Barack’s giving a speech — will it be good or his usual robotic so-so crap? Grandma’s watching in the Africaland, Barry.
11:44 — “The girls are with us tonight,” and they are… nevermind.
11:45 — Sorry that people are dying again in Arkansas or… some shit… BACK TO ME, SWEET SWEET ME!
11:46 — They are still counting votes, but there is one thing that matters: We won! -ish!
11:46 — Change: A++++++++++++++++
11:47 — Red states, blue states, I wanna new state, purple state, red state, blue state Hope!
11:47 — Farmers “stood up and said” various things about changing other things, one time, in Illinois.
11:47 — “Maybe this year, we can do sump’m ’bout mortgages.” The crowd goes wild.
11:47 — Black children and white children are equal in South Carolina — this is the dream I will make a reality!
11:49 — This speech is… worse… than the last one, in South Carolina. Maybe everybody’s tired, Barry the most? Oh silly me: Change never sleeps.
11:50 — “Nothing changes because politicians just write another check.” Barry, it’s 11:50 p.m. — who gives a shit about the lobbyists?
11:52 — Hillary’s cool, she’s cool. But that’s exactly why I will lose: She’s too cool…
11:53 — … with Lobbyists!
11:54 — … and with Iran!
11:55 — … and with, generally speaking, being a cunt!
11:55 — Jobs overseas — no to that!
11:56 — Old people — let them retire with RESPECT! What the hell does that mean? They have Florida, they can respect themselves down there.
11:57 — Energy, Clean.
11:57 — 11, 9/.
11:58 — Genocide, Hillary.
11:58 — WE CAN DO IT ALL BABY — IT’S DOUBLE ‘R NOTHING, HOUSE RULES, WE WILL WIN EVERYTHING AND I WANT YOU TO PLEASE SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT UP XOXOXOXOXO.
11:58 — Oh, I’m afraid and cynical. Fuck you, Barry. Why do you have to say I’m cynical for thinking speeches like these are complete crap? Get a job.
11:59 — The South Side, that’s where he learned to run the United States of America.
12:00 — You put out flyers did you, Barry? +1 towards fixing health care.
12:00 — (Hillary sucks too, it’s OK, Barry).
12:01 — Every extra minute, I want to vote an extra minute for Gravel or some shit.
12:03 — Clinton, Clinton, Clinton!
12:03 — DO YOU HEAR THAT? WE ARE LIKING HILLARY CLINTON BETTER NOW, FOR NOW, AT LEAST.
12:03 — Shut shut shut, shut shut shut, shut yer goddamn mouth. (Sang to “Jingle Bells”)
12:04 — Yes we can! Go to bed at some point because you stopped!
You just lost some MAJOR points with the Wonkette editorial staff, Barry.