Not this shit again ....Greetings from Austin, Minnesota — the home of Hormel’s famous SPAM food product, which Hawaiians such as Barack Obama eat a dozen times a day, with caviar. We are very close to St. Paul and our fancy suites, and will be there Sunday morning in time for so many cocktail parties. The question is this: Will anybody from the Republican Party show up?

Monster hurricanes are not funny when they strike cities, and they’re especially not hilarious when they hit New Orleans (your editor’s hometown) yet again, just three years after the double horror of Katrina and Rita. But the monster storm Gustav doesn’t seem to understand the boundaries of political humor, as the bastard hurricane seems hell bent on striking the U.S. Gulf Coast just as the GOP tries to get itself excited about Nominee McCain.

Politico reported Saturday night:

President Bush is unlikely to make it to the Republican National Convention, and Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) may deliver his acceptance speech via satellite because of the historically huge hurricane threatening New Orleans, top officials said.

Jesus. What about the convention? What are we supposed to do, cover the Ron Paul People’s Concert for Literacy all week? Cover Nader?!

We understand the St. Paul convention was never going to be the hot ticket like Obama’s stadium show in Denver, but thousands of delegates and lawmakers and lobbyists and Media Professionals are all either already on the ground in the Twin Cities or fast approaching. Should we all go home because a hurricane threatens New Orleans, again?

Maybe there’s no good answer for the Republicans, who surely don’t want to remind America that George W. Bush ate birthday cake with John McCain while Katrina destroyed New Orleans. This will not be a good week to push the old “You’re Better Off Alone” meme … this isn’t really a good month or year or decade for that, either.

It’s generally not Wonkette’s editorial mission to help political parties figure out their deal — even if we did provide national fame for that nice Sarah Palin — but we might as well say this:

Running and hiding during a catastrophic event is exactly what the GOP shouldn’t do this week. Will St. Paul be abandoned just as New Orleans was abandoned in 2005? The Republicans need to take the stage and hold a serious, dignified convention — if they can find anyone serious or dignified.

They need to go through the process, on teevee, even if nobody’s paying attention beyond C-SPAN and National Journal. If anybody in the GOP is serious about competing this year, it’s time to approach the convention in a serious way. Obama’s speech and the whole DNC was generally a serious affair. Even the fireworks spectacular at the Invesco Mile High stadium was dignified. (Except for the Sheryl Crow concert earlier in the day.)

The message of the Obama Stadium Show was “you can’t afford another eight years of this crap.” It would’ve played even better during a national disaster, as long as a few adjustments were made. Ask the spectators and delegates and even the lazy-ass press to bring canned food and especially cold hard cash for hurricane relief. Good music can help, too, as it did in that televised fund-raising concert after 9/11.

What we’re saying is, Don’t be so chickenshit and lame. You’ve got a convention. If you ditch the whole thing, or most of it, you’re all just going to spend the next 10 weeks whining about how much better you’d be doing if not for the RNC you abandoned because you had no mature response ready for a national catastrophe.

Plus, come on, we really don’t want to spend a week covering Ron Paul and Ralph Nader.

Storm scrambles GOP convention [Politico]

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  1. Is it too late to get the RNC to move their convention to New Orleans?
    That way they could look concerned while drinking $600 bottles of scotch and eating grilled colored-baby canapés and such.

  2. You say to the Rethugs “Don’t be so chickenshit and lame.”.

    Like they have a choice?
    One word: Genetics
    Born of fear that other people might have more.
    Grow up in the world of “I’m in the boat, pull up the ladder”.
    Die with a gun that’s never been fired in their hands.
    Again, like they have a choice?

    Jerry w

  3. Bush nothing, goddammit! I crave and demand more embarassing Palin coverage, preferably live from a trainwreck of a GOP convention.

  4. So glad you made it safely into the Gopher State; now hopefully you can make it to Fancy Sweets tomorrow without a run-in with the Giuliani gestapo…the big media are beginning to report the story although couched in the usual J. Edgar Hoover shadow language…anarchists, slingshots, the usual buckets of urine.

    Hope you brought your Wellies and brollies.

  5. You didn’t even stop in Des Moines, did you? eh, don’t worry about it, nobody else does either. Have fun blogging. May I suggest you stake out the men’s bathroom at the airport. See who comes and goes. Get incriminating photos.

