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OMG!!Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomatâ„¢!

Friends, last week was totally boring in Condiland, so we’re going to ignore it! Instead, we’re going to ponder the opposite of Condi. Yes, just as there is an Antichrist (no, not Dick Cheney, Kathy Lee Gifford!) and an Anti-Elvis (Michael J. Fox), so too is there an Anti-Condi. Who is it? Join me after the jump and find out!


What a ga!Well, there’s no need to be overdramatic, so here goes: it’s Ursula Plassnik, foreign minister of Austria. Readers of my own blog will have to excuse me, because I’ve been doting on the affable Teutonic giantess (Wikipedia claims she’s 6’3″) for a couple of years now, but it’s time to share Ursulalove with the Wonkettosphere! Besides being Condi’s chromatic opposite, as seen in the thumbnail, she’s a superfab, accomplished diplomat, dashing and sophisticated, respected both by her colleagues and puny adversaries. She hasn’t helped to start even a single war! Other fun facts about Ursula: she’s been married twice (compare to Condi’s supposed chastity), she favors mighty, tablecloth-sized scarves, and people tend to laugh and smile when she’s around.

Do you want a better, more precise example of Ursula’s Condi inversion phenomena? OK! In January, Dr. Ferragamo attended the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, a ski resort. What could have been a lot of fun became, with Condi around, a dour, wonky affair. This past Saturday, Ursula attended a potentially boring diplomatic confab, and the exact opposite happened: it turned into a ski party (AP Photo):

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See how that works? Let’s investigate the Anti-Condi effect Highlights for Children stylee:

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I hope we’ve all learned something today! Oh, sure, Bob Geldof likes to think that he’s the Anti-Condi, but make no mistake: the fun-lovin’ Austrian giantess is the real thing. Praise her! In fact, while some think we should allow Austrians to run for president of the United States as a means to get Arnold Schwarzenegger into office, I think we should do so immediately to pave the way for Queen Ursula. Who’s with me?

PREVIOUSLY: Condi encounters half-naked tribal leaders in Africa.

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