Tag Archives: youtube

  Teach Your Children To Shoot Well

Oppressed Gun Fondlers Not Allowed To Be Foster Parents, This Shall Not Stand!

Oh, we get it! 'Permitted' -- like a gun permit! It is a pune, or play on words!
You know who has the toughest time of all in modern America? Patriotic gunhumpers, that’s who. Bad enough that the police threaten them by standing around nearby when they march around in front of public schools playing Open Carry Hero and screaming at the cops. Now we learn that, in the socialist commie state of Nevada, at least, you can be excluded from the pool of potential foster parents simply because you Love America enough to have a concealed weapon permit. Read more on Oppressed Gun Fondlers Not Allowed To Be Foster Parents, This Shall Not Stand!…
  Monumental Stupidity

Shiny 10 Commandments Sure To Distract Arkansas From Godly ‘Rehoming’ Kid-Dumper Guy

They totally used these sets again in Star Trek, didn't they?
Hey, how about we take a short break from the loathsome child-abandoning Arkansas state Rep. Justin Harris, so we can bring you another completely different loathsome member of the Arkansas House, state Rep. Jason Rapert? Mr. Rapert apparently worries that there might be some folks out there who haven’t heard of the Ten Commandments, so he’s helpfully introduced a bill to place a big ol’ Ten Commandments monument on the grounds of the Arkansas Capitol. You know, for purely secular reasons (wink-wink-wink!): Read more on Shiny 10 Commandments Sure To Distract Arkansas From Godly ‘Rehoming’ Kid-Dumper Guy…
  Madison Heights MI Safe From Tyranny -- For Now

‘You Work for ME!’ Open Carry Loon Yells At Police, Exercising Right To Be Tedious A**hole

Public servants serving the public
Via Moms Demand Action comes this proud Open Carry activist “Nunya Beeswax,” who posted a FOUR-PART YouTube video documenting a recent Open Carry walk that Mr. Beeswax took around his Michigan neighborhood. He is the very model of a free man who knows his rights, which include the Right to Bear Arms, the Right to Free Speech, the Right to Bear Arms while Speaking Freely, and the Right To Be An Insufferable Prick Toward Police Officers Because He Is A Free Man And They Are Jackbooted Thugs who are supposed to work for WE THE PEOPLE. Read more on ‘You Work for ME!’ Open Carry Loon Yells At Police, Exercising Right To Be Tedious A**hole…
  If You Meet The Buddha At The Watercooler Kill Him

Pat Robertson Warns Lady To Quit Job Before Buddhist Coworkers Get Nirvana All Over Her

Make me one with everything
Forget flashy newcomers like Kevin Swanson or Gordon Klingenschmitt, ain’t no young whippersnappers ever gonna out-goofy ol’ Pat Robertson. As proof, consider his advice to “Tina,” who emailed regarding her workplace quandary about people who insist on believing in strange magical things that just aren’t true: Read more on Pat Robertson Warns Lady To Quit Job Before Buddhist Coworkers Get Nirvana All Over Her…
  More racial transcendence

Oklahoma Frat That Doesn’t Want Any ‘N*ggers’ Gets Its Wish, Will No Longer Frat At All

Over the weekend, a charming They Seem Nice video emerged of some frat bros just being frat bros on their frat bro party bus: Members of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity appear to be shown in the video chanting “There will never be a nigger in SAE. You can hang them from a tree, but they’ll never sign with me.” The video was tweeted by Unheard, “an alliance of Black students organized for change within campus administration and atmosphere” at the University of Oklahoma. Because the arc of justice needs to take its sweet time, the university’s president, David Boren, released a statement saying (more or less) “Whoa if true!” and promised to investigate: Read more on Oklahoma Frat That Doesn’t Want Any ‘N*ggers’ Gets Its Wish, Will No Longer Frat At All…
  Arkansas Unraveler

Girls’ Foster Parents Not Impressed With Kid-Dumping AR Rep Justin Harris’s Sob Story

A member of the truth-challenged community
The bizarre story of Arkansas state Rep. Justin Harris and his decision to “rehome” his two adopted daughters with a family friend and employee, Eric Francis, who later raped one of the girls, continued to unfold in High Weird Mode over the weekend. Following his press conference Friday, Harris gave a 35-minute interview to Drew Petrimoulx of TV station KARK in which he continued to place most of the blame for the troubled adoption on the Arkansas Department of Human Services (DHS) and, continued to insist that the children were so seriously emotionally disturbed that they put his entire family in danger. Read more on Girls’ Foster Parents Not Impressed With Kid-Dumping AR Rep Justin Harris’s Sob Story…
  A Bridge Too Close For Comfort

A Comic Book Got John Lewis Interested In Civil Rights. What’ll It Take To Interest Boehner?

