CNN reports that “vice” President Dick Cheney is at the hospital again. MORE »

A human skull and femurs were found in a cauldron by three young student filmmakers who get lost some people in the Maryland woods last week, and a crazy hobo in DC found a skull (wearing a baseball cap) in the woods next to Catholic University. Law enforcement officials quickly warned citizens that Dick Cheney appears to be feeding again. MORE »

Undead incompetent Michael Chertoff and vile jackoff Joe Lieberman have boldly joined forces to blow up the Internet — you know, because it’s very likely a sneaky Islamo-Nazi-Grinch will climb through the Series of Tubes and force a burqa over your daughter’s fat ass and then fly an avatar through John Edwards’ virtual headquarters in Second Life.

Get cyber-terrified so we can finally shut down this dangerous Internet, after the jump.

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We missed Laura Bush on the Larry King show the other night, because there’s no way in hell we’re watching Larry King Live, ever. But our beloved Firstest Lady made some interesting remarks about her husband’s catastrophe over in Iraq:

“And many parts of Iraq are stable now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bombing a day that discourages everybody.”

Actually, most days go by without any Iraq bombings on television, but we get the basic idea — it’s the same idea boldly expressed on Iraq Occupation fansites: The Main Stream Media is not telling us the Good News about Iraq! MORE »

While American politicians are usually Satanists or Vampires, EU politicians are animated corpses and/or mummies. MORE »

In today’s “Heard on the Hill,” thrill to the terrifying tale of one Mississippi woman’s doomed correspondence with Senator Chuck Schumer, He-Who-Legislates-With-Ghosts! MORE »

Jesus Christ, we know the White House tends to age its occupants. We did not know it turns people into horrible zombie mummy monsters. MORE »

The nation’s oldest windbag, Gore Vidal, has solemnly sworn that tomorrow’s election is the most important in his lifetime. MORE »

The only secret the Glenda Dawson campaign is keeping is that she’s dead. MORE »

Everybody likes to “get in the spirit” of Halloween. Dennis Hastert is wearing his Jabba the Hutt costume, with Scott Palmer as Slave Leia. Ted Kennedy’s sporting his popular “Dead Kennedys” getup, and Laura Bush is once again dressed as “Evil soulless zombie monster baby-blood drinker.” MORE »

• Photos from DC Zombie Lurch. [DC DISCOMBOBULATED]

• Halloween rape fantasy: “I’m white, reasonably good looking, experienced with this sort of play, respectful of limits (I insist we work out safewords, btw), friendly and probably someone you’d never expect this from.” [Craigslist]
• Howard Kurtz on Obama: “Experience? Who needs experience? That just makes you more vulnerable to negative ads.” [WP]
• The unabashed nerds in us bow to you, RSS readers. [prod & ponder]
• Adrian Fenty’s office spoils dribbleability comparison. [City Desk]