What dark human vice was engaged herein, June 12, 2008, among Wonketteers and thine ilk?
Aye. Before welcoming Ron Paul’s veritable plethora of elitist followers to Washington D.C. for their rally, your Wonkette visited that fine Capitol Hill establishment, the Tune Inn, to imbibe at 9:30 a.m. We had about 15-20 Great Humans show up, meaning another 15-20 RSVPed and SLEPT INSTEAD, meaning they didn’t get free alcohol or egg sandwiches. Wonkette proprietor Ken Layne paid for all of this, although he couldn’t be in attendance, because he has tuberculosis and also lives in some fake death tundra in California. Wonkette videographer Liz “Polaroid” Glover also announced last minute (a.k.a. the first time she was asked) that she wouldn’t be able to make it. Yours truly knew this the night before but didn’t tell anyone, because then no one would have shown up. Like Barack Obama, we are moving to the Center with our lies.
Cue the Reservoir Dogs music and slow-motion:
But that was later, when we were all various stages of “hammered.”
Our eclectic group included a lawyer, a “corporate trade lobbyist,” a summer intern, a staffer for a very “important” Senator, an HIV researcher, a former Bush White House employee, a tree hugger, a Daily Kos commenter, Wonkette’s brother, and some kind of Mexican or other. We hesitate to mention that many of these ghosts revealed themselves to be Liberals over the course of our slurred conversation. By and large, however, these folks kept their terrible opinions to themselves and thank god for that.
Here are some shots of our fearless coterie:
Here’s one of our bartenders, too, and her name is Kate. She, along with the white-bearded pirate guy, bartended quite thoroughly and earned themselves a 20% tip (for which Ken Layne also paid, although he doesn’t know it yet!)
We enjoyed “The Regulars” at the Tune Inn, such as this Dapper Dan.
Thank you to Wonkette tree-hugger operative “Noah” for making a series of signs, including this, the “gold standard” of Wonkette Calligraphy(TM).
Another lovely Wonketteer must know Barack Obama, because she speaks Arabic. She wrote “Truck Nutz” in Muslim on this sign. May Jesus have mercy on her soul.
Here we are after leaving the bar en route to the shire to meet the hobbits. Within minutes, your Wonkette Paultardpaloozians will sweat out all alcohol/liquid in their bodies because WASHINGTON IS A FUCKING FROG SWAMP IN THE SAHARA AND DEATH VALLEY COMBINED.
Front row signs. Thank you Dr. Paul for taking the photo!!!
Who’s that fucking insane person? No, not Uncle Sam with the phone; the one on the right! That’s David Weigel of libertarian fishwrapper Reason. Weigel unwittingly interviewed Wonkette’s brother, but Wonkette’s brother bravely “stayed in character” as commanded. We also met with Journalists from the Nation Journal‘s Hotline — again, in character — and hopefully like 20 or 50 other newspapers.
At some point, we got so dehydrated that we morphed into heavy-set black fellows and napped on the ground.
After like seven minutes, we asked ourselves why the fuck we were at a Ron Paul Rally, and proceeded to Capitol Lounge to eat cheeseburgers and such things. We drank beer.
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran…
Thank you to Wonkette operatives Nick, Hannah, Melanie, Taylor, and others for sending these fantastic photos after your Wonkette left its camera at home.