Your basic national treasure
Today’s the 50th anniversary of “Bloody Sunday,” or at least the American Civil Rights Movement’s version of it — kind of makes you proud as an English-speaking human being that in addition to this one and the 1972 massacre in Northern Ireland, there are at least another 15 events that have earned the name, doesn’t it? Here’s Congressman John Lewis, briefly recounting the attempt to march across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama, on March 7, 1965. The nationally televised brutality of the Alabama State Police against unarmed demonstrators helped shame the nation into passing the Voting Rights Act. Read more on A Comic Book Got John Lewis Interested In Civil Rights. What’ll It Take To Interest Boehner?…
  you're welcome

Do You Need This Kitten Video Right Now? Yes, You Do.

This should help
We have made you feel terrible awful no good very bad this week, with all the terrible awful no good very bad things we had to journalism at you, because of how we try to keep you informed on stuff, when we’re not just making dick jokes. (OK, yes, we are often just making dick jokes. But not always!) Read more on Do You Need This Kitten Video Right Now? Yes, You Do….
  The Devil's In The Cocktails

Monster Drink Lady’s Viral Video Had Best SEO Consultant Ever: God Almighty

She seems nicely deranged
Christine Weick, the not-at-all-deranged lady who made a video about Monster energy drinks’ Satanic agenda and regularly gets persecuted for screaming at/about Muslims, has explained the secret of her success: God told her that He’d make sure her energy drink video went viral. Read more on Monster Drink Lady’s Viral Video Had Best SEO Consultant Ever: God Almighty…
  D'Whatever

Dinesh D’Souza Whines About ‘Lawless’ Obama Administration, From Jail

D’Felon Dinesh D’Souza, who makes “films” and writes “books” and pleads “guilty” to breaking “laws” and is still some kind of tea party hero for reasons we will never understand, used his yard time this week to ramble on about Obama this and that boo hoo. He appeared via Skype — because he is in a San Diego jail-type halfway house “community confinement center” for people who commit crimes but have enough money to hire real good lawyers so they only go to pretend prison, which is unfair to D’Souza … somehow, who knows? He is a whiny crybaby and also a felon. Read more on Dinesh D’Souza Whines About ‘Lawless’ Obama Administration, From Jail…
  Actually It's About Ethics In Gamergate Filmmaking

Gamergate ‘Documentary’ Derailed By Sad, We Mean ‘Hilarious,’ Men’s Rights Slapfight

no, YOU take it back!
“Gamergate” is basically about telling stupid women they need to shut up and stop trying to ruin videogaming culture by being feminists. It’s featured a parade of horribles, like death and rape threats and really tragic crimes against logic. There’s a fair bit of overlap between the Gamergaters and the “Men’s Rights Activists” crowd, because both have the important mission of keeping women from emasculating real people and imposing lesbian communist tyranny on the world. But today we are pleased to bring you a Gamergate story that isn’t about horrible vicious online smears of women. Instead, it’s about a couple of these terrible He-Man Women Haters Club dorks going to war with each other, and it is a beautiful thing. Read more on Gamergate ‘Documentary’ Derailed By Sad, We Mean ‘Hilarious,’ Men’s Rights Slapfight…
  The power of cash compels him

Only Pat Robertson Is Pat Robertson Enough To Pat Robertson The Devil Out Of You

We all know that in the old-timey days of Jesus, demons were running around, like, everywhere, doing demon things — that’s a FACT — but in today’s world, are demons still even a thing? “Linda,” faithful fan of televangelist Pat Robertson’s show The 700 Club, has not received any memos from God on that lately and wants to be sure: Read more on Only Pat Robertson Is Pat Robertson Enough To Pat Robertson The Devil Out Of You…
  You click now

Fine, Here Is Today’s Elizabeth Warren Video For You To Fap To

Now sit up straight and learn some stuff
So Senate Republicans have a shiny new thing they’re calling the Congressional Review Act on Ambush Elections (S.J. Res. 8), and it’s terrible and dumb because of course it is. The resolution would prevent the National Labor Relations Board from implementing new proposed rules to modernize union elections to make the process more efficient for workers. But because Republicans hate unions and elections and workers and efficiency, they’d rather keep the system from the last century, to protect poor oppressed employers from being “ambushed” by the democratic process. Read more on Fine, Here Is Today’s Elizabeth Warren Video For You To Fap To…
  Show us on the doll where America didn't touch you

America Could Have Been Saved If We’d Listened To Glenn Beck, Says Glenn Beck

Sad Glenn Beck is sad
Broken-brained Glenn Beck is sad for America. Again. Why are you sad this time, Glenn? It is because some people who hate the United States of Israel said they would not listen to the Tuesday address by Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Congress, even before they listened to it. Read more on America Could Have Been Saved If We’d Listened To Glenn Beck, Says Glenn Beck…
  He May Not Have Thought This One Through

Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian

Retroactive Christians
Never one to miss the chance to make a tragedy just a little more awful, Colorado wingnut preacher/state legislator Gordon “Disgraced former chaplain ‘Dr. Chaps'” Klingenschmitt has decided that the terrible murder of three Muslim students in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, proves that Christians are in mortal danger in U.S. America. Read more on Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian…
  Being this dumb is NOT a choice

Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex

Don't argue with science
Brain doctor and conservative heartthrob hero Ben Carson has some real neat ideas on The Gay and how that works (it is all explained by “prison sex”), and you have to take his word for it because he is an actual doctor and A Expert on science stuff. (And prison sex.) Read more on Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex…
  Republicans in disarray and you won't believe what happens next!

