged in his underground Rezko bunker located beneath the weedy vacant lot situated immediately adjacent to his childhood home in gangstertown lower ward Chicago. His twelve children suffer emphsyma and cancer from the exhaust fumes of these guzzlers Neighbors complain about the loud noise of fancy car stereos and tricked out tailpipes long into the night.

    Meanwhile, out in his armed, forced labor “retirement” compound in the hills of New Mexico, Juan McNutz and his lovely wife Slinky own just a battered old jeep with gun mounts and a Pfizer delivery van used once a week for getting packages and stuff she needs on a daily basis. Both of the McNutz vehicles run on recycled beauty creams and gels, causing no carbonized footprints or fingerprints.

    The economics is strong and our philosophy is all about remaining fundamentalist; this is what makes Merkins the hard working, bitter white gun-lovers we are. The Ruskies had better watch out!

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