Tag Archives: zero tolerance

  soon he will be invincible

Los Angeles Science Teacher Suspended After Students Design Doomsday Weapons

Please do not adjust your interwebs. There is nothing wrong with your computer. Yr Wonkette is actually going to sound like a wingnut blog for just a moment here, because we have to ask if administrators at the Cortines School of Visual & Performing Arts in downtown Los Angeles are maybe just a little completely crazy for suspending science teacher Greg Schiller after two of his students designed projects that the school deemed “imitation weapons.” One would use compressed air to “propel a small object,” but it wasn’t connected to an air source, so it couldn’t have been used. The other would have used an electric coil, powered by a mighty AA battery, to propel a tiny projectile out of a tube. And so Schiller has been suspended from teaching since February because of these kids’ frightening contributions to the science-project arms race. Read more on Los Angeles Science Teacher Suspended After Students Design Doomsday Weapons…
  what about the children?

Zero-Tolerance Suspensions For Pre-K Are Racially — WHAT? THEY SUSPEND PRE-K KIDS??!!11!

Guten Morgen, meine Wonkadamen und Wonkaherren! Feeling cheerful about your sportsball brackets so far? Or even more cheerful because you do not follow sportsball? Well, we are here to stop that good feeling, and make you so broody that you crush out your vape pen into your half-finished, tepid mochaccino, because we are srs blog. Today’s wrist-slitting Big Story from the Associated Press tells us that our nation’s educators are starting the school-to-prison pipeline even earlier than we thought, as SIX PERCENT of pre-schools report suspending at least one pre-school child. Naturally, as the Education Department’s civil rights division will report today, black children are disproportionately suspended. African-American children make up 18 percent of preschool students, but about half of the suspensions. Wait, did we say “naturally?” No, not naturally, you stupid pre-school administrators, THAT IS NOT NATURAL AT ALL, STOP IT! Read more on Zero-Tolerance Suspensions For Pre-K Are Racially — WHAT? THEY SUSPEND PRE-K KIDS??!!11!…
  pop goes the weasel

Unexpected Bipartisanship: Wonket Agrees With Crazy Oklahoma Republican Lady We Shouldn’t Put Children In Pop-Tart Jail

Sally Kern, she’s this lady. “Oklahoma Republican” says everything it needs to say, right there, but she is an extra special Oklahoma Republican, mostly because she has P-E-N-I-S on her mind all the time. Gay P-E-N-I-S! Being crammed down her throat! (Luckily, that’s where her clitoris is.) But Sally Kern has a new bill in the Oklahoma lege, and even though there may be more important things out there that she could spend her time on, and it is sort of stupid, it’s not that stupid, so Sally Kern is way ahead of the Sally Kern curve. Read more on Unexpected Bipartisanship: Wonket Agrees With Crazy Oklahoma Republican Lady We Shouldn’t Put Children In Pop-Tart Jail…
  Revenge of the Nerds!

Nice Time! Florida Teen Who Constructed Hydrogen Bomb In School Sentenced To Space Camp

Okay kids, put on your thinking chaps, it’s time for a science quiz! Q: What happens when you combine aluminum foil and hydrochloride-based toilet bowl cleaner in a sealed container? A: You don’t have to go to school anymore, AND YOU GET TO GO TO SPACE CAMP! (Also a small amount of hydrogen gas is released. Oh, the humanity!) This is known as Wilmot’s Law, so named because it’s what happened to that girl in Florida, Kiera Wilmot, who got Zero Toleranced and led away from Bartow High School in frickin handcuffs fer chrissakes because she showed initiative and has functioning brain tissue, which is Not Okay In Schools Anymore, because… terrorism? We guess terrorism. Read more on Nice Time! Florida Teen Who Constructed Hydrogen Bomb In School Sentenced To Space Camp…
  Are there no workhouses?

Here Is Your Heartwarming 2012 ‘Throw A Poor Family Out In The Snow’ Christmas Miracle, America!

Just in case you were feeling hopeful about humanity or anything, we thought we’d nip that right in the bud. Yep, it looks like the Iconic Christmas Story for 2012 has arrived! In Grand Junction, Colorado, a single mother and her three children are going to be evicted from their apartment just in time for Christmas, because the woman’s son shoplifted a pair of shoes, and the apartment complex’s “zero tolerance” lease agreement states that “any criminal activity on or near the premises is grounds for immediate eviction.” Read more on Here Is Your Heartwarming 2012 ‘Throw A Poor Family Out In The Snow’ Christmas Miracle, America!…