Wonkette

Here’s our pal Barack Obama, saying that the Senate Banking Committee — “which is my committee,” he says — passed some bill about something. Problem is, he’s not actually on the Senate Banking Committee at all. Maybe he meant to say he’s on the SENATE LIARS COMMITTEE where he passed a bill about MAKING SHIT UP. This is significantly more important than John McCain saying the Surge caused things that happened before the Surge. [YouTube]

Here is 800-year-old columnist Bob Novak, the Last Scion of Bilbo Baggins, talking to the local teevee news after hitting some guy with his car and then speeding away, only to be captured. Isn’t it HMM COINCIDENTAL that a Politico reporter happened to be walking by the incident? Here’s the “new truth:” Politico and Bob Novak thought that this was Ron Paul, this pedestrian, and they were trying to kill him for the second day in a row. HE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH LONGER. DR PAUL ES MARTYR. [YouTube via Think Progress]

Here’s a priceless video from Hutton Gibson, the conspiracy theory-obsessed, Holocaust-denying father of similarly insane Mel Gibson, endorsing who else but Ron Paul. The video opens and closes with stark images of the Holy Cross in the middle of a thunderstorm. Then Gibson, 84, and a “Jeopardy Champion” (go Josh!), says that “the only way we can save the country is to vote for Ron Paul. [3-second pause]. In 2008.” [YouTube]

Here’s a fantastic new John McCain ad, about Gas Prices. It shows a gas pump in a stream of water. Oh no the water is a mirage! (But why is the pump in a mirage, hmm?) And then the narrator asks, “Who can we thank for rising prices at the pump?” as a million retards scream “OBAMA! OBAMA!” behind Obama’s fat head. Obama put the high gas prices in the middle of the mirage! Finally the narrator tells us, “Don’t hope for more energy, vote for it.” Because a “vote for energy” is a vote for a 72-year-old geezer, see? [YouTube]

All your dirty dreams are coming true: Here’s sexy foreign correspondent Lara Logan interviewing sexy foreign president Barack Obama, on video. Whew, it’s hot in Afghanistan. [CBS/YouTube]

Comical old person John “WALNUTS!” McCain appeared on a popular late-night television show on Friday. He was so funny! His jokes are unstoppable. He pretended to fall asleep in Conan’s lap! So funny! Oh and jeez what’s in his mouth now??? Ahhhhhhggg! [Boston Globe/Top of the Ticket]

Maybe it’s true! After all, Osama bin Laden would’ve never known about New York’s big Jewish population had Jesse not called it “Hymietown.” EVERYBODY WILL BE ISSUED NEW NAMES AT THE CONVENTIONS. [Morning Joe/MSNBC] UPDATE: Oh what the hell, Newell posted this like twelve hours earlier. Oh well, no way to take the post down now ….

Here’s beloved liberal Dan Rather responding to a comment from former NFL star Tiki Barber on today’s edition of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, about Jesse Jackson’s influence in politics. We did not see the show as it aired, so we aren’t sure why arbitrary celebrity bums were picked off the street to host today. Point is, Dan Rather says he appreciates Jesse Jackson and that Jackson was importantly “paving the way for an Osama bin Laden to appear.” Our friends on the right would agree! We think he meant “Barack Osama bin Laden,” however. [YouTube]

Here is a weird video from your Bloc Party. Is it about Barack Obama, a hairy crab-bull hybrid created from spare parts by evil ape scientists who make him into a Wii-powered Manchurian candidate so that they can take over the White House and bomb South America for its bananas? All signs point to yes. We would not have pegged the Bloc Party kids for Hilltards. Thanks to “Alex” for making us sit through four minutes of this insanity. [YouTube]

The first verse is “The Democrat secular progressive move, political correctness is killing us too. They want to take the money from the hard workin man, and give it to the lazy folks that don’t give a damn.” The opening image of the video is, of course, a fat slob sitting on a tractor. Jesus wept. MORE »