Wonkette

KDKA in Pittsburgh reports this BREAKING NEWS item: “A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed.” Ah HA HA HA HAH HAH. Do not try to bullshit Wonkette, people! It might work on old Gullible McDrudge, but not here. Good work, cut-nut! [KDKA]

Hey gents! Have you ever been hanging out with a dude friend and gone to sleep and then woken up with your sex organ in your dude friend’s mouth? Pretty freaky, right? Well, that is exactly what happened to this one guy who was hanging out with Glenn Murphy Jr., the former head of Indiana’s Clark County Republican Party and chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. So Glenn Murphy Jr.’s victim sued him, and now he has to go to prison for two years and then register as a sex offender forever. MORE »

Glenn Murphy, Jr. is our latest addition to the Endless Cummer Cavalcade of Pervs! The Clark County, Indiana GOP Chair was recently elected Young Republican National Federation Chair and so it was only a matter of time before the Sheriff began investigating him for “alleged deviate conduct.” Because apparently some poor Young Republican doesn’t want to wake up to the national chairman unexpectedly fellating him.

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We’ve been staring at this soul-scraping story on Fox about the Young America’s [sic] National Conservative Student Conference all day and trying to psych ourselves up to deal with it. We supposed the easiest way is just to type up the horrifying high points as quickly as we can and then move on with the rest of our lives. It’s like yanking a band-aid off of your arm with one quick pull. MORE »

Let’s say you’re Newt Gingrich. At the age of 64, you’ve achieved a lot of things in your life. You got called a mindless cannibal on the floor of the House of Representatives, led the election surge that ended decades of Democratic dominance in said house, divorced your first wife on her deathbed, cheated on your second wife with your third wife while spearheading an attempt to impeach the president for lying about cheating on his wife, resigned the speakership in disgrace, and wrote a series of kick-ass alternate history novels. What’s left on your agenda? MORE »

We’ll just go with the standard AP-style newspaper headline for this one, because sometimes you want your headline to actually tell the basics of the story instead of making seven inside jokes or whatever. So, America, meet your next generation of Republican Stars. Michigan Federation of Young Republicans chairman Michael Flory, 32, was in Cleveland for a Young Republicans conference, at which he repeatedly raped a college student. MORE »

Some kids from the American Conservative Student Union have started a website tracking congressional attendance. It’s a fun little resource, and the “perfect attendance” list is pretty bipartisan. Their list of the worst offenders is above. Naturally, a tax-leeching Dumb-o-crat is right on top. It’s a Democrat who’s still recovering in a hospital from a debilitating brain injury, but isn’t that just like the Dems? MORE »

Is it still a Hate Crime? MORE »

Photo illustration via Fark, which had so many great ones to choose from

Yesterday, we met Justin Zatkoff, the Michigan area College Republican who was savagely beaten by gay black communists after leaving a party. The CR have an official statement:

I think the assailant broke Justin’s nose, cheekbone, eye cavity, and nasal cavity. The attack was completely unprovoked. I urge all of you to be careful and travel in groups when possible, especially until the elections are over.

A vigilant reader asked for more information on the situation from Truth Caucus, and a portion of their IM conversation is reprinted below:

truth caucus: well…
truth caucus: there isnt physical proof that it was from a liberal attacker…
truth caucus: he doesn’t remember anything about what happened
truth caucus: And, I’m think that he might be jewish
truth caucus: and Ann Arbor has a large muslim population
operative: wow!

We knew it! ISLAMOFASICSTS! Get Hitch and Sully on this, stat!

More of their exchange is reprinted after the jump.

College Republican beaten after leaving party [Fark]
Carlson Issues Statement [Truth Caucus]
Earlier: Young Republican Attacked by Either Gays or Blacks

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This young man was assaulted yesterday as he left a meeting of the Michigan College Republicans. Justin Zatkoff is the apparent victim of a hate crime, perpetrated almost without doubt by– well, we’ll let “a source close to Justin” explain: MORE »

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