Nothing says “Christmas” like pardoning a bunch of terrible criminals — it’s like the original, fun, pre-Jesus Christmas, which the Romans called Saturnalia, in honor of beleaguered General Motors’ “different kind of car company,” Saturn. Back then, the Midwinter Holiday included such goofs as “letting slaves get it on with your wives” and “fucking said slaves in their butts, before beheading them,” and also, “emperors giving presents (severed heads) to other slaves.” It was likely very awesome. Anyway, let’s meet George W. Bush Junior’s latest bunch of dope fiends made free by Imperial Decree. MORE »