Tag Archives: youtube

  Coming Again To Save The Motherfuckin' Day

A Children’s Treasury Of Sexy Fourth Of July Patriotic Musical Videos

'Merca!
For your America Day enjoyment, we proudly present this retread/update of a 2011 post by “Wonkette Jr,” whose actual identity is lost to time — truly, we are standing on the shoulders of an unknown giant. Since not even YouTube is Forever, we also pruned the dead links and added all-new Patriotic Content! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Sexy Fourth Of July Patriotic Musical Videos…
  Paramilitary Feminists Invade White House

Girl Scouts Sneak Past Secret Service, Camp Out On White House Lawn

Ok, this is just all kinds of cute — to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the National Parks system and Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move!” healthy-stuff initiative, and also because there’s just never a bad time to have photos of smiley kids with the POTUS and the FLOTUS, the Obamas hosted a whole gaggle of Girl Scouts from all over the country for a campout on the south lawn of the White House. It was almost as cute as that time Obama wore a tiara or the other time he met the little scouts at the White House science fair. Read more on Girl Scouts Sneak Past Secret Service, Camp Out On White House Lawn…
  Wonkette weekend bipartisan Old Handsome Joe Biden nice time!

Watch Lindsey Graham Cry Like A Little … Oh, He’s Crying For Joe Biden. Carry On!

Good morning, Wonkers, and happy God Loves America Best Weekend! We will not be saying many “words” at you for the next couple of days — some words here and there, maybe, with most of them being “pussy” — but wanted to bring you this lovely bipartisan Nice Time of Lindsey Graham crying like a little bitch about … Old Handsome Joe Biden being “as good a man as God ever created.” Let’s do it! Read more on Watch Lindsey Graham Cry Like A Little … Oh, He’s Crying For Joe Biden. Carry On!…
  Geraldo too!

Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly

Kinda!
It’s a common trope, if you are a right-wing bigot: Racism doesn’t hurt black people, hippity-hop rap music hurts black people, what with its jiving and twerking and PULL THOSE PANTS UP, and BACK IN MY DAY! In recent months, Fox News white geniuses Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Geraldo Rivera and so many others have all done their own cover versions of the same song. If rap music wasn’t oppressing our innocent black children, racism would be over and “reverse racism” would DEFINITELY be over. Read more on Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly…
  Bernie Desire

Total Joke Bernie Sanders Draws Ten Thousand For Wisconsin Rally, LOL What A Joke

Screencaps of Bernie smiling are a bit difficult to find
Senator Bernie Sanders had a record crowd at a rally Wednesday in Madison, Wisconsin, drawing nearly 10,000 people to yet another packed event. It’s just the latest huge crowd for Sanders, who has been polling surprisingly well against Hillary Clinton in Iowa and in New Hampshire. We like Bernie so much that we’re even willing to put up with people yelling “Feel the Bern!” Maybe. We’re almost starting to think that all this Bernie enthusiasm is catching on — and for once, we’re looking forward to the Democratic primary debates. Read more on Total Joke Bernie Sanders Draws Ten Thousand For Wisconsin Rally, LOL What A Joke…
  More gay 9/11 coming apparently

Wingnut Terror Alert Level Raised To ‘Hey Gurl!’ After White House Gay Rainbow Display

Just gonna put this here one more time.
On Friday night, after the historic Supreme Court decision where Justice Anthony Kennedy destroyed all heterosexual marriages by letting gays in on the institution, the White House gave us ALL THE FEELS by turning rainbow-colored for the night. The display had been planned for months, which proves President Obama is in the tank for Big Homo, and it was A Good Thing. Indeed, President Obama called it “a moment worth savoring,” even though he had to watch it on teevee, due to presidents are not allowed to play outside after dark. Read more on Wingnut Terror Alert Level Raised To ‘Hey Gurl!’ After White House Gay Rainbow Display…
  Uncle Dumbass from Slidell

Confederate Loser Buys Delicious ISIS Cake From Walmart Bakery, Doesn’t Eat It

ISIS cake spokesmodel
Gather ’round, little children, for we have a heartwarming story about Walmart, ISIS, cake, and this one Louisiana dumbass named Chuck Netzhammer, who is very sad about how America is stomping all over his beloved traitor Confederate flag. So, because he thinks he is S-M-R-T, he went to the Walmart and said probably something along the lines of “please make me a cake with my favorite flag in the world on it, the one that represents the seditious loser nation that lost the Civil War, for if I do not get this cake, I fear I will never achieve erection again.” Walmart was like “nah, bro.” Netzhammer then had A Idea, so he changed tactics and requested the flag of ANOTHER loser “nation,” the Islamic State, also known as ISIS, or if you are a loser president like Obama, “ISIL.” Read more on Confederate Loser Buys Delicious ISIS Cake From Walmart Bakery, Doesn’t Eat It…
  Fire Island Causes Global Warming

Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Also, we should slash NASA's budget and give it to sidewalk anti-abortion counselors
Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is for presidents to stop wasting time talking about fake stuff like “Global Warming” and to instead save the American family from turning all gay. Read more on Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage….
  Burn That Mother Down

Hero Shows Removing Confederate Flag Mostly A Matter Of Pulling The Damned Thing Down

Always wear a helmet when tearing down a symbol of oppression
Meet your new national hero, Bree Newsome, of Raleigh, North Carolina, who was arrested Saturday morning for climbing the flagpole outside the South Carolina Statehouse in Columbia and taking down the Confederate flag, taking a rather more direct approach to the problem than Nikki “Brave Sir Nikki” Haley has. The New York Times notes that Newsome was “nearly halfway up the pole when a State Capitol police officer on routine patrol ordered her to come down. The authorities said the woman, who was wearing climbing gear, had ignored the command.” In a remarkable show of restraint, the cops did not shoot her for ignoring their commands, which suggests that our law enforcement officers is learning. Read more on Hero Shows Removing Confederate Flag Mostly A Matter Of Pulling The Damned Thing Down…
  Here have some news n stuff

CNN EXCLUSIVE: Beware The Flag Of Radical Islamic Dildos And Buttplugs

While The Gays and their friends were priding through streets all over the world, CNN International assignment editor Lucy Pawle reported this shocking discovery at the Gay Pride in London, where she spotted a “quite distinctive man” with a quite distinctive flag: Read more on CNN EXCLUSIVE: Beware The Flag Of Radical Islamic Dildos And Buttplugs…
  How Sweet The Sound

Barack Obama’s Eulogy For Charleston Victims Is Amazing, Graceful (Video)

Friday was an astonishing news day — it started with the Supreme Court rewriting the map of “states where gay marriage is legal.” And then midday, while we were all still euphoric over that, President Obama gave his eulogy for Rev. Clementa Pinckney, the pastor of Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and a South Carolina state Senator, who was murdered last week, along with eight of his parishioners: Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. Read more on Barack Obama’s Eulogy For Charleston Victims Is Amazing, Graceful (Video)…
  We're not crying YOU'RE crying

Hillary Clinton’s Gay Marriage Video Will Give Your Cold Shriveled Heart ALL The Feels

That's the one. That's the couple that's gonna make you cry like a little BITCH.
Oh Wonkers, you are such damaged souls, and you are not even allowed to comment about it. But buck up, buckaroos, there is a new day on the horizon! WE ARE A MARRIAGE EQUALITY NATION, and your once and future Queen Of America, Hillary Clinton, is here with a heartwarming message about how “gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights.” Which is just SILLY, because #NOTALLHUMANS. C’mon, Hillary! Get with the program! Read more on Hillary Clinton’s Gay Marriage Video Will Give Your Cold Shriveled Heart ALL The Feels…
  He Probably Thought He Had Until Monday Too

Obama Hearts Gay Marriage, Hates God

Now he deserves the title.
Barry Bamz is pretty OK with the Supreme Court’s decision on marriage equality today, saying in a Rose Garden speech that it was “a victory for America.” We can get behind that. Read more on Obama Hearts Gay Marriage, Hates God…
  Bow down bitches

Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity’s Lily-White Ass

Sean Hannity knows these are the faces of the True Oppressors.
What is WRONG with Sean Hannity? No, we mean besides the obvious things like his incompletely formed sense of his own masculinity. Hannity had a MELTDOWN over the Confederate Flag on his radio show Wednesday. You see, if retailers are going to get rid of the Confederate flag, he is FINE WITH THAT, but fair’s fair, and they should also ban all that blackity-black music the kids like to twerk to. Right? Because if the Confederate flag is hurtful to black people because of its racist, murderous implications — thanks solely to confessed white supremacist murderer Dylann Roof and for no other reasons at all — then surely rappers who use the N-word in their music are hurting black people just as much as some dumb flag is, right? Read more on Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity’s Lily-White Ass…
  Going Down With The Shithead

Ted Cruz Confuses Indiana’s Anti-Gay Law With The Alamo, Thinks He’s Davy Crockett

Killed him a Continuing Resolution when he was only three
Ted Cruz had some inspiring thoughts about the long-dead Indiana law that would have allowed open discrimination against LGBT people, wishing that more Republicans would have had the guts to make a stand for it, even if it had driven Indiana’s economy into the toilet. As his religious text, he provided a story from the Book of Texas, complaining that Democrats, Big Business, and The Gays had all mobbed up against the law, but that no Republicans had been willing to sacrifice themselves like the brave pro-slavery fighters at the Alamo. You have to understand: to a proud Albertan like Ted Cruz, everything reminds him of the Alamo. Or maybe the Frog Lake Massacre. Anyway, it all makes sense, at least to Ted Cruz: Read more on Ted Cruz Confuses Indiana’s Anti-Gay Law With The Alamo, Thinks He’s Davy Crockett…
  Victory lap!

