Tag Archives: youtube

  The Gun Is Good. The Penis Is Better

Florida Pastor Has A Penis, Like Adam, Moses, Jesus, And All Real Leaders

Male supremacy: An idea whose time may at last be here
Meet Pastor Bill Lytell of the Gospel Baptist Church in Bonita Springs, Florida. He’s got a pretty fab new insight into how God wants things to work: Men should always be the boss of ladies, and not ever the other way around, because of God’s mighty penis and the hefty testicles of Adam, Moses, and Jesus (make no mistake though, they all lived at different times, and therefore their weighty mansacks never touched, so no homo). Read more on Florida Pastor Has A Penis, Like Adam, Moses, Jesus, And All Real Leaders…
  Such a big disappointment to Daddy

Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day

Libertarians don't fuck up, they FREEDOM up.
Today was supposed to be Rand Paul’s Big Day, the one where he was able to say “look at me, DAD, I’m a big kid now, gonna be the president you never got to be!” Instead, he ended up just being Ron Paul’s pud-pulling fuck-up kid again. Let us count the ways Rand Paul is already a failure at running for president. Read more on Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day…
  Iran Deal To Include NPR Tote Bags

Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies

President Obama took a break from his golf game and general tyranny-ing to discuss with NPR the deal to contain Iran’s nuclear power program so we could perhaps avoid bombing the crap out of Iran in World War Whatever. It’s a deal conservatives started condemning even before there actually was a deal, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t all agree (except for Bill O’Reilly, wtf?) it was a bad idea because war is so much easier, isn’t it? Read more on Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies…
  Pray the Cruz away

Ted Cruz Will Repeal Supreme Court, Replace It With His Dad

just lyin' with my mouth
Practically President Already Ted Cruz spent most of last week sadding over the decision by Arkansas and Indiana to amend their gay-hatin’ bills to say “but we don’t really hate The Gay, wink.” At a campaign event in Iowa, Cruz talked about how disappointed he is that those states’ RINO governors decided to give in to The Gay Agenda, and he also worried that the Supreme Court is going to do the same thing later this year (which it is),  insisting again that the Court does not have the authority to do that: Read more on Ted Cruz Will Repeal Supreme Court, Replace It With His Dad…
  Just What The Doctor Ordered

Ted Nugent Unravels Veteran Suicide Epidemic: Obama Did It

Why is he flashing Muslim gang signs?
Remember how a couple months back, Congress finally accomplished something weird and passed, unanimously, the Clay Hunt Suicide Prevention for American Veterans Act — named after a veteran who killed himself in 2011 — which President Obama signed into law early in February? The bill could have passed sooner, but retiring Sen. Tom Coburn personally blocked it until he finally left the Senate at the beginning of the new congressional term. It was a rare moment of bipartisan agreement, expanding outreach, mental health services, and peer support for Iraq and Afghanistan vets suffering from PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, unemployment, and other issues that contribute to an appalling suicide rate of approximately 22 vets daily. Read more on Ted Nugent Unravels Veteran Suicide Epidemic: Obama Did It…
  Non Sequiturd

Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung

We could just drop gays on Iran. Or Tom Cotton.
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Logan Act) has just about had it up to here with people fussing about “religious freedom” bills in Indiana and Arkansas, when we have far more important fish to fry, like undercutting the President on nuclear negotiations with Iran. Or, probably, Benghazi (Never Forget!). Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung…
  he seems nice

Jerkoff Tenn. Senator Calls Citizen A Cuss Just For Pointing Out He’s A Jerkoff And Hypocrite

Tennessee Republicans really don’t want their citizens to have health care: On Tuesday night, a Tennessee Senate committee voted to deny some 280,000 state residents access to health care, rejecting a plan to expand Medicaid that would have cost the state nothing. That doesn’t mean the state’s legislators don’t want to have subsidized health care for themselves. They just don’t think the commonfolk should have any. So when activist Damien Crisp asked state Sen. Todd Gardenhire if he’d be willing to give up his state-subsidized health care insurance, the gentleman from Chattanooga responded in a most dignified manner, as befits an elected representative: “Why don’t you give it up, asshole?” (Some witnesses claim he said “I’m not giving up, asshole!” But they all agree on the “asshole” part.) Read more on Jerkoff Tenn. Senator Calls Citizen A Cuss Just For Pointing Out He’s A Jerkoff And Hypocrite…
  the effluent society

Nebraska Guy To Regulators: Here, Have A Cold Glass Of Delicious Fracking Juice!

