Tag Archives: youtube

  Nothing About Benghazi In Here? Never Mind

Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe

Clearly photoshopped, since as we all know, Obama was actually out golfing
Super-Journalist Seymour Hersh has published a hell of a story in the London Review of Books about the killing of Osama bin Laden that, had it actually included any significant sources willing to go on the record, would totally change everything we think we know about the 2011 raid in Pakistan. As it is, it reads like a pretty good action thriller, or maybe a post at Alex Jones’s Infowars, except written by a Pulitzer Prize winner. According to Hersh, a “retired senior intelligence official” who knows all the dirt on the raid revealed to him that almost everything we thought we knew about bin Laden’s death is fake, that Barack Obama was in such a rush to take credit for the raid that he announced it too early, and that Obama lied when he said the Pakistanis had no advance knowledge of the raid. And if we had any confidence in Seymour Hersh anymore, we’d be shocked. Shocked! Read more on Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe…
  He's Not The President He's A Very Naughty Boy

In 1979 Sermon Against ‘Life Of Brian,’ Young Mike Huckabee Was Already One Biggus Dickus

Shoe, gourd, either way you're going to Hell!
Now that he’s “running for president” again, very serious contender Mike Huckabee has to endure all sorts of embarrassments, like people quoting all the dumb things Mike Huckabee has ever said. It just comes with the territory — the embarrassing naked baby pictures of politics. And what with Mike Huckabee’s rich heritage as a fire-n-brimstone Baptist preacher, you’d expect there’d be a lot of interest in his old sermons, but as journalists discovered when Huck ran in 2008, he’s nailed those suckers up tight and no one’s ever going to see what the future governor had to say about the issues of the day when he was a young Minister of the Lord. But we got a short glimpse this week, as Mother Jones dug up a partial recording of a sermon from 1979 in which the Baby Pastor preached against the evils of strong drink, porn, and that year’s greatest threat to Christendom, Monty Python’s Life of Brian. Read more on In 1979 Sermon Against ‘Life Of Brian,’ Young Mike Huckabee Was Already One Biggus Dickus…
  Believe It Or Nuts

Atheist Lady Sued For Calling Fraud Faith Healer A Fraud

I *am too* a credible healing practitioner!
So there’s this guy in Bisbee, Arizona, named Adam Miller, who had himself a near-death experience in 1977 and believes it imbued him with the power to heal people — tens of thousands of them, in fact! An atheist video blogger, Stephanie Guttormson, was a tad skeptical about some of Miller’s claims, so in December of 2014, she posted a YouTube video mocking Miller’s claims and pointing out that faith healing isn’t actual doctorin’. After hearing back from several of his clients who were outraged that anyone would criticize the man who made them all better, Miller sued Guttormson, claiming copyright infringement and defamation. So far, the chief effect seems to have been that Guttormson’s video has gone viral, and thousands more people now share her opinion that Miller is a fraud. Read more on Atheist Lady Sued For Calling Fraud Faith Healer A Fraud…
  Derp By Association

Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim

Now it can be told!
Warm up the Drudge Sirens, patriots! We have some major derp incoming at Bradlee Dean’s Clearinghouse For Stupid Shit That Not Even WND Would Publish, in the form of a major exposé of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s family in The Kenya, which did you know is just crawling with Muslims? The piece, by wingnuts’ favorite ex-Muslim Walid “No Really, I was Totally a Terrorist” Shoebat, informs us that Barack Obama’s grandmother, Sarah Omar Obama (AKA “grandma Obama,” AKA “Grandma Sarah,” AKA “Mama Sarah,” which you’d think someone else would have trademarked) is a devout Muslim who recently visited Mecca, where she said nice things about Islam, if you can believe that! Read more on Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim…
  mommyblogging

Sofia Vergara’s Ex, Sherri Shepherd, Fox Doc Keith Ablow Enter Jerk-Off Contest. All Win.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Last week, the Internet had itself a rollicking time being horrified and disgusted by some douche, Nick Loeb we guess, taking to the pages of the New York Times to explain why he’s suing for the right to take ex-fiancee Sofia Vergara’s frozen babies out of their Petri dish, plant them in a stranger’s belly, and make a happy home. Short version: but he waaaaaants them. Long version: What part of “but Nick Loeb wants them” don’t you understand? (Loeb is a rich person, and is used to getting what the fuck he would like.) Read more on Sofia Vergara’s Ex, Sherri Shepherd, Fox Doc Keith Ablow Enter Jerk-Off Contest. All Win….
  Hail to the derp

President Ben Carson Sure Is Glad Supreme Court Decisions Don’t Apply To Him

Meh.
It’s a good thing Republican presidential candidate (LOL) and brain surgeon (LOL!) Ben Carson has sworn to never speak about The Gay again, or else he might open his mouth and say something like this, when asked about the Supreme Court’s imminent ruling on marriage equality: Read more on President Ben Carson Sure Is Glad Supreme Court Decisions Don’t Apply To Him…
  There Goes Hillary Murderin' Folks Again

‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
Peter Schweizer, whose book-shaped object Clinton Cash has apparently set some kind of record for Most Debunkings Before Actual Publication, is doing his darndest to keep hyping the thing, which finally slouches into bookstores today. On Monday’s edition of Dana Loesch’s stupid radio show, Loesch asked Schweizer if he’s worried that he’ll be murdered, just like everyone else who’s dared to oppose the Clintons (with the exception of the entire Republican House and Senate membership during Bill Clinton’s two terms, of course). Read more on ‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do…
  so long farewell auf wiedersehen goodbye

God Hates Duck Dynasty Musical, Smites It Like Sodomite

Yeah their God hath foresaken them all right
No one could have predicted that a Vegas musical about the loathsome Robertson family — those jerkwads who hunt ducks and hate homos and believe the only reason people don’t go around cutting off dicks is because the Bible says — would fail harder than Carly Fiorina running a major corporation. (Topical jokes!) And by no one, we mean everyone, even those without God on their speed dial: Read more on God Hates Duck Dynasty Musical, Smites It Like Sodomite…
  another reason he'll never be president

Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It

Paul Ryan, high as fuck
Republican Rep. Paul Ryan is the wonky boy genius of the House of Representatives, according to his colleagues and the voice in his head, because he wrote a “budget” one time to privatize Medicare, slash welfare benefits, and tell the poors to feed themselves with their own damned bootstraps, like Jesus said. Read more on Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It…
  It happens to all guys seriously

Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement

Ben Carson is only doing this because people are BEGGING him to.
Dr. Ben Carson, who is very good at being a neurosurgeon but doesn’t seem to have other strengths, officially announces his candidacy to lose to Hillary Clinton in Detroit today, but whoops, guess he couldn’t keep the “secret” any longer, because he “leaked” the news to WHAM ABC 13 in Rochester on Sunday. In the interview, Carson sleepily says that he is “willing to be part of [that] equation,” presumably the equation required to save America from all the economic growth and healthcare wrought by evil Obama’s reign of terror. Therefore he will run for president! Hurray, is 2016 over yet? Read more on Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement…
  It's not funny -- it's HILARIOUS

Michele Bachmann Has Beef With Barack Obama. Probably Kosher Beef.

She's serious about this, you guys
Reigning and forever queen of derp Michele Bachmann has been packing her bags and strapping on her black-and-white Nikes because the Bible says the End Times are nigh, THANKS OBAMA. While she is super steamed at the president for cursing America with droughts and snowstorms because he has been a meanie to Israel, and the Bible says you can’t do that, it’s actually a happy time — rejoice! — because (actual direct quotes here) “Jesus Christ is coming back!” and “this is one of the most exciting times in history.” And that means Michele Bachmann gets to rapture off to heaven, hooray, so THANKS OBAMA, but for reals, and — hey. Hey! Why are you laughing? Stop laughing! It’s in the Bible, goddamnit! Cut it out, OBAMA: Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Beef With Barack Obama. Probably Kosher Beef….
 

Baltimore’s All F*cked Up Because There Aren’t Enough Dads Or Jesus

Another day, another city torn apart and going up in flames because black folk get all pissy for some reason when cops kill them and then shrug when asked to explain how the hell that happened, all the time. After Freddie Gray was arrested by Baltimore police and somehow mysteriously ended up with severe spinal injuries that killed him — strange how police have no idea how that happened, it just did — Baltimore’s residents have reacted as you might expect, with protests and outrage and demands for answers. And the city and state have also reacted as you might expect, with cops in riot gear, a declaration of a state of emergency, a week-long curfew, and deployment of the National Guard. Read more on Baltimore’s All F*cked Up Because There Aren’t Enough Dads Or Jesus…
  Here have some news n stuff

Family Values Guy Says Gays Can’t Get Married Because His Daughter’s Period Grossed Him Out

But whose role is it to explain that daddy's a schmuck?
There are many reasons why gay marriage is “bad,” and they are each and every one of them wrong. But this, from David Fowler, the head of Family Action Council of Tennessee (FACT) and a former state senator, is HI-lariously terrible: Read more on Family Values Guy Says Gays Can’t Get Married Because His Daughter’s Period Grossed Him Out…
  It could happen to anyone

Pat Robertson: It’s Cool If Your Husband Gets Drunk And Blows That Guy Just The One Time

Mark your calendars, kids, because today is one of those rare occasions when we are shocked and awed by scamster televangelist and occasional speed demon Pat Robertson. Usually, we find his half-cocked-and-mostly-senile word meanderings predictably amusing, but darn it if that silly fella doesn’t keep us on our toes, by sometimes saying things we would never have expected. Read more on Pat Robertson: It’s Cool If Your Husband Gets Drunk And Blows That Guy Just The One Time…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Barry H. Bamz Obama: ‘F*ck It’