  6. McCranky said he didn’t want them seen as partying while a disaster is going on, with people suffering and dying. Isn’t that what they normally do? Oh, I get it… they don’t want to be seen.

    The hookers are there; maybe you can get a while-u-wait-4-the-convie special offer.

    Glad you made it safely.

  7. [i]Jesus. What about the convention? What are we supposed to do, cover the Ron Paul People’s Concert for Literacy all week? Cover Nader?![/i]

    Obviously cover 90210 and the NFL Kick-Off!

  8. Now Walnuts has an excuse to why his campaign will totally suck. Although we fundies prayed for the wrath of god to strike your convention down Barry, our vengeful god has decided to take it out on New Orleans – why not? Ray Nugen is black.

    So we need to be safe by not showing up a convention which is probably 1200 miles. Its all an act of god.

  9. *Jesus. What about the convention? What are we supposed to do, cover the Ron Paul People’s Concert for Literacy all week? Cover Nader?!*

    Obviously cover 90210 and the NFL kick-off!

  10. Ohhhhhh God…

    McCain/Whatshername in New Orleans, looking “concerned” for the poor folk during a national tragedy, “just couldn’t make it there”, surrounded by rescue workers and such…


    Obama in front of the set from A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum.

    Regardless of how not-at-all the GOP actually cares about the damage this hurricane’s gonna cause, it’s gonna *look* like they do, and oh man people are dumb.

  11. I heard they may turn the convention into a telethon for the poor people on buses going to somewhere, but THEY don’t know where they’re going. Jerry Lewis will be so pissed. Today I read “Oklanoma has been declared a disaster area because they will be receiving Gustav evacuees”. This seemed very odd to me, and I haven’t heard anything since. So, I googled OK + FEMA camps and ran across this disturbing story after Katrina.

    Jesus just doesn’t want Americans to forget what incompetent, cruel inhumanity this administration has inflicted on our brothers and sisters who were tortured under this regime in the Super Dome, and elsewhere. John and Sarah can play all empathetic, raise lots of money from fat cats, but it is just big time pandering. This will also keep the dumb public thinking Ms. McPain is fantastic, and less time to uncover opposition research during the convention.

  12. [re=76647]trai_dep[/re]: I heard the sinlge malt scotch was over $500 a SHOT! A swallow is more than many people in NOLA live on for a month.

  13. While it is nice to know that McCain is already preparing to try to use the suffering of others to help himself, let’s face it, this convention was already going to be sparsely populated. Almost every Republican in a somewhat competitive race was avoiding it like the plague. Can you imagine how happy you would be to be Susan Collins and have your picture taken with Ms. Palin? Heck, you might as well just get your picture taken with Dick Cheney.

    This is not independence we can believe in!

  14. Meh, their convention was gonna suck anyways so they probably just saved themselves the embarrassment. New Orleans isn’t exactly a Republican friendly town though. And all the people still remember how Bush screwed them over. I don’t see a very friendly reaction if the RNC moves there.

  15. All those cheap ass bar owners in St. Paul who didn’t want to pay for the permit to stay open past 2am are feeling vindicated now.

    And really, why begrudge the Paultards the extra attention? I know they’re a come down after Gidget Goes to Washington, but there’s material there.

  16. [re=76670]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: hawaii at least has an excuse because they dont have alot of room to raise beef, alaska has all the room in the world, so whats their excuse? lazy? like discusting “meat”?

  17. All this talk about canceling their convention is about as real as Charlie Crist’s wedding, which I assume will not now take place. It’s just too late. It would require a logistical dexterity they just do not have. It’s like when everybody was saying that Jindal was on the short list.

    Watch what they do, not what they say.

  18. [re=76659]Mordy[/re]:

    Even if McWalnuts doesn’t show for real our beloved Wonketteers will still be able to cover such Republican special events as the “First Nine Months of Life are the Important Ones” Brunch, the “A Shade Too Far: When Does Lime Green Not Go with Pink” seminar, and the “How to Not Look Like a Complete Douche While Sending Your Kids to Prep School, Taking Massive Bonuses and Moving Jobs to China/Mexico/India” dinner dance. The Repubs are loads of fun. Oh, and not to forget the “For Jeebuses Sake, Get that Broad from Mooseland Some Fashion Advice” cocktail reception. [re=76679]gurukalehuru[/re]: You mean we okay’d same sex marriage in FL and I MISSED it??? Oh, you meant THAT wedding. Never mind.