I'm so sorry I forgot to bring a bag of dicks to go with this...
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and mystery fluids Public hearings don’t generally make for exciting video, short of the occasional outburst by fans of black helicopters or people worried about buttsex enzymes, but they can also be enlivened by an activist with a good visual aid. For example, here’s a Nebraska man inviting members of the state’s Oil and Gas Conservation Commission to drink glasses full of a mystery chemical mix, to make the point that he’s not so crazy about a proposal to pump other states’ fracking wastewater into wells in Nebraska. Read more on Nebraska Guy To Regulators: Here, Have A Cold Glass Of Delicious Fracking Juice!…
  Video Nice Time!

Here’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson On Space Aliens To Make Your Monday All Better (Video)

Neil explains how it all works.
Neil deGrasse Tyson is our favorite science dude — on the teevee, at least, because Oliver Sacks mostly sticks to books — and here is a video of 23 minutes of Tyson Being Tyson, explaining the problem with UFOs: once you’ve got that “Unidentified” part taken care of, that’s where you should just stop. It doesn’t follow that it’s a spaceship from another planet (or dimension or timeline…). The fun, of course, is in the explanation: Forget Roswell, says Tyson, because Read more on Here’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson On Space Aliens To Make Your Monday All Better (Video)…
  Sooo the next senator from Illinois

Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate

Genuine Iraq war hero and super-bad badass Tammy Duckworth, the Democratic Illinois representative who had the distinct pleasure of kicking Deadbeat Loser Joe Walsh’s ass in 2012 — with her robot feet! — officially announced on Monday that she’s ready to do even more ass-kicking to become her state’s next senator. Are we excited? Of course we are, and not just because Deadbeat Joe has been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he just might decide to primary Sen. Mark Kirk, from the teabag wing of the Republican Party, which would mean, awwwwwwww yeah, REMATCH! (Which Duckworth would win, OBVIOUSLY.) Read more on Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate…
  She was quite a success if you don't look at the failure

Epic Failure Businesslady Carly Fiorina To Do For America What She Did For Hewlett Packard: Almost Kill It

Carly Fiorina, who will never be president but who is still putting on quite the show of pretending she just might be — said on “Fox News Sunday” there’s a “higher than 90 percent” chance she’ll run in 2016, which means there’s a higher than 90 percent chance we should all gird our loins in giddy anticipation of “Demon Sheep II: The Sheepening.” Read more on Epic Failure Businesslady Carly Fiorina To Do For America What She Did For Hewlett Packard: Almost Kill It…
  Here have some news n stuff

Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks

Homer Simpson for Senate Majority Leader?
Being a member of Congress really is the sweetest gig. You can suck at your job, get nothing done at all, collect a six-figure salary plus great benefits, and then take a vacation, because hey, you just worked so hard at not getting anything done, you’ve earned that break. Again: Read more on Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks…
  Jonesin' For Hillary

Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls

Christ, yes, we're ready already
Jason Feinberg isn’t a political junkie. Sure, he follows politics in general. He votes. And in 2008. his little toy and novelty manufacturing outfit, FCTRY in Brooklyn, had something of a hit with a Barack Obama action figure, which sold around 200,000 units and allowed him to quit teaching high school English to be a full-time entrepreneur guy. But he doesn’t follow the political blogosphere with the obsessiveness of a Wonketteer, so he had no idea who “Alex Jones” was until he found himself being yelled at by the guy during a Skype interview for Jones’s Infowars.com. last week, then getting an email box full of anti-Semites accusing him of advancing the New World Order. Well, how did he get there? Read more on Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You; I'm Just Not Thirsty