Saturday night was Nerd Prom again, the annual gathering of Republican and Democratic politicians and the Very Serious Journalists who are supposed to be fourth estating them, all dressed up fancy-like and putting their conflicts of interest and differences of opinion aside at the White House Correspondents Dinner, which is The Most Important A-List Event Of The Year. (So important, in fact, that this year, CNN outright stated you can look up other news on the interwebs because NOTHING tops the WHCD.) While politicos and their supposed watchdogs yukking it up together is kinda awkward and sorta really wrong, as Stephen Colbert rightfully joked about (in a full-on serious way) when he was the keynote comedian in 2006, someone did write some funny jokes for the president to make, like the video clip above (and typed out below, for you “I don’t watch videos” types): Read more on President Barry H. Bamz Obama: ‘F*ck It’…
  Such fair many balance

Dog The Bounty Hunter Not Crazy Enough For Fox News, Sadface!

It’s not really 2016 yet, but so far, things are not looking good for the GOP. They’ve already lost this proud teabagger because he loves his Obamacare a whole lot and doesn’t want Republicans to take it away from him, and now they’ve lost Duane Chapman, better known as Dog the Bounty Hunter. Read more on Dog The Bounty Hunter Not Crazy Enough For Fox News, Sadface!…
  Oh That's Real Mature

Wingnut Rep. Cussin’ Folks Out For Mocking Her Bill To Kick Feds Out Of Nevada

How can she lose when she's so patriotic?
    Well, heck, liberty-lovers, guess it’s time to pour one out for Freedom in America, as the last best hope for state sovereignty went down to a big defeat in the Nevada legislature, despite the efforts of our new favorite one-L wingnut, Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who tried so hard to help Great American welfare rancher Cliven Bundy achieve his dream of a Nevada where the federal government can’t own land. And to top it off, Fiore, who sponsored the bill to kick the federal government out of Nevada, had herself a first-rate meltdown on the floor of the Assembly when fellow Republican Chris Edwards had the temerity to suggest, during debate of the bill, that even if it passed, it would be the subject of expensive lawsuits that taxpayers would have to pay to defend, and then Fiore would be a laughingstock. We mean more of a laughingstock. Read more on Wingnut Rep. Cussin’ Folks Out For Mocking Her Bill To Kick Feds Out Of Nevada…
  Climate change climate change climate change also climate change

Obama Celebrates Earth Day By Trolling Dumb Florida Republicans

Yes, he's mocking you
It might be illegal to say “CLIMATE CHANGE” in Florida, but that’s not stopping President Obama from going there to say “CLIMATE CHANGE” a whole bunch of times, for Earth Day. Oh, does that make it awkward for you, Florida? And for all you Floridian Republicans — Gov. Rick Scott, former Gov. Jeb Bush, Sen. Marco Rubio — who are like, “Meh, Bible says nuh uh, no THOSE WORDS here”? Too bad, so sad, CLIMATE CHANGE. Read more on Obama Celebrates Earth Day By Trolling Dumb Florida Republicans…
  Everyone gets a cookie

BREAKING: Senate Republicans Very Proud Of Themselves For Doing A Thing

Yay, medals and awards for all of you!
Here is some BREAKING news from Senate Republicans, and you know it is BREAKING because it says so, right there. What is this BREAKING news bipartisanship of which they speak? Let us watch their video, in which we will surely see evidence of Republicans bipartisanshipping with Democrats, in a BREAKING kind of way: Read more on BREAKING: Senate Republicans Very Proud Of Themselves For Doing A Thing…
  it's a trap!

Men’s Rights Dude Tells Fox & Friends Why Marriage Is A Scam To Take His Man-Money

Won't someone please think of the men?
Tuesday’s Fox & Friends had a pretty darned exciting segment with “Men’s Rights” dweeb Peter Lloyd, who calls himself a “suffragent,” and has written a book called Stand By Your Manhood, all about why men should never get trapped into marriage, which is BAD. It wasn’t quite the orgy of feminist-bashing that Fox might have hoped for, but heaven knows they tried. Read more on Men’s Rights Dude Tells Fox & Friends Why Marriage Is A Scam To Take His Man-Money…
  Keep Fucking That Lucky ducky

Bill O’Reilly Knows Who Has It Rough In This Country, And It Is The Rich

Why are you doing class warfare on Bill O'Reilly?
Oh look, Bill O’Reilly is protecting the rich again! You will be very surprised to learn that in a Monday segment that was ostensibly about “income inequality in America,” O’Reilly explained that the real inequality in America is all about how tough the rich have it, while those who aren’t millionaires are just living it up all the time, having a big party at the expense of oppressed rich people. It’s really an impressive bit of bullshitting, and you can bet that a lot of Fox viewers will take a moment out of their second or third jobs to sympathize with the plight of those making 300 times as much as they do. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Knows Who Has It Rough In This Country, And It Is The Rich…