President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat

Sexy stoic president will give you tender-loving Obamacare.
Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled, YET AGAIN, that Obamacare is just fine and dandy and great, even if Congress did a really bad job of making all their subjects and verbs agree when they wrote the damn thing. So can we please stop talking about this now? One person who does not want to stop talking about it is President Obama, who decided to ride around the White House lawn on his victory steed, alternately shouting things like “Suck it so hard, haters!” and “I am the best at Presidenting!” and “Look, Michelle, no hands!” Read more on President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat…
  Not The Sharpest Scimitar In The Drawer

Lindsey Graham Figures Charleston Shooter Must Be Some Kind Of Ay-Rab, Somehow

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham is one of those people who lives out that old line about how when every problem looks like a nail, you turn dumb as a bag of hammers. Consider his brilliant observation in the Senate Wednesday on the murders in Charleston, in which he decided that the only possible explanation for Dylann Roof’s actions had to be that he was not even an American kind of killer. Read more on Lindsey Graham Figures Charleston Shooter Must Be Some Kind Of Ay-Rab, Somehow…
  NO FAIR!

Fox News Race Experts So Mad Obama Allowed To Use N-Word And They Aren’t

Steve Doocy asked his black friends, so it's okay.
In the aftermath of the Charleston shootings, many people are grasping for answers and trying to have a discussion about enduring racism in the United States and what can be done about it. Wingnuts at Fox News are currently Doing Their Part, by whining about how it’s NO FAIR that President Obama gets to say “nigger” and they don’t, because that’s not racial transcendence! Obama appeared on Marc Maron’s “WTF” podcast, and attempted to have a grown-up conversation about the state of racism today: Read more on Fox News Race Experts So Mad Obama Allowed To Use N-Word And They Aren’t…
  Bad Analogy Theater

Tucker Carlson Revives Hilarious ‘Disarm The Secret Service’ Gag From 2013

Is open carry allowed in theFox studios? Just asking.
On Fox & Friends Saturday, Newstwerp Tucker Carlson had some Deeply Apolitical Thoughts on President Obama’s shocking politicizing of last week’s massacre in Charleston, reviving a completely original NRA talking point from 2013: If Obama hates guns so much and wants to take everyone’s guns away because guns are evil, then why doesn’t he have his Secret Service detail go without guns, huh? HUH? This was generally regarded on the right as the smartest idea ever heard since the last time some knucklehead brought it up. Read more on Tucker Carlson Revives Hilarious ‘Disarm The Secret Service’ Gag From 2013…
  Maybe your heritage is bad and you should feel bad

Lindsey Graham Says Being Confederate Loser Racists Is Just Part Of Who We Are, Y’all

First they came for the biathletes and I said nothing...
Southern gentleman Lindsey Graham would like all y’all to kindly leave his state of South Carolina and its proud heritage alone. Sure, some people think it’s despicable that the Confederate freak flag still flies over the state capitol — because the South shall rise again, or at least spend more than a century being real damn bitter about that time it got its ass kicked by the United States and couldn’t have slaves anymore, BOO HOO, and then it was forced to integrate its pools and schools, so unfair. Read more on Lindsey Graham Says Being Confederate Loser Racists Is Just Part Of Who We Are, Y’all…
  Southern Man Better Keep Your Head

Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)

Thank goodness racism is over
[Update: There have been new developments; please see end of post] Oh, look, it’s more Not Racial Transcendence, in a story that might have been huge if it hadn’t been overshadowed by Wednesday’s massacre in Charleston. Two cops in Anniston, Alabama, have been suspended after being outed as members of the neo-Confederate hate group the League of the South. The Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hatewatch blog identified Lt. Josh Doggrell and Lt. Wayne Brown as members of the white secessionist group Wednesday, and the city wasted little time in getting them off the street and putting them on administrative leave Wednesday afternoon. Not that there’s anything racist about the League of the South — they only want a white homeland, and while they don’t necessarily hate blacks, they don’t consider them actual Southerners. Read more on Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)…