  19. Why the F would Walnuts not appear at the convention? What exactly will be be doing? I thought he was running for President! Will he be handing out $7,000 Halliburton asbestos lifejackets to dark people in the ninth ward? Will he be hanging out in Houston with Ray Nagan? Working the night shift with the Corps of Engineers? What purpose would his absence serve?

  20. [re=76688]Rosalindavenue[/re]:
    He wants to be the guy who stands at the break wall attacking the waves and 100+ mph winds with his 72 year old fists. Gustav will know the meaning of 5 and a half years.

  21. [re=76668]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: the new orleans evacuees can fill the empty seats and make them look “big tent”.
    [re=76689]njdon[/re]: at myself – i know the convention is not in n. o.
    [re=76667]PentagonBookkeeper[/re]: $500 – its ok, they’re spending your money and it may be a tax deduction.

    nevermind – too much coffee this am.

  22. Gustav seems destined to push a huge storm-surge right up N.O.’s skirt once again. Jeez!

    No snarky comments come to mind, but should disaster ensue it seems likely that the Repugs will get very limited TV coverage for their stupid Minnesota blabfest. Not that we were gonna watch a minute of it ourselves anyway!

  23. LAT has a story on how Alaska’s landscape is littered with the stinking, rotting corpses of those who have underestimated her. Then illustrates it with the stinking, rotting corpse of a moose. But this excerpt is why I’m concerned:

    Indeed, Halcro said, those qualities meant that debating Palin was an exercise in frustration. The day after a debate in Fairbanks, they found themselves in conversation at a breakfast in Anchorage.

    “She said, ‘You know, I go to these debates, and I’m just amazed at your grasp of issues and facts. You show up with no notecards; you just kind of spurt it out. But I look out over the audience, and I wonder: Is that really important?’ ” Halcro said. “And you know, I’m a policy guy, and I’m thinking, ‘Yeah.’ But people didn’t care. She has a way of walking in a room and filling the room with her presence, so people suddenly forget about their concerns about healthcare or education or anything else.”,0,1268295.story?page=2

  24. “The weather started getting rough,
    the Delegates were tossed,
    if not for the courage of the fearless crew
    the Party would be lost…
    the Party would be lost.”

    Skipper & Mary Ann ’08!

  25. I think I’d rather drink whiskey and sob and watch a giant mutant hurricane destroy a major city (or two)rather than view a week-long infomercial punctuated by minstrel shows.

  26. Dont worry, editors, there’s lots to do in Minneapolis anyway, probably. I think that’s where that giant mall is, and plus you can go to Prince’s house because he has his own basketball court and he’s really good even playing in purple pumps.

  27. [re=76691]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think someone needs to tell Grampy McPlanecrasher that HE’S NOT THE PRESIDENT! He’s behaving as if he acts like he’s the President now, then people will think that he’s the incumbent and be more likely to vote for him. Given the intelligence that some voters have demonstrated over the last few cycles, it’s probably not such a bad strategy.

  28. China has been manipulating the weather for decades. This is a Communist plot to destroy America. Do you not love freedom?

    That’s okay. Michael Phelps is going to swim the Gulf Coast and hold back the winds with his dick.

    Problem solved.

  29. Supposedly the Republicans are going to turn their convention into a “giant phone bank” for Gustav Victimes. Since I don’t think anyone is going to install 20,000 landlines into the convention center by tomorrow, I guess that means 20,000 republicans using their cellphones in an enclosed building simultaneously.

    Sounds dangerous, assuming they don’t crash the network(s)…

  30. Just listening to C-Span and the Chief of Coppers says that a protest area with flowers and a loudspeaker has been put together in front of the convention center. Some rules: No 2x4s for protest signs, no throwing rocks. You in town? Print out a few hundred copies of my McCain poster on simple paper and hand it to Hurricane Gustave refugees. Find it here:

  31. What bullshit. Both parties held conventions in 1864 in the middle of the Civil War — even the Democrats, and they started the damn thing. Lincoln wouldn’t pussy out for a damn hurricane, and neither should his former running mate, John McCain.

  32. So, Bush isn’t going to show. Come to think of it, has he been seen in public since the drunk-in-the-stands photos? Is it possible that they are keeping him hidden because he is really, really obviously in the middle of a 3 week bender?
    I don’t know which is more entertaining to me: that or Trig Palin actually being Bristol’s baby.