John Boehner’s Running Attack Ads Against His Own Party Now, That’s Fun

Guess who's helping our enemies now?
The civil war in the Republican Party is getting a lot uglier, which is excellent news if you enjoy watching Republicans try to eat each other’s intestines with their bare hands, no utensils or a bib even. And yup, we sure do enjoy the hell out of that. Because Speaker John Boehner is terrible at his job, he only managed to get funding for the Department of Homeland Security extended for one whole whoppin’ week, setting himself up for another week of the extremists in his caucus batting him around like a cat with a half-dead rodent. Read more on John Boehner’s Running Attack Ads Against His Own Party Now, That’s Fun…
  Kortney loves her vegetables

Pat Robertson: You Know What’s Not Godly? Vegetables.

Can't. Even.
Televangelist conman-for-Jesus crazy mofo Pat Robertson has scammed a lot of money over the years by offering “the Lord’s” pro-tips on his teevee show, the 700 Club. We could devote 29 hours a day to watching him and trying to make jokes for you about what a crazy mofo that crazy mofo really is. However, we don’t have that kind of time, nor have we enough spoons with which to stab ourselves in the ear, so we limit ourselves (and you, dear readers, YOU’RE WELCOME) to the best of his worst. Like how yoga will turn you into a Hindu-speaking devil worshipper. Or how Jesus wants you to get rich quick by investing in oil, NOT abortion pills. Or why you should not touch that dirty orphan because you don’t know where it’s been. Read more on Pat Robertson: You Know What’s Not Godly? Vegetables….
  Here have some news n stuff

Idiot Republican Remembers Leonard Nimoy As Best Republican EVER!

What they said
For a guy who claims to be the hugest Star Trek fan in this galaxy or any other, Oregon state Rep. Bill Post is kind of a moron. After we learned last week of the death of Leonard Nimoy (not a Republican), who played the beloved (but, ahem, fictional) character of Mr. Spock (also not a Republican), Post took to the floor of the Legislature to pay tribute to an actor-slash-fictional-character who was, apparently, a better Republican than even Abraham Lincoln, St. Ronald Reagan, or Martin Luther King, Jr.: Read more on Idiot Republican Remembers Leonard Nimoy As Best Republican EVER!…
  Elizabeth Warren for everything -- again

The Professor Schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren Primer On How Republicans Ruined Our Whole Day

Our hero, again
Oh, is it Sen. Elizabeth Warren kicks some Republican ass again o’clock already? Why yes it is! Earlier this week, Warren and fellow Legislative Badass Rep. Elijah Cummings launched their new Middle Class Prosperity Project because they are a couple of actual Democrats who would like to see the middle class prosper (and no, not by doling out corporate tax cuts, that’s not how you do it, Rick Perry). Read more on The Professor Schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren Primer On How Republicans Ruined Our Whole Day…
  Slow clap

Rick Santorum Makes Wonkette To Laugh With Hilarious CPAC Joke!

Did NOT nail it actually
Rick Santorum made a HI-larious funny at CPAC on Friday afternoon, and it was so fresh and edgy and flawlessly delivered, he will definitely get to be president next time for sure. He was observing — because of how stand-up comics are always making observations, right? — that the president is SOOOO unpopular. How unpopular is he, Rick? Read more on Rick Santorum Makes Wonkette To Laugh With Hilarious CPAC Joke!…
  He Lived Long And Prospered

Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015: We Have Been, And Always Shall Be, Your Fan

Just a couple of pioneers
Leonard Nimoy died today at the age of 83. I was one of those kids who were just a little too young to watch Star Trek during its prime-time run, but the afternoon reruns in the ’70s were my introduction to science fiction (and you could still buy those nifty “phaser” disc shooter guns, too, even though they looked like nothing from the show). And the animated series came along just before I aged out of Saturday morning cartoons. In high school, Trek was a nerd bonding ritual, at least until Dungeons and Dragons came along. And of course, there’s still the adult fun of enjoying every campy moment of Shatner’s scenery-chewing and the studio’s time-travel excuses to dig out props and scenery so the Enterprise crew could play at being gangsters or Nazis or cowboys. Read more on Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015: We Have Been, And Always Shall Be, Your Fan…