May 25, 2013
Man, it is hard to be a frat these days. You either have to deal with total boners who don’t even know how to giggle at you right, or you get in trouble just because your dumb buddies forgot they weren’t supposed to do blackface after the first time they got caught doing blackface, and [...]
So let us guess: people are mad at Joe Biden for yelling at terrorists, right? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! Of course they are. People are mad because he said “knock-off jihadis” instead of “Islamic jihadists.” Also, he did not say “terrorismalqaeda” three times fast.
Hooray, it’s a Dowd-Nooners one-two punch! Oh, did 90 percent of the American people support expanding gunbuyer background checks at gun shows and on the Internet? And was it blocked by 42 Republican senators and Four Bad Dems? Sorry, but we think you meant it was blocked by OBAMA!!!! Why is Barack Obama so lame [...]
When we talk about Megyn Kelly and her “flow,” you are forgiven for assuming we are pondering her menses. (We bet she’s a tough, studly kinda double-maxipad chick.) And yet, in reading the Boston Bomber (“suspect”)’s twattings of Dr. Dre-lyrics, Kelly actually sounds pretty sweet. She is no Dana Perino, mortifying white girls everywhere, that [...]
As exciting as all this Boston stuff is, somehow sitting in front of our computers waiting for a boy to die does not feel “good.” We thought you could use this. Thank you, “DangerGuerrero,” for your service, and all our Twitter friends for sending it.
Glenn Beck is still convinced — as of this morning — that the SAUDI NATIONAL (who’s already been cleared) he fingered earlier this week is up to his Saudi ears in the Boston bombings, along with those nice Chechen boys. And that everybody will be fired. And that the president will be impeached.
Welp, just finished up watching MAD BAMZ shame and scold and lecture and BULLY the United States Senate for kowtowing to the NRA — and Mad Bamz is, of course, our favorite Bamz, as he makes us feel less alone. (Fox, of course, didn’t run Bamz at all; you’d think they’d have jumped at the [...]
UPDATE! Now with video stolen from Mediaite! CNN, after spending almost an hour getting more and more frenzied while trumpeting its scoop that law enforcement had identified a suspect and had either arrested that suspect or were on the verge of arresting that suspect, just had the terrible misfortune of having to retract its entire [...]
Our video begins with a person saying something about crocs and biscuits and lorries and WC’s and hobbits and whatnot, we do not know, we do not speak New Zealand. We are just kidding, of course we speak New Zealand, he is asking the people in the gallery not to interrupt. Do they listen to [...]
Bill O’Reilly is mad at President Barack Saddam Hussein for calling the Boston Massacre “a tragedy.” Therefore, ergo, ipso facto and Math Science of Words, Bill O’Reilly thinks it was the opposite of a tragedy. Therefore, ergo, ipso facto and Math Science of Words, Bill O’Reilly thinks that hundreds of people being maimed and/or dying, [...]
The unseen fellow asking Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick whether the Boston Massacre was a “false flag” operation so TSA agents can “put their hands down [his] pants” is apparently Dan Bidondi, a “correspondent” for Alex Jones’s Infowars. Bully for them! Great job, fucking idiots! Because obviously the government did Boston so they can snatch everyone’s [...]
What has two thumbs and hates job creators? Fox News’ Stuart Varney, that’s who! Here, let us watch him argue at a Patriotic Millionaire as he patiently tries to explain why taxing millionaires will help fix the deficit.
Liz Warren came to Washington to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and she is ALL OUT OF BUBBLEGUM. Would you like to watch her tear into regulators about wrongful foreclosures? Specifically: why no one knows exactly how many people were wrongfully foreclosed on, and also, why wrongfully foreclosed upon people may have gotten as little [...]
Ladies and gentlemen, do we have a new contender? Is Montana Rep. Dave Hagstrom here to take home the whole shebang with his one-two knockout punch? First Hagstrom wrote a fairly hilarious letter to all his tenants explaining that they were just going to have to die young for the good of the nation — [...]
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