Monsanto Fanboy: Weed Killer Safe Enough To Drink. F*ck No, I Won’t Drink It. (Updated)

Je ne suis certainement un énorme trou du cul, mais je ne suis pas stupide
Updated: see end of post. So here’s a thing of beauty: Chemical industry lobbyist apologist Patrick Moore wants to assure the world there is absolutely no truth to the pernicious assertions that glyphosate, the active ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup herbicide, is harmful to humans. In an interview for a documentary on French television station Canal +, Moore denies that glyphosate has led to increased cancer rates in Argentina, because such a thing is simply UNPOSSIBLE. How safe is the stuff? Just watch! (Don’t be askeered by the French subtitles; the interview is in English.) Read more on Monsanto Fanboy: Weed Killer Safe Enough To Drink. F*ck No, I Won’t Drink It. (Updated)…
  so long farewell

Harry Reid Retiring To Let Someone Else Lead Senate Democrats To Defeat For A Change

Sooooooooo mean!
After insisting that he would absolutely seek re-election in 2016, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid released a video and statement reminding us, in case we’d forgotten, that he used to be an amateur boxer — oh, and also, he will not seek re-election after all. Read more on Harry Reid Retiring To Let Someone Else Lead Senate Democrats To Defeat For A Change…
  why don't we get drunk and ... nope

Here Is John Boehner, Too Drunk To F*ck (Video)

Award-winning journalist (lol) Chuck C. Johnson has been promising us many SCOOPS this week! While we are still waiting on pins and needles and tenterhooks and fishbaits to find out which conservative politician’s CAREER Chuck is going to END with booby-grabbing revelations (IS IT BOB PACKWOOD????), we do have this sideways cell phone camera video of a man Chuck says is John Boehner, though there is no way to really know, come to think of it, slurring THE FUCK outta some names of some colleges. Read more on Here Is John Boehner, Too Drunk To F*ck (Video)…
  Just Don't Make This A Racial Thing OK?

Michigan Cops Had Perfectly Good Reason For Beating Up Unarmed Black Guy, Probably

Funny, not one working microphone, either.
Surprising news from Michigan: On Jan. 28, police in the Detroit suburb of Inkster were caught on dashcam dragging an African American man from his car, putting him in a chokehold, then repeatedly beating and tasering him because, they say, he was resisting arrest. We were surprised to learn that there’s a Detroit suburb named “Inkster.” Read more on Michigan Cops Had Perfectly Good Reason For Beating Up Unarmed Black Guy, Probably…
  This One's Crazy Even For Klingenschmitt

Colorado Rep. Klingenschmitt: God Hates Bortions, So He Killed A Baby. That’ll Show Us!

This whole story is just...ick
You sort of have to admire the mind of Gordon “Dr. Chaps” Klingenschmitt, the Colorado Internet preacher who somehow got elected to the state House. No matter what horrible thing happens, Klingenschmitt finds a way to attribute it to either demons, God’s anger over abortion and/or The Gays, or some combination thereof. Which explains how he managed to take the news of a horrific attack on a pregnant Colorado woman and explain that it’s just God’s wrath on America for allowing abortion to be legal. Read more on Colorado Rep. Klingenschmitt: God Hates Bortions, So He Killed A Baby. That’ll Show Us!…
  Take A Cruz On Denial

Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church

Get your denier bingo cards out!
In a bravura performance Tuesday, Ted Cruz crammed an astonishing number of lies about global warming into four minutes of a longer interview with Texas Tribune reporter Jay Root. It was really pretty impressive! Cruz asserted that “we should follow the science and follow the evidence” on climate change, and then proceeded to reel off a whole catalogue of distortions, half-truths, and outright lies that have been refuted again and again. He hit just about every space on the Climate Denial Bingo card; for the sake of our sanity, we won’t refute everything he said, just some of our favorite stretchers. Read more on Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church…