It’s official: Poo poo platter BILL O’REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family — What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably have a hernia. But Bill has a certain charm to him and he’s so soft and warm, like a shard. Temptation! … MORE »

Rep. Zach Wamp of Tennessee, home state of America’s most comical people, says funny things for several minutes: “Listen, health care is a privilege… I was just about to finish to say, that for some people it’s a right, but for everyone, frankly, it’s not necessarily a right. Some people choose not to pay… How many illegal immigrants are in this country today, getting our health care? Gobs of ‘em… Socialism… Tax cuts.” [YouTube, Washington Monthly]

Drunken stumblebum Joe Lieberman gets caught in the March madness, Chris Matthews reminds us how much he loves titties, Howard Dean sustains the planet, and the arrows you see are provided by a Wonkette operative who proves once again that Nicolas Cage has never met a shitty fucking awesome movie he didn’t want to be in. So, sit back, chill out, and wait for Wonk’d, which is coming directly.

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