Tag: zombies

The Week In Garbage Men: Incels Dream Of Zombie Sex Slaves To Call Their Own, Also Their Own Sisters

So weird how they can't get dates! Also this is your open thread!

Some Weird Ass Zombie Apocalypse Cults Are Feuding And We Need To Know EVERYTHING

Welcome to the weirdest internet rabbit hole in the history of weird internet rabbit holes.

Fox Doesn’t Find Your Zombie Jesus Jokes Funny, Young Man

Have you heard about the zombies? Zombie Mary and Zombie Joseph and little Zombie Baby Jesus, away in a manger on some dude's lawn in Sycamore Township, Ohio? Yes, the Zombie Nativity Scene is a thing. Quite a thing!...
Glenn Beck and some of his fans

Glenn Beck Knows Why The Walking Dead Is A Hit: It’s The End Of The World And We Know It

The shambling, dead-eyed masses lurched forward, drawn, some singly, some in groups, by some inexplicable impulse, to gather in herds of ravening, senseless hunger. They surged mindlessly without stopping, emitting guttural incoherent moans. Bereft of reason, they fed ravenously...
Meth is a helluva drug

Florida Supreme Court To Consider Whether Buttsechs Is Sex: Your (Sexy!) Florida Roundup

Greetings, Wonketeers, from the Sunshine State, where it’s presently 70 degrees and there’s nary a cloud in the sky — enjoy your digging out, New England — which almost makes up for us being America’s Yellow Skittle. Almost. Let’s Talk...

South Carolina Sadly Lacking In Zombie Voters

Zombies are all the rage these days, from the video games kids are playing to teevee shows and movies, you can’t go anywhere to escape them. Not even the voting booth, according to South Carolina lying liar Attorney General...

Whoops My Gun Room Exploded

We hope you are okay, Amy Wood, wife of Idaho Rep. Fred Wood, since you sustained second-degree burns on your face and hands after your gun room esploded, causing the back patio slab to collapse into the room below....

Texas Declares Living Voters Dead; Will Maybe Not Declare Them Zombies And Shoot Them

Perhaps the single greatest threat to the sanctity of the vote is dead people voting.  We say "perhaps," because there is an even greater threat: the dead coming back to life and showing up at the polls just because...

Good Morning, The Future Is Here!

Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we're building weapons to fight aliens! Aren't you glad the past is over? According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most...

VA GOPers Send Charming Halloween Picture of Obama Shot In Head

The prankster Republican Committee officials of Loudoun County, Virginia decided to invite families to their local Halloween parade this year with a photo montage featuring Barack Obama with a bullet hole in his head, just to inject a little...

Newt Gingrich Plan For Success: Win The Black Vote Back From Obama

Street-wise Newt Gingrich is the most hip, in-touch guy who ever came up with an idea for winning. Really! Take this latest one: the Obama guy is screwing up so hard employing African-American voters that they are about to...

City of Minneapolis Pays $165k Settlement To Zombies

Minneapolis' city attorney's office has agreed to pay a $165,000 settlement to seven people who dressed up as zombies to protest consumerism in 2006. Police had arrested the protesters for what they thought appeared to be a "weapon of...

America Secretly Ruled By Zombie Pigs and Khazar Bankers, Says Important Book

Free citizens of America! Is globalism grinding you down and burying you in Ameros? Are Obama's secret police camped out in your driveway, waiting to haul you off to a FEMA camp? Does the NAFTA Superhighway run straight through...

DC Metro A Perfect Example Of Why White People Should Buy Cars

A reporter for hot gossip emporium Yeas & Nays was "publicly berated" for asking Sean Penn why he wished a bout of rectal cancer upon her posterior. The ACLU is suing a Mississippi high school that canceled its prom...

This Week: Asses

By the Comics CurmudgeonWhat is the most amusing part of the human anatomy? While there are a lot to choose from, I'd have to say the butt, mostly because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in...

Jonah Goldberg Has An Advanced Degree In Zombieology

What is 'Max Baucus'? We simply do not know. Today's RedState lecture: "How Limbaugh’s embodiment of MLK’s dream changed my life." Please take notes because you'll be tested on this material at the end of the semester. How will...