  33. Face it, Repubs are between a rock and a hard place. If they cancel, they’re wimps (??? Why?). If they don’t, they’re once again indifferent to the suffering going on in New Orleans (and partying through it).

    I look forward to the day when intellectual honesty is restored to our political process, but I doubt I’ll be alive.

  34. [re=76726]Thalia[/re]: Pawlenty just said on MTP that the convention can’t be canceled. They have to officially nominate McCain, but if the storm is bad they might make the convention about Gustav. Because that helps? Anyway, he looked majorly bummed, like he was still sad his crush asked someone else to the prom.

    Okay, Doris Kearns Goodwin is coming up! I wish she was my mom.

  35. JEEBUS. They reanimated William Safire’s corpse and made it write a column. Unsurprisingly, it (the corpse) is very grumpy about not being dead anymore. GET OFF MY LAWN!, he shouts and other priceless old man stuff for which the ancient Greeks had a word: Cranky.

  36. [re=76728]itgetter[/re]: I’m the first to say Repubs will do what they can to make political hay out of this. That wasn’t my point.

    My point was that every issue is that there is a negative response to either choice (in everything now), and I wish this would end in American politics. I think it’s very harmful.

    DKG is great, I agree.

  37. [re=76729]RuperttheBear[/re]: HOLY CRAP! “Old Man Yells at Cloud”, anyone? How dare this uppity negro anger Safire with his smooth talk and hubris!

    [re=76731]Thalia[/re]: I wasn’t taking issue with anything you wrote. Just sharing the fact that the convention can’t be canceled, which was something I thought some Wonketeers might not know.

  38. [re=76709]Rush[/re]: Cindy’s posture has not been very beauty queen-like style over the past couple of days. WHEN is she going to take that thing off of her arm??????

  39. [re=76735]Itsjustme[/re]: Honestly, I thought she looked gorgeous in Dayton. Oh noes! Does that make me a gay Republican? I suddenly feel a strong compulsion to seek out hedonistic gratification in a bathroom stall…

  40. Let’s not forget the electoral math in all this. If the GOP abandons St. Paul, Minnesota will turn bluer than Paul Bunyan’s ox in November. And picking the Mayor of Alaska over Pawlenty probably didn’t help any either.

  41. New plan for the RNC: Sarah Palin will give a new speech every night while John McCain, George W Bush and Todd Palin heroically rescue (angry blakk) grandmothers from the floodwaters with their bare hands. This will redeem the Republicans and win them the election! Meanwhile, Barack Obama will rescue white children and be accused of pedophilia and sent to jail for 8 years.

  42. Somewhere, Oldy McFunster is doing his geriatric version of the happy dance over dodging the Bush/Cheney photo ops during the convention. Best thing that could have happened to him is having those two stay as far away as possible.

    And if that German/Hispanic hurriMcCain can eat up some GOP-hatin’ Dems at the same time, so much the better. Should be interesting to watch the Loisiana elections in November, where everyone will be busy playing “Where’s my polling place?”

  43. [re=76709]Rush[/re]: Wow, that is good! Around 0:55 it looks like Palin catches him and is thinking “wtf are YOU looking at! Mmmmm I like it!”

  44. [re=76750]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Good point… Maybe we should help register displaced persons to vote. Also, if the turn the onvention into a fundraiser, maybe people will send their relief checks to the Hurricane victims instead of the GOP?

  45. …Gustav(and Hanna) are going to highlight exactly how inexperienced Sara Palin truly is. I cant wait for the inevitable “deer in the headlights” look accompanied with stuttering response when a reporter ask her how she would handle the situation or if she has any experience dealing with natural catastrophes.

  46. [re=76755]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “Well, last winter, it snowed, like, thirteen inches in Anchorage. Like, the snowplows totes wouldn’t start. TOTES.”

  47. I agree with the evangelicals that hurricanes are God’s punishment for homosexual activity. So one can only assume that every Republican who avoids the convention fears God’s retribution and has something to hide. That of course, excludes George W and Cheney – they’re not gay. They would rather take Barbara Bush on a flight over the storm’s aftermath and laugh at how the poor, New Orlean people’s trailers float so well.

  48. Hey, maybe a good piece of investigative journalism for those young whipper snappers Sara and Jim would be to track down that Focus on the Family dude who was praying for rain on Obama’s stadium birthday party.

