Tag Archives: youtube

  wonksplainer

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Perry seems to have better technique
Rick Perry wins on technique. Every few years, we are #blessed with photos of politicians deep-throating a corndog at Iowa’s state fair. But did you know that there is more to the Iowa State Fair than hot politician-on-food pics? There’s enough meat-on-sticks to make Rick Santorum yearn for a return to the Senate’s weekly butt-fuck night (Tuesdays at 7 pm in Russell 290). There’s a cow made out of enough butter to make Paula Deen momentarily forget the good ol’ days of plantation living. But what makes politicians line up to shake the hands of babies and kiss farmers? What’s this fair all about? Let’s wonksplain. Read more on More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained…
  Since when is wantin' some strange a sin?

God Already Forgave Good Christian Fame Whore For His Ashley Madison Account

You knew this was coming That nice “Good Looking Parents” couple from YouTube, Sam and Nia Rader? The pretty young Christians in Terrell, Texas, who just want to share their message of love and family and faith and THIS VIDEO! OMG, MAKE IT GO VIRAL!!! so they can be famous, please, so famous, and make enough money that they don’t even have to work at all, just be famous all the time, SO super famous? Read more on God Already Forgave Good Christian Fame Whore For His Ashley Madison Account…
  This tyrant again

Michelle Obama Will Say Cusses Until You Eat Your Effin’ Vegetables

OH HEY, Wonkers, it is Friday, which means we usually like to throatcram you with NICE TIME, so here’s one! Your first lady, Michelle Hussein Obama, is at it again, trying to force US Americans to maybe move their fannies once in a while, at least toward a salad bar, so they can eat a meal with “nutrients” for once in their lives, instead of their usual 4000-calorie fat-stravaganzas. So she went to the Jimmy Kimmel program, because he is funny and also maybe because he sure has lost a lot of weight lately, and maybe he did it by eating some effin’ vegetables! Yes, this funny sketch is all about how Michelle Obama’s new fascist campaign, the #TeamFNV initiative, is about getting people to eat Fruits ‘n’ Vegetables, but Jimmy Kimmel’s pretty sure she’s saying “effin’ V,” which stands for “effin’ vegetables.” Read more on Michelle Obama Will Say Cusses Until You Eat Your Effin’ Vegetables…
  I'm Stickin' With The Union

More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions

They like representation! They really like representation!
They like representation! They really like representation! So here’s a big fuckin’ deal: Despite decades of declining union membership (thanks, “right to work” laws!), a new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time since the recession, a majority of Americans like labor unions again: Read more on More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions…
  S-M-R-T

Carly Fiorina Says All The Stupid On Climate Change And Then Some

That lady Republican in pink, Carly Fiorina, is enjoying her 15 minutes, so she’s working overtime to barf out as much conservative stupid as she can before her time is up. Look, here she is talking stuff about climate change with America’s favorite hardest-hitting interviewer, Katie Couric. Expert tree-hugger David Roberts provides a Vox listiclesplainer of how every single word out of Fiorina’s mouth is factually inaccurate, and you can look at charts and graphs and percentages and SCIENCE FACTS if you want to get your nerd on. Read more on Carly Fiorina Says All The Stupid On Climate Change And Then Some…
  Almost Visible

Donald Trump Googles This Martin O’Malley Fellow, Decides He’s A Weak Loser

Rachel Maddow thinks it looks like a giant tacky knife hilt stabbed into the desert. Good call.
Rachel Maddow thinks it looks like a giant tacky knife hilt stabbed into the desert. Good call. Hey, remember that Martin O’Malley guy who is actually running for president? (Yes, as a Democrat.) He did a fairly smart thing Wednesday, seeing as how if you want to do well in the Democratic caucuses in Nevada, you want to get in good with the hotel unions, especially the Culinary Workers Union, which was key to Barack Obama winning against Hillary Clinton in the 2008 caucuses. And that’s why Martin O’Malley went to join a demonstration by the Culinary Workers who are trying to organize Donald Trump’s big ugly not-even-on-the-strip Trump International Hotel, which, despite being in Las Vegas, is really not very classy at all, especially if you consider that time in 2012 when the Health Department briefly shut down its steakhouse for being full of YOOGE bacterial colonies. Probably because there weren’t union workers to do stuff right, we’d bet. Besides, who needs a union when you can just bring in Mexicans? Read more on Donald Trump Googles This Martin O’Malley Fellow, Decides He’s A Weak Loser…
  Brother can you spare a note?

