Tag Archives: young republicans

  you keep a-knockin’ but you can’t come in

Colorado Is Straight-Up Stoned All the Time, And Everything Is Awesome

So the weed has been legal in Colorado for, like, a year now, which affords us the opportunity to analyze how much of it Coloradans — or at least, those who can access legal weed, since only 67 of the state’s 321 jurisdictions permit it, but OK, all the important ones do — are smoking and eating and otherwise using to enter Maureen Dowd-style cannabis-induced psychoses in their hotel rooms. Read more on Colorado Is Straight-Up Stoned All the Time, And Everything Is Awesome…
  fa fa fa fashion

Are You Dressed To Impress The Young Reaganites Of CPAC?

  At CPAC, the biggest conservative event of the year, everyone is dressed to impress. Rick Perry, aka Governor Nerdlinger, brought the house down with this snappy ensemble topped off with glasses for the intellectual look. We almost expected him to whip them off and throw them aside during his barnburner of a speech, which had the audience on its feet for a full two minutes at the end, impressive given the early hour. Read more on Are You Dressed To Impress The Young Reaganites Of CPAC?…
  is our correspondents learning?

A Children’s Treasury Of Douches At CPAC, Day One

The Gaylord National Resort is more than just a hotel with a name that makes pubescent boys snicker. It’s also a glassed-in mini-city with living trees and actual birds and tiny houses that hold patriotic gear stores and, for the second year, it is the Land of CPAC. Come along and let us visit this wondrous fantasy world! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Douches At CPAC, Day One…
  traditional conservative values

Kool Kampus Konservatives Love to Scribble ‘White Pride’ Everywhere

O hai conservative student group Youth for Western Civilization (YWC), whose purpose is fighting “radical multiculturalism” (blahs and Messicans and definitely Islamics and probably Jewishes and Italians too), it looks like you have been kicked out of Towson University in Baltimore for losing your mortified faculty advisor after a bunch of your more clever members wrote “White Pride” everywhere all over campus. (But only in chalk! They wouldn’t want to vandalize anything while spreading their racial terror.) So what’s up? Are you oppressed? Please tell us how oppressed you are. Are you just promoting “traditional conservative values,” and “not racist”? Oh, do tell us more about that too! (But not via your website currently undergoing a “redesign,” presumably while you remove the Prussian Blue videos and whimsical collection of vintage postcards of lynchings.) Read more on Kool Kampus Konservatives Love to Scribble ‘White Pride’ Everywhere…
  no more pokes

College Republican Tweens Break Up With Obama On Facebook

Once upon a time the College Republican organization fell in love with Barack Obama on Facebook because of his hot abs, but then after he extended their Pell Grants and let them stay on their parents’ health insurance till they were 26 they all realized what a Socialist celebutante he is and stopped posting on his SuperWall. Read more on College Republican Tweens Break Up With Obama On Facebook…
  practical guides for living

Presenting Michael Steele’s Dope Lessons Of Hip Hop!

Michael Steele parodist Michael Steele stopped by Howard University the other day. Already, by now, you can see where this is going. Every single aspect of the event falls somewhere on the spectrum of “unmitigated disaster” to “accidentally segregating the audience.” Next time Steele reserves the first two rows of seating for a large group of white Young Republican VIPs in a room full of black students, he might just want to go ahead and not do that thing. This is one of Michael Steele’s many (3) invaluable Dope Lessons of Hip Hop! But what are some others? Read more on Presenting Michael Steele’s Dope Lessons Of Hip Hop!…
  hooray!

Michael Steele To Woo Black People With Certain Food Items

At this weekend’s Young Republicans conference, where an old racist gal was elected President, some bloggers had an opportunity to sit down with “best Republican ever” Michael Steele. Some guy asks him how he plans to bring “diverse populations” into the Republican party. Steele replies, “y’all come,” then some slob in the back says, “I’ll bring the collard greens,” and Steele says, “I got the fried chicken and potato salad.” Ha ha ha! Although Michael Steele is from Africa, so he can say these things. (Guy in the back though??) Anyway, really great conference this weekend, very welcoming. [HuffPo] Read more on Michael Steele To Woo Black People With Certain Food Items…
  republicans in the news

‘Young Republicans’ Leader Gal Thinks It’s Super Funny To Call President Obama a ‘Coon,’ Because He Is Black