    I remember something from my sunday school lessons about “taking the lord’s name in vain.” Smitten in St. Paul

  49. [re=76785]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: …and don’t forget about the time a moose ran through the supermarket! It took her only 2 days to repair all the damage.

  50. [re=76653]gurukalehuru[/re]: Hey, compared with Paris on the Prairie, Des Moines is a right nice place to be. MPLS is a shithole, and I should know, ’cause I am half Swedish. The last time I was in the twin-nowheres, it was minus 15 with a high wind. Fun. Almost died going to Cub Foods.

    I’ve heard that the place is nice in summer, though–what day was summer this year?

  51. [re=76774]spencer[/re]: I was think the same thing… they pulled the video from their site, but they had already prayed for rain to ruin the convention…. God answered their prayers… just not in the manner they expected!

  52. So lets see. Gustav’s winds are down to 115MPH. Right on the border between Cat2 and Cat 3. What happens if it keeps fizzling and brings a windy, showery day to Nawlins. What will the RNC do then?

  53. having half the party not show up is the best thing that could ever happen to walnuts, they can fill the newly vacant speaking slots with endless video tours of his home in hanoi. perhaps they’ll also be able to fit in a video of the birth of gov. palin’s latest child, a sex education PSA of sorts. seriously though, on the bright side there will be a shorter line to get into the restroom at the minneapolis airport.

  54. The best thing that could happen to McCain/Palin would be a week of no one hearing from them. Then Americans could calm down after the Obama inspiration and get back to voting for the idiots they would normally support.

  55. I too wonder if showing up is a good idea. From my classical education, I’m given to understand that wicked witches usually melt in the rain. Think of the PR disaster that would cause if the news crews filmed it.

  56. It makes no sense that this hurricane is doing this again! Unless, possibly Jesus saw in his crystal ball that the convention was a big mess, McCain peed down his leg and Palin laughed really loud like a horse at him, and this was the only way to stop it. I’m sure the winds are all set up so the most sinful will die.

  57. I know everyone’s disappointed that the informercial might be in trouble. I think it’s funny that the MSM kinda thinks that one convention is enough (“again? We just heard all this crapola form the other side…”). But, from a political standpoint, it’s prudent. The media (Wonkette excepted) will have to toggle between some droning speaker on the podium and the storm in New Orleans (and, from the way things are looking right now, it’ll be more than “just a light drizzle”). Even if it doesn’t hit NO, it’s going to wipe out something on the Gulf Coast. It wasn’t the GOP’s finest hour three years ago and I imagine they don’t want the comparisons. McPalin can take the veil Wednesday and speak to our worried nation Thursday. If I were them, I’d junk Monday and Tuesday (or certainly not expect much coverage…the nets have already announced that the primary anchors will be with Andy Cooper on the coast). There is an infrastructure in place in St. Paul for politicos. Random national Republicans will be wandering the convention center between parties and can sit down with Wolf/Hannity/Olberman and defend the ticket. How ’bout that?

  58. It is official: God loves Barry and hates McThusela! Those silly, ignorant and evil Christianists prayed for rain and now here it comes to wash out the Rethugs and remind American’s that Johnny Mac and BushShit ate cake while NOLA drowned three years ago. Take that you un-Christian, Jesus freaks! God does not like ugly. Now old man Depends has run down south to take advantage of people’s suffering. What the fuck is he going to do? Barry, on the other hand, is planning to send his 2 million dollar army into action with donations and volunteers. That’s leadership people!

  59. [re=76709]Rush[/re]: I don’t think he’s checking Palin out, he’s just nodding off… cut the guy some slack, he’s like a million years old. He needs his (5.5 years of) rest.

  60. Unless the RNC decides to physically relocate the convention to the Gulf Coast and spend the whole thing filling sand bags and rescuing drowning kittens, canceling the convention in St Paul is really the most idiotic thing they could do. It’s like announcing to the country “not only did we not do a damn practical thing to help you with this disaster, we used you as an excuse to not do our jobs at all.”

    I could only dream they’d be so stupid.

  61. Remember that Stewart Shephard asshole who prayed for it to rain on the DNC? I wonder what is going through his bird brain now?
    Maybe he asked God for the wrong location or God got his GPS tracking system tied up!!

    Be careful of what you pray for Repukes!!

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