Jeb! Bush Failing So Hard He Needs His Brother’s Help, LOL

He's with stupid
Brotherly love This is just sad. Like, we almost feel bad for this guy, that’s how sad. (Calm down, we said almost.) While Jeb! Bush has already lost the presidential election, because we said so, he’s now in such deep manure, with those polling numbers racing toward zero faster than a Bush races into Iraq, that Big Brother Dubya has to lend a hand. You know, the brother whose name is so toxic in Republican circles that they dare not speak it aloud. The brother who’d said in April that we probably wouldn’t see much of him during this election, because hoo boy, it wouldn’t help Jeb none to remind voters that he came from the same gene pool as President A Idiot, who broke the whole US of A to death, practically. Read more on Jeb! Bush Failing So Hard He Needs His Brother’s Help, LOL…
  just mellow out the best you can okay?

Watch Jimmy Carter Laugh At His Cancer, Smileyface Emoticon Here

Our beloved former president Jimmy Carter — if you’re not from around these parts, no, we’re not joking, dick — promised to update us on the cancer doctors found in his liver, and this morning, update us he did. Melanoma has spread to his brain, and he begins chemotherapy immediately. Will that stop him from do-gooding and making America proud? Eh, probably not. He may “step back” from his duties at the Carter Center, the 90-year-old said, and do just light work like personally signing all the letters in the world and solving Iran probably too. He’s not sure how he’ll be feeling. Most importantly, he’s a living organism on this earth, and he’s very, very safe (in Jesus). Read more on Watch Jimmy Carter Laugh At His Cancer, Smileyface Emoticon Here…
  Euphemisms!

Sexy Bill Clinton Turns Sexy 69 Haw Haw Get It SEX JOKES!

Insert your SEX JOKES William Jefferson Clinton, aka Bill, aka Big Dawg, aka The Clenis, aka the future first man-lady of America, was born on a day that was exactly 69 years ago from this day, Aug. 19, and according to a little-known codicil in the corporate charter of Yr Wonkette — which we do not have, what are we, a frickin’ Fortune 500 company? STFU and just go with it — we are contractually, legally, and biblically obligated to makes some sexy sex jokes, about sex, for your sextainment. Read more on Sexy Bill Clinton Turns Sexy 69 Haw Haw Get It SEX JOKES!…
  Definitive proof

‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So

DOH!
DOH! Hey remember that time a million years ago (but really in the middle of July) when lying twat-gurgler anti-choice extremists from Operation Rescue and Live Action, going under the name “Center For Medical Progress,” released a SHOCK VIDEO that showed Planned Parenthood folks getting all excited about the bargain they got on fetus parts at the Fetus Parts Farmers Market that morning? And remember how quickly it became a SCIENCE FACT that this was what was happening, due to Fox News and all its associated dumbfucks on the right (especially the ones in Congress) said it was a FACT, not only because they are dishonest, but because they are also very stupid? Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So…
  He didn't get the memo

Poor Dumb Rick Perry Thinks He’s Still Running For President

Hey, why is Rick Perry’s purty mouth still flapping on our television screens? Didn’t we already write the RIP for his presidential Hopes-n-Dreams, on account of how he is all out of dollars American? We did! But it would seem his campaign staff forgot to tell him it’s time to say bye-bye. Maybe because he has stopped paying all of them. No worries, though, Perry says he’ll get to that eventually: Read more on Poor Dumb Rick Perry Thinks He’s Still Running For President…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  whoa if true

BREAKING: Televangelist Scamster Pat Robertson Has Never Actually Read The Bible

Gather round, kidlets, time for another edition of What Do The Voices Say In Crazy Uncle Pat’s Brain Parts? On a recent episode of Pat Robertson’s Jesus Hour, a viewer named “Viewer” — no, seriously, they didn’t even bother to make up a name for this person this time, they just call him/her/it/whatever “Viewer,” and we are pretty sure the interns who have to write in the questions are just amusing themselves now, to see if Pat even notices, because of how he is older than God’s mom, and straight-up senile too, and probably they are sick of fetching him his Metamucil, EW GROSS, but anyway — Viewer submitted this question: Read more on BREAKING: Televangelist Scamster Pat Robertson Has Never Actually Read The Bible…
  Surprisingly Free Of Nazi Analogies

Fox Starts War On Christmas In August. Take That, Global Warming!

The War on Christmas is already here in August, according to Fox & Friends host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who seems to have forgotten that Bill O’Reilly won the War on Christmas last year. Maybe this is one of those mopping-up-insurgents things, because Hasselbeck informs us, with much solemnity, that the city of Belen, New Mexico, has been warned that its year-round nativity scene violates the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. But is Mayor Jerah Cordova going to just comply with some dumb letter from the Freedom from Religion Foundation? Of course not! Because, you see, Belen is Spanish for “Bethlehem,” and the nativity scene is therefore not a religious display but a historical monument, commemorating events that didn’t exactly happen in New Mexico, but who said a historical monument has to depict actual events from the area? Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln never set foot in South Dakota, after all. (We haven’t researched it, but we bet Teddy Roosevelt probably did — and killed something while he was there.) Read more on Fox Starts War On Christmas In August. Take That, Global Warming!…