We’ve been sort of obsessed with Sarah Palin’s Facebook and Twitter pages, but maybe some other Republicans have recently used the popular “social racism” networks, too. Let’s check the Wonkette tips …. Ah, here’s one right there at the top of the Inbox. As usual. Because this is what Republicans do: “Racist ‘humor,’ the Internet, and political ambitions don’t mix. Audra Shay, vice chairman of the Young Republicans and the leading candidate to be elected its chairman on Saturday, is now the latest in a growing list of GOP officials learning this lesson the hard way ….” Read more on ‘Young Republicans’ Leader Gal Thinks It’s Super Funny To Call President Obama a ‘Coon,’ Because He Is Black…
  what the youths are up to

Young Conservatives: They’re Young, And Conservative, &c.

Perhaps in honor of CPAC, but with no mention of CPAC at all, the Washington Post has run a delightful “color piece” this morning about what it’s for young Republican hatchlings looking for work in Washington, where they are no longer welcome. Basically there are about seven of these people, total, all gaming for one position at Grover Norquist’s tax place. Let us learn more about these out-of-luck patriots, by block-quoting a few of the funny things they say. Read more on Young Conservatives: They’re Young, And Conservative, &c….
  surprise surprise

BREAKING: McCAIN CUT-NUT MADE IT UP!

KDKA in Pittsburgh reports this BREAKING NEWS item: “A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed.” Ah HA HA HA HAH HAH. Do not try to bullshit Wonkette, people! It might work on old Gullible McDrudge, but not here. Good work, cut-nut! [KDKA] Read more on BREAKING: McCAIN CUT-NUT MADE IT UP!…
  dept. of unwanted spontaneity

Republican Oral Sex Creep Will Go To Prison For Sucking

Hey gents! Have you ever been hanging out with a dude friend and gone to sleep and then woken up with your sex organ in your dude friend’s mouth? Pretty freaky, right? Well, that is exactly what happened to this one guy who was hanging out with Glenn Murphy Jr., the former head of Indiana’s Clark County Republican Party and chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. So Glenn Murphy Jr.’s victim sued him, and now he has to go to prison for two years and then register as a sex offender forever. Read more on Republican Oral Sex Creep Will Go To Prison For Sucking…
 

Indiana Perv Busted for Heading Young Republicans

Glenn Murphy, Jr. is our latest addition to the Endless Cummer Cavalcade of Pervs! The Clark County, Indiana GOP Chair was recently elected Young Republican National Federation Chair and so it was only a matter of time before the Sheriff began investigating him for “alleged deviate conduct.” Because apparently some poor Young Republican doesn’t want to wake up to the national chairman unexpectedly fellating him. Read more on Indiana Perv Busted for Heading Young Republicans…
 

Ah, To Be Young, Gifted, and Conservative

We’ve been staring at this soul-scraping story on Fox about the Young America’s [sic] National Conservative Student Conference all day and trying to psych ourselves up to deal with it. We supposed the easiest way is just to type up the horrifying high points as quickly as we can and then move on with the rest of our lives. It’s like yanking a band-aid off of your arm with one quick pull. Read more on Ah, To Be Young, Gifted, and Conservative…
 

Newt Begs World To Pay Attention To Him; Wonkette Obliges

Let’s say you’re Newt Gingrich. At the age of 64, you’ve achieved a lot of things in your life. You got called a mindless cannibal on the floor of the House of Representatives, led the election surge that ended decades of Democratic dominance in said house, divorced your first wife on her deathbed, cheated on your second wife with your third wife while spearheading an attempt to impeach the president for lying about cheating on his wife, resigned the speakership in disgrace, and wrote a series of kick-ass alternate history novels. What’s left on your agenda? Read more on Newt Begs World To Pay Attention To Him; Wonkette Obliges…
 

Young Republicans Leader Pleads Guilty To Rape Attack

We’ll just go with the standard AP-style newspaper headline for this one, because sometimes you want your headline to actually tell the basics of the story instead of making seven inside jokes or whatever. So, America, meet your next generation of Republican Stars. Michigan Federation of Young Republicans chairman Michael Flory, 32, was in Cleveland for a Young Republicans conference, at which he repeatedly raped a college student. Read more on Young Republicans Leader Pleads Guilty To